Disclaimer: I don't own.

A/N: Okay, so this will be the last chapter until... tomorrow night. I have a big test tomorrow, so I'll be studying in my free moments. :) So, I hope you enjoy it and that it can tide you over until then.

Don't read this if you are unspoiled for tonight's episode--------Okay, so... Once again, I need to vent. One--Poor Henry. Two--Am I the only one who actually liked Hodges back when he was hanging on Grissom's every word and who hates him now that he seems to constantly be in the field for no real reason? Three--I really, really liked the parallels in this episode to the episode 'Lab Rats' and the song etc. that tied the two together... and I really, really liked David getting to have some face-time. I love David. He's so sweet. Four--The kiss... I don't even know why it bothers me, because I don't like or dislike the whole 'Wedges' ship and, in general, always support love. I didn't care about Vartann, but when we first heard about him and Catherine, I was excited. ...But for some reason, it just seems so implausible. Why now, why in the lab, and why... that way? It just... didn't feel right. Ugh! ...David's part though was quite redeeming. And Brass. He's always so funny, even when he's not trying to be.

Anyway, thanks for the reviews. Please give me more--it'll be so nice to walk out of my test and be able to sit down to them. :)

Chapter Seventeen:

I don't know why I told him that. …I was seeking to justify my relationship with Jace… seeking for him to understand that I hadn't just fallen for the first guy to save me on the side of the highway, never met anyone else in town, and built a life around someone who was safe and easy. …I wanted him to see that… that there was more to my relationship with Jace than what he saw—the working all night and the referenced but not explained problem in bed.

I crawled into bed as soon as I had gotten home, and when Jace came in around three, crawling into bed and tugging me close to him, I still hadn't fallen asleep. …And I felt guilty, having him hold me, after I'd spent the night with Dr. Grissom. I hadn't done anything wrong, but I wasn't convinced that I'd done anything right, either. After everything Jace had done for me, he didn't deserve this…

He fell asleep and I pulled away from him, rolling so my back was to him, taking care to draw in measured breaths and try to calm myself down. All of Dr. Grissom's questions were swirling through my mind now, leaving me uncertain… making me question. Why were we getting married in a church? I mean, it wasn't a big deal to get married somewhere that was meaningful to him… but had we ever talked about having it somewhere else?

Now that I had disregarded both the fairytale concept and my disbelief in the institution of marriage altogether… if I had to plan a wedding with only and exactly what I wanted… what would I choose? …What would thirteen-year-old Sara Sidle have envisioned for that most monumental of days?

I had an acute sense of guilt, apparently. Every time I tried to envision it, I would feel a tightening in my chest and the vision of the church came back, my mind rationalizing, going over all the positives of the choices that had been made. It took a monumental effort and no shortage of silent tears to force that feeling down and confront myself honestly…

I would want a wedding on the beach. It wouldn't matter what time of day—early morning, with a cool breeze, the air fresh and brisk and salty, seagulls swooping—mid-afternoon, the sun hot and bright and filling everything with light, the sound of laughter from children playing in the waves drifting over us—evening, with the sun setting against the ocean, a few stars beginning to peak out behind us, gentle candlelight framing the aisle…

Oh, I liked that one. …My hair down, with flowers, and a very simple dress, that would blow in the wind. …I would walk to him barefoot.

I tried so hard to see Jace at the end of that aisle. …I saw him at the end of the church aisle easily, but framed against the waves, waiting for me…

I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears that were shaking me now… trying to still myself, because I would wake him up and have to explain.

I was too late—he was attuned to my movements, and recognized how upset I was while hardly awake. He rolled over until his chest was tight to my back, his arms around me, and pressed a kissed to my bare shoulder blade. His hand slid under my tank top, his fingers sprawling against my bare skin and his voice was soft and gentle. "…Another nightmare?"

I nodded, that tightening feeling of guilt and uncertainty gripping me again. …It was just so much easier to not explain… because I didn't know what to explain. I had no idea how I felt, much less how to tell him that I was crying because I couldn't imagine him in a wedding scenario I had only just dreamed up, less than a week before we were getting married. He laid another kiss on my shoulder, tugging me closer despite the fact that my back was flush to his bare chest.

"…I'm here, honey. …I told you to wake me up when this happens."

I sniffled. "…You've hardly slept…"

He nuzzled my neck affectionately, his nose sliding behind my ear. "You know you're the most important thing in my world, Sara. …I don't ever need to sleep more than I need to hold you." Another kiss. "…Do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. I never talked about it. Never. Jace knew… some basics. He knew I'd grown up in foster care because my mother had killed my abusive father. He knew I had a brother. …He didn't know how bad it sometimes was, and he didn't know that my mother wasn't the only one he hurt. …He didn't know that my brother and I didn't talk, not because we'd lost touch when I went into the system, but because a week before my mother snapped, my dad had been looking for him and even though my brother always hid me… always took the beating rather than telling Dad where I was… when he backhanded me and said I'd be sorry if I didn't tell him where Brandon was, I told him.

Brandon almost died, and the next time he ever looked like he was going to come after one of us, my mother killed him. …My whole world falling apart was essentially my fault. If I'd been strong, and brave, like Brandon, it never would have happened.

He kissed me again, holding me close and gently running his hand over my stomach until he felt me untense in his arms. I knew from experience that, tired as he was, he wasn't going back to sleep until I said I was better… and while I thought about faking being better… It felt like too much. …One lie that couldn't be forgiven.

So I sat and closed my eyes and allowed myself to be soothed… and I actually did manage to sleep a couple hours before the alarm went off and I had to rise out of his arms, loose in sleep, and head to the shower. This morning, I really needed it.

I thought about going to different lectures… I thought about not going at all. I thought about what Grissom would say, after the previous night… I thought about the idea of never seeing him again… and I made my way into the lecture hall, sitting in the back and hoping that my puffy, sore eyes were not as evident as they'd appeared this morning in the mirror. He had lectures all morning, and I sat through them, only offering a smile and not moving down to talk in between them. He seemed to understand, when I came down at the time I knew he had a couple hours, offering me a smile and eyes that didn't seem like they were judging me.

"…Hi."

"Hi. …Did you sleep at all?" Apparently the bags under my eyes were worse than I thought.

"A little. …I never sleep much."

He frowned. "…Can I take you to lunch?"

"I can take you…"

He shook his head. "We'll pay for ourselves, then. …How's pizza sound?"

I opened my mouth to tell him yes, despite my guilt telling me to tell him no, but I never got the words out.

"Sara!" I turned around, and there was Jace, hurrying into the abandoned lecture bowl, grinning at me. …Oh, god, I was going to be sick.

"…Jace. Hi. What are you doing here?" …Did that sound guilty?

He came within reach of me and slid an arm around my waist. "Hi." He pressed a kiss into my hair. "I saw the conference flier in the kitchen and saw a break in Dr. Grissom's lectures… figured you'd be having lunch, so I came over to eat with you." He glanced at Dr. Grissom and offered him the hand that had moments before been resting on my hip. "Hi, you must be Dr. Grissom. I'm Jace Wendt, Sara's fiancé. I'm sorry to interrupt… I'm sure she was badgering you with questions."

I laughed nervously as Dr. Grissom took his hand, shook it slowly, with an uneasy smile, before Jace replaced the arm around me. "…She was trying. It's nice to meet you, Mr. Wendt."

"Jace, please." He glanced at me. "…Do you need a minute to get your questions in, or can we go?"

I looked uncertainly between the two, not wanting to hurt Dr. Grissom's feelings and yet feeling… powerless. I hadn't even cheated and yet I felt like I was about to be found out. …How did people do this? Who would actively choose this? "Oh… I… Dr. Grissom and I were going to…"

I frowned, but Dr. Grissom stepped in to help me. "It's fine." He glanced at Jace. "So many questions… not nearly enough time for lunch. But really, Sara, I'll make time to answer your questions later…"

Jace shook his head. "Oh no, I didn't realize. …You know what? Let's all go. My treat."

Dr. Grissom looked alarmed, but he disguised it well. I wondered how much experience he had with this kind of this and whether he was just that enigmatic in general that even a situation like this was easy for him to manage. "Oh, no, I don't want to intrude. Please, go without me."

"No, I insist. Sara's been waiting months to meet you and see your lectures… She'd never forgive me if I took her away from a chance to pick your brain. Besides, it's nice to meet the man behind the articles… she's read a few to me, but it's not really my interest area…"

Dr. Grissom wasn't sure how to react to Jace. …He was so open, right away, that it could often be disarming. He had no secrets… most people did, and they didn't know how to handle someone who didn't. "Well, I…"

"Really. The way Sara lights up after reading something you've published… I owe it to you. You make my bride-to-be very happy." He gestured that we should go ahead, and reluctantly Dr. Grissom picked up his briefcase and we headed out, with me extremely aware of the presence of his arm, lingering affectionately on my waist. …He knew that the nightmares sometimes didn't go away, even the next day, when I was expected to function, and touching him helped. He always made a point to touch me after a bad night… He was being sweet, and all I could think of was how uncomfortable I felt and how strange it must be for Dr. Grissom to see me with him.

"…Speaking of the wedding, honey, did you invite Dr. Grissom?"

My eyes were wide. "I… I didn't think…"

He turned to Dr. Grissom. "…She thought it was strange to ask someone she'd just met to our wedding, but it is this Saturday, if you'll still be in town. I mean, it's the least we can do what with your offer to keep in touch with Sara to help with her career. We've had two relatives cancel, so if you would like to come, you can bring a date and there's an open bar…"

He looked pale and shook his head. "I… No, I… My flight leaves on Friday. …Thank you, for the invitation, though. It was very… thoughtful."

Jace gave him an open grin and suggested we go to the pizza place on campus—it was one of the few things within walking distance. …I was sure that that had been what Dr. Grissom was suggesting, when the lunch had been for two rather than three. I did my best to give him a way out.

"You know, honey… I'm sure Dr. Grissom doesn't want to feel like a third wheel…"

He shook his head, his hands up in a open gesture. "No, of course not. If anything, I'm the third wheel. …I'll let you guys talk bugs and bodies and mostly try not to listen, because I will probably lose my appetite if I do…"

I sighed under my breath. Fuck.