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A/N: Sorry, I had no time to proof-read. Thanks, as always, for the reviews, and enjoy!

Chapter Twenty Four:

She had smelled sweet.

My entire being—not just my whole body, my mind and heart, but my very soul ached with the knowledge that I had been pressed against her, my lips poised to press against hers, and yet I had not. I didn't even have that to take with me, when I left.

And I would leave. I knew that now.

I knew that Sara was confused, and frantic, and afraid. I knew that she had a very safe world before I came along, and I could guess how valuable that was to someone who had grown up the way she had. She had told me, when speaking of her first time, that she'd had low self-esteem. She'd been self-destructive. She had liked the man and allowed him to more or less use her, because of these things.

If I had to hypothesize, I would say that she genuinely loved Jace, but not the way she ought to. Not the way you should feel about someone when you're promising your whole life away to them. …She had probably found him attractive but steered clear of him because she was avoiding the type of man she typically found herself drawn to… Men like her first, intelligent and troubled and who would use her. When she discovered that the only one of these traits the man possessed was intelligence… she had probably thought she'd broken her pattern… found the one man she could love and who could love her, who would never hurt her. She probably felt like she was getting more than she deserved.

There was a part of me that wanted her to see this. A big part. I wanted her to address the reasons why, if he was so perfect for her, she had sobbed in my arms for nearly twenty minutes because she wanted me so badly and yet could not bear to hurt him. …I knew, though, that this was far too big a thing to address in three days. And I knew that Sara would rather give up her own happiness than hurt someone, especially if she felt like she hadn't deserved him in the first place.

Bringing all of this up would not change her mind—she was going to marry him, no matter what I did. I should have seen that from the beginning, but I was foolishly hopeful. The only thing I could do now was… leave her in peace to convince herself that she wanted to marry him, or cause her doubts and heartache and misery up until the point that she married him anyway.

I wanted her to be happy.

So I would go.

But I would have the week with her, if she was still willing to spend time with me. I could walk away from her, the way I had today, concealing my emotions. I could do it and I would, because it was what she needed of me… but I needed just a little more time with her. Time to soak up the beauty of the way the sunlight filtered through her hair and way her eyes lit up when she was inspired. The quirk of her lips when she teased me or the sly smirk when she discovered some sneaky morsel of truth I had not meant to reveal about myself.

I was surprised she hadn't figured Susan out yet. Thankful, but surprised.

Time to watch the way her willowy frame swayed when she walked, and the confidence her gait took on when she thought she had bested me in a challenge of wits. Time to learn each line of her face and to memorize the shape of her body for lonely, future imaginings… because I knew that she would haunt me, for the rest of my life. I knew it, and so I would have to prepare. Store up as much information as possible.

Catalogue the precise feel of her hair as it swept over my arms as they wrapped around her lithe figure, tracing the knobs of her spine and the expanse of her shoulder blades under her thin top. Take in the fruity scent of her shampoo, the clean smell of her soap, the warm and homey smell of her skin, the floral scent of her deodorant. Her arms under my palms had been so soft and slender… I had trembled at the sheer power she had over me as I gripped her beneath the shoulders and had images flashing in my mind of holding her just so, but closer to me, underneath me, all around me, moving with me in a slow and sensuous rhythm.

And yet all this I knew was still not enough. I did not know all of her laughs or the deepest colors in her eyes or the story behind why she had never gotten braces to correct the diastema that I found so strangely alluring. I didn't know the weight of her breasts in my hand or the feel of her mouth on mine, or the utopia of sliding between her thighs and becoming one with her. I didn't know the way she would sound, the way she would move… the spots that were sensitive and the positions she preferred and the things she disliked.

I didn't know if she had an innie or an outie… I didn't know if she'd ever had her ears pierced. I didn't know if she wore contacts or if she liked to play any sports or if she had ever been in a school play.

These details were vitally important, and I would discover as many of them as I could (though certainly not the ones I was most anxious for) in the next few days… and then on Friday, I would catch the standby flight if I could, because I didn't trust myself not to go to her wedding. My mere presence there would not be helpful… not be what she needed. I would leave and I would have the tiny moments to sustain me—the twinkle in her eyes and the catch of her breath before a laugh and the tilt of her head in a question.

I wasn't sure if I should call, tonight, or if Jace would be home. I wasn't sure if she would want to talk with me. But if she did and if he was… I had to see her.

So despite agonizing over the decision for nearly an hour, around eight thirty I tremblingly dialed her number, listening to it ring and ring and ring. I had called at this time thinking that it was late enough for Jace to likely be gone, but if he were not working, early enough to not raise suspicions. I was about to hang up, thinking she would not answer, when the ringing stopped. I held my breath.

"Hello?" Oh god. It was Jace's voice. I panicked briefly, but pulled it under control. I had to, for her.

"Hi, I'm looking for Sara Sidle." There… professional. Indifferent.

"I'm sorry but she's unavailable at the moment. Can I take a message?"

I cleared my throat. "This is Dr. Grissom. Sara had asked some follow up questions after my lecture today and I wasn't entirely sure of some of the answers. I just wanted to call her and let her know what I had found out." I prayed that he was disinterested enough in forensics to want to avoid asking specifically what I had to tell her. …I didn't have anything.

Luck was on my side. He paused, and then, "Dr. Grissom… this is Jace. We met the other day."

I smiled. "Hello. How have you been?"

"Good, good. …Listen, uh…This is going to sound like a strange proposition but… Would you take Sara out to eat, tonight?"

I blinked. She was unavailable, but I ought to be taking her out? I swallowed. "I… don't understand."

He sighed heavily and his voice lowered. "Truth be told, I… I'm worried about her. She's been asleep since early afternoon and she won't even get up to eat. Sara… I know you don't know her very well, but when she gets like this… nothing really helps except intellectual pursuits. A new article or theory or discovery. I was thinking… she won't get up for me, but she'd probably get up, function, and eat if there was the opportunity to hear some of that follow up. I know how she hates unanswered questions and… I mean, if it wouldn't be too much trouble. You were going to grab lunch to talk forensics the other day so I thought… it was worth a shot."

My head was literally spinning. Yes! I wanted to scream… but I bit my bottom lip, forcing hesitation. "I… I guess. I mean, I'd be happy to help but… I'm not really sure if she would want to. She doesn't know me very well…"

Jace beamed—I could hear it through the phone. "She'll want to. You have no idea how she idolizes you. She talked about one of your articles about a year ago for… months. Here, I'm gonna go wake her up, tell her she has a phone call. You ask… just ask… if she wants to grab dinner while you go over those follow up questions. Thank you so much, Dr. Grissom."

I frowned, but murmured some response and listened as he gently roused her and then she sleepily picked up the phone, her voice thick with sleep.

"…H'lo?"

"Sara?"

"Dr. Grissom?" She sounded surprised and worried, but not enough to draw suspicion. It was probably good, anyway, that she sound surprised.

"Sara, uh…" I wasn't sure if Jace could hear me, but I also didn't want her to say anything that would give us away. I cleared my throat again. "I… looked into those questions you asked me, today, after class, about timeline regression in… less-than-ideal conditions." I could almost see her sleepy and puzzled face, and I hoped she was catching on. "I was thinking that we could grab dinner and discuss it in… more detail."

Her voice was uncertain. "I… I don't know. Jace…"

I heard him chime in. "Don't worry about me, hon. I'll go in and get some extra work done."

"Your parents come tomorrow," she said, away from the phone.

"I won't stay super late. Home by one, cross my heart."

"O-kay…" Her voice became more clear as the phone was closer to her face. "I, uh… Yeah, that'd be good, Dr. Grissom."

"I'll pick you up in half an hour?"

"Sure."

I waited, and when she didn't seem to notice the problem, "So, uh… I'll need your address." I said, reminding her that I wasn't supposed to know where she lived. Hopefully Jace would assume it was her sleepiness.

"Oh. Right." She rattled off the address and I made it sound like I was writing it down, repeating it back and asking a question about the exit… and then hanging up the phone.

…I could not believe that had just happened.