A/N: Yay, another update, that is a bit more like it. :D

This chapter is more or less just kind of a realigning us to get us back into the groove of the actual story after the Pepperony detour. I do hope the people hanging out for Pepperony have been satisfied for the next little while and now we can start delving into the rest of the stories I've set up and hopefully bring this all home. That being said, we've still got a lot of stuff to have happen before the end of this story. Fingers crossed you're all not getting bored with this story. :D

Okay, on with the show and a little fallout from the night...

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"I can't believe this is happening," said Steve, burying his head in his hands as he sat on the hard wooden bench.

Tony looked over at him and made an annoyed sound. "Would you stop saying that?"

Steve dropped his hands and glared at Tony. "We're in jail, Tony. I've never been in jail before." He hesitated briefly. "Well, not an American one anyway. One night with you and we're felons."

Tony snorted as he leaned back against the bars of the jail cell they were all sharing and crossed his arms. "We're not felons."

"We committed crimes," Steve argued.

"Multiple ones," agreed Bruce, head tilted back as he nursed a bloody nose.

"They weren't crimes," disagreed Tony. "They were youthful indiscretions."

"None of us are that young," Clint pointed out as he did his best to try and salvage what was left of his shirt, most of it having been burnt away. "And can everyone stop shouting. I think my head is about to explode."

"Hey, I don't know why this is my fault all of a sudden," shot back Tony. "I came back to the club and you guys were already well into it."

"You're the one who brought up Clint's circus past," shot back Bruce.

"Tis true, Tony Stark, your words started the competition," agreed Thor whose shirt was ripped and had some mystery stains on it.

"How?" protested Tony. "I didn't put the flaming arrow in your hand."

Clint gave him an annoyed look. "You told everyone I was the bearded lady."

Tony's lips twitched. "You do have very pretty eyes, you could have passed for a woman."

"If I could see straight, you'd be tasting my fist right now," said Clint dourly.

Bruce made an exasperated noise. "If you can't see straight, why the hell did you agree to the dare, Clint?"

"I didn't know I couldn't see straight until I let go of the arrow," said Clint in annoyance. "Besides, Thor moved."

"So that I would not perish by your hand, Archer," Thor said defensively.

"Well, if you hadn't have moved, then you wouldn't have knocked over that fire eater and then things wouldn't have gotten so out of hand," said Clint morosely.

Steve closed his eyes and groaned. "I can't believe we practically destroyed that bar."

"It could have been a lot worse," offered up Tony. "At least Bruce's party animal didn't come out to play." He looked at Bruce curiously. "Why was that, B?"

"I don't know," said Bruce slowly. "The last thing I remember is being trampled by that performing pony." His face wrinkled. "Maybe all that alcohol had a deadening effect on the other guy." Bruce grimaced. "All I know is that I feel like I was run over by a dozen ponies."

"I think we all feel that way," groaned Clint, rubbing his head. "What the hell was in those drinks, Stark?"

"That's not important," said Tony easily. "What is important is that everyone got out of the club safely and no one got hurt." A ring of annoyed faces glared at him. "I mean no civilians. I'll make a generous donation to the club owner and Happy is out organising our bail now, so all in all, I'd call this a good night."

A booming voice came from behind Tony. "All in all I'd call this a disgrace, Mr. Stark."

Tony quickly turned around to see Fury striding towards him, with Natasha coming up behind him. Flashing his most charming smile, Tony greeted the other man. "Well, hello there, Director Fury, what a surprise to see you here at five o'clock in the morning. I see you're an early riser."

Fury just glared at him, obviously not interested in exchanging banter right then.

Tony, however, wasn't of the same opinion. "I have a little trouble reading your expressions," he said blithely. "The patch throws me off." He made a show of studying Fury's face. "Am I seeing hungry here? Or is it sleepy, maybe bashful? Or gassy, is it gassy, it's gassy, isn't it?" Nick Fury just stared at him stone-faced without saying a word and Tony looked over his shoulder at the others. "I don't think it's gassy," he whispered to them loudly.

Steve stood up, hurried over to stand in front of Fury. "Sir, this isn't what it looks like."

Clint scratched at his bare chest absently. "Unless it looks like we're all in jail, drunk and hung over after just having destroyed a bar," he observed. "Because if that's the case, this is exactly what it looks like."

Thor nodded. "T'was indeed a raucous celebration with much merriment. It reminded me of home."

Tony pointed at the other man and nodded his head approvingly. "That's the spirit, Thor. Clearly they know how to party in Asgard."

Natasha looked Clint over with a small smile on her lips. "I see you didn't take my advice about not drinking or wearing something flammable, Agent Barton."

Clint grimaced as he looked down at his singed and burnt shirt. "Something I bitterly regret now, Agent Romanoff."

Fury's attention was on Clint now. "Was I unclear with my orders to extract the rest of the team, Agent Barton? Did I leave room open for interpretation?"

Clint sighed. "No, sir, it just proved to be more of a challenge than I first expected."

"My understanding is that your job is to expect the unexpected."

"No one could expect those stupid Stark Raving Mad drinks," grumbled Clint. "I still can't feel my legs."

"Thy legs are still beneath you, Archer," Thor reassured him helpfully.

"Thanks," said Clint dryly, "good to know."

"So, you're all going to play the drunk card, is that it?" asked Fury disapprovingly. "How is that even possible for some of you?" He gave Steve a hard look. "Captain America is incapable of getting drunk, thanks to that serum enhancing your metabolism."

Steve looked a little lost. "I don't know," he admitted, "I thought that too, which is why I had a drink in the first place."

"Lesson learned," said Bruce, dabbing at his nose. "What was in that cocktail, Tony?"

"Nothing, just a bit of gin and a few other bits and pieces," said Tony vaguely.

"I've never had any alcohol effect me that way," said Clint, looking at Tony suspiciously.

Tony gave a little shrug. "Technically you didn't tonight, either."

Clint's eyes narrowed. "What does that mean?"

Tony made a casual hand gesture. "It means that maybe it wasn't so much the alcohol in the Stark Raving Mad that loosened you up, as the garnish."

There was a brief silence as everyone stared at Tony and then Bruce was suddenly sitting up straighter. "The strawberries!" he declared. "You did something to the strawberries."

Steve jabbed an accusing finger at Tony. "That's why you didn't have any in your drink!"

"I don't have anything strawberry related ever because of Pepper's allergy," said Tony dismissively. "Besides, I already know how to have a good time, I don't need any help."

"I do not understand," said Thor slowly. "What magic has Tony Stark bestowed upon this fruit?"

"Not magic, Thor," Tony corrected him, "just a little genetic jiggery pokery that some of my R&D guys whipped up in the lab which I found a use for." He was completely unrepentant. "I knew I'd need more than some alcohol to make you lot unclench and enjoy yourselves."

"You roofied us," ground out Bruce. "I don't believe this."

"Roofied is such an ugly word," Tony protested.

"But essentially accurate in this case," said Clint in annoyance.

Tony waved an unconcerned hand at them. "Look, you're all going to be fine. One demi-god and two serum slash radiation enhanced guys weren't going to be affected adversely by the stuff." He shot a quick glance at Clint. "You may pee blood for a couple of days though, you may want to watch out for that."

"That had better be a joke," bit out Clint.

Tony pulled a little face. "More of a heads up."

Fury interrupted their back and forth. "So, this is the team I've put together? One that is no better than drunken frat boys?"

"Yeah," Tony sassed him, "you really dropped the ball on that one, Director Fury. What were you thinking?"

"That the earth needed heroes," ground out Fury.

"We're heroic," Tony protested. "You should have seen Thor rescue the pony which trampled B."

"Indeed, yet the ungrateful creature bit me," said Thor, looking miffed about the fact as he absently rubbed his chest which showed a clear bit mark.

"I expected more from you all," said Fury sharply.

"Even me?" asked Tony.

Fury put a lot of annoyance into his one-eyed glare. "No, I expected them to dilute you out."

Tony nodded sympathetically. "You're not the first person to make that mistake." He smiled charmingly at the older man. "So, you here to bail us out?"

"You have no idea how much it pains me to say this, but yes, I am," Fury ground out. "We have a situation, those metal creatures are back, the mantises again."

The mood in the cell immediately changed, everyone becoming instantly serious.

"Where?" said Steve quickly.

"Washington," replied Fury darkly. "SHIELD forces are already scrambled and on their way. For some insane reason I thought the Avengers might be of use."

"We will be," said Tony, his expression serious now. "Just get us out of here and let us do our job."

oooOOOOooo

Clint checked his quiver one last time, carefully doing inventory of all the trick arrows he wanted to use in the upcoming fight. They were in the back of a SHIELD carrier being jetted towards Washington after having made a quick stop for everyone to suit up. He stretched his neck, hearing a few things crack and grimaced as his head complained at the action.

"Headache?" Clint turned to see Natasha holding out two white pills to him. She inclined her head towards the pills. "Thought you might need these."

Clint took the pills. "Are they cyanide, because right now I'm pretty sure that is all that will help me," he said morosely, swallowing the pills whole.

Natasha half-smiled. "Sorry, just Advil."

"Damn," Clint muttered and rubbed his face. He sighed and glanced over at the rest of the team at the other end of the loading bay they were all in. "I really dropped the ball on this one."

Natasha gave a little shrug. "It's Tony Stark, he got the drop on me a couple of times as well."

Clint looked back at her and almost smiled. "That makes me feel a little better if he can pull a fast one on you." He looked at her closely, tempted to ask how she was feeling but knew Natasha wouldn't be appreciative of his concern, certainly not just before a mission. It was so hard for Clint to make himself believe that this vibrant, beautiful woman could be facing down death and he felt his stomach turn over with anxiety at just the thought of it. He cleared his throat, trying to get a handle on his emotions. "What did you get up to tonight, seeing as you're the only one smart enough to stay clear of the club disaster?"

Natasha hesitated briefly. "I had dinner with a friend."

Clint kept his expression carefully neutral even as he felt flare of jealousy. "Anyone I know?"

"Yes."

Her reply was unhelpful and Natasha didn't seem to want to elaborate on the issue. Clint opened his mouth to pursue the matter when a debate at the other end of the plane became more heated.

"I'm telling you, Bruce, you'll be fine," said an agitated Tony. "Why do we have to go through this before every mission?"

"A hung over Hulk shouldn't be let loose on our nation's capital," said Bruce forcefully. "It's just madness."

"The Hulk can smash these things faster than they can re-form," Tony argued. "We need him."

Steve didn't seem so sure. "Maybe Bruce should sit this one out. We don't know what kind of effect those roofied strawberries might have on him."

"He'll be fine," Tony insisted. "I've watched the Hulk eat lamp posts. I few bits of fruit aren't going to be the end of him."

"How can you be so sure?" Steve argued.

"Because I'm a genius," said Tony sweetly. "Unlike you, who doesn't even know when he's dancing with a guy."

Steve screwed up his face. "What are you talking about?"

"That tall blonde in the tight black dress," Tony informed him with relish, "well, she was a he."

Steve snorted in disbelief. "Oh come on, as if I'm going to believe Raquel was a man. How stupid do you think I am, Stark?"

"Do you really want me to answer that?"

"For one thing she had long hair," Steve declared.

Thor arched an eyebrow. "What is thoust implying, Steve Rogers?"

Steve made an impatient noise. "Alright, fine, she also had-" he faltered, "you know-". Steve cupped his hands in front of his chest.

Clint couldn't help himself. "Hands?" he offered up straight-faced.

"No," said Steve and threw and embarrassed look at Natasha, obviously not wanting to say the word in front of her.

"Breasts?" she supplied anyway.

Steve's face reddened. "Yes," he muttered, "Raquel had, um, ah, them."

"Raquel, or as she no doubt used to be known, Robert, has implants," Tony corrected him.

"Implants?" asked Steve, looking confused.

"Silicon or saline implants which can enhance your breasts," Natasha clarified and then rolled her eyes as all the men couldn't help but look at hers. "They're real," she informed them without any hint of self-consciousness.

Steve was looking positively shocked now. "You can do that in this century?"

"You can get just about anything enhanced nowadays," agreed Bruce.

"So, that really was a guy I was dancing with?" asked Steve faintly.

Tony pursed his lips. "Let's just say that you could call your dance partner a woman just as much as you could call what you were doing out there dancing."

"Oh my God," said Steve unevenly, sinking down on the seat and looking a little dazed. "I can't even tell the men from the women in this stupid era."

"Hey, don't sweat it, Frostie," said Tony jovially. "We've all shaken our groove thing with members of the same sex before today." He took in the way everyone was just looking at him. "Oh, okay, so it's just me. Okay, good to know."

Fury stepped out of the cockpit. "We're over the drop zone," he announced. "Avengers, are you ready?" He pulled on the side door, opening it up to reveal the fight going on below. "Time for you to show me you were a complete waste of my time and energy for the last ten years."

"Nice pep talk, couch," said Tony mockingly.

Bruce stood up and walked over to the door, looking down at the fight raging below just as Tony bent down to check on a mechanism in his armoured foot. His backside connected with Bruce and pushed the unsuspecting Bruce out of the plane.

"SON OF A BIIITTCCCHHH!"

Tony quickly straightened up and turned around, screwing his face up as he looked out the door to see Bruce plummeting to the earth below. "Okay," said Tony hastily, "you all saw that, right? It was an accident."

"Unbelievable," said Fury flatly.

Steve rolled his eyes. "Earth's mightiest heroes," he said sarcastically. "We may as well be billed as the Three Stooges and be done with it."

"Our number is six, Steve Rogers," Thor corrected him, "not three."

Steve gave Tony a pointed look. "I'm thinking that depends on who Tony throws from the plane next."

Tony pulled a face. "Guess I'm not going to live that one down in a hurry."

Clint picked up his bow. "If the Hulk has anything to do with it, you might not live at all."

Tony looked him over. "You're not peppy in the mornings, are you?"

"I'm going to need a lift," declared Natasha and without waiting for anyone to offer, she simply strode over to the open door and dived out the plane.

Thor quickly reacted. "I believe the Black Widow may be in need of my assistance," he said before leaping out of the plane as well, hammer already twirling.

Tony looked between Steve and Clint. "Okay, boys, hold on tight." He grabbed both men and all three threw themselves from the plane, petty squabbles forgotten as they headed into battle...

A/N: Okay, so everyone concerned with me fiddling with Cap's mythology with having him get drunk (quite rightfully so, I might add), does this explanation make sense? ;) Tony had his guys whip up a batch of genetically modified strawberries which affect a person's brain function ie. He roofied them. LOL I knew I'd need more than just mere alcohol to bring down the Avengers. ;)