CHAPTER 7

Instant expert

Raphael sat on the makeshift couch in the lair, his leg elevated and an icepack sat on top of it. It smarted a little, especially if he tried to walk on it or wiggle his toes, but didn't feel like anything too serious. He hated pandering to injuries, but bitter experience had taught him that it was best to rest while he could or risk worsening the damage and being laid up for even longer.

Nearby, Michelangelo was chattering inanely away at the mutant turtle egg that they'd manage to swipe from the bad guys, while Donatello had disappeared into his laboratory soon after they'd arrived back at the lair. With him, he'd taken several samples from the oversized ovum.

Leonardo headed over with the first aid kit. He was calmer now than he had been on the rooftop during his quarrel with Donnie and seemingly back to his usual, level headed self.

"How's it feeling, Raph?" he asked, pulling out a bandage and reaching for the injury.

"It'll be fine." Raphael replied, nonchalantly. "It's only a sprain."

Leo nodded and set about binding his ankle. "Well, take it easy for a bit."

"So, what are we going to do about Mikey's new friend?" Raph asked, nodding towards the egg.

Leonardo sighed. "Honestly, I have no idea. Hopefully Donnie will be able to tell us more."

"Assuming he's talking to you."

Leo scowled, tying the bandage off a little roughly. "Yeah. Assuming he's talking to me."

Raph winced slightly before continuing. "Well, you did put your foot in it during your little chat together."

"You were listening?"

"The whole time."

Leo sighed again. "I just thought… Rgh. Maybe you're right. Maybe he's right. Maybe I am just hypocritical."

"Yeah, you are." Raphael agreed, helpfully. "But he did overreact. And watching either of you brooding over a girl gets seriously annoying."

"Heh, guess so." conceded Leo, glancing guiltily away.

Nearby, Michelangelo concluded his one-sided conversation with the egg and turned towards them. "So, where do you think Eggy came from?" he asked, curiously.

"The bad guys, obviously." Raph pointed out.

"No, I mean… Shouldn't it have a Mom? And a Dad?"

Leo looked thoughtful. "He has a point. Even if it was artificially created, it would still have needed parents, right?"

"Wouldn't it be wild if it was one of us?" Mikey grinned.

"That's impossible." Leonardo stated. "For a start, there are no female mutant turtles. And besides, none of us… Um…"

"Oh?" said Raph, smirking as he raised an eyebrow.

Mikey tilted his head innocently. "What?"

"Nothing." Leo said, quickly glossing over the matter.

Michelangelo caressed the egg gently. "So where's your Mommy and Daddy?"

"I can answer that." came Donatello's voice, as he headed out of his lab with his laptop.

"It's Splinter, right?" Mikey guessed, excitedly. "We're getting a new little brother or sister?"

"How could it possibly be Splinter, you idiot?" asked Raphael. "He's a mutant rat!"

"But we're mutant turtles, and we're his sons." Mikey said, baffled. "Or, most of us are."

Donatello shot Michelangelo a dirty look, as Raphael shuffled up slightly to allow the tallest turtle to perch on the couch and set his laptop up on his knee.

"Technically he's right," Donnie conceded, as Mikey performed a victory dance in the background, "in our cases. But for the egg, definitely not."

Mikey's dance faltered. "Well, then who are the parents? Is it April? Casey? Shredder?"

"No, to all of them."

"Rahzar? Fishface? Buzzkill? Rocksteady? Bebop? Tigerclaw? Purple Dragons? Dr. Rockwell? Pigeon Pete? Leatherhead?"

Leo frowned. "You're just working through everyone we know, aren't you?"

"Oh!" Mikey exclaimed, hitting his palm with the side of one fist. "I got it! It's Slash, right? He's a mutant turtle."

Donatello looked mildly impressed. "Actually, that one was close. Very close."

"Come oooon," wheedled Mikey, "tell meee! I can't take the suspense, Dude!"

"Perhaps if you shut up for a second, he would." snarked Raphael.

"It's Raphael."

"Finally." Raph said, before the statement caught up with him. "Wait, what? No! That's impossible. I've never-"

"Oh?" echoed Leo, starting to chuckle.

Raphael growled, sitting up in order to wave a threatening fist in Leonardo's direction.

"Aww, Raph's gonna be a Daddy!" beamed Michelangelo, laughing along with Leonardo.

"Actually-" started Donatello, but was cut off by the inevitable explosion.

"SHUT IT! No I'm not!" thundered Raphael, jumping to his feet and regretting it as his ankle complained bitterly. He ignored the pain in favour of lunging for his sniggering brothers.

Leo dodged, but it was easy enough for Raph to batter Mikey to the floor. Caught between whining and giggling, his youngest brother rolled from side to side.

"Hey-" Donnie tried again, but was drowned out as Raph's second swipe at Leo was successful. The two crashed to the ground and started a noisy brawl.

"I am going to rip that smirk off your face and stuff it up your-" Raphael swore furiously, but was cut off by the abrupt voice of Splinter.

"Yame!"

That brought all of the turtles to an immediate halt. Or, it nearly did. Raphael couldn't resist smacking Leonardo's head into the ground one final time, much to his brother's protestation.

"The way of the ninja is silence." Splinter scolded, "So why do I hear so much of you all?"

"S-sorry, Sensei." apologised Leo, ever the obedient one, as he grimaced and put a hand to his forehead where it had connected with the floor.

"But Sensei!" chattered Mikey, bouncing excitedly back to his feet. "Raph's gonna be a daddy and we're going to be uncles and you get to be a grandfather, dawg! I mean, rat! I mean… Sensei. Dude."

There was a brief silence where the other three stared, wide-eyed, at Michelangelo and his big mouth. Meanwhile, Splinter looked momentarily at the oversized egg before turning back to them with fire in his eyes.

"RAPHAEL!" he boomed, causing all four of the teenagers to cringe.

Raph quickly scrambled to his feet. "No! Sensei, it's not what you think! There's been some kind of mistake-"

Splinter drew himself to his full height, managing the most fatherly expression of displeasure that he could muster. "So I can see. I believe that it is time I had the talk with you boys."

"No offence, Sensei." said Leonardo, getting back to his feet and brushing himself off, "But isn't it a little late for that? I mean, we already-"

"Sensei, that's really not necessary. It's actually very simple, I-" Donatello started up simultaneously.

The two brothers paused to glare at each other as their words unintentionally crossed, before falling uncertainly silent at they abruptly noticed the furious look Splinter was giving them.

"You both as well?" he exclaimed, exasperatedly.

Mikey, meanwhile, mostly looked bemused. "Uh… What are we talking about?"

"Shugo! Seiza!" barked Splinter. "Itte!"

There was a flurry of motion as all four of the turtles hastily scrambled to follow the instructions. The orders were so familiar that it was virtually a reflexive action for them to quickly form a line before kneeling down obediently and waiting in silence.

Splinter paced before them, stroking his chin thoughtfully. "Now, how do I begin…"

"Don't." implored Raphael. "Please!"

"Is this a story?" Mikey asked, "I love stories!"

"Yes, Michelangelo." agreed Splinter. "A story is a good place to start. You see, there comes a time in every young person's life when they begin to feel a stirring within them…"

The youngest turtle nodded in agreement. "I get that feeling every time I'm hungry."

"That's not what he's talking about, Mikey!" Leo berated.

"Since I'm obviously the expert and know everything already, can I leave?" begged Raphael, gesturing to the egg as his evidence.

Splinter scowled at him. "No! Silence!"

"It's a clone!" Donatello finally spat out. "THE EGG IS A CLONE!"

There were several moments of quiet while everyone digested that nugget of information.

"A… Clone?" Raphael spluttered.

Donnie nodded, following up with his explanation. "Stockman must have obtained a sample of your DNA and he's used it to create a copy. It really is quite fascinating, as from traces remaining on the shell they seem to have managed to create an artificial amniotic fluid in order to facilitate the initial stages of embryonic formation prior to-"

Raph performed the movement that everyone was waiting for and clipped his verbose brother across the back of the head.

"Ow!" Don protested, before explaining in simpler terms. "It was made in a lab, ok?!"

"Too bad, expert." Leo hissed to Raph, earning him a punch in the arm.

"This is very troubling." Splinter said, worry evident on his features.

Donatello nodded in agreement. "They've even found a way to accelerate the growth of the clone. That egg is only a few days old, but it's ready to hatch at any moment. By my calculations, it should reach adulthood within a few weeks."

"But how did they get my…my…" demanded Raphael, still infuriated.

"Your DNA?" offered Donnie. "Well, it's in all of our cells. All they'd need is something from you. A fingernail, some skin, or blood…"

"Stockman got my mask." Raphael recalled.

"That would do it." Don agreed. "There are bound to be skin cells in the material that have rubbed off."

Mikey wrinkled his nose. "Gross! That's what you get for wearing a tatty old one, Dude."

Meanwhile, Leonardo brushed his fingers on his arm where he'd been cut. "They've got my DNA too." he realised aloud.

"Would there be skin and stuff on a band aid?" Michelangelo then asked, before sighing as he received an affirmative. "Aw, snap."

"At least they don't have mine!" Donnie stated, cheerfully.

Leo looked over. "That depends. Is there DNA in puke?"

Donatello scowled. "Great. They have mine too."

"So they're building up an army of… Us?" Raph suggested.

"This is very serious." Splinter stated. "It is imperative that you stop them from creating more! For ethical reasons, at the very least. Robots are one thing, but this…"

"Since when did bad guys care about ethics?" asked Don.

Leonardo considered for a moment before deciding on a course of action. "Mikey, Donnie and I will head back out and see what else we can find."

"What about me?" asked Raph, getting back to his feet.

"You're hurt." Leo pointed out. "Stay here and watch the egg."

"I am not babysitting the egg!" Raph yelled.

"Why not, dude?" asked Michelangelo. "If it's another Raph then you're totally the best person to-"

"Wait. Another Raph. We have another Raph here?!" Mikey turned to the others in panic. "We need to leave, Dudes! We gotta get out of the city, now!"

"Very funny, Mikey." glowered Raphael.

Leo raised a hand to wave as he headed for the exit, shepherding the other two. "Have fun. We'll be back soon."

"Wait, no!" protested the abandoned turtle, but they'd already gone. He growled angrily for a few moments, before realising that he still had some help present.

"Sensei! You know about these things, you'll look after the egg, right?" he asked, hopefully.

Splinter smiled kindly. "No."

"What? Why?!"

"Because you are the expert, Raphael." he said, walking away.

The turtle roared with anger then turned furiously on the hapless egg. He was just in time to see it wobble, then a tiny crack form on the surface. In painfully slow motion the crack crept down the side, widening and branching out as the surface of the shell began to split apart.

Raphael recoiled with a gasp of horror, his eyes widening in alarm.

"No! No no no no no!"