Author's Note: Please forgive me for taking so long to update this! I've been going through a tough move, not to mention that I now share a computer and Internet connection, it's been tough finding time to myself to write to say the least! Never fear, I am not giving up on this story, not by a longshot- in fact I have another POTO story in the works, but that'll be posted a long time from now.

Anyway, please read, review and enjoy, and I'll do my best to have another chapter up within the week. Have a great weekend!

It was later in the evening when Erik and Christine were ready and settled in for the night. There had been subtle, pleasant conversation during the ride back to the loft from his opera, as there had been when they'd taken the pups out to the park. Even with the dogs had taken the field, Erik and Christine remained in the same tentative pattern.

No mention of love, or of making love again had taken place.

Erik wanted to speak with her; they had not discussed what had occurred between them with any semblance of seriousness. The morning after he had been concerned for her. Christine had been pained the night before, he was certain of it. He'd tried to be gentle, or as gentle as a man was capable of being, but he had seen the tears in her eyes, he'd heard her cry out and Erik was sure that his back was still marked by her nails gripping him so fiercely.

Christine was his, she had been from the moment she'd walked in his door.

She knew it, as did he. Erik watched as she cuddled Snow in her lap, the both of them curled on the sofa before the fire. Idly, he let his eyes absorb her. He wanted to make love again- how could he not, when Christine was such an amazing young woman? She was not the most beautiful of his mistresses, and certainly she was nowhere near the level of experience that he'd encountered in the past.

There was just something about Christine, some indefinable trait that held him captive and thirsting for more from her at every moment.

Christine could sense Erik's eyes on her, and she glanced up. "Well, are you going to stare all night or are you going to come sit with me?" She asked him, teasing as always.

Erik ticked his head slightly, blinking. "Sorry, love. I was miles away."

He strode across the room and sat down beside her, moving so that Christine could lean against his chest. She smiled at him, glorious. "Miles away? Was I with you?"

Erik nodded, smiling back to her. "Of course. No one but you and me…and the dogs, of course." He amended quickly, gesturing to Snow, sitting at the end of the couch, and King on the floor before them.

Christine moved closer. "And what were we doing?"

"We were down south. The Florida Keys, the Bahamas, the Virgin Islands. Anywhere where it's warm and there is a beach. The dogs were chasing the seagulls and playing in the waves while you and I were walking the shore." Erik rattled out smoothly, clutching her closer still.

Christine lifted her head slightly and brushed her lips to his neck. "And we're walking hand-in-hand, right?"

"Naturally," Erik purred.

"It's a lovely fantasy,"

"Who said anything about fantasy?" He asked. "Once all this is over, I had planned to take you somewhere anyway. I'm not sure where yet, just somewhere far from all of this."

Christine sat up to turn to him. "Erik, you can't be serious. Running away from New York won't solve anything-"

"And it also couldn't hurt. Christine, look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't want to just get away from everything for a time. To go away where no one knows us and we'd be free to be our true selves and simply be together. Personally, I see that as being a slice of heaven." Erik said, taking her hands and kissing her wrists.

"I don't want you to do that, Erik. Please. You…you said you loved me last night-"

He looked up. "And I meant it. I would not have said so if I hadn't meant it, I do love you Christine. I've known several women but none like you."

"I would hope not!" Christine said, standing from him. "I don't want you to have known anyone else like me- I'm sure one damaged charity case is enough, you don't need to start a collection!"

Frowning, Erik stood to face her. "Christine, calm down. I'd thought we've moved past all that. What will it take for you to see that this is real? That my feelings for you are real?"

Christine shook her head, protesting slightly but allowing Erik to take her into his arms. "I'm sorry Erik. You don't understand. I want to believe in you so much, but there's always this voice reminding me how different we are, and that you deserve someone more like you." She murmured into his neck as she held him closer, drawing him in for comfort.

Erik stroked her hair and smiled absently. "Someone like me? Oh, you mean someone slightly antisocial, highly possessive and private, physically scarred, mentally disturbed, and a workaholic that's become addicted to caffeine?"

He could feel Christine laughing silently against him.

He shook his head. "No, Christine. I don't want someone like me- in fact, in my case I think that only the opposite will do. You and I are about as mismatched as they come, and I know that you know it as well. You're much more suited to your friend from Miami."

Christine drew back from him, "You mean Raoul?"

"Yes."

"Erik, he's a friend and that's all. We never even went on a date when we knew each other back then, I promise you. It wasn't like I was some boy-crazy teenager when we first met; I think a part of me was using Raoul's feelings for me as a way to buy more time away from home." Christine confided in him.

"What do you mean?"

"Raoul's family has money, and even in high school and afterwards, he always had plenty of money in his pockets. I…I took advantage of that. I was always asking him to take me places, just so we wouldn't be so close to home. I felt bad about it and I still do, but maybe he understands it a little better now." She mused.

Erik drew back from her slightly and kissed her. "I know he does, Christine, and I'm sure he doesn't hold it against you. If anything, I'd bet that he wishes he could have taken you away to college with him when he left Miami…"

"And then none of it would have ever happened," Christine said, finishing Erik's thought for him. "Well. Maybe…I don't know. It's pointless to think about what might have happened. That was all last year, and I just want to move on with my life."

He nodded, and kissed her again. "Yes, I want that for you too. I want to be in the life that you carry on. I do love you, Christine, even if you can't let yourself believe it yet."

Christine thought about Erik's words as she changed her clothes in the guest bedroom. She liked that they were together, but as necessity dictated it, they shared separate bedrooms. All the clothing, shoes, jewelry and other trappings that Claudette had cleverly bought for her were housed in the bland but comfortable room.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror above the dresser, and sighed. Yes, she was pretty, and had been called beautiful more times than she could count- but she knew that Erik desired more than just an attractive face and figure. The man wanted more.

He's told me he loves me…but could I ever be enough for him?

She took a brush and ran it through her hair until the Nordic blonde shone golden in the overhead light. Christine loved Erik, but she wasn't sure how much more heartbreak or humiliation she could take. If she gave Erik her heart, her trust, gave him everything of herself she had to offer, only to be betrayed in the end…she thought that it might be enough to kill her.

But Erik isn't like that…I trust him, and even though it might be foolish, I don't think that he would hurt me that way…

Christine stripped off her sweater set, the corduroy pants and shoes, replacing everything with her new standard night wear, a camisole paired with tiny boyshorts. She wondered if Erik wanted her to wear something prettier, something sexier, like one of the lacy chemises or perhaps nothing at all when she went to him. Christine didn't know what to think anymore, but she decided to simply wear what she felt would be most comfortable- the silky red camisole and the matching shorts definitely won out over the lace.

She wanted to feel comfortable, but the thought of making love again filled her with apprehensive dread rather than warm anticipation.

What was wrong with her?

Erik looked up at her as she knocked softly at his door and motioned for her to come in. "You don't need to knock, you know. This is you home as well now, I'd thought you'd become used to it by now."

Christine nervously sat down on the edge of the bed, away from him.

He frowned, recognizing her body language. "Are you afraid of me?"

She looked up, "What? No, I'm not afraid of you, Erik. I love you…I'm just…I'm not sure if…"

"Christine?" He prodded.

"I'm not sure if I want to make love again. It, I mean, I'm not really sure what I'm doing and I want to make you happy, but-"

Erik reached forward and brought her to lay half-atop him as he leaned back against the plain headboard. He smoothed his hands through her hair and down her back, both possessive and affectionate. His hands rested on the curve of her backside, but he did not push her for anything more.

Christine breathed in his scent and kissed his neck; she loved him, she truly did love Erik, but all the while she felt nervous being so close. Erik kissed her temple, she barely felt it. "Christine, I understand that it makes you nervous…given your history and what you've had to endure- what you're still going through at the club, I don't want you to feel pressured. I love you, and I'll wait until you feel ready."

"I'm sorry, Erik. I do want you, and I want us to be together. I'm just…I don't know how,"

He looked down at her, smiling. "Don't say that, Christine. I might be tempted to give you a lesson. You knew well enough last night- do you regret what happened between us?" Erik asked, fully serious.

She shook her head. "No, I don't. I could never regret that. I don't regret anything that's happened, I'm just not sure if I can again so soon…"

Erik held her closer. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"That's all I can ask for now. I'll wait until you're ready to trust me enough to go there again."

Christine awoke the next morning alone, a thing that did not surprise her. Erik had wanted to have her again, and she inwardly berated herself for behaving like a timid little coward. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair, huffing angrily as her fingers caught in a few tangles.

After everything he's given me, why can't I give him my body when he wants it? I love that man, and I do trust him…I can't trust myself to give him all that he deserves…

Rather than the intimacy that Erik had wanted, they'd spent the night together kissing and sleepily stroking. Erik had told her of his past, the other women that he had known and taken as his mistresses. They had all been so different- their only trait in common had been that Erik had been unable to love them in the way they had deserved.

All save Christine.

He had told her he loved her several times, and she had meant the words in return. In truth, Christine could see them making love again in her mind's eye, but when Erik held her too close, or his touch became too bold, she reacted in defense rather than welcome.

Erik was afraid of upsetting her- even in Christine's subconscious, he didn't want her to relate his touch to that of the monster that had used her, or the clients of the club where she danced. Eventually in the night, Erik had released Christine and left his bedroom.

Christine sighed, feeling angry and alone.

How can Erik believe that I love him when I cringe whenever he touches me?

It was her problem, she knew. Erik only wanted to touch the woman he'd chosen as his lover, and Christine wanted the same things he did…it was what the body remembered, not the mind. She knew Erik would never hurt her, but her body viewed his as some sort of threat and couldn't help but react when he came too close.

She pinched the bridge of her nose and made a mental note to step into the next Barnes & Noble she saw, and buy every book available on the subject of intimacy issues and overcoming a past littered with physical abuse. Christine felt that she owed it to Erik to take control of her situation and move forward with her life.

She stood from the bed and moved down the hallway, toward the guest bedroom. Erik was there, sleeping in the smaller bed. Christine smiled at him. He usually woke before her, and she relished the opportunity to watch him as he slept. He looked very content, peaceful despite the scars and twisted, mottled skin that overtook so much of his face.

Christine stifled laughter as the sleepy eyes of their pups, Snow and King, looked up at her from the bed. Apparently, Erik had not spent the night alone.

She moved to the dresser and took out an outfit for the day.

When Erik awoke in the guestroom, he admitted that he would have greatly preferred to stay in his own bed with Christine. The guestroom was considerably smaller than his own, had no bathroom in connection and the view from the window was different. Added that the guestroom was a half-finished project of his that he'd been putting off for months, and Erik found himself longing for his own bed.

Christine was afraid of him, or at least this was his view of things. She wanted to make love with him again, and he did believe that she loved him, but there was something inside holding her back. Erik hadn't wanted to upset her further or worse, have her think he'd pursue it against her wishes, so he'd simply left to sleep on his own.

Distantly, Erik could sense a presence in the room with him. He could feel the pups moving on the bed beside him, and he could scent Christine's shampoo. He knew she was in the room somewhere, but he was very tired and took a few more minutes to sleep.

Christine slipped into a quick shower and then dressed for the day, mindful that her clothes would not stay on for long once she entered the club. Her throat caught at the thought of returning to the stage after what she had shared with Erik.

The sense that she was betraying him grew stronger than ever.

When she reentered the guestroom, she found Erik sitting up on the bed, yawning. To her, he looked like a sleepy lion. "Good morning," he greeted her, his voice still husky and rough.

She moved closer and put her arms around him, "Hello Erik."

Neither of them wished to mention the sleeping arrangements. Christine made a silent promise that it would be the last time they slept apart.

Erik nuzzled her neck, "You're dressed already. What time is it, love?"

Christine checked her watch. "You're late, Erik."

He shrugged, uncaring if the world fell apart, so long as she was near. "They'll survive without me for a little longer. I have free reign to sleep in on occasion."

Christine kissed his scarred cheek, "The boss has free reign to do what he wants, right?"

"Naturally. I don't even have to be in the office to run things, though it does help. Today I was going to stop by the university anyway," he mused to himself.

Christine nodded. "Erik. I have to…it's almost time for me to go to work."

He tensed slightly before releasing her. "Yes. That. Well, you'd best not be late."

She looked at the floor as King nudged in between them, silently demanding to be petted. "Have they, the police, I mean, have they found anything yet?" She asked, hoping for some indication that it would be over soon.

Erik shook his head. "Not as far as I know. But Christine, I would not be discouraged yet. The break they're looking for might be closer than you think."

Christine sighed slightly, and then turned to leave the room.

The day went as most of the days before it. Christine let go of herself once on the stage, allowing her more confident persona, Diamond take over. She could not afford to let thoughts of Erik invade her mind, ruining her concentration. Try as she might, Diamond had been on the lookout for what could be considered suspicious activity within the club. Granted, the notes from May left on the counter space for a few select dancers were a definite signal, but the notes themselves were innocent, often reading "Please come to the management office" or the more familiar, "I need to see you after your shift, May."

Diamond had informed the lead officers on the investigation of who was receiving the notes and were likely to make a "special delivery" that night, but each delivery was made to a different location with no way to track a pattern. The officers were unable to search the women without probable cause or a special warrant once they left the club, leaving them more or less helpless.

Diamond came close to tears once she'd understood how pathetically tied up in red tape paperwork the department was. Other than the notes, she didn't know what else to look for that could be helpful to the case.

Inside, Christine was beginning to panic at the thought that the investigation could take months, if not years.

Diamond glanced at her watch, a small digital Timex that lit in the dark, and saw with satisfaction that her shift was nearly over. She smiled at the weight of her little purse, bursting with large bills.

I might have made a little over two grand today, she thought with excitement.

Christine balked at the thought. It's a lot of money to have made in one day, but at what cost to yourself?

Diamond laughed, Grow up- the world isn't all honor and dignity, you know that better than most. Deposit this money into your account right after work- there's no price too high for being financially secure!

She sighed and moved backstage to clear her head, feeling like a crazy person for arguing with herself. She sat down in front of her counter space and looked at her face in the mirror. The makeup she'd put on earlier was cakey with sweat, and Christine wasted no time in washing it all away.

Eager to get out and away from the loud music and the smoky atmosphere, Christine pulled on her clothes and was soon out the door. She glanced at the bar to wave at Lance, their bartender. He was sweet to her, and he was a stripper himself, but he liked to bartend on the side. Christine appreciated that his eyes never strayed down to her breasts when they would talk, and she wished that all men had the same such manners.

God bless the gays, she thought with a smile as she blew him a mock kiss on her way out. Lance caught the air kiss and jokingly put it in his pocket.

Christine stepped past the bar and passed May coming into the building with two other men, leading them through the club and presumably to a table or maybe even the VIP area. The men certainly seemed like high rollers, as Christine recognized the cut of Armani suits. Erik wore his in much the same style, thought she had to admit that he filled his out considerably better than either of the men with May.

One of the men, a striking Spanish silver fox, locked eyes with Christine as they passed each other. She could feel his eyes on her even as she stepped out onto the street.

After visiting the bank and receiving her balance after the deposit, Christine strode confidently into the Barnes & Noble store a few blocks from Erik's loft. Seeing that she had over $12,000 to her name, Christine knew that she could splurge out on books, magazines, even a few CDs and DVDs and it still would not put much of a dent into her funds.

Hell, I can try everything on the Starbucks menu if I want, she thought, laughing to herself.

Her mood was improved, but she recalled the mission from that morning. It made her feel rotten that Erik had had to leave his own bed because her body refused to cooperate with what her heart and mind wanted, and Christine was determined to seek out a way to reunite herself.

With that thought in mind, she stepped over to the Self Improvement section and glanced at the titles. There were many to choose from, but Christine was not fooled by pretentious titles or unqualified authors. She chose one book, written by a renown psychologist specializing in the recovery of abused women.

She sighed and found a plush chair where she could read. All right, Dr. Rankin, let's see if you can help me. I don't want to be a lost cause…

Hours later, Christine had read the book cover to cover, bought it and was already in the loft, waiting for Erik's arrival.

She had to see him, talk to him, make him understand.

Only then would they truly be able to move forward with each other.