Chapter 24 – Second Chances

"What makes life worth living is knowing that one day you'll wake up and find the person that makes you happier than anything in the whole world. So don't ever lose hope and give up, everything turns out okay and the good guy always wins."

~Author Unknown

Honolulu Medical Center, later that afternoon…

"Her fever is still too high," the nurse said quietly, checking on Harper's vital signs as she stood above the bed and looked down into the detective's sleeping face. "It is as if she is at the mercy of her own immune system..."

"Yes, but I believe we have finally isolated the drug that was given to her and have come up with an antidote," Dr. D'Angelo nodded as she began to administer the antidote drug into Harper's IV. Looking back over her shoulder at Steve, who was leaning against a far wall and watching the entire procedure, she remarked, "Thanks to detective Chin, we believe that Bromazepam was Wo Fat's drug of choice. A severe Bromazepam overdose may result in a coma of this type, as well as the tremors, convulsions, and hallucinations. It also would have kept her submissive while in captivity."

Pursing her lips, the doctor shook her head and looked down at her patient, "Captivity…listen to me talking about you as if you were some kind of wild animal. I sure hope you didn't hear that, detective." Administering the last of the drug, she finished matter of factly, "That should do it."

"How long before we know if it worked?"

"We have to give it at least a few hours to circulate through her system. The poor girl had enough Bromazepam in her system to kill her." Dr. D'Angelo stated, looking down once more at her important patient. "It's all up to Miss Harper now."

Harper appeared to be sound asleep…a restless sleep, but sleep nonetheless. But the moment that Dr. D'Angelo's gentle hands touched her, the detective moaned. Her bruised face twisted into a stark, fearful mask. It was almost as if Steve, the doctor, and the nurse were transported back to that dirty, little cell with her. The terror was palpable, scary.

"She'll calm down in a minute. Let's give the drug a chance to work." Dr. D'Angelo instructed calmly, smiling down at Harper and motioning for Steve to come closer and hold her hand to soothe her.

As if on cue, Harper began to settle down and drifted back into a deep sleep. The doctor then reconnected the heart monitor because of her injuries and moved away from the bed. She turned her eyes to the handsome ex-S.E.A.L. and watched Steve watch Harper as he lovingly took her smaller hand in both of his larger ones and drew it up to his lips. Finally, she said quietly, "You should stay."

Steve looked at her in surprise and was about to protest as Dr. D'Angelo continued, "This woman is a fighter. I say that the drug we just administered to her will counteract the effects of the Bromazepam in a couple of hours, but it could be sooner than that. Bromazepam can result in memory loss, so you'll want to get any information that you can out of her as soon as she regains consciousness."

Steve nodded, never taking his eyes off of the bed where she lay. Moving over to the door of the hospital room, Maria D'Angelo turned back and told the Commander, "A person's will to live is as powerful as any drug we could have come up with. And, from what I have seen over the last few days, Harper James has plenty of reasons to want to live. Maybe you should remind her of that."

Steve listened to the door close behind the doctor's retreating form and concentrated on the beautiful face of the woman who kept turning his world upside down every time she arrived on the scene.

The lights in the room were dim but they didn't do a very good job at hiding the stark white, sterile quality of the place, and it only seemed to make the soft beeping of the medical equipment sound ten times louder. The only movement in the room was that of his large, muscled hand with warm skin as it gently moved over her delicate arm. The soft touch was not responded to in any way by the young woman who laid on the bed trying to fight the drug that would help her sleep, while the other drugs tried to make her better.

McGarrett was mentally and physically exhausted. He had been stretching himself thinner than usual as he tried to coordinate with the FBI and the Governor's private security team and run the investigation from the hospital waiting room instead of the squad room.

But Steven John McGarrett had experienced plenty of long nights in his life. He just hadn't experienced any quite so emotional in a long time.

For most of the past few nights, Steve had stayed locked away down in the waiting area. But every once in awhile, he would wander down to Harper's room and relieve her father or one of her brothers standing guard in her room. On those nights, Steve simply sat in this very same chair at his ex-wife's bedside and watched her breathe. It was such a simple thing. Something people take for granted all the time. As he sat and watched the rise and fall of Harper's chest, he realized what a gift each precious breath truly was.

Sometimes Harper would have an outburst like the one they just experienced. And Steve would do exactly what he was doing now…hold her hand and whisper soft, soothing words. And hope. Hope that something would happen to change this desperate situation.

Sighing deeply and leaning back in the chair, her ex-husband smirked. "Your brothers are all here. I didn't think there could be anyone who was a bigger pain in my ass than you or Danny, but I was wrong. Because there they are, in the hospital corridors. Frankie, Bobby, Tommy…I still don't think they like me very much. Which is confusing, since they never wanted me to marry you in the first place. You'd think that me leaving all those years ago would make the situation easier, but apparently that is not the case. I guess I could take comfort in the fact that they don't seem to like the doctors or nurses either..." He shook his head with a grin. "Your dad, on the other hand, had been pretty tolerant. In fact, I think he gave me some advice about not giving up on you before he left the room earlier. Or, it could be that lack of sleep and nutrition are making me delusional."

Taking a deep breath, Steve continued, "You're scaring me, do you know that? I'm really scared. Are you happy now? I think this is what you wanted all along. You pulled this whole stunt so that I would realize that I had made a mistake all those years ago. To show me that I should've chosen you the way that you always chose me. So, here I am...completely terrified, vulnerable, and at your mercy. And I have to tell you, this is a pretty effective technique."

Commander McGarrett, a man who'd once considered himself fearless, was terrified. He was scared that if he closed his eyes and gave in to sleep, he'd awaken to find that Harper's chest had gone still and the sweet rhythm of her steady breathing had given way to silence and stillness. He 'd watched as Harper had fidgeted in her sleep, a lock of hair falling across her face, her lips pursing thoughtfully. He wanted to memorize her every expression, to take in the sweep of her cheekbone and the fringe of her eyelashes. To mentally capture every aspect of her into his brain.

Steve's eyes darkened at the thought, his stomach twisting painfully. No, he told himself decisively, that wasn't going to happen. The thought that Harper might die was too much for Steve to handle. He wouldn't let his mind go there for long. He couldn't. He had just gotten her back. He couldn't lose her again already.

I shouldn't worry, he thought to himself. She's a fighter. And a James. Look at all she has survived so far.

He took a few moments to gaze at her beautiful face. Even though her skin was pale and drawn from the illness, she was still so beautiful. He lifted her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it, letting his lips linger on the warmth of her skin. At least she wasn't cold and lifeless anymore, so there was still hope.

Steve continued to watch her sleep as he quietly whispered, "You look like an angel when you're asleep. Even with the tubes, and the weight you've lost during your capture, you are without a doubt the most beautiful woman in the world." Seeming to drift back into the past, he said, "My angel. The radiant light that broke into my dark world and pulled me back from the abyss more times than I can count. You've saved me in so many ways. And I'm not even sure I can save you just this once.

"We are so much alike, you and I. We've both spent a good portion of our lives hiding from the pain that life has found necessary to inflict on us. We go about it in opposite ways, but we're doing the same thing. I am willing to admit that now. That's what's so infuriating. We really are alike, and complement each other perfectly, so of course fate had to throw us together this way. And then in the cruelest of all twists, just when we are starting to connect again and get our mess of a relationship sorted out, life pulls us apart. Because why the hell should any of this be easy, hmmm?"

Steve let his rhetorical question linger in the silence of her hospital room as he continued, "But I decided a few nights ago that I refuse to lose you. Nope, not going to let you go without a fight. Because that's the way we do things, after all. Everything with us is a fight, so why should this be any different? And I know that you think I am selfish, so I might as well use that to my advantage. And this is the most selfish thing I've ever asked of you, Jimmy, but you have got to fight this for me. Because there is still so much left to say..."

McGarrett could feel the emotion of his voice catch in his throat and stopped himself for a moment. He would not let her see him cry. She would use it as ammunition for years to come. Regaining the strength back in his voice, he whispered, "There's still so much I have to tell you. I wanted to wait until you woke up to tell you this, but I don't think it will hurt to tell you now. I can always tell you again when you open your eyes. Besides, telling you now means you can't interrupt me with your witty comebacks and insults."

He rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb as he confessed, "I never stopped loving you. Not once, in all of these years. I tried. I really did. But you've always had this hold on me that I couldn't explain. And it's not like I haven't had plenty of opportunities to replace you, because I have. Gorgeous women…Navy groupies, surfer girls, you name it. But not one of them measures up to you…not one."

"God, I wish you would smile," he continued, rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb. "I miss that. The way your lips twitch slightly whenever you're trying to be serious and hold back laughter. Then, there were the lazy smiles when we woke up in the morning. It never mattered what we had done that night, you would always look on me with such wonder and love. Lazy and warm. I never wanted to leave the folds of your arms. But the best was when you smiled that special smile that I convinced myself you saved just for mer. Pure. Uninhibited. Perfect. Brilliant. It lit up the entire world. Well, at least my corner of the world and that was all that mattered."

Steve trailed a finger down Harper's delicate cheek, trying to memorize her face and couldn't keep a lump from forming in his throat as he told her, "I can't remember the last time I told you how beautiful I think you are. You radiate beauty…natural beauty, that comes from a beautiful place inside. It takes my breath away sometimes." He paused, and then said in a gentle voice, "I never told you how much you make me want to be a better person. You do what you think is right, no matter what. You defend the people and the things and the ideas that mean the most to you, even when it means that the fallout is going to be brutal. Strength like that is really rare, especially in someone your size, and it makes me want to have that kind of courage. You challenge me and I love how hard you make me work to make my point. Very few people in this life challenge me...and I love a good challenge."

The leader of 5-0 inhaled a long, ragged breath and wondered what had brought on this trip down memory lane. In the last week, Steve had been filled with memories he thought he had buried long ago. But from the moment she walked back into his universe, they started coming back. Just as clear and as vivid as they had been ten years ago. Harper's presence was so strong in his life. He could remember the way she felt in his arms. How her lips tasted and the way her green eyes lit up when she looked at him. Those thoughts didn't ease the pain of facing the fact that he could really lose her, but it was the only thing he could do.

Steve was filled with the need to be at Harper's bedside when he should really be out there trying to find Wo Fat. But, as they had so many times before, he team had his back. They were working round the clock so that he didn't have to. So that he could be right here, seeing for himself that she still drew breath.

Brushing a strand of hair back off her forehead, Steve whispered, "Jimmy, do you remember when we first met and you promised me that you would always be careful? It was a weak moment and I told you that you being hurt was the only thing I was truly afraid of. And so you promised. Do you remember? I do. I may not have acted it like it lately, but I remember it all."

Steve didn't know that having Harper out of his life could hurt so much until he came face to face with the reality that she could die. When people talked about love and being heartbroken, he couldn't understand it before. He thought those were just words used to keep a person in line...to make them feel guilty, to make them feel like they owed the other person something. Now he knew he was wrong. The words meant something and now, he knew firsthand what it was to love and to have your heart break into a million pieces.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you. To us. To the memory of us." he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "I know that's too little, too late now. But that's just another reason why you have to wake up. So I can tell you all the things I should have said. So I can ask you to forgive me..."

Steve drew in another deep breath and teased, "Okay, I'm pouring my soul out to you here, Jimmy. The least you could do is open your eyes and give me a sign. Your eyes have told me so much ever since I've known you. They darken and flash fire when you're passionate or angry. They shed tears when you're sad and need someone to make you feel safe once again. They shine when you're happy and in those moments when you laugh. You can't ever hide from me when you're scared since your eyes will tell me all about it. But you need to open them now so I can get some sense of what's going on inside there."

Harper's eyes didn't even flicker and Steve knew he had been asking for too much. She wasn't just going to miraculously wake up because he wanted her to. It didn't work that way. But as he sat there in the growing shadows of the afternoon, his fingers absently running over her knuckles, Steve McGarrett realized that if his Jimmy needed him to, he'd wait forever.

Just to look into her eyes once more.