Ensoulment
by Valerie Vancollie
valeriev84 at hotmail dot com
Notes: Hey, everyone. I'm terribly sorry for vanishing on you the way I did, but that's the big downside to trying to do daily updates; everyone feels it when anything gets in the way. I've not felt great since Monday and after the rather big mistakes I left in the chapter I posted that day (mixing up the Stones!), I thought it best to wait until I had my head clearer before I tried editing another chapter. I was just happy it wasn't with one of the big cliffhangers!
Yggdrasill, 2018 A.D.
His mother's power and presence thrummed through Loki from where he stood... on her he supposed.
The thought still made Loki feel vaguely uneasy even though he knew Sága not only did not mind, but wished for him to be here like this. Being here, on her bough, still felt comfortable like coming home as he had told her, but now it also felt odd at the same time. Knowing he was quite literally standing on her. It...
Clearly the mortal part of him was still struggling to come to term with what it meant to have a celestial as a mother. The Soul Stone part of him know this was entirely normal for a celestial and that they had no problem with people- beings of all sorts- living on them. Still he had been raised an æsir- raised on one of the Realms which was deemed to be a fruit of the World Tree. Of her.
Irony shot through Loki as he could not help but wonder if that made the Nine Realms his siblings in a way as they were both born from and fruit of her body. In one way or another. His humor abruptly vanished as he remembered exactly what he had done to two of those Realms; namely Ásgarðr and Jötunheimr. Had that hurt his mother when he had so savagely attacked one Realm and set in motion the events to destroy the other altogether?
For the first time, Loki felt true guilt for what he had done to Jötunheimr. The jötnar had not deserved that he now realized, particularly not given Laufey had not even known he had existed. Part of him still wanted to blame Óðinn for it all and while the All-Father definitely had some of the blame for the situation, so did he. He had allowed his horror and disgust to blind him to the reality of what he sought to do. And after centuries of criticizing Thor for not stopping to think before his brother acted too. It was difficult to admit he had essentially done the same thing even if the circumstances were wholly different.
The Casket of Ancient Winters suddenly felt like it was burning a hole in his pocket dimension and Loki resolved to return it to Jötunheimr. His new awareness told him just how important it was to his father's Realm and he himself was sufficiently powerful to easily be able to intervene should Laufey's heir attempt to utilize it for anything other than healing his Realm. Laufey's heir-
Any thoughts of his potential half-siblings were abruptly forgotten as all of Loki's new senses prickled a warning. His mother's power pulsed beneath his feet in a way he recognized as an attempt to comfort and it made him smile. He knew he could stand against Lady Death, but the mortal part of him could not help but react in remembered fear, both at having always sought to do all he could to ensure his own survival, but also at the memory of what it actually felt like to die.
Hanging there in Thanos' grip, legs kicking futilely as he fought both for life and dignity... It was not something he would soon forget despite having already taken his vengeance for it from the Mad Titan himself.
With a roar and belch of flames, Níðhöggr flew up towards him before landing on Loki's shoulder, claws digging into his leathers to scrape at either his armor or his skin. He winced but merely raised a hand to touch the unusually small head that bumped his cheek.
"So, you can shift your size," Loki murmured. "You have been holding out on me, Níðhöggr."
A rumbling was the only reply, thankfully without flames this time.
Then suddenly She was there, Lady Death Herself, one of the four cosmic entities. Looking at Her was most peculiar and Loki frowned as he tried to understand how. She appeared skeletal, though not of any species he had ever encountered before, with more cavities in Her skull than many of the bipedal species he had seen. There were additional appendages on Her back, wing-like in a way but with remnants of both leathery skin and feathers. The rest of Her varied from pure bone to still possessing rotting bits of flesh, hair and scales. There were horns on Her shoulders and claws at Her fingertips. Curling around Her left leg and poking out between the fibula and tibia was what looked to be a forked tail.
It... She...
The rational part of Loki was surprised; She did not appear nearly as hideous as he had always imagined She who held dominion over death would. Not when compared to some of the corpses he had seen. The rest of him was terrified. His skin crawled, his stomach cramped and all of the small hairs on his body stood on end. It was the part of him that remembered death and which could sense the far less visible parts of Her. Those parts which would kill any mortal who merely laid eyes on Her. It emanated from Her, silent and invisible, killing all that was alive.
"You should not exist," Death hissed, Her voice like a death rattle, echoing in Loki's ears and head both.
"But I do," he replied simply with a small smile.
He could easily understand how his mere existence would stymie Her. He was life in that which should never have been alive. Life in something She had helped to create and which She had ensured possessed nothing so antithetical to Her very nature.
"You are an aberration."
Huh, Loki had been expecting something more along the lines of an abomination.
Níðhöggr's tail flicked out, hitting him on the back of the neck and Loki could not help but wonder precisely how closely Sága was linked to the creatures which lived directly on her true form. He knew they were the first living creatures she had created, though she did not view them as she did him. Still, it amused him to think of Níðhöggr as some sort of sibling pet. He was sure he could annoy and provoke Thor with the comparison.
"I believe are is the most important word there," Loki replied as calmly as he could.
It was difficult with his body wishing to shrink away from Her very presence, feeling like it was dying where he stood, but Loki resisted. It was the chaos part of him, he realized, it was being brought out in full by Her presence as it was what She was; true chaos. For what was death when compared to life? An ending and scattering of that which had been alive and ordered, separating out into its components parts. That part of him thrilled in being in Her presence.
The sheer duality of it all and the chaos it created within him only served to strengthen him in a way and Loki could not help but wonder what it did for Her. Was that what caused the... softening of Her words?
"Why have you come here, Soul Stone?" Death asked. "Why attract my attention?"
"You know what I wish to do," Loki replied.
She hissed and anger washed off Her, briefly diming the light of the branch beneath her feet before Sága surged back, brighter than before. "You would take that which is mine!"
"Nay, I would honor you with gifts. Such as I already have with Thanos."
"He is not dead," Death protested.
"Not fully, nay," Loki agreed. "But he has experienced the destruction of his body and you can enjoy that whenever you wish, or him, as his conscience will remain forevermore."
The lack of eyes or facial muscles made Her harder to read, but Loki received the distinct impression She was intrigued.
"Unlike a normal death, his is one you can have eternally," Loki continued. "It is permanent rather than fleeting and ephemeral."
He was relying on Death caring more about Her own interests in Her favorite rather than Thanos', but Loki did not think it was a big risk to take. Cosmic entities were not known for their empathy.
"Yet you would take all of the others from me," She stated.
"Nay, I would give you something new and unique," Loki countered. "Something you have not had before. True second deaths. All of those I would return have fully crossed over. By returning them to life, I am ensuring they will do so once more."
The early conversations Loki had with Sága had revealed to him the importance of novelty and new experiences to those as old as her and the cosmic entities.
"How soon?" Death demanded.
"For some almost immediately," Loki replied. "They will not wish to be resurrected and will prefer to return to their afterlife rather than remain alive. Others will suffer the realization that their abrupt departure from life caused the deaths of others. Or that some of those they loved killed themselves after their deaths."
"You would not resurrect those too?"
"Nay, simply those killed by Thanos' snap."
It was not that he did not possess the power to resurrect all of the others, but rather that Loki knew better than to try. If he did then people would forevermore request it of him. Furthermore, while the initial chaos would be fascinating and enjoyable, so sudden and massive a change to one of the very core aspects of the universe would only serve to unsettle it even more. Not to mention make himself the enemy of Death he had no wish to be.
"Many will not come back to me for decades if not millennia," Death stated.
"All the longer for you to savor the experience," Loki immediately countered. "We would not wish it to be over so quickly. Not as Thanos' gift to you was."
It was a delicate balance between offering Her something new and exciting and offending Her for merely suggesting it. Tricky as it was, it thrilled Loki as always. He had surprised many with his skill and fondness for diplomacy, but he saw it as a game. A way to challenge his opponents using merely words and thoughts. No strength, no weapons, no blood. Well, no physical weapons, many had learned to think his tongue a blade all of its own in the centuries since his childhood.
"Fleeting but beautiful," Death replied. "Greater than anything I have ever felt before."
That Loki could well imagine. However, it was not without it's own drawbacks.
"But there has been less for you since, has there not?" Loki inquired, voice deceptively soft now. "With so many gone, there are simply less beings left to die. So even if they do so at the same rate as before, you are left with less now."
Bereft was probably too strong a word, but it was essentially what Loki meant.
"It has been an unpleasant consequence," Death agreed.
Yet an entirely predictable one, but Loki kept this too to himself.
"Returning those who were taken would undo that."
Although She made no movements, Loki felt her waver. There was a connection there, between them, some of Her touch lingered on the Soul Stone from when She and the other three cosmic entities had made it along with the other five Infinity Stones. It was faint now after the intervening eons, but it was enough.
"I would have one more experience," Death pronounced, moving closer to him.
Loki already knew what was coming even before She raised a skeletal hand. He had expected it on some level though he had wished to avoid it, but he understood the desire and need for new experiences only all too well. Not only was it something Sága had spoken of, but on some level it was written into the very fabric of his own being. Chaos did not bear predictability and stability well. It craved change and the unexpected.
And what was he but the latter? Life where there should be none; a soul in that which had been a mere thing.
Lady Death's hand came out towards his face and Níðhöggr immediately skittered away, crawling down Loki's back and around to his other shoulder. The little dragon's head resting in the opposite crook of his neck, tail curving around his back for balance. Then She made contact and all other thoughts fled his mind as his body seized up and his eyes rolled back into his head.
It was death and ice and darkness; chaos and ending. It was the Void and every injury which had brought him close to Her embrace as well as Thanos' hand on his throat. It was the snap and his resurrection. There was recognition from deep within him, from the Soul Stone, and both sympathy and revulsion as that part of him recalled not only Her touch but that of Eternity and Infinity as well who struggled against Her. Entropy came back to him too and tried to side with Death, all four pushing and pulling, vying for dominancy which none had gained.
A pulse of power from beneath his feet helped Loki overcome the initial rush of feelings and power and brought him back to himself enough to feel as Lady Death's touch shifted up to the Stones in his forehead. Her bones and decaying flesh brushed over them, the tilt of Her head and open jaw all he could use to signal Her fascination with what She felt from him through all of this. Then She was stepping back, Her hand falling back down to Her side.
"Very well, little Stone," Death said. "I accept your offerings."
Offerings? Before Loki could protest She was already gone and he was left to scowl after Her. True, he had not wished to anger Her if it was at all possible to avoid it, but he would have had it been necessary. Which meant this was not an offer, merely a clever twisting of his intentions to make them appealing to Her so She did not bother him needlessly. Offerings indeed!
The shivering of the branches around him gave Loki the distinct impression his mother was laughing at him and he scowled down in the direction of her brain.
Valhöll, 2018 A.D.
Given that Loki had never quite been able to decide if he even wanted to go to Valhöll when he died, he was certainly visiting it often now. His hesitation had mostly been due to the fact he had always known Frigga would go there, so in a way it was fitting really she was the cause for all of his visits. But as for the rest, the feasting and the fighting, it had never appealed to him and had largely been responsible for his uncertainty over whether he had wanted to come here after his eventual death.
If it had not been for his mother and Loki's perpetual desire to be considered worthy and good enough, he would simply have eschewed the whole thing. Thankfully it would never truly be an issue now. Still, Loki could not help but scrunch up his nose as he looked around the large golden hall full of feasting warriors. Of course Frigga and Óðinn had to be here. He supposed he had been lucky the previous two times to find them elsewhere.
Heimdallr, of course, was the first to turn his way, though others soon followed as he was not keeping his power in, instead allowing it to carelessly spill all around him. He spotted Lady Sif and the Warriors Three seated near Heimdallr and why not, they had only committed treason and attempted regicide after all. Of course they deserved a place in Valhöll.
Loki dismissed them all without another thought, deliberately ignoring Heimdallr when the former gatekeeper attempted to catch his eye. Instead he walked forward in the suddenly far more silent hall, striding between the long tables. A few 'my Prince's reached him, mostly from those who had died either on board the Statesman or after, with the snap, though there were a few from others who had never dismissed or sneered at him as much. A quick sweep over the tables and he had already found nearly all of the familiar faces from court or the councils he had sat on.
Then Loki was at the high table and he found some faces he only recognized from royal portraits; Búri, Borr, Bestla, Vili and Vé. What a surprise it must have been for so many æsir to arrive here only to find a jötunn sitting at the high table beside a former king of Ásgarðr. He almost wished he had been here to see it.
"Loki," Frigga greeted warmly, rising to her feet. "I had not expected you back so soon."
"Mother," Loki replied, keenly aware they had all of the hall's eyes on them, but finding he was no longer concerned about it. Or of what they thought.
"So this is the one who claims relation to the Yggdrasill itself," Vili sneered, eyeing him. "He does not look like the World Tree."
There were some twitters of amusement from the hall, but not nearly as many as Loki would have expected.
"One should not speak of that which they know naught," Búri suddenly proclaimed, sending his grandson a stern look before turning appraising eyes to Loki.
The defense from one whom he had never met surprised Loki and he tilted his head as he studied Óðinn's grandfather. It was but a moments work to reach out with the Time and Space Stones to acquire the necessary information. Huh, how interesting.
"Father?" Borr questioned.
"He carries the feel and power of the Yggdrasill with him," Búri explained. "I know it well from the ceremonies and homages we paid the World Tree with the ljósálfar."
"If you will excuse us," Frigga said before she turned and swept from the hall, not even waiting for a response.
Loki smiled as he followed her. It was a part of her he had always admired and loved. As soon as they were out of the hall, she turned around and reached out to embrace him. He immediately responded even as he heard footsteps approaching and he felt Óðinn entering the antechamber they had come to. He ignored the All-Father to focus on his mother instead, but the position inevitably echoed oddly in his mind with the duplicate of it he felt.
"What is it?" Frigga asked, clearly sensing his distraction.
"It is merely odd, being in two places at once."
"You have a double elsewhere?"
"Nay, not a double. I can now truly be in two places at once."
"Oh. That- You are able to keep track of what is happen to each body?"
"Aye, I am also currently having my ribs crushed," Loki replied dryly.
"Having your-" Frigga began with a frown before her face brightened. "Thor."
"He never could modulate his strength."
"Nor did you ever truly wish him too."
"Nay," Loki denied before he gave in with a smile. "Aye."
"I would say I will not tell him, but I could not at present."
Sadness swelled within Loki and he tightened his own embrace. "I would bring him but I do not know what it would do to a mortal mind to be taken back and forth across the boundary between life and death."
Frigga pulled back just far enough so that she could look at him and lay a hand on his cheek. "Then I would ask that you do not risk it, no matter what Thor may say to try to convince you otherwise. I will see him again, though hopefully not for several millennia. In the meantime I will still have your visits to look forward to."
Loki raised his own hand to clasp hers before he turned his face enough to press a kiss to her palm. "Always," he promised.
"Good. Now, I assume there was a purpose for your rapid return?"
Her quick mind was one of the many reasons why Loki had never doubted his place within their family while growing up, as it had seemed so like his own. Her seiðr and skill with knives were but two more. They truly were well matched and he would never be able to regret having had her as his adopted mother no matter what else of his childhood and time on Ásgarðr he might resent.
"Aye," Loki confirmed, looking past her to Óðinn. "Thanos has been defeated."
Óðinn's eyes grew wide and as it had each of the previous two times he had visited Valhöll, the mere sight of the All-Father with both of his eyes struck Loki as odd. He had never known the man to have both, so to witness him thus felt... unnatural in a way he knew it should not.
"Is he dead?" Frigga demanded, a vicious undertone to her voice Loki recognized only all too well.
Let people think what they wished about the grace and beauty of Ásgarðr's former queen, but she had a core of steel underneath her calm exterior and she could be as bloodthirsty as any Ásgarðrian when it came to any who dared to threaten her family.
"He has neither body nor soul, but he is not truly dead, nay," Loki replied, allowing his own smirk to take on a sharp edge. "Though he will probably wish that he were."
"Good," Frigga stated.
The slight discomfort Óðinn failed to hide at his wife's sentiment amused Loki as it always had whenever the All-Father expressed it. Knowing what he did now of Óðinn's former temperament, back when Hela had still been alive and free, only served to add a cynical edge to his amusement. How typical of the old man to be so very hypocritical. It was a trait he had always known the man he had called father possessed, but even he had never dared dream Óðinn could possibly take it to such extremes.
How had the man sat there on Hliðskjálf and lectured him on being bloodthirsty? On seeking war or a throne? After all that Óðinn had done to conquer the Nine Realms and place Ásgarðr above them all?
"What next for the holder of the Infinity Stones?" Óðinn asked in what the old man no doubt thought was a neutral tone.
How easily Loki saw through it all now. It was startling in a way, how obvious it all was to him now. Startling, but also a great comfort. He would never need to worry about being deceived again as he had been by Óðinn and, much as he hated to admit it, Frigga. That would never be possible ever again.
The knowledge was an intense balm of relief to his wounded soul. It meant he could finally relax a little and not have to worry about being taken in if he let his guard down.
"Whatever I want," Loki replied blithely, just to have the pleasure of watching Óðinn's face spasm as the old man fought for control.
"Loki," Frigga admonished, swatting his chest.
He looked down at her, face a picture of innocence. "What?" he asked. "A stupid question deserves a similar reply, does it not?"
"Loki, son," Óðinn tried again. "That kind of power-"
He snorted. "I am very well aware of the power that comes with the Stones, I am one of them after all."
The knowledge clearly displeased Óðinn and upset Frigga, but there was nothing Loki could do about it. It was the simple truth and perhaps with time they would be able to come to terms with it more easily. How many could say they had raised one such as he? An Infinity Stone itself? While it was true that the Soul Stone had existed for eons before Loki ever had, it had not experienced anything even remotely resembling life until they had come together and he had truly ensouled it.
"But as to what I will do first," Loki continued. "I would undo the damage Thanos has wrought."
It took a moment for the meaning of his words to sink in but when it did, both of their eyes opened wide in shock.
"Can that truly be done?" Frigga questioned. "Can you bring them all back to life?"
"Aye," Loki confirmed, reaching out with all of his new senses, pushing past the awareness of Thor he still felt, easily accepting that version of himself was experiencing time at a far slower speed than the rest of himself. "I can feel them all, the lives Thanos cut short so abruptly and unnaturally. The disturbance of that great a working still lingers all across the universe, the seiðr so easy to read now that I know how to see it."
"But darling, death on such a scale will have drawn far greater attention than merely ours," Frigga cautioned.
Loki smiled at her. "I have already spoken with Lady Death."
"You have?"
"Aye, She will not interfere."
The look his mother gave him told Loki she was well aware it was not nearly as easy as he made it seem but she would allow him his victory. For now. He had no doubt she would question him thoroughly on it during his next visit, when they had more privacy.
"Thank you," Óðinn said, looking him right in the eye when Loki glanced up once more. "Ásgarðr would not be able to survive without it, too many were lost."
Ásgarðr. How quaint that Óðinn thought so small, though he supposed it was the consequence of being king; to always put your Realm first and above all else.
"T'is not just for Ásgarðr that I do it," Loki replied before a wicked smile crossed his face. "Besides, the chaos will be exquisite."
Ancestral Plane, 2018 A.D.
The sky of this particular afterlife drew Loki's attention as soon as he arrived. It's shifting multicolored hues different from anything else he had witnessed before. Was this how the sky appeared over parts of Miðgarðr?
"You do not belong here."
Loki nearly sighed as he turned to face the elderly dark skinned man behind him.
"I have never quite belonged anywhere, T'Chaka," he replied, noticing the others who walked over to them.
Behind the humans he could see a grassland with a few sparse trees that contained several large cats in their branches as well as leaves. Well, at least it wasn't all golden like Valhöll or Ásgarðr.
"You are the one who invaded New York," T'Challa said, coming to stand beside his father.
"I am," Loki agreed. "I am also the one who resurrected your sister and defeated the Man Titan."
"Why should we belie-" T'Chaka began.
"He has the Infinity Stones, Father," T'Challa interrupted. "You wear some of them as Vision did."
"I do," Loki confirmed
"What would you do with them?"
"Undo that which was done."
Their eyes opened wide and they shared a startled look.
"Why?" T'Chaka asked, suspiciously.
Before it would have annoyed or angered him, the suspicion. Now Loki did not care.
"Because it is not right and the universe is out of balance," he explained. "It affects everything from the seiðr down to the very stability of the planets themselves."
"And if we do not trust you?" T'Chaka demanded.
"If he is responsible for Shuri's disappearance I would follow her," T'Challa said.
"That does not mean the others need follow."
"They are my people, Father, and Wakanda needs them to continue to thrive. We must try."
Loki observed the exchange, trying to force all thoughts of Óðinn from his mind as T'Chaka acquiesced. He knew his words in favor of an idea Óðinn disliked would merely have furthered the All-Father's dislike of it rather than the opposite.
"We thank you for the offer," T'Challa said.
It would not have made a difference to Loki's plans if he did not agree, but the curtesy pleased him and made him more generous.
"Shall I return you to your sister's or Miðg- Earth?"
T'Challa frowned. "Shuri is not on Earth?"
"Nay, the battle against Thanos took place on Rhea."
"Then I would ask to go to her," T'Challa replied before he hesitated. "My people?"
"Will return to whence they came, unless doing so would cause them to perish immediately."
It was part of the sad reality many would have to face. That their abrupt deaths would have caused others to perish who would otherwise have lived.
He should have left it there, but Loki's curiosity was peaked. "What do you call this coloration of the sky?"
"Ah, the aurora australis. Beautiful isn't it?" T'Chaka replied.
"Very."
The younger king hesitated, studying him, before reaching a decision. "If you can truly do what you claim, you must come visit Wakanda after and see it for yourself."
/
There, I hope you enjoyed that and sorry again for the wait! And just so you know, this was the penultimate chapter. There's just 1 more chapter to go and then the epilogue. The '18th' chapter on AO3 will be the original story notes for this fic as some people have expressed an interest in seeing them.
Also, this fic has received it's first fan art! The wonderful Lita of Jupiter made a wonderful illustration of Infinity-Stone!Loki. It can be found here: lita-of-Jupiter DOT tumblr DOT com/post/184698129506
Old Norse:
ljósálfar - "light elves"
seiðr - witchcraft, sorcery / a type of sorcery practiced in Norse society during the Late Scandinavian Iron Age - i.e. magic