DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creation of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. All are human.
Our Little Man
Bella's POV
"Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday dear Charlie.
Happy birthday to you."
The song ended with a round of clapping from us and a loud squeal of joy from my little man. He put his little hands over his face and peeked through them, letting us see just a bit of the brown eyes hiding beneath.
"Shy like his mother," Edward chuckled, hugging me from behind as I snapped a few more pictures of our baby boy on his first ever birthday.
"With an unruly head of hair like his father's," Alice chirped. She had Brandon in her arms and he was trying to get his little hand on her earring.
"Come on, Charlie. Dunk your face in there," Emmett encouraged.
"He's too much like Edward and Bella for that," Rose laughed.
"It looks yummy," Lily announced, as she stood at the edge of Charlie's high chair. She would be turning three in just two shorts months, and a week after the twins turned a year old.
Charlie smiled wide and then shoved one of his little hands into the side of the cake. He giggled as he held the hand out to Lily.
"I think that's your piece," Emmett chuckled, lifting Lily up and closer to Charlie's cake-covered hand.
"No, Daddy," Lily squealed, trying to get away. "On a plate, not a hand."
"I thought you would eat green eggs and ham anywhere," he said, setting his daughter down.
"That's baby cake, Daddy," she said matter-of-factly before tossing her curly hair over her shoulder and sauntering off toward her Uncle Jasper and cousin Libby.
"Guess she told you," Rose chuckled, thoroughly enjoying the look of shock on Emmett's face.
"That was pure Rosalie," Edward said, smiling after our niece.
"Daa-daa," Charlie called, holding his hand out to Edward now.
"No, thank you, little man. You enjoy that all by yourself," Edward told him.
"Like this," Emmett said, helping Charlie to stick one of his cake smeared fingers into his mouth.
"Em, behave," I chuckled, snapping a picture of my brother and son together.
"I always behave," Emmett replied, grinning at me. But he really should have been watching Charlie because the second he turned his face to me, my little man smacked that cake-covered hand right against his uncle's big cheek, leaving a nice portion of blue and white icing there.
"Oh, Bells," Alice giggled. "Please tell me you got a picture of that."
"Two," I confirmed through my own laughter.
"I'll clean up our little guy and you open the square gift in the dark blue paper," Edward instructed.
"Why am I opening gifts? It's my son's birthday," I replied.
"Because it's for the both of you, but since you're currently the only one capable of reading, you get it first."
"Oh, a book," I said, getting excited as I headed over to the table where we'd set all of Charlie's gifts. I quickly found the one I was looking for and tore into it, only to be blinded by a camera flash. "What was that for?" I asked Alice as I rubbed at my stinging eyes.
She shrugged her little shoulders. "You were excited to open a gift. That moment had to be documented for all time."
"Whatever," I said, rolling my eyes at her. I got the rest of the wrapping paper off of the gift and then ran my hand across the soft leather cover. "Edward, I gave this to you to write your music in. Does this mean you've filled it with songs for Charlie and me?"
"Just open it," he encouraged as he attempted to get all of the cake from between Charlie's little fingers.
I pulled the leather cover back and smoothed it across the table, noticing there was a dedication right away. As my eyes read the words and my brain registered them, I fell into the chair with an "oomph".
"What is it?" Alice asked, peering over my right shoulder.
"For my Isabella,
I wanted to give you something special for the miracle you're bringing into our lives. From the smallest annoyance, to the most overwhelming of joys, this journal is a record of our journey through pregnancy and the first year of parenthood. I hope it will allow you to see yourself through my eyes and know what an amazing person you are. I'm sure you will be just as amazing of a mother.
All my love forever,
Edward."
"Edward, you should really get a job with Hallmark with the way you sling that romantic stuff," Emmett said, squeezing my left shoulder.
I flipped through the book, noticing that he'd written in it every week since I'd told him I was pregnant—sometimes twice a week. There were even entries right after I came home and I was stumped on how he could have possibly had the time.
I stopped on one page in particular and read his entry.
Today was the baby shower for your mother and you. She had Braxton Hicks beforehand and although your grandfather and I assured her it was normal, they scared her badly. I often forget how young your mother truly is because of her intelligence. She seems so worldly at times, as though she's experienced so much more than I ever will. And then there are days like today when I am reminded that as wise as she can be, she's still just twenty-three years old. She still has so much to experience and I can't begin to explain how happy I am that I'll be there with her for those new experiences. There is nothing like having a partner in your life and being able to share everything with her, from the joys, to the responsibility, and even the laundry. When you're with the right person, even the most mundane tasks can lead to an extraordinary day.
She misses her parents more and more each day, but I think she's in a good place now. I think it's more longing than grief, and I don't think she fears being left all alone in the world the way she used to. At least I hope those observations are correct. I can never truly know what it was like for her to lose two of the most important people in her life at once or at such a pivotal age, but I do know I'll always be grateful to your Uncle Emmett for taking care of her, for trying to keep their family together.
By that point, the tears were streaming down my face pretty steadily, but I couldn't stop. There was something I had to find out and I prayed Edward had written about it. I flipped through the journal until I found the date I wanted…August ninth—Charlie's first day home with Edward.
You're finally here with us and your mother picked a wonderful, strong name for you. Charles Edward Cullen. Though I only agree that the Charles part is strong. She would have done better to make your middle name Emmett after your uncle. He's Hercules and I'm just me. I couldn't even protect your mother like I'd promised her.
I don't even really know how to begin to explain this to you. It's not your fault, I know that much. Don't ever think that any of this was because it would hurt your mother so badly. She loves you already and she can't wait to get released from the hospital and be home with us. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine. I should have been more careful with her. I should have watched her vitals closer and had her take more breaks. I should never have stressed her out with the James thing. There are a lot of things I should have done differently and can't make up for. I just hope she can forgive me someday for that.
Truthfully, I was a little worried I would blame you. But the second your mother had me hold you, I knew there was no way in the world I could resent you or wish we'd never gotten pregnant. I look at you and I see your mother in your face; I also see the few good qualities I actually have. You're the best parts of us both and that's an amazing thing, Charlie.
I'm going to do all I can to be a good dad for you and to make up to your mother for this latest mess I've caused. She'll read this one day and tell me how I take the weight of the world onto my shoulders and shouldn't blame myself. She won't be right, of course, but it'll still be nice to hear her say it. You're waking up for another feeding so I'll end here. Welcome home, Charlie. And I miss you, Bella.
"Okay, we need something that will make her laugh," Rose announced, taking the journal from me. "Here we go!" she said excitedly just a few seconds later.
"Tonight was our first New Years Eve party and we had it in our brand new home. Luckily for me, your mother understands I'm not always the 'brightest bulb on the tree' as your Uncle Em calls it. She understood I only kept the house secret because I wanted to give her a surprise she would love. And I understand her point of view as well. She's had so many things decided for her and ripped out of her control this year that the house naturally felt like one more item she had no part in. I should have listened to your Aunt Rosalie when she tried to explain that to me, but I was stubborn and thought I knew best. I'm still learning, Charlie, and although I'm not perfect, I'll always do what I can to make up for my errors with your mother. I love her more than anything and I just want her to be happy.
But enough about that! I'm supposed to be documenting your first time around fireworks. Honestly, I think you'd prefer the snow and we both know you weren't completely happy with that. You did love the sparklers, which made you and your mother smile. She'd been worried you would take after her and be afraid of all things firework related. It wasn't until Uncle Emmett pulled out his Rocket of Doom firework that you decided you'd had enough. I brought you inside to get you away from the fireworks and noise, but you didn't want me. You wanted your mother and she was more than happy to take you upstairs and get you settled down again.
Once you and all of your cousins were asleep, the adults sat around the small bonfire your Uncle Jasper constructed and your Uncle Emmett happily lit. It was a quiet night of just holding the person you loved and thinking of the good times coming with the new year. That sort of quiet is rare and precious and I hope you one day know what it feels like.
But then again, a Cullen gathering never stays quiet for long. Uncle Emmett decided we needed ghost stories and smores, effectively ensuring that we spent the rest of the night laughing and making a mess. It was so much like the early days, before any of us were married or parents, and it felt great that we could mix that with our new lives. And as long as we continue to remember why we no longer play Truth or Dare, we'll be just fine.
You're both sleeping now, looking peaceful and relaxed in your beds. This is one of my favorite times of the day, when I can really believe I'm doing right by the both of you. If you weren't happy with this life we have together, you wouldn't sleep so soundly. And since I have a backyard to clean up tomorrow morning, I had better get to sleep my own self. This new year ahead of us will be the best yet, Charlie. I promise you that."
"Okay, so Edward is incapable of writing an entry that doesn't make you tear up in some way," Rose chuckled as she wiped at her eyes.
Edward took the journal from her and flipped through it until he found a page about halfway through. "Read this," he instructed, putting the journal down in front of me.
Little man, you will soon be playing with your cousin Lily and your mother and I will be on our way to dine under the stars. It's our third wedding anniversary and I'm going to spoil your mother as much as possible. It's a day that I wasn't so sure would get here for many reasons, and now that it is, I just want to make the most of it. We'll miss you while we're gone, but you'll have such a great time with Lily Bear that I'm sure you'll hardly notice.
I have the whole night planned out for your mother, with help from Uncle Jasper and Aunt Alice. We'll be having dinner on a yacht in the middle of the bay, with your mom dressed up in a brand new outfit to make her feel like the amazingly special woman that she is. To me, she looks gorgeous no matter what she wears, but your mom likes to dress up to feel that way for herself.
And gifts! I have the best gifts for her. Those pictures we sneakily took together on our father-son outing a few weeks ago are in. Your mother is going to love them. You look very much like a little man in your shirt and pants. And I apologize again for the dressing alike thing, but your mother seems to love it for some reason.
I also found a great picture of your mother with her parents and Uncle Em. I brought it to the art studio Aunt Alice and I had used for the portrait we had made for Grandma Esme's Christmas gift one year. They were able to create a portrait from the picture and I'll give it to your mother tonight. I'm hoping to convince her to display it prominently in the house since she's put up so few pictures of them. I think it's because she still gets a little sad when she sees the pictures, but I believe the more she sees them, the less it will bother her. And if I'm wrong, she's welcome to hit me over the head with the portrait.
There was one skipped line on the page and then his neat handwriting picked up again.
Last night went perfectly, Charlie. Your mother was dazzled and pleased, and she loved all of her gifts, especially the one you gave to her this morning. If I had only had a camera to capture the look of pure joy on her face when you crawled to her! We knew it would be coming soon with the way you were constantly getting on your hands and knees and rocking yourself back and forth, but we had no idea when you would actually try to move forward. I think you planned it this way, little man. I think you knew just how much your mother loves the little things and so when she came through that door, you decided it was time to show off for her. Upstaged by a ten month old! But that's okay, little man. The important thing is that your mother loved every second of watching you crawl to her. She's still telling you how proud she is of you for crawling; I can hear her voice coming from the bathroom as she bathes you. You're laughing and splashing in there and I'm sure I'll have tons of water to mop up when you're done, but it doesn't matter. The two of you are happy and healthy, and that's what counts.
I looked up at him as soon as I was done reading, smiling and using his shirt to pull his lips down to mine so I could kiss them. "Thank you, Honey. This is such a sweet gift. I can't believe you found the time to write every little moment down like this."
"I'm sure you'll find a few you wished I wouldn't have written down," he chuckled, giving me just a single kiss. "I love you, Bella."
"I love you, too."
"Maaa!" Charlie announced loudly, trying to lean over and right out of his spot in Emmett's arms.
"Give me my boy," I said, quickly wiping off the last of my tears before Em handed him over. "Charlie, you have no idea how lucky we are to have your daddy, but I'm going to try and teach you when you're old enough."
Edward wrapped his arms around both of us. "You have that backwards, Love."
"You two can debate the fluffy stuff later," Emmett announced. "Time for food and cake. I'm starving."
"Mind if I get the birthday boy settled outside with his lunch?" Esme asked.
"Look at that, little man," I said as I turned Charlie toward Esme. "Grandma wants to give you some loving and some food."
Esme chuckled as she took him from me. "I certainly do."
The house seemed to roar with noise for a few minutes as all of the kids were scooped up and taken outside to the patio area where we were going to have lunch. And then it was completely silent, with just Edward and me still in the house.
"Do you really like it?" he asked, kissing the inside of my wrist and smiling against it.
"I love it. Thank you so much for doing that."
"It was…therapeutic in some ways, writing all of it down. I thought about going back to rip out most of the section that was written right after you came home, but I stopped myself. I knew you would go looking for those specifically and would be upset if they weren't there."
"Are they that awful?"
"No, but…there is that little part of me that fears they might open old wounds."
"There aren't any wounds to open, Edward. Sure, there are scars and even an empty place or two, but nothing still bleeding. I am truly happy with you, and with Charlie."
"Good," he said, smiling as he leaned in for a kiss.
"But," I said, holding my hand up between us. "I want you to be forewarned that I am probably going to fuss you for a few of your thoughts. I was not very pleased with that section where you blamed yourself for what happened during the birth."
He smiled and took my hand, kissing my palm. "I think we're going to need a compromise. You agree to read the entire journal before uttering a single rant, and if at the end, you still feel the need to fuss about some thought I had, I'll listen attentively. But if you get to the end and find that you've already managed to change those thoughts, then you agree that I can take my family on a vacation this summer."
"Where to?"
"Oh, no. You don't get to know the destination. You just get to agree or disagree with the compromise," he replied, giving that dimpled smile of his.
"You're cheating," I said, brushing my finger over his dimple.
"According to you, I do that ninety percent of the time. Shouldn't you no longer be surprised by it?"
"Nope," I chuckled, popping the 'p'. "You never cease to amaze and surprise me, Edward Cullen. And I'm lucky to have a man who constantly makes my happiness his main priority. I just hope I give you that same feeling back."
"If you promise to do what you did last night, I'll be very, very happy tonight," he said, his lips so close to mine.
"Hello!" Emmett bellowed from the back door. "What part of 'I'm starving' did you two miss out on?"
"He is so dead," I whispered to Edward before quickly kissing him. "Alright, Em. Let's get you fed before you become a complete nuisance," I said as I approached my brother.
"Bells, I'm really starving here," he whined as he slung his arm around my shoulders. "I'm so hungry I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning."
"You are such a big baby," I teased, poking him in the side. "You're lucky Rose puts up with you."
He stopped us from walking and just took a moment to stare at Rosalie as she laughed at the face Lily was making. "Yeah, I am," he agreed.
"I'm taking my wife back," Edward announced as he pulled me away from Emmett and into his arms. The past year had really brought the two of them closer and I was happy to see it.
Standing there with Edward's arms around me and our family spread out across the long picnic table before us, I could feel the love of our family surrounding us. We'd all faced obstacles last year and had worked extra hard to make this year better than any before it.
Alice was still enjoying her role as a stay-at-home mom, but had recently admitted she needed help, allowing Jasper to hire someone for during the day while he worked. The twins were ten months old now and crawling everywhere which left poor Alice outnumbered. Jasper was a partner in his architectural firm now and was able to adjust his schedule around his family as much as he wanted. He always made sure he had one entire day off from work and often snuck home to have lunch with Alice and the babies.
Brandon looked so much like Alice, but he was all Jasper personality wise. He was hardly ever flustered or fazed by anything and only seemed to cry if Libby was crying—he didn't seem to want his sister to ever cry and I had a feeling he would be extremely protective of her when they got older.
Libby looked like her father and aunt, but had her Grandma Esme's essence about her. If any of the kids cried, including Lily, Libby was the first to crawl on over and give them a hug. If she had any kind of food or drink, she offered it up to the others before taking any for herself. And if she had a toy that was being eyed, she would hand it over without a fuss. She had that selfless, mothering spirit to her already and I was excited to see what sort of young woman she would grow to be.
Emmett and Rosalie were doing great, still madly in love with each other. They'd even been talking lately about making Lily a big sister, but hadn't come to an agreement on when they would actually start trying. Rose wanted Lily to be just a little older and enrolled in a daycare so she could play with kids her own age and not just her baby cousins. Emmett didn't trust anyone outside of the family to watch out for Lily "the right way", as he put it. So until they could solve that disagreement, they weren't going to move forward with any baby plans.
As for Carlisle and Esme, they were reveling in their roles as grandparents. He'd taken off more time from his job this year than in the last ten years put together, making Esme very happy. They'd been to Europe and back, and traveled a few places in the U.S., but were never far from home for long. And as soon as they got back, they always had all four of the kids over to their house for a sleepover.
I was back at work, myself, loving my job as much as always, and picking my baby up from Rosalie as soon as I was done for the day. Going back had been a hard choice, but it had also been the right one. It had helped me to let go of my fears that if I wasn't right there with Charlie every second, I would miss something vital. There had been a few firsts I'd missed, but I'd been there for the second and third, loving it just as much.
I closed my eyes, thinking back to my conversation with Rose in Charlie's room on our very first day in the new home.
"Look, Charlie. Do you see Daddy?" I cooed, bouncing him in my arms in front of the window of his brand new room. Edward and Emmett were down in the yard, planting Charlie's apple tree so that he would be able to see it from his bedroom.
"I see my daddy," Lily announced from her spot in Rose's arms. "Bella, Charlie get doggie now?" she asked, looking up at me with her big, hopeful, blue eyes.
"No, Sweetheart," I replied. "Uncle Edward is allergic to dogs. Maybe we'll have a kitty when Charlie is much, much older."
"How old?" she asked, twirling one of her curls around her little finger.
"Let's say ten," I chuckled.
"Bella, the house is so amazing," Rose said, looking around Charlie's room.
"I know," I replied, smiling wide. "I'm surprised Alice let me have so much say-so, though."
"She knows this is your home and not hers," Rose chuckled. "Plus, I think I heard Edward threaten her. Something about destroying any and every article of clothing she ever purchases."
"Sounds like them," I chuckled as I rubbed my nose against Charlie's, getting my little man to laugh.
"Are you absolutely sure you want to go back to work?" Rose asked, eyeing me closely. "There's no shame in changing your mind, Bells."
"I know, but I think it'll be good for me to get out and work, at least for a few semesters. And it won't be too bad since I'll only have two classes a day instead of the four I was handling in the beginning. I'll be home long before Edward, giving me some private time with Charlie, and then when he gets home, he can have his private time while I get dinner ready."
"So you've thought this out completely and you're positive?" Rose questioned.
"Yes. Why do you seem so worried?"
"Because I know when you first got pregnant, Emmett made a big deal about you going back to work, and I don't want him to have anything to do with your decision."
"I love my brother, and his opinions do matter to me, but this decision truly is mine. I just…I love teaching and I miss it."
"I know. It's just that they leave the baby years behind so quickly. I look at my Lily here—"
"Me, Momma?" Lily asked, smiling up at Rosalie.
"Yes, you, baby girl," Rose chuckled, kissing Lily's cheek.
Lily giggled and tucked herself against her mother, putting her head on Rose's shoulder.
"What was I saying? Oh, right!" Rose said, shaking her own head a little. "I look at her and I ask myself where the time went, even though I was right there with her for all of it. They leave this stage so fast and it's such a great time because they're learning so much and you are the one teaching them. As much as I'm looking forward to teaching my little nephew things, I know it would mean the world to you to be the one to teach him."
"And I really believe I can do both. And, of course, Edward has made me promise that if I can't do both, I'll tell him right away and stop working once the spring semester ends."
"You are a braver soul than me," Rose chuckled, leaning her head against mine.
"We have a couple of beautiful babies, don't we?" I mused, looking between Charlie and Lily.
"And handsome daddies to go with," she chuckled.
I smiled again as I opened my eyes, immediately finding my baby boy and waving at him. Finding that balance with Charlie had helped me to also find it with Edward. I now had a clear idea of how to be Edward's wife, Charlie's mother, and my students' teacher while still having time to just be Bella. I liked to think that my marriage was flourishing, having been through so many dark days and still coming out intact. Edward had made this year's anniversary a huge deal and I'd loved every second of it. And even though he might have felt like Charlie had upstaged him, it was nice to know the day had meant as much to Edward as it had to me.
Edward…he was so changed from all of this, but still the same. He still loved me like crazy, but he was more open about it, quicker to kiss me in front of everyone and say out loud what he felt in his heart. He was so much more open with the rest of the family, never leaving the house or ending a phone call without telling those around him that he loved them. He talked to Esme and Alice nearly every night, and anytime we ever babysat for our nieces and nephew, he always made sure they had a great time with us. And when he sat down in front of his piano these days, every song was light and sweet—those days of his music sounding dark and depressing were long gone.
"Look at him," Edward chuckled against my ear. "A hotdog in his hand and barbecue sauce everywhere."
"He takes after his uncle when he eats," I chuckled, watching Emmett lick some sauce from his big knuckle.
"One whole year with the little man," Edward mused. "What did you think of it over all?"
"It was amazing in every way and I'm looking forward to all of the years ahead of us."
"And the fall semester?"
"I'm looking forward to that, too, Honey," I said, reaching back and wrapping my arm around his neck. He was still worried about me missing out with Charlie, and while I appreciated his concern, I still wanted to teach for now.
"I've been giving Halloween some thought," Alice announced, getting everyone's attention.
"Imagine that!" Rose chuckled. "You thinking months ahead to an occasion is so unlike you."
"You all tease me about this stuff, and then you turn around and love whatever I plan," Alice fussed.
"And it's why we thank you so much for all of your hard work," Rose said, hugging Alice.
"So what was your thought?" Emmett asked before tearing into his next rib.
"Instead of dressing up in pairs, I thought we could all dress alike. Think of how scary it will be to see an entire family dressed the same," Alice explained.
"Dressed as what though?" Edward asked.
Alice grinned wickedly. "Vampires."
"An entire family of vampires?" Jasper questioned as he looked at his wife. "Really, Ali?"
"Think of how cute Brandon and Charlie will be in their little capes," she replied. "And our big, strong men with their fangs and alabaster skin."
"You aren't putting makeup on me, Pixie. You can forget that now," Emmett said.
"Fake blood you'll wear, but a little foundation scares you?" Alice asked, glaring at my brother.
"I want to be a doggie," Lily chirped, following it up with a few barks.
"You were a dog last year, Sweetheart," Alice replied. "Wouldn't you like to be something else this year?"
"No," Lily replied before taking a big bite of her hotdog.
"Well that settles that," Rose laughed.
"No, it doesn't," Alice argued. "I still have over two months to change her mind."
"You go right ahead," Edward chuckled.
"I don't know, Honey," I whispered to him. "I think Charlie would look pretty cute dressed in black with a little cape."
"And I think my sister is spending too much time around you," he chuckled, kissing my neck.
"I don't think there will ever be enough time with any of you," I said honestly.
"So we'll just make sure never to take a second for granted and to always make them the best of our lives," he suggested.
"I like that idea," I said, smiling wide as I turned and kissed his cheek.
"I love you, Bella Cullen," he whispered before kissing my lips.
The joys of being a Cullen…I was still learning them all and learning how to truly appreciate them. And I hoped to pass all of these life lessons down to Charlie to help him have a life more amazing than my own.
"Maa-maa!" Charlie yelled excitedly, waving his little sauce covered hands at me.
"I'm being paged," I chuckled, pulling out of Edward's arms and going to retrieve my son. I lifted Charlie out of his high chair and cuddled him close, not even caring that he was leaving handprints on my shirt. He gave me a slobbery kiss on the cheek and I melted all over again for him. This little man had turned my whole world upside down, and I couldn't thank him enough for that. He'd brought Edward and me closer in so many ways, and he was the one thing we would always agree on.
Edward wrapped his arms around the both of us, laughing as Charlie grabbed at his nose. This baby in my arms was our little man and we both loved him more than we could say. We were a family and I would always do what I could to protect that and make sure we stayed strong and together. And from the way Edward was holding on to me, I knew he would do the same.
And the Cullens lived happily ever after (not perfectly, but definitely happily)
This chapter is late for a reason that I hope you will all try to understand and not be too upset about. I honestly thought that Edward and Bella had more to say, but I was wrong. This is the final chapter of Our Little Man. This story has been so much fun to write and I have really enjoyed working on it, but you can't force a story. I gave it the weekend to see if this was simply a case of writer's block striking at an inopportune time, but it's not and this truly is the end for our human family. Thank you all so much for following along with this story and LLC. It's been a pleasure to write for you all. Thanks to George, Lizbre, and CMC for all of their help throughout, guiding me and giving advice. They gave some great advice with this chapter and the ending of OLM and I truly appreciate their input.
So for now, I am signing off and hoping you all find new fanfiction stories to get addicted to. Thanks for the great ride and I'll miss our weekly review chats!
My-Bella