Chapter Thirty-One

Natasha was surprised by Pepper's offer, even though she didn't show it. Even more surprising was the reasons Pepper had given for her to live in the tower with the rest of the Avengers. Natasha had never really considered what her role in the Avengers might be other than what she was being ordered to do at any given time. The concept of being the Avenger's glue had never entered her mind but Pepper had seemed so certain about the whole thing. In her time working as Natalie Rushmore with both Tony and Pepper, Natasha had been impressed with Pepper's self-possession and intelligence, so it wasn't so easy to discount her assessment out of hand. Natasha's brow creased ever so slightly at the thought of moving into the Avenger's Tower. She'd never really had a place to call her own for more than a month or two at a time. Hers just wasn't that kind of job. Natasha was used to communal living in the past on military bases but this was something again. Against her will her thoughts turned to Clint and how it might be good to have some space from the confusion and conflicting feelings he was causing in her. The frown on her face deepened as Natasha contemplated what this would mean when it came to keeping her condition a secret.

"Something is worrying you," said Pepper, who'd been watching her closely this whole time.

"I'd never really considered living here," Natasha admitted. "You just caught me off-guard is all."

Pepper shook her head. "No, it's something else." She gave her a considered look. "Like you've got a secret that's weighing on you heavily."

Natasha's heart skipped a beat at Pepper's intuition but kept her voice even. "We all have secrets, Pepper."

Pepper wrinkled her nose. "I know," she said ruefully, looking a little guilty all of a sudden.

Natasha attempted a deflection, arching her eyebrow. "Looks like someone has a secret of their own."

Pepper sighed, a hand going to her necklace and playing with it distractedly. "You know how in life these things come up and they can potentially have an impact on a relationship because you haven't really talked about it and when you did kind of hint at it the reaction wasn't great so you kind of know that things could go badly but that it's too late now because it's already a done deal?"

Natasha blinked. "That was a very long sentence which didn't tell me very much."

Pepper gave a little laugh. "Yes it was and I suppose it didn't."

"Are you and Tony having problems?"

Pepper chewed on her inner lip. "Not yet."

"He loves you," Natasha offered up. "It's the most real thing about Tony Stark, at least, the most real thing he shows the world."

Pepper smiled. "You see, comments like that are why the Avengers need you so badly."

"Can I ask you a personal question?" asked Natasha impulsively.

"Of course," said Pepper easily.

oooOOOOooo

The Avengers and Happy were all sitting at their booth, Bruce on his third deep fried onion flower. They were all leaned over, attention on Thor as they attempted to teach him something very important.

"Okay, Thor," said Tony in his most patient voice, "we'll try again. Now, pay attention." He cleared his throat. "Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted."

Clint shook his head. "So bad," he grunted before taking a drink of his sixth Stark Raving Mad.

"Do you get it?" asked Tony eagerly, looking at Thor.

Thor's face was a picture of concentration. "The humour is in the fact the peanuts can walk."

"No, Thor," said Tony in despair, "no, that's not the joke."

Clint straightened up and pounded down his drink. "Okay, speed round," he said, voice slightly slurred. "A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

Everyone groaned at the bad joke.

Undeterred, Clint jabbed a finger at Steve. "Next."

Steve, who had one of the little umbrellas behind each ear now, gave his joke. "A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says 'a beer please, and one for the road'."

Another round of groans.

Clint pointed to Happy. "Next."

Bruce cleared his throat. "Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron. The other says, 'Are you sure?' and the first one replies, 'Yes, I'm positive...'."

Tony nodded approvingly as they shared a grin. "Nice. Here's one, two neutrinos go through a bar."

"No nerd jokes," said Clint dismissively. "It has to be something normal people can understand. Happy, you're up."

Happy still had the fire extinguisher on his lap. "A guy with dyslexia walks into a bra."

Bruce's lips quirked. "Funny, man, but I'm guessing at least two people at this table don't know what one or both of those words are."

Steve scowled as they all looked at him. "I know what a bra is," he grumbled.

Tony clicked his fingers together. "Interesting point, are there bras in Asgard?"

"I do not know what this bra structure is," said Thor.

Tony looked around and waved to one of the waitresses whose costume composed of little more than a pair of hot pants and a bra. He smiled charmingly at her. "Hello-"

"Miranda," she said huskily, smiling back at him.

Tony nodded approvingly. "Miranda," he said, "would you mind me borrowing you for a quick minute?"

Miranda's eyes filled with mischief. "You can borrow me for longer than that, if you'd like, Mr. Stark," she said in a sexy voice.

"A minute is all I need," he promised her, ignoring the obvious invitation. Tony pointed across the table to Miranda's bra. "The item of clothing holding up Miranda's delightful and unless I miss my guess, very real breasts, is called a bra, Thor."

Miranda looked at the handsome god of thunder with interest. "They're very real," she assured him throatily, "you can check if you like."

Her hands went to the catch at the back of her bra but Tony stalled her. "No, thank you, Miranda, I'm sure they're spectacular but let's keep the mystery between us, hmm?"

Miranda gave a little shrug and half-smiled. "Your loss," she cooed and then sauntered off.

"Does that happen a lot to you?" asked Clint in amazement. "Random women just walk up to you and offer to show you their breasts?"

"It's not an unusual occurrence," Tony conceded.

Steve frowned but didn't look that menacing with the umbrella motif he was currently sporting. "And what does Pepper say about that?"

"Neither Pepper nor I can control the actions of other people," said Tony simply, "just our own. Pepper is fine with it because she knows she can trust me."

Bruce was looking at him in narrowed-eyed disbelief. "Just why exactly haven't you married Pepper yet? That woman is way too good for you."

Tony's right eye gave a little twitch. "Marriage?" he repeated.

Happy gave a little snorted laugh. "I see Mr. Twitchy is in the house again."

Tony's look was cool. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Happy."

Happy addressed the rest of the group. "Tony's right eye twitches whenever you say the 'M' word."

"It does not," said Tony hotly.

Happy looked him square in the eye. "Marriage."

Tony's right eyelid twitched uncontrollably.

"Oh wow," said Steve happily, "that is just too much fun. Marriage."

Tony's eye twitched. "Stop that," he said in annoyance.

"Of course," said Steve with an evil grin, "marriage."

Again, the eye twitch.

Bruce had to join in. "Marriage."

Eye twitch.

Bruce burst out laughing. "This is better than sex," he declared around his hilarity.

Clint made an inelegant sound. "Then you're doing it wrong, Banner." He looked over at Tony who was glaring at them all. "But it is funny, marriage."

Tony's eyelid twitched yet again even as he stuck his hand up over his eye and gave them all an annoyed look. "It's a nervous tic, okay? I can't help it."

"And that's what makes it so much fun," Bruce declared. "Marriage."

They couldn't see Tony's eye twitch because his hand was covering it, but they all knew it was happening and everyone was laughing anyway.

Thor seemed to be distracted though, as he interrupted their mirth. "Is it because they can speak?"

Tony dropped his hand away from his face and looked at Thor warily. "What do you mean?"

"The peanuts," he clarified, "tis because they have been given voice, that is the reason for the mirth?"

Tony grimaced. "Not even a little bit."

Thor looked crestfallen. "Tis of no use, Tony Stark," he said with a sigh. "I will never understand these jokes of Midgard. There is no point to continuing."

"No, no," Tony protested, "you can't go and see Jane until you get this, Thor, it's important. You understand a guy walked into a bar joke, and you're almost there in understanding everything about Earth culture."

"Overstate things much?" asked Bruce wryly.

"Have you got a better idea?" Tony challenged him.

"I just don't think all of humanity can be summed up in a few 'guy walks into a bar' jokes," Bruce argued.

"And that was your first mistake." Tony fixed Thor with a determined look. "Just try and do your own bar joke, Thor, see how you go."

Thor's brow knitted in concentration. "An Ice Giant walked into a bar-"

Everyone at the table nodded in encouragement, eyes on Thor.

"And asked for a large chair," concluded Thor triumphantly.

Everyone just stared at him.

"Because he is a giant," Thor prompted them, "he would require a large chair to sit on whilst taking his ale."

Steve wrinkled his nose. "Yeah, not quite Thor."

"But he would," protested Thor, "an Ice Giant is most enormous. These puny chairs would not hold him."

"Yes, but it's not funny," Clint tried to point out. "It has to be funny, that's what a joke is all about."

"It's like a Knock Knock joke," Tony tried to explain, "it's got to have more than one meaning."

"Knock Knock?" queried Thor.

Happy pulled a face. "I feel like we're taking a backwards step here."

"Yes," said Tony, ignoring him. "Watch and learn, Thor." He turned to Happy. "Knock, Knock."

Happy dutifully complied. "Who's there?

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"Don't cry, it's just a joke."

"Debatable," said Bruce.

"Very," agreed Clint.

Thor was just looking at Tony blankly.

Bruce waved a hand at them all. "Out of the way, genius at work here. Knock, knock."

Steve answered. "Who's there?"

"Interrupting cow."

"Interrupt-"

"MOO!"

Steve giggled. "That's funny."

Bruce nodded in satisfaction. "I know, right?"

Thor looked even more puzzled. "Why was the cow at the door? How did he learn to knock?"

Bruce shoved more onion flower into his mouth as he addressed Tony. "Give it up Henry Higgins, Eliza Doolittle here is never going to get this concept."

"Never say never," said Tony determinedly.

"How about marriage?" interjected Clint cheekily. "Can we say marriage?"

Tony's eye gave two twitches in fast succession. "Stop that," he growled. "We're helping Thor, not tormenting me."

"I like to think I can marry the two," said Clint straight-faced and was treated with another eye twitch from Tony.

Thor straightened up, a determined look on his face. "Knock, knock."

"Who's there?" asked Tony dutifully, happy to move away from talk of marriage.

"Tis Thor."

The group groaned. Happy shook his head. "No, Thor, you're doing it wrong."

Thor simply stared at Tony who sighed in resignation as another set up was lost on the other man. "Tis Thor who?"

"Tis Thor, but I do not wish to complain," he finished.

There was a hushed silence as everyone contemplated what Thor had just said.

Steve jabbed an excited finger at him. "Yes!" he yelled. "You got it, Thor, that was funny!"

The whole group looked at each other in amazement before bursting into laughter at Thor's humour.

Thor beamed. "Tell me another of these bar jokes," he insisted, obviously feeling like he was on a roll.

Clint scratched his cheek and looked thoughtful before grinning at Thor. "Okay, how about this one? A man walks into a bar and sees a dog in the corner licking its balls. He walks up to the bartender and orders a drink. He motions towards the dog and tells the bartender, 'Man, I wish I could do that'. The bartender says, 'Well, you should probably pet him first'."

There was a hushed silence as everyone looked at Thor, waiting for him to process the joke. Thor's face was a picture of concentration. "Tis humourful because," he began slowly, "the tender of the bar believed the man wished to lick the dog's balls rather than his own."

"Not as funny how you said it," said Clint, patting him on the back proudly, "but yeah, got it in one, big guy."

Thor nodded in satisfaction. "I am ready to go and see Jane Foster now."

"Don't open with that joke," said Clint hastily. He paused. "Or do, I don't know what your girl is into, apart from giant blondes from other realms who carry hammers."

"You should come and live at the Tower," Tony declared emphatically, looking at Clint with interest.

Clint looked at him in surprise. "Who me?"

"The rest of us already live there," Bruce noted, pulling apart the last of his onion flower.

Steve regarded the almost eaten treat. He reached out a hand. "Can I try some of that?"

Bruce slapped his hand away and gave him a narrow-eyed look. "Get your own."

"Bruce Banner does not share food," said Thor knowingly.

"Good to know," said Clint, giving Bruce a wary, sideways look.

oooOOOOooo

Pepper waited expectantly for Natasha's question.

"How did you and Tony-?" She hesitated. "I mean, in the end, how did you two-"

"Hook up?" asked Pepper in amusement.

Natasha gave a wry smile. "I guess. I mean, you were friends for so long, how did you take that next step and didn't you have concerns about it?"

oooOOOOooo

Clint gave Tony a considered look. "Come and live at the Avenger's Tower?" he repeated sceptically.

"You can't tell me you enjoy living on that flying pool table," said Tony roundly. "Unless you enjoy the communal eating, sleeping and showering arrangements, of course." He grinned. "And if that's the case, you can have Happy to keep you company while you eat, shower and sleep."

"No, you can't," said Happy flatly. "I have a life, Tony."

"No, you don't," said Tony easily.

"Alright," he conceded, "I don't, but I would theoretically like to have one in the future, so I'm not up for being Hawkeye's security blanket."

Clint looked between the two men. "Is this what I can expect if I say yes to your offer, Stark?"

Steve shook his head sombrely. "It'll be much, much worse, I promise you."

"Not helping with the big sell here, guys," Tony chastised them.

"What about Pepper?" Clint queried.

Tony gave him a jealous look. "No way in hell are you showering or sleeping with her," he growled.

Clint rolled his eyes. "I meant wouldn't Pepper object?"

"Pepper loves me and knows whatever I do, it's for the good of the group."

Clint pondered that and thought back to him comparing Tony and Pepper to Natasha and himself when he'd brought the other couple up with the wilful spy. "About that, how did that happen? How did you get Pepper to take a chance on you, Stark?"

"Well," Tony grinned, "I was being particularly awesome on this one day."

Happy arched an eyebrow. "Awesome, that's the word you're going to go with, boss?"

"Yes," said Tony confidently, "in fact, I'd go so far as to say uber awesome."

oooOOOOooo

Natasha looked intently at Pepper, her omelette all but forgotten. "So, how did Tony convince you that he was worth the risk?"

Pepper gave a little smile. "Well, Tony was being especially annoying this one day-"

oooOOOOooo

"Uber awesome?" repeated Happy. "Seriously?"

"That's how I remember it," Tony protested.

"Why don't you give your version of events, then I'll tell everyone what really happened, Mr. Uber Awesome?"

"I will," said Tony defiantly. "Things came to a head when I had this brilliant idea…"

A/N: And now we'll get the story of how Pepper and Tony first became Pepperony... my version at least. LOL I'm deviating from the movie-verse because well, I can. ;) So this will be a little story within a story and give everyone their Pepperony fix before we go back to the bigger canvas. I've got visitors at the moment which makes writing impossible, but I'll get back to you with an update as soon as I can. :D Thanks for reading as always.