Disclaimer: I don't own them.

A/N: I did it! :) ...Was anybody else disappointed with House tonight? Or are you all strictly CSI-watchers? :P

Also, I just thought I'd throw this out here, since I believe this site to be mostly women--www . cleavagechronicles . com-- A friend of mine's aunt is the lady doing it. I think she's thinking it will be a breast version of The Vagina Monologues, eventually... I'm not sure... So, if you have a breast story you would like to share for the sake of art and women's empowerment and all that good stuff... Yeah. :)

Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! Enjoy!

Chapter Twelve:

I went to sleep. I curled into our bed, cried myself to sleep, and slept all day.

Around noon I dragged myself out of bed, feeling that I needed to conceal my activities from Jace even if I hadn't done anything wrong. I showered and brushed my teeth, forced myself to eat a little, and dressed like I'd spent the whole day listening to forensic scientists lecturing.

He'd said he would be home around three or four, but he came home at two thirty, grinning and tugging me to him tightly, laying a kiss on my lips. I closed my eyes and leaned into the affection, trying to disregard that it just didn't feel right. …I had an overactive sense of guilt, and it would do not good for me to admit that I hadn't cheated.

"I didn't expect you to be home yet… You skip out early?" He teased me. I recited the lie I'd been playing in my head for the last two hours.

"Just the last lecture," I shrugged. "I thought I could catch you before you went to bed…"

He grinned and kissed me again. If I didn't think, it felt almost normal. "I'm glad I hurried and made it home early. …Listen, Sara… I'm sorry I've been gone so much. I spent the whole night thinking about what you said to me, last night, and you're right… We have time to save up for the honeymoon. I'll cut down on the work load for a while, okay?"

I couldn't help but smile, my heart fluttering at his words. There was a reason I was marrying this man. "…Thank you. You don't know how much it means to me."

"Yes, I do." He bent to kiss me again, letting it deepen this time, his tongue peeking into my mouth and then retreating. "…That's why I hurried to get home. I thought I could catch a few hours before you got home, because you mentioned how long it's been… and if my baby is frustrated, who am I to deny her?" He teased and I felt my face flushing. His teeth caught my ear and though I felt myself responding, goose bumps trailing down my arms, I frowned and pulled away.

"…Aren't you? Frustrated, I mean…?" At his questioning look, I tilted my head. "It's been just as long for you…"

He chuckled. "Sara, honey… I take care of business just about every morning in the shower, whether we've had sex recently or not."

"Oh." I frowned, wondering if that bothered me. I mean, not that I cared if he jacked off but… if that was why our long break wasn't affecting him the way it was me…

He laughed. "Honey, we've just been busy. I don't prefer my hand to you or anything like that. …Anyway… you're home early… I'm home early…"

He moved forward, pressing me between himself and the counter behind me, and I moaned softly. It had been too long… I let him lead us to our bedroom, his mouth moving over my neck and shoulders as we slowly slipped out of our clothing… but I was distracted. I kept… thinking.

I was thinking about him jacking off in the shower instead of sleeping with me and of Vegas sleeping in a separate bed. I was thinking of Jace working on cars all night while Vegas tried to teach me to play pool in order to get childhood stories out of me. I was thinking of Jace as a child, something I had seen innumerable times in the many, many photo albums his mother had, and I was thinking about Vegas as a dirty little boy in a greenhouse, listening to classical music and learning about bugs and looking up at his dad with shining admiration. I thought about Vegas getting pushed up against the bleachers by the girl two years older than him who knew what she wanted, and about Vegas sucking the life saver from my shirt, and about Vegas appearing in my mind when I was thinking about Jace, on the pool table.

When he pushed inside me, I hissed under my breath—I wasn't exactly ready for him, though this had never been a problem before… too much thinking. He moved slowly, feeling how tight I was but unaware of my discomfort—I was doing everything I could to hide it. How could I explain that I wasn't wet enough for him because I was thinking about another man as a child?

Eventually it eased… I forced myself to concentrate on what he was doing—the gentle way he stroked my hair and murmured his love to me, softly. Eventually, it felt good… but there was no way I was going to finish. …I briefly considered faking it, but I had no idea how to do such a thing… I mean, I could probably figure it out but… Instead, I urged him to go ahead.

"…What do you mean? …Honey, you… You said you were frustrated…"

"I know, but… I think I'm just tired, babe. I didn't sleep well, last night. …I really just wanted to feel close to you, more than anything."

He frowned, but at my insistence, proceeded to rock into me, moaning my name into the quiet of our bedroom as he finished within me… and when he rolled off me, tugging me close to cuddle but already half-asleep, it took everything I had in me not to cry.

"…Jace?"

"I'm sorry you didn't come, Sara…" He yawned. "…I could have gone longer."

I shook my head, watching the ceiling. "No… I know. I… Did I ever tell you about,,, getting my first bike?"

He yawned and rolled onto his stomach, kissing my shoulder before burying his face in the pillow. "I don't think so… What made you think of that?"

I shook my head again. "Nothing…"

He slid closer to me again, sliding an arm over my back. "…Sleep with me, honey. I have to work again tonight and I always miss sleeping with you."

The ceiling watched my silence and I dared it to condemn me… to judge me… more than I judged myself.

Once he was asleep, I slid out of his arms, hurrying to the shower to turn it on hot and slip in. I sat in the tub with the water falling down around me, my skin turning red from the heat, and tried to sort through all of this. …It wasn't that I was so upset I hadn't come. Jace wasn't the only one who could take care of himself… It was that… that our intimate moment had not been what it should have been. I had struggled to react to him… I had felt detached… and it wasn't his fault. He was sweet and understanding… he came home early to make amends for our fight the night before, even though I hadn't still been mad.

I was just so confused. I felt tears leak down my face and wiped at them stubbornly, despite my face being covered in water anyway.

…The fact of the matter was, yes, I was attracted to Vegas… but I loved Jace. I loved who he was and my doubts were just… distracting me. Making me over-think what I already knew to be true. So I would tell Vegas that I couldn't see him anymore, and I would marry Jace on Saturday and everything would fall into place, exactly as it ought to.

…Although, hadn't Ve—Dr. Grissom—said that… that it couldn't hurt to stay in contact, professionally? It really couldn't hurt to be able to get a recommendation from someone so well known… someone who knew criminalists around the country. …Once Jace finished his Masters, we were planning to send out applications… move wherever the best offer came from. Jace had been talking about New York, where his parents lived… they had a great Crime Lab. I wouldn't be sad to see San Francisco go…

And suddenly, I felt much calmer. Much less… confused. I stood, turned the water off, dried myself off, and slipped back into bed with my fiancé. …Hell, Dr. Grissom and I could even be friends, maybe… I would just have to explain the nature of the relationship… how things would have to be. …It would be nice to have someone to talk forensics with—even my friends from work didn't particularly enjoy the articles I was always excited to discuss.

I fell asleep, contented, thinking that I had overcomplicated everything unnecessarily. And when he slipped out of bed around ten, dressing for work, heating up leftovers, and kissing me good-bye… I couldn't go back to sleep. I'd slept all day. So I got up, wrapped myself in a robe, and padded out to the kitchen, making myself leftovers for supper as well and curling up on the couch to eat in front of the TV.

When my cell phone rang, from a number I didn't recognize… with an area code I didn't recognize… I swear I was just surprised. My heart was pounding because the noise had startled me—it was rather late to be receiving a phone call, after all. I stilled slightly shaking hands and flipped the phone open.

"…Hello?"

"Sara? …I didn't… wake you… did I?"

I shook my head, smiling softly. "No, I was up."

"Oh." He sounded nervous. I grinned.

"…Not planning on sleeping tonight either, Dr. Grissom?"

He paused before answering. "I… I'm stuck on the graveyard schedule, I guess. It's hard to sleep at night. …Listen, Sara… I've been thinking."

"…Okay?" My heart was hammering in my chest again. But, I mean… Whose heart doesn't hammer when they hear phrases like 'I've been thinking' and 'We need to talk'? It's… conditioned. Meaningless.

"…Maybe… we should just be friends."

I frowned. "…We're not anything more than friends, right now." I mentally cringed. Not 'right now'. We weren't more than friends, period.

"No, I know. …I… I know that. …What I'm trying to say is… I think I've been wrong, trying to… pursue you, the way I have. I… If he's not right for you, you won't marry him, and if he is, you will. And… I just complicate that. …Even if something happened between us, right now…even if you and Jace broke up, right now… it wouldn't be right. …We hardly know each other."

I wasn't sure where this was going, but I knew that it was… upsetting. "…Okay."

He sighed at that. "I'm just… saying that… If something happened, between us… We're acquaintances, more than anything. It… I wouldn't know if… if I was just a rebound or… a placeholder, for him… and you wouldn't know if I actually wanted you, or if I wanted the idea of you. …We need to get to know one another, whether or not you marry Jace."

I swallowed, shaking my head. "I… I'm going to marry him, Dr. Grissom. It's not an 'if'…"

"Gil." He corrected, for the second time.

I swallowed. "Gil," I agreed. He sighed.

"So then… I guess there's nothing to talk about. We'll just… be friends."

I nodded, feeling that this was the best possible outcome and willing my face to smile rather than frown. "…I'd like that."

"Good." He cleared his throat and I heard shuffling. "Well… I guess… I'll let you… get back to… whatever you were doing. …Will I see you, tomorrow?" He cleared his throat again. "At… at any of my lectures, I mean…?"

I couldn't help but smile at his obvious nervousness. "Yeah… You will."