The Mistake – Part 5 – Blind Devotion

"No," Kahlan tried desperately to pull her hand away, but Richard was too strong. He kept it latched to his throat, his eyes pleading with her. "Richard… please? I cannot confess you… I love you."

Yes, it was true. Despite everything, Kahlan still loved him. She could not help herself. He was Richard… her Richard. And even though he had slept with Nicci, she still craved his touch and his love. Hearing how he'd rather be a slave to her than be without her only made her heart ache all the more for him. But she could not confess him. Sure he had committed a crime against her, betrayed her, but it did not warrant taking away his soul. She loved him too much to do that.

However, Richard appeared to be deaf to her pleas. Tears formed in his eyes as he raised his hand and struck her. Kahlan cried from the sting, the reason behind the hit hurting more than the hit itself. She closed her eyes and focused on keeping her powers at bay. Richard openly sobbed as he continued to strike her with the back of his hand, she knew he was hating himself for doing it, and that he was only doing it to make her lose her concentration.

Kahlan cried along with him as he continued to strike her, each blow becoming harder.

"Confess me!" Richard shouted at her as he slapped her again. "Confess me!"

Kahlan wailed in panic as she felt her control beginning to weaken as her emotions consumed her thoughts. She was not angry with him for hitting her, because she knew he was only doing it to make her confess him. And it pained her that it was working. Her mind ran wild with thought and desires as her concentration slipped for just a second.

"NO!" she wailed, that was all it had needed. Her confessor powers were unleashed. She felt them surge up through her very core and roar towards her Richard. Kahlan cried as her eyes turned black and there was thunder without sound.

Kahlan wept like she had never done before as the exertion of confession caused her to slump forward. Her tears were hot and un-ending as she pulled her hand back from his throat. She felt neither joy or justice, only an emptiness where once her heart had been. Out of all the punishments that could have been inflicted on Richard for what he had done, confession had never been in her mind.

It was difficult and even a bit awkward to be around him, knowing what he had done, but Kahlan had silently hoped that they could somehow move pass this hurdle and continue where they had left off, even maybe eventually find a way pass her powers so they could truly be together. Now… now that was never going to happen.

She waited for what seemed like an eternity for those dreaded words: "Command me, Mistress." But they never came. Kahlan blinked, afraid she had done far worse than confess him. She'd never done it before, but she had heard that confessor powers could kill a man, if the confessor willed it. She had heard other confessors talk about how they confessed a man, and then told him to die, and he would then simply collapse dead at their feet.

Afraid that she had done that to her Richard, and finally having enough strength to move, Kahlan slipped off the bed and clutched for her boots. She found her daggers there and she pulled one out. Standing, she turned to look at what she had wrought. Richard was sitting there, alive… thank that spirits he was alive!

However, he was staring up at her with nothing but total absolute love in his eyes, as if she was the most important thing in the world. It was a kind of blind devotion she had seen many times, in all sorts of men, but it hurt the worse seeing it in the man she loved. She had confessed him and he was no longer her Richard. His soul was gone and there was only one way to return it.

Kahlan looked away from him, sobbing. She heard him move and was aware of him standing up from the bed. His strong arms wrapped around her and she felt terrible. Moments earlier the real Richard would never had done this, claiming that he was unworthy of her touch, of the warmth of her body. He was no longer Richard, just an empty husk of the man she had loved. But, still… before she released him for her curse, she could at least have one last kiss.

She turned to him, placing her hands on his chest and looked up into warm brown eyes that were devoted to her and her alone. "Richard…," she murmured softly, her lips trembling, the tears still flowing from her eyes. Kahlan held up the dagger and pointed it towards her breast. "Before I release you… kiss me."

"No," was his response, spoken in a calm and firm voice.

Kahlan blinked. What? How could he say no? How could he deny his mistress? She pounded his chest with her fist and ordered him to kiss her.

"No," he said again, and he clutched her fist in his hands and pulled the dagger from her other hand, tossing it aside. "I will not kiss you if it means you will stab yourself… I cannot lose you… not now, not ever."

Kahlan took a deep breath and looked up at him. "Richard?"

"Yes, Kahlan?" he smiled, his eyes twinkling.

"You're… you… you are not confessed?" she stammered out.

He shook his head and cupped her face in his hands. "No, my love," he whispered softly, his breath dancing across her lips. "I'm not confessed."

Kahlan gasped, confused and bewildered by the meaning of this. If Richard was not confessed, then that meant… Suddenly she felt his lips on hers and she closed her eyes, savoring the feel and warmth it generated in her chest. Her heart pounded fiercely, overwhelmed by the sheer thrill that Richard could not be confessed. She eased into him as his arms enveloped her.

The door banged open and Zedd came rushing in, a confused looking Cara not far behind. "NO!" he shouted and pulled them apart. He turned on Kahlan and grabbed her, tears running down his grey eyes. "Kahlan… how could you? How could you confess Richard!"

Kahlan gasped and tried to explain but the wizard would not hear it. "By the spirits, dear one, did you not think we could feel the confession? The thunder without sound…, spirits, the Seeker is now lost to us."

"No, he is not," Richard said, pulling Zedd away from Kahlan.

Zedd blinked, stunned and relieved. "But… but I sensed the release of her powers, my boy," Zedd protested. "And… and you were kissing her."

Richard rolled his eyes and huffed. "Of course I'd be kissing her, Zedd, I love her," he said, as if it was obvious.

"But… but…," Zedd stammered.

"I cannot be confessed!" Richard declared holding his arms up and smiling. "Do you hear me, Zedd. Kahlan cannot confess me."

"But she released her power?" Cara furrowed her brow, noticing Zedd was too baffled to speak. "How could you not be confessed?"

Zedd blinked. "Because he loves her," the wizard said, his eyes wide.

"Zedd?" Kahlan frowned. "You knew?"

The old wizard shook his head and took a deep breath. "Of course I knew—the knowledge was passed down through the Wizards of the First Order," he said. "I could not tell you the way it was possible. You had to find the way yourselves for it to work. I… I…," he looked at Richard. "I was just unsure at just how deeply Richard loved you. It had to be absolute… with no room for doubt that he loved you."

Cara frowned. "Why would you try and confess him?" She smirked and raised an eyebrow, eyeing Kahlan's undressed appearance. "Did he do something naughty?"

Kahlan blushed and Richard visibly paled, no doubt afraid the truth was going to come out. Before he could speak, Kahlan stepped passed Zedd and Cara. "We… we were kissing is all," Kahlan lied, stepping up next to he man she loved . "And I was about to lose my control, when I pushed back. Richard told me it was okay, that he believed I could not confess him. And… and I believed him."

Zedd smiled, oblivious to the fact that she was lying. Cara, though, seemed to sense the deception, but thankfully said nothing. Zedd hugged them, and smiled. "I am so happy for you two," he said. "If there were ever two people who deserved to be together, it is you two."

Cara narrowed her eyes and touched the wizard's shoulder. "Wizard," she said. "Why don't we go back down and finish dinner."

"Huh?" Zedd looked back at her, baffled by the knowing glare she was giving him. Then realization struck his face and he grinned. He turned back to Richard and Kahlan and winked. "Then we shall leave you two alone." He stepped back. "Come, Cara, let us give these two love birds some privacy."

Cara huffed, clearly amazed that Zedd could not have gotten the hint any easier and was now acting like it was all his idea. "Fine by me," she said. The Mord'Sith smirked at them, then left. Zedd gave them one last wink and grin, then left, closing the door behind him.

XXX

Richard thought they'd never leave. At least Cara could take a hint, but Zedd always seemed oblivious to when Richard wanted some alone time with his Confessor. He was a little peeved that Zedd had known the answer to how he and Kahlan could be together. If he had known before, then he would not have made his terrible mistake. He would have made love to his Kahlan a long time ago.

"Now what?" came Kahlan's voice.

Richard turned back to her and could not help but lose himself in her beauty. Seeing so much of her skin bare before him was making his chest heave with wanton desire. He had to remind himself to breath. What made it all the more difficult was that she made no move to cover herself. Every time she took a breath, her bosom would rise and fall and Richard could not help but stare.

Noticing his gaze, Kahlan smirked. "Like what you see?" she asked.

"Oh, yes, very much," Richard nodded.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm sure you'd like to see more."

He nodded. Then flushed in embarrassment and guilt. He turned away from her and racked his fingers through his hair. "Kahlan… you didn't have to lie for me," he said. "I'm guilty of a terrible offense again you… the truth should be known."

"What if I don't want it to be known?" Kahlan asked, stepping closer to him and placing a hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face her. "I never want them to know what really happened. I… I want that to remain a secret, Richard."

"But such a secret would only fester and cause our relat—"

She silenced him by placing her hands on his chest. "Your mistake is what is testing our relationship, Richard," Kahlan said. "The act of keeping it a secret will not change anything. What happened, happened. The question now is, what will you do?"

Richard shook his head, wanting to be punished for what he had done, but unable to retain control of such a morose mood with the love of his life so close and bare before him.

"I don't deserve you're love," he protested.

"Well, whether your worthy or not, you have it," Kahlan replied, smiling slightly. "And believe me, right now, I don't think you're very worthy, but… spirits, Richard, I cannot help myself but love you."

"We should at least tell Zedd what happened," he said, knowing that his grandfather would likely find out someway or another. "And then Cara, as well. Zedd wouldn't be able to keep it to himself. Besides, we're all so close that it is only right my crimes be made public for all to see."

"No, Richard," Kahlan said vehemently. "You are not to tell anyone."

Taken aback by her stubbornness, Richard furrowed his brow. "Is that an order from the Mother Confessor?" he asked.

"If it has to be, then yes," Kahlan said, stepping back and hugging herself. "You are the Seeker. We must keep your image pristine and noble, untarnished by such terrible things."

Richard stepped forward and grabbed her hands, bring them up to his heart. "I do not care what my image is, or how others view me," he said, releasing her hands and bending to his knees to kneel before her. "All I care about is what you think of me, Kahlan."

She smiled at him and reached down to caress his face. "I love you, Richard," she said, admitting it to herself as well. "No matter what you've done, I can never stop loving you. It's not possible."

"I love you, too, Kahlan," he proclaimed looking up at her, feeling absolution and undying love for her. "And only you."

Her declaration of love for him made his heart beat fiercely beneath his breast. He looked up at her, basking in the glow of her love and beauty, and filled his eyes with all the desire and need to be with her, wanting nothing more than to make love her, but not having the courage to make a move.

Kahlan looked down at him, her brow creasing in what looked like confusion. She must feel so vexed with him. Here he was declaring his love for only her, when just the other night had slept with another woman. He wanted nothing more than to redeem himself, and show her that she was the only one. As he looked up at her, their eyes locked and suddenly she began to cry.