AN-Thanks for all the kind and helpful reviews! They really are motivational. And some of you are just too smart for your own good! This chapter is for all of you who wanted to know what happened during the many years Willow was gone.
Life, Love and Magick in Khul
"Let the Council of the Light come to order" bellowed the Chairman. His voice, although exceptionally loud, still failed to fill the ancient hall used by the governing body of the Light of Khul. To his right at the expansive head table sat Maxwiel Morton, leader of the house Morton and Headmaster of Rozan, School of the Light. To his left sat Esther Colonade, head of house Colonade and First Lady of Light Magick.
While Esther found the Chairman loud and pretentious, she was still glad for his large personage blocking her view of Max Morton. Her family and the Mortons had differed in their view of the proper training in and use of Light Magick for generations, but Maxwiel had taken a difference in 'perspective' and had turned it into outright opposition for everything she stood for, earning him a special place of distrust and disgust in her heart.
While the Colonades lived and taught their children the core values of the Light and believed mastering those values to be a lifetime achievement, the Mortons had a philosophy of using Light Magick to further their own agenda. Maxwiel was the product of this philosophy and had achieved the prominent position of Headmaster, giving him authority over all manner of formal education of the Light.
Esther feared for future generations with the curriculum changes she had been hearing about at the higher level school. Students were engaging in discussions of the use of Dark Magick, with supposed emphasis on the negative outcomes of such use. She had heard in reality, the discussions were peaking the interest of students to know more about the sources of Dark Magick, a dangerous avenue of inquiry for any of the Light.
Somehow he had also manipulated his position into 'monitoring and teaching' the Dark Magick witch who had made an interdimensional jump and found herself on Khul.
As the meeting proceeding through droll discussions and mundane administrative matters, Esther again questioned the wisdom of inquiring about the witch. But her daughter, Elena, a Lieutenant in the Light Army, had been the one to find the witch in the Dark prison and felt a sense of responsibility for her being brought to the Light Capital under Morton's guard.
Esther was also concerned that she had been unable to find out anything about the status of the witch using normal diplomatic channels and felt that Maxwiel was behind the secrecy. It had been nearly two years since she had been brought here and all Esther could verify was that she was in fact still alive.
"Does any member of the council wish to bring up an item of new business?" the Chairman was asking, bringing Esther out of her internal deliberations.
"Yes. As the head of house Colonade and a representative of the Light, I request an audience with the Dark Magick witch currently undergoing re-education with the Headmaster of Rozan. As the council is aware, my daughter is the officer who discovered the witch. We would like to see the progress she has made under the instruction of Mr. Morton."
"Mr. Morton, your response?" the Chairman intoned.
"Thank you." Maxwiel began. "While I am honored by the trust and interest shown by our First Lady of Light, I am sad to report the Dark Witch is in no condition for an audience at this time. Her training is at a critical juncture, and I am sure you would not want to jeopardize her slow progress to date by introducing another element. I look forward to the time when she can be readied for normal life as a member of the Light, but I fear she has far to go."
Maxwiel looked over the council sadly, seeing several nods from members who supported his house and position.
The Chairman waited for further discussion, "Well then, to be reconsidered at a future date. Session adjourned."
Esther returned home to find her daughter waiting in the study.
"Well? Are we going to be able to see her?"
"Elena, we knew bringing her up with the council held risk. I'm afraid we may have made things worse. Maxwiel Morton knows we are curious now and found a way to deny our request. He will make things more difficult."
"Mother, don't you sense it though? Something is really wrong with him. He was always a petty man, but now he seems angry, disturbed. And I think it has to do with the witch. We can't leave her there."
Esther knew her daughter was right. "What do you propose we do?"
"I have an idea, if we move fast." Elena smiled.
The hardest part of the escape plan turned out to be getting the witch through the throngs of students hurrying between classes without notice. One of the guards had been bribed handsomely to provide the key and access to her cell. Luckily, loyalty to Maxwiel did not extend as far as generous cash payments.
Elena had to half carry the prisoner and that had thrown off the careful timing that had them leaving the grounds before classes began. Her mother had placed a powerful masking spell on them, but it did not carry over to the witch. They had thrown a dark cloak on her and were moving as fast as they could, but Elena was certain they would be discovered before reaching the vehicle waiting at the side gate. Apparently, Maxwiel's secrecy meant few on the grounds even knew of the witch's confinement in their midst. That worked to their advantage as they simply walked with authority to a side entrance and left.
Elena was barely restraining her anger at the condition in which she found the Dark Witch. Once they were securely away and headed for the remote cabin her family owned in the hills, she allowed herself to take in fully what she was seeing. The witch was malnourished, filthy, and babbling to herself in gibberish. She appeared to be somewhat insane.
But her real fury was for the damage done by the magickal binders. The binders were only intended to be a temporary measure, half safety, half punishment. But from the look of the redhead's arms, she had been subjected to them countless times. The scarring patterned her forearms like a waterfall, with newer marks layered on top of old.
With the binders off, Elena knew she was at risk of attack. The cabin had been secured with a shield as well as masking spell, but anyone inside would have to defend themselves if the witch lashed out with dark magick.
Based on what she was seeing, she thought this young woman might be justified in attacking anyone she thought was associated with those who had done this to her. It had been almost two years since that night in the Dark prison, but Elena could still see the slim witch, crawling to the bars between the cells and reaching out, trying to help, despite her own desperate situation. Looking at the damaged prisoner before her, she only hoped it was not too late to return the favor.
They arrived at the cabin and settled the witch into a room. Elena helped her into clean clothes and brought her some water.
"You are safe here. Rest."
Willow tried to focus on the young woman speaking to her, "Who are you?"
"Elena. Elena Colonade. You are at a cabin owned by my family. No one will hurt you here. Could I ask, what is your name?"
"Willow."
Elena did not know what the word meant, but she thought it a beautiful name. That was also the last Elena heard from her for the next several days as she slept off her exhaustion.
Willow's slow rise to conciousness at the cabin came as if underwater. Sounds were muffled and hard to comprehend. Her movements were slow and her limbs didn't seem to function properly. Her vision seemed blurred. It took time, but she rose toward the surface and things began to clear.
She found the one who was calling her from the depths, Elena. She had delivered Willow from Hell and saved her. For months, Willow pieced together her shattered mind as her body was nourished and healed. And always Elena was there. Short dark hair and soft, sad brown eyes, she listened as the redhead replayed her life trying to find what had been taken from her mind and what remained.
The first dark spell the witch could recall casting was Buffy's resurrection. She didn't know how many she had done before, but the ones she remember doing after were enough for her to know she wanted no part of going back to using dark magick.
The two women would take long walks through the evergreens that populated the rocky hills surrounding the cabin. Elena talked to Willow about her family and the Light Magick that was an integral part of their lives. She taught the redhead the history of her people and demonstrated how Light Magick was used in combat against the Dark soldiers.
For days and weeks at a time the two women were alone at the cabin. Perhaps because of her mental introspection, Willow didn't see the obvious feelings Elena was developing for her. At first, Willow simply needed physical care. She needed help with feeding and bathing herself while her arms healed and she regained her strength.
Later, Elena became confidant and confessor. Willow told her everything that had happened to her on the Hellmouth. She told her new friend what she had done in her past and tried to express the depth of her regret. Elena listened without judgment saying she could not imagine having the temptation of Dark Magick always present.
Several months later her mother, Esther, arrived at the cabin to meet their guest. She had stayed in the city to deflect attention away from her family's involvement in the escape.
She informed Willow that the man she had known only as 'Teacher' was in fact Maxwiel Morton. He had been furious at her disappearance and had called for an investigation. However, word of her condition and treatment at Rozan had filtered back to the Council and he had quietly dropped his demand for her return.
This allowed Esther to formally invite the the young woman to stay at her family compound.
"Willow." Esther stated firmly. "There is one matter that must be addressed before you can enter my family home. You know the Light are unable to access Dark Magick sources in any way."
Willow nodded her understanding.
"Do you know how that happens?"
"I thought it a matter of choice that you each make as you enter adulthood and training. That is what Elena has explained," she answered, slightly confused.
"That is true Willow. But our choice also requires us to undergo a unique binding before we begin Light Magick training."
As she spoke, Esther turned away and dropped the shoulder straps of the dress she was wearing, baring her back. There, in three vertical lines running from the top to bottom of her back were a series of tattooed runes. The scroll pattern was beautiful and intricate.
Willow looked over at Elena and she stood, also turning and raised her shirt enough to see the same pattern on her back.
As they took in the confusion in Willow's knitted brow, Esther came and sat down next to her.
"How do you feel about your magick?" The first Lady of the Light asked kindly.
The redhead could only look at her hands clasped tightly in her lap as she responded, "I've done good things sometimes, helped people. But I've hurt people too, with the dark magick. People I loved. I never want to do that again. Can you help me?"
Esther smiled gently. "I think I can. But it has to be your choice. You have to want the binding. It is a long process. The tattoo scrolls are done in phases as you complete training over two years. But the first rune is the permanent binding of your access to dark magick sources, forever. You cannot start the training without it, nor can you enter my compound. Of course you are welcome to stay here until you decide. If you decide against the binding you can remain here as our guest as long as you like."
Esther stood and sighed. "Your free will is paramount Willow. We would never force this on you. It is what Maxwiel Morton should have offered you from the beginning."
Willow looked at her with a stunned grin on her face. "So you are offering to take me in, teach me the most amazing Light Magick I have ever imagined and bind my ability to access the magick that has caused me to hurt those I care about."
As Esther nodded, Willow asked "Why?"
Esther paused for a moment and asked Elena to step out leaving them alone. "I won't deny that part of my motivation is guilt at how you have been treated by my people." She strode to the large picture window and gazed out at the dim landscape.
"But that is only a part. As the First Lady of Light, I sense you need this training Willow. For things to come. I don't see the future as an oracle would, but I feel a change in my Magick. An undercurrent has developed which has me unsettled. I do not believe your arrival here is completely random."
Her eyes refocused and turned to Willow again. "It won't be easy. You have power, but lack control. Don't start if you're not ready, it is the commitment of a lifetime."
It took Willow five steps to find herself in front of the Lady of the Light, dropping to one knee. "Thank you. Thank you for this chance. Your offer is more than I could have ever hoped for or deserve. I am ready."
"You settled in?" Elena peeked her head in the door of Willow's new room at the compound. They had returned from the cabin to the compound after the placement of the first tattoo on Willow's back.
"I guess. I'm a little nervous. This place is huge." Willow chewed her bottom lip lightly.
The Colonade compound was like a small city at the outskirts of the Light Capital. The central mansion was hundreds of years old with the expected expansions and renovations that come with such age. Surrounding buildings included temples and trainee barracks, where Willow was now housed.
"I'll show you around after lunch if you want." Elena offered softly.
"Of course, who else would I want to hang with but my best friend in this whole world!" Willow laughed until she saw Elena's downcast expression.
"What's wrong?"
"Willow, you start training tomorrow. I'm an officer in the Light Army. And I've been recalled to duty now that I'm back. We won't be able to spend much time together."
"Oh." Willow sat down on the edge of her bunk. "I never thought about that. I can't imagine not having you around. Now this is even more scary."
"You can do this Willow. You don't need me." Elena sighed.
"Don't say that Elena. You have been amazing. A great friend. I don't know how I can repay you for what you have done for me."
"You don't need to. I care about you Willow, very much." She turned and brushed a few stray locks from the redhead's face before she suddenly headed for the door. Looking back she added, "Just do your best, I'll be checking up on you."
Willow gave her a sharp salute with a grin." "Yes ma'am."
The two years of training did go quickly. Willow found focusing on Light Magick proficiency provided a blissful weariness that allowed her to sleep, most nights. When she couldn't sleep she worked on a variety of computer programs that incorporated knowledge from both dimensions she had called home.
The first year was primarily classroom instruction in history and philosophy with meditation and focus sessions with Esther. The book material was completely in her academic wheelhouse and she passed her written examinations easily.
The meditations progressed more slowly. Often she would find herself reaching a calm place and her mind would flash to events from her past in Sunnydale or her time with 'Teacher'. Esther would reassure her and have her re-focus and eventually she could allow her memories to wash over her without complete disruption.
The second year covered the basics of Light Magick combat. She learned to request and access Magick from natural sources and channel using her innate power with added focus. Many of the Light would further train for specific positions in the Light Army, but all spent at least the one year learning the basics of combat. After learning how to cast basic defensive shields, the training progressed to offensive attacks.
Each trainee found within themselves what shape and form their own magick took as weapons. For some it was spears of light or fireballs. Willow was slightly surprised to find her magick formed into blue-white balls and bolts with incredible power. If she concentrated she could create fire or light, but her instinctual magick came without thought and was therefore the most effective in a quick acting battle situation. She would often spend extra hours on the training range perfecting her speed and accuracy.
Elena returned to celebrate the completion of Willow's training and the receipt of her final tattoos. They had seen each other sporadically over the two years, mostly on holidays that Willow always spent with Esther's family.
"You're a full member of the Light now Willow." Elena smiled. "Do you have plans?"
"My only plan now is to survive how much I ate at that amazing dinner. Do you want to take a walk, maybe the gardens?" Willow asked.
The two walked in comfortable silence enjoying the fragrance of the flowers that Willow still could not identify fully in this world.
"Your mother has graciously offered me a job computer programming full-time for the Light. I could stay here at the compound." Willow offered into the ever-present twilight.
"Will, that is great! I wasn't sure how to broach the subject, but I have been transferred back to the city as an instructor."
Elena nervously turned to face Willow, taking both of her hands. "I would be living back here at the compound as well. We could spend as much time together as we wanted. You have no restrictions now, and I don't either."
Willow looked at the other woman seeing her trim figure in a casual sweater and cargo pants, her soft brown eyes facing down at their joined hands. This amazing woman who had braved so much for her and had asked for nothing in return.
Elena's face rose and their eyes met and Willow could see love and passion clearly, without the self-censorship that had always existed before. Elena released one hand and brought it to Willow's cheek, caressing softly.
"You are so beautiful," Elena breathed out as she reached her hand to the back of Willow's head and moved to lightly press their lips together.
Thoughts whirled through Willow's mind as the soft kiss continued. She knew, had probably always known at some level that Elena had feelings for her. It had been easy to set aside those thoughts during the training and Elena's absence.
Willow had to ask herself how she really felt. My life is in Khul now, with no hope of going back. Right in front of me is an attractive woman who has feelings for me, wants me in her life, and has been my best friend for over three years. A woman who literally rescued me from a prison cell and helped me to heal.
Willow leaned in, testing her kiss with Elena and felt the other woman bringing their bodies together. For a moment, Willow tried to lose herself in the kiss.
Then she opened her eyes. Not Tara. Not Tara. The words reverberated through her mind before trailing a line of fire to her heart and soul. She stepped back feeling as if she had been punched in the gut.
"Elena, I need time. This is unexpected." Willow nearly stumbled as her hand sought out anything to keep her from falling and found a short dividing wall to sit on.
"That's fine. I just needed you to know. I've waited a long time to do this Willow, I can wait for you. Can I walk you back?"
Willow composed herself quickly and nodded. "That would be nice. You always have been good to me haven't you?"
Elena smiled and held out a hand for Willow, helping her up from the wall before they strolled from the garden both in their own quiet contemplation.
After a restless night Willow found herself on the city streets early. She had so many mixed emotions about the events of the previous evening. The logical side of her reviewed the facts and found a relationship with Elena a rewarding prospect. She offered companionship, comfort, probably love, and certainly sex, an activity distinctly lacking from her life.
Logic dictated this was her home now and she should commit to being here. She was a fully-recognized member of the Light society. She was trained, employed, had a respected and admired mentor in Esther Colonade and a second family living at the compound. She didn't need to spend her life alone.
But each time she finished her review of the facts, her heart felt heavy. Facts and logic paled in the face of the images that would flash into her mind of her beautiful blond witch. She knew her feelings for Elena would never hold a candle to those for her soulmate.
In fact, her feelings for Elena were probably closer to those she held for Buffy, admiration, devotion and love like a sister. She just couldn't face telling Elena the truth when all that she held in her heart was lost to her forever in another dimension.
She was headed to a shop a few blocks from the compound that sold the closest approximation of a Mocha she could find in Khul. She had to laugh to herself imaging the absurdity of her dilemma. Who has to worry about a lack of a sweet coffee drink as a reason to avoid interdimensional travel?
Two blocks from the shop, she realized she should have been paying more attention to her surroundings when with a shove she found herself sandwiched between two thugs in a rather dark alley. Starting an escape incantation she found she could not speak as another man entered the alley.
"Shhhh dark one. No need for magick here, I just want to talk to you."
The sound of the man's words found her ears and Willow felt her legs go weak. Teacher.
"It's been a long time. Did you think I had forgotten you? Forgotten your abrupt rejection of my hospitality?" He hissed as he reached her, grabbing her arm and pushing up the long sleeve of her shirt to reveal her scarred forearm. "I see you carry a reminder of our time together."
This time he smiled. "I know you have undergone the block and training, so your darkness is lost to me for now. Although perhaps someday the tattoos will not retain such permanence. What do you think?" he asked as he waved his hand removing the vocal block.
"What do you want?" Willow showed as much defiance as she could muster.
"You cost me, dark one. You are a stain on my career, and set back many of my plans significantly. You owe me for these transgressions."
Willow laughed in disbelief. "I owe you nothing. What could you possibly think I owe you? You tortured me, took my memories, destroyed parts of my mind. "
"Oh, there is always a way to provide compensation. Perhaps your friends could be persuaded. The dark haired Army officer for instance, the young Colonade."
Willow surged at him, "Leave her out of this."
Now he laughed and strode a few paces further into the alley. "In your absence I was forced to adapt. It cost me substantial funds but I was able to acquire your dark companion to continue my studies."
Maxwiel turned to study Willow's reaction. "Rack? You brought him here? Why?"
"He is proving most educational on various aspects of dark magick. He also has been most enlightening about you and the events that precipitated your rather sudden arrival here."
Willow's head dropped and she studied the filth of the alley at her feet. "What difference does that make, I can't go back, you said so yourself."
Now his laugh rang out, reverberating off of the brick walls of the narrow space.
"Oh dark one, don't tell me you believed me? How deliciously naive. I only told you I had no intention of allowing you to go back. And I still don't. There may come a time I need your help, some information about your former home. And if you care about people here, you will assist me. I'll be keeping an eye on you, Willow Rosenberg."
With that he and his cronies were gone from the alley leaving Willow stunned.
When she found her legs would move she started at a walk, followed quickly by a run to the great central library of the city. As a full member of the Light she now had access to even the restricted areas of the massive archives. Several hours later she was armed with a stack of tomes on interdimensional travel as she approached Esther's study at the compound.
With a soft knock she was granted access.
"Willow, what a pleasure. What can I do for you?" Esther's smile started to fade as she saw the hurt displayed on Willow's face. The redhead set the stack of books on her desk with a loud thump.
"Did you know? Did you know that it was possible for me to go home?"
Esther slumped slightly back in her chair. "I knew it was theoretically possible, yes. But it is difficult and dangerous, and your return to the same dimension is not assured. After your descriptions of your departure from Sunnydale, I didn't think you would want to go back."
Willow clenched her hands at her sides. "That was not your decision to make."
The redhead paced for a minute in front of the desk, calming her emotions. "I owe you so much. You saved me, took me in, mentored me. How could you keep this from me?"
Esther rose from her chair and came around to where the younger woman stood. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to see you in any more pain, you suffered so much," she said, taking Willow into an embrace. "And part of it was selfish. I knew what it would do to my daughter if you left. Willow it would break her heart."
Esther held Willow at arm's length and looked into her eyes. "You know that right?"
Willow could only sigh deeply. "Yes I know."
Esther scanned her expression and found the answer to her other question. "But you don't feel the same way."
Willow looked up with tears in her eyes, "I love Elena, but not like that."
Esther paused for a moment before hugging Willow again. "Then let's get you home. You'll need training, and help." Esther looked over the books Willow had brought from the library. "Start with these two and I will see about the other items you will need to acquire. It will take time, possibly years."
"Thank you. And I'm sorry, but I have to try." Willow stated softly. "I wish things could be different."
A knock at the door announced her next appointment and Esther moved to resume her seat. "I do too Willow. But some part of me has always known you might need to return home. And Willow, you need to tell her."
Willow nodded slowly. "I will. I owe her that."
Esther had been accurate in her time estimate. It took Willow almost three more years before she was prepared to make her attempt to return to Sunnydale. She had continued to train and work as she researched and gathered the items she would need to open the portal using only Light Magick. The most difficult aspect turned out to be finding an optimal location. The previous portal had opened in Dark territory and she would never be able to track to the exact spot, let alone obtain access from the Dark to enter. Several month long scouting trips to sacred areas finally disclosed a remote location that was the best available.
Willow had packed the few items she planned to carry and had given away her remaining belongings to several acquaintances she had made over the years. She had asked Esther if she would be available for dinner the night before she was to leave and her mentor had insisted she come to the house for her last meal at the compound.
When Willow arrived she was pleased and slightly ashamed to see Elena was joining them. Their relationship had been strained since Willow disclosed that she did not love Elena 'that way'. Tears had been shed by both women for the loss of their previous closeness and Elena had asked for an early transfer to another duty station away from the city saying it was too hard to be near Willow knowing what could never be.
For her part, Willow felt incredibly guilty for not being able to reciprocate Elena's feelings, but her heart was simply not available. She had given it away to a shy beautiful blond, and it was Tara's to keep forever.
The dinner menu included the best Khul had to offer with several of Willow's adopted favorites. Esther kept the conversation light and excused herself after giving Willow a long hug and wishing her well, leaving the two young women alone.
"Thank you for coming Elena. I know it's selfish, but I was really hoping to see you again before I left."
"In the end, I just had to see you too," Elena responded.
"I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy. You deserve someone who can love you without reservation, and for all the reasons you know, that cannot be me."
"Willow, I came home to tell you I understand. If I had the chance to be with the woman I love and all it took was opening a portal into another dimension, well, I'd take that risk," Elena smirked.
"Let's hope it doesn't take that level of crazy for you!" Willow laughed. "You've been the best friend anyone could ask for and I'll never forget you. I wish you all the best the Goddess can provide."
With that they embraced tightly. Elena finally stepped back with tears in her eyes and turned to leave.
"I hope you find your way home Willow Rosenberg."