Chapter Nine-Tara's Choice

June 2006

The next morning Buffy awoke with her ribs feeling better to the smell of pancakes wafting from the kitchen.

She started to get up just as Isobel appeared with a cup of orange juice. "Mama said to drink this and stay on the couch. She will bring you pancakes. I've already had mine. Your face looks funny Aunt Buffy. Are you Ok?"

"Yes munchkin. I'll be fine. Thanks for the OJ. You have preschool today? " Buffy asked.

"Yes, Mama asked Uncle Xander to take me to school today so she could stay with you."

Tara walked in setting a tray with breakfast on the coffee table. "Uncle Xander is here sweetie. Go get your backpack."

Tara turned to Xander, "Thanks for the drop off. Buffy got hurt last night and hasn't told me what happened yet."

As Isobel reappeared, Xander looked at both ladies, "You'll fill me in later, right?" After both nodded yes, he turned to Isobel, "Let's go, my favorite niece."

"I'm your only niece, Uncle Xander!" Isobel laughed. With a quick hug and kiss for her Mama and Buffy, she was out the door with Xander in tow.

"Ok, eat; I'm going to get coffee for both of us." Tara directed at Buffy.

"Tara, on your way back could you get my Jacket? I need something from it." Tara looked at her and nodded.

After breakfast and settled in with coffee, Buffy sighed and looked at her leather jacket lying beside her on the couch. "Tara, the simple part of the story is I got attacked by multiple demons and vamps last night. Something is going on, and I need your help to research it."

Tara sipped her coffee and waited for Buffy to continue. "The complicated part involves the person you heard me talking to last night. Tara, I came as close to really being bitten by a vampire as I have in years."

With this revelation, Tara sat up. "Buffy, you have to let me help you. You can't carry patrol by yourself all of the time. I don't know what I would do if you. . .well and Isobel. I can't even think about it."

Buffy waited a moment before continuing. "I actually did get some help last night. From an unexpected source. And so that I can come completely clean, it wasn't the first time. Try not to be too angry with me. I truly didn't know what to do. But after last night, well you need to know."

Tara looked puzzled as Buffy pulled the envelope from her jacket. "I haven't read it. It's for you, from Willow."

Tara's head flew up in shock, "What?"

Buffy winced as she tried to stave off the anger flowing toward her. "Tara, she found me in a cemetery a few weeks ago. I told her to stay away. She approached me again a couple weeks ago and asked me to give you this letter. I hadn't decided what to do yet. Then last night she saved my life and helped me back here. I told her I would give you this, but that is all. No promises." She held out the envelope timidly.

Tara took it from her with shaking hands. "How could you have not told me? We need to find out what she is doing here. I can increase the protection spell. Oh, goddess, Isobel. She's not safe" Tara began to pace as she spoke, "What has she said Buffy? Why is she here?"

Buffy waited until the pacing slowed, "She told me she doesn't have any place else to go, that this is her home."

Tara looked at her incredulous. "And you think it's that simple?"

The Slayer shrugged. "Tara, she's different. Don't get me wrong, I don't trust her completely, but I think she's been through a lot. And she is a really good fighter. She took out a tough vamp and demon with no trouble."

"With magick?" Tara asked.

"Yes," Buffy replied, "But no dark eyes, no black hair. She used this blue light against the demon."

"Blue light," Tara verified, "like a blue-white color?"

"Yeah. Like ice color." Buffy nodded her agreement.

Tara looked at the letter gripped in her hand. With a heavy sigh, she sat cross-legged on the floor and opened the envelope. The short letter on its single sheet of plain paper only took a minute for Tara to read. She read through it twice and handed it to Buffy.

Dear Tara;

I've started this letter a thousand times. Each time inadequate in every way. How do you apologize to the person you love more than life and have hurt more than you thought yourself capable of. Simply might be a good start. I'm sorry. From deep in my soul I am sorry.

You are an amazing woman. You gave me more love and honesty than any one person deserves. And I returned your openness with pain and deceit. You tried to tell me, to show me, but my arrogance mistook your light for weakness. I let myself follow a dark path in search of power and hurt everyone who cared about me.

I don't want to cause you more distress now. I just want to make myself available to give you any information you need, answer any questions.

Don't be surprised however if I can't resist the opportunity to apologize profusely and repetitively if given the chance to do so in person. You deserve that.

I don't expect forgiveness. In fact I have no expectations. Just know I won't lie to you, no matter the subject. I want nothing more than for you to be happy, Tara. You are more deserving of happiness than anyone I have ever known. I will meet under any conditions you set if you are willing.

The choice is entirely yours.

Willow

After Buffy finished reading, she found Tara standing looking out the front window. "What do you want to do?"

Tara replied without turning, "It's so much to think about all at once. But I probably will want to see her. She does owe me some answers. I also need to protect my daughter. "

After a few minutes Tara turned to Buffy. "Yes, I do want to see her, there is something she needs to do for me."

Buffy felt a shiver at the cold tone in Tara's voice, one she had never heard before. "I need to do some research. Since you've agreed to be her messenger, tell her we will meet her on Friday. I want it during the day, in a public place. And tell her if I sense her casting anything she will regret it."

Friday came and Buffy and Tara found themselves seated at a table outside the Espresso Pump. Willow showed up right on time and Buffy gave up her seat.

"I'll be right over there if you need me." Buffy indicated a table close to the door.

Tara nodded and steeled herself before looking up at Willow. "Sit." She stated.

Willow did as directed and as she placed her hands on the small outdoor table she found them to be trembling. "Thank you for seeing me Tara."

Tara held up her hand, halting Willow immediately. "I have a few questions, and then a request. You indicated you would answer me truthfully."

Willow started to answer, but just nodded instead.

"Ok. First, what happened that night in my dorm room with Rack. "

Willow steeled herself and took and deep breath. "Rack was from another dimension. He used magick to have himself reborn each generation with an accelerated maturation to adulthood. He needed a witch, with purity, to accomplish the spell. Obviously I didn't qualify. He found out about you by searching my memories. "

The redheaded witch looked down at her folded hands, "He had already started the spell when I was able to acquire enough power to try to stop him. He was too far along for me to prevent what was happening completely, so I substituted my power and essence. Then I banished him back to his home dimension, a place called Khul. I was too drained to stop him from punishing me by dragging me through the portal with him. I know what happened was my fault and the substitution was not exactly consensual, but I thought it would be better than. . ."

That was as far as Willow got before Tara interrupted her again. "I understand. Is my daughter in any danger? From Rack or from you?"

Willow looked at Tara with surprise. "No. Rack will not be back. He was taken captive back in Khul. As for me, I could never hurt Isobel, I. . . "

"Stop." Tara spoke loudly. "You do not get to say her name. "

Willow paused and really looked at Tara. She was more beautiful than ever, but her eyes looked truly scared. Willow waited, looking at her hands on the table again, fidgeting in her seat.

"She is my daughter too, right? Tara, I really need to know."

Tara was staring down at her lap for a minute saying nothing. She finally answered, "She has half of your genetics, but she is my daughter." Taking a folded paper from her pocket she handed it to Willow. "I want you to do this spell. I need to make sure my daughter is safe, and this is the best way I can think of."

Willow took the paper from her, unfolded it and started to read. As she read, her hands began to tremble. By the time she finished reading the spell it was as if all the strength had left her body and she simply slumped to her knees on the sidewalk next to the table.

She looked up at Tara with tears streaming down her face. "You want me to do this spell? You wrote this for me?"

For the first time Tara's eyes flickered with doubt.

"Tara, I'm sorry. I know it's completely inadequate, but I don't know what else to say. I never wanted to hurt you. But this?" she raised the paper limply in her hand.

Willow found her mouth was just opening and closing without words. She paused and tried to collect herself. "Tell me this is what you want. Look me in the eye and say you want me to cast this spell and I will do it." She waited as tears continued unabated.

Tara looked at the redheaded witch kneeling in front of her, green eyes bright with tears, and a wave of guilt swept over her at what she was asking.

Then she thought back to all the times she had forgiven Willow only to be hurt again. "If it were only me, I might be able to take yet another chance Willow. But I can't take any chances with my daughter. So yes, I-I-I want you to do this spell." Tara tried to state her case as strongly as she could, but simply looking at the devastation that was unfolding before caused her voice to come out as a loud whisper.

Buffy had been quietly watching the scene with growing discomfort and finally decided she needed to approach when Willow began to sob, still on her knees.

"Buffy, we can go now." Tara stood as Buffy neared the table.

The blond witch needed to get away from here. She had been so sure she was doing what was right. She had steeled herself to confront the last Willow she had known, the arrogant Dark Magick witch who thought she always knew what was best and hurt people with her actions. But seeing this Willow with her own eyes, and the hurt and sorrow she had just caused, she was filled with doubt. What if this was a mistake? What if her former lover had truly changed?

As they turned to leave, Willow croaked out, "I can't do the spell as you wrote it, it would require dark magick."

Tara spun back, "Why would that be a problem?"

Willow picked herself up and sat on the chair again. "You may not understand, or care, but believe me when I say I cannot do dark magick. I will need to rewrite the spell and gather some ingredients. It will take some time, but because you asked it of me, I will do it."

Tara seemed to pause for a moment, as if she wanted to say something, but didn't. Willow kept her head down until she sensed Buffy take Tara's arm and lead her away.

After she was alone, Willow wandered into a nearby park and found herself sitting at the edge of a small pond. For a first meeting with Tara, that couldn't have gone more disastrously, she thought. She hadn't really expected hugs and kisses, in fact she had anticipated anger and accusations. Those emotions she was prepared for and deserved. What Tara was asking of her, well, she thought, maybe I should have just stayed in Khul.