Chapter 3
Hermione listened to Malfoy's yelp with a self satisfied smile. Served him right. How could her magic think that this pure blooded pervert was her soulmate. Maybe she'd done the spell wrong. She was only in fourth year, for Merlin's sake, it was possible. Maybe she'd stumbled on a spell that revealed one's greatest nemesis.
The clerk at their window was cheerful. Too cheerful. She had a round, kind face, and she was smiling as she handed out packets. Smiling! How could such a harbinger of doom look so pleasantly efficient and perky. Then again, Umbridge had looked like a sweet maiden aunt.
" So Mr. Devon, we'll schedule you for your charm on the twelfth at 2, is that a good time?" The clerk simpered sweetly at the man in front of the window.
" If she pulls that 'lets-all-get-along' crap on me, don't hold me back, Malfoy," She said bitterly.
" Wouldn't dream of it, Granger. I know strong your right hook is," He said back cheerfully, " This day is so fucking backwards. Agreeing with Gryffindor's, getting spoken to like children, it's madness."
She had to concede to him there, " It all seems like some nightmare."
" Well I'd better fucking wake up then."
Hermione tried to get glimpses of packets as people walked by. The covers had a jolly photo of a witch and wizard holding hands and smiling, a newborn in their arms. The people holding the packets looked as grim as death.
"And what's with this charm business. Sounds like a load of rot to me," For once, his contempt was not directed at her.
" The Maritare charm? It's supposed to determine whose magic is most compatible with yours. Sort of like how a wand chooses you."
" Well I've never heard of it."
" Well call the Prophet, Malfoy hasn't heard of a spell!" She snapped.
" What put your panties in a knot, Granger?" He jeered, " If you're wearing any, that is. Love these pants, by the way. Have I mentioned that enough?"
She wouldn't let him get the best of her, " Have a thing for arses, Malfoy?"
" Won't deny it. Lift up your sweater, will you, Granger?"
" You're disgusting," She scolded.
" No I'm distracting, so I can jump you in the line. Will this bimbo hurry up?"
She hated that for once they were on the same side of the argument. Just another reminder of how surreal this situation was. All she had to do was find out how this was supposed to go. Did she have to marry him? Or was the charm just a formality that she could do without? She had researched the charm heavily after that night with Ginny, but she'd been too afraid to try it a second time. Merlin, she hoped she had botched it.
A man walked past, his packet clutched to his chest so he could make it through the crowd.
"Excuse me sir, can I just ask something?" Malfoy had stopped him, " What is this about scheduling a charm?" Finally the ferret did something to help. She turned to listen.
The man looked Malfoy up and down, " Oi, aren't you the Malfoy blighter, the one who sent 'is father to azkaban."
Malfoy sighed, " No time for a formal introduction, mate."
" Right…. They kind of rushed me out. The clerk said she 'ad to record it or something. I guess you have to do it in front of them, so there's no funny business."
" Right," Malfoy smiled politely, " Thank you."
The man rushed away. They'd record it? Write it down? Put it in her records? Hermione almost felt nauseous.
" This soulmate charm better be fucking fireworks. She'd better be fucking brilliant. No, better than brilliant," Malfoy muttered.
Hermione was hit with a wash of cold, sobering dread, " So you're going to do the charm? I would have thought you'd have some snooty pureblood girlfriend who'd be dying to get her hands on your fortune."
He laughed, " Have you been living under a rock? I'm somehow both a death eater and a blood traitor. The purebloods who aren't in prison or dead would rather die than date me, and the winning team is too high and mighty to associate with me. At least this fucking charm thing takes the burden off me."
Hermione really did almost throw up then. She'd forgotten the most important, most crucially important thing. What did it matter if the whole world knew, as long as Draco Sodding Malfoy never ever ever found out? If she got him, naturally he would get her and then… everything would be completely ruined. Her mind raced for a way to get out of it. Could she possibly stop him from having to perform the charm?
Only two more people in line, she thought. Two people.
" I bet your soul mate wants nothing to do with you," She was trembling.
" Doubt that will matter to the ministry," He replied ruefully, " What about you then, I'm surprised you and Weasley don't have a whole army of brats after spending all those months together in a tent."
Hermione blushed to the roots of her hair, " Ron and I didn't work out."
" Ah, I see. So you're hoping maybe if the marrigeish charm works out in your favor, he'll come back to you."
" No!" She ground her teeth, " Malfoy why can't you just stand in line and be quiet."
" Why can't you pay attention? It's your turn." He replied, smiling.
She stomped up to the window with him right on her tail. Maybe she wouldn't have to marry him if she killed him. Surely Azkaban was the better alternative.
" Granger, Hermione," She growled at the clerk.
" Miss Granger! Of course," The clerk smiled generously and conjured up a fat file of papers and the dreaded packet.
" Would you like to schedule an appointment to register your Maritare charm?"
" I uh…" She could feel Malfoy breathing down her neck like a basilisk.
" We're trying to go alphabetically," The clerk flipped open Hermione's file with a flourish, " So you're G, and I… already have you scheduled for a slot on the sixteenth of September. Strange, that. Is the morning better for you, or the afternoon?"
" Morning." She bit out.
" And we'll contact…" The clerk searched her file, " The Department of Magical Education to notify them? Oh, that's easy, just a few floors away!"
Hermione was entertaining dark fantasies about how she could take this too cheerful girl down a peg or two, but she'd take the time to relish those later, " Yes, it is easy. What time is my appointment if you please?"
" I'll put you down at 10:20 AM, come early though in case the day is moving briskly- what's this?" The clerk pulled a piece of bright orange parchment from Hermione's file, " Oh! You came together!"
All the blood drained from Hermione's face, "What?"
" It says here that you performed the charm about eight years ago, so your appointment is just a confirmation of your…" The clerk's cheerful expression faded, replaced with one of pure horror as she looked past Hermione at Malfoy, " Match." At least the idiot knew better than to be cheerful at this moment.
" Did you say came together? Are you referring to me?" Malfoy's voice rang out crystal clear over the crowd, and Hermione rested her head against the glass pane separating her from the clerk. She closed her eyes and tried to think of nicer things. Like a cup of hot cider and a brand new book.
" Y-Yes… Mr. Malfoy, I… uh…" The clerk stammered.
" What does that mean?" It should have been a question, but when he said it, it was a command.
" It… it says here Mr. Malfoy…"
" Yes?"
Hermione's happy place was failing her.
" That… Miss Granger… I mean…"
" Are you trying to tell me that this marriageish spell or what ever rubbish thing it's called matched me and her?" He was drawing attention to them, and she wanted nothing more than to tell the pea brained pureblood to shut up. Actually, to revise that, she wanted nothing more than to disappear.
" Y-Yes, eight years ago," The girl stammered. Hermione opened her eyes a crack to see the clerk's red, terrified face. There, that was a happy image.
" Eight years ago? Who performed it?" His voice cracked like a whip in the hand of an imperial prince.
" Miss Granger did, Sir," Of course that was the one statement the fool could get out without a mistake.
Hermione didn't have to turn around to know that Malfoy was livid. She could feel his anger radiating towards her in great waves.
Hermione let out a groan, " I give up. I'll be there. The sixteenth, you said? I'll be there." She snatched the packet from the clerk and turned to make her escape.
" Not. So. Fast." Malfoy's hand shot out and caught her upper arm in a tight grip, " My papers, please, madam. And a copy of that orange bit."
The clerk hesitated.
" I'm not going to hex her in the Office of Marriage and Family, dimwit, I just need to talk to her. She is, after all, my soulmate. A copy, please, of the orange parchment. And one for Miss. Granger here too," He growled out the last sentence in Hermione's ear, and she shivered in his grip.
The clerk handed over his packet quickly, " The sixteenth at 10:20 AM, Mr. Malfoy. I'll have the head of Marriage and Family there himself."
" I'll be there with bells on," He growled, " Come on, Granger."
He hauled her towards the elevator like a man on a mission. And Hermione just closed her eyes and tried to think of nicer things.