Disclaimer: I don't own.
A/N: Soo, this is kinda short, but I figure as it's a chapter without much (any?) GSR, you'd all be okay with that. And while you're all not very happy with me (I'm seriously afraid of CSIKathy now... Someone make sure she doesn't have any swizzle sticks or fanny packs...) at least I'm not dragging out their time apart. I mean, have I been updating quickly or what?
GSRMania, tell your husband that that is perfectly normal behavior. I don't have a fancy iphone, but I check this site on my phone in bed, at work, in school, while driving (only at stoplights!!) Lol. Also, it's a little late to make that clarification. :P Apparently, I am very like the Genie in the bottle. BUT! I do promise he won't be 70. Or need Viagra.
Chapter Thirty:
It was with concerted effort that I didn't complain at the wedding. Jace apologized for the things he had noticed too, but it didn't seem to mean much, at this point. I nodded numbly, smiled in an empty way, and let the reception go on around me. At the very least, I was glad that I had married Jace instead of waiting on a man who really didn't know what he wanted from me.
We had the week off, but did very little. We slept in, and then I would ready while he watched TV or worked on his thesis… he tried to initiate love making, but it was easy to say that we had just two days ago and just three days ago and that I would if I wasn't just so tired. His mother called, at the end of the week, and the way he yelled at her about the flowers… I dragged him into the bedroom, resolving myself to be content with the life I had chosen.
Just because the wedding hadn't been perfect didn't mean that Jace wasn't still a good man whom I loved very much.
A month in, he was waiting on my period, and though he was disappointed when it came, I was relieved. Even if I wanted a baby, eventually, we weren't financially secure enough, right now, for me to think it was a good idea. So we went back to using condoms, and I went back to working long hours at the lab, seeing Jace on nights when he wasn't working and briefly between our shifts, assuming I didn't pull a double.
I didn't want to admit it, but I checked my email with a frequency that bordered on compulsiveness, thinking that even if he had changed his mind and decided that he didn't love me, he still might want to stay in contact with me. We could be friends, like we'd said we both wanted, once upon a time.
Another month passed, and I stopped checking my email so often, but I still had dreams about that one kiss in the park and the way it had shaken me to my core. By our first Christmas together, I thought of Dr. Grissom far less often, though always with a strange pang that I couldn't quite define in my chest. Jace had finished his thesis and pending approval by the board, would have his Masters soon. He'd go back to working normal hours, and we could have a normal, married life for a change. I was even excited for it. I mean, I had never said I didn't love the man. I would be more than happy to spend more time with him and have a semblance of a normal life. I was lonely, sleeping without him for so long.
In April of 1999 he got a job with a company—apparently someone in their company had read his thesis and thought he was brilliant… He was started with a corner office and a salary that was twice what I would make in a year, and they were quick to reassure him that it was only a starting wage. In half a year, they would make him another offer.
At first I thought they were crazy, but then I started getting phone calls from other major companies, trying to get ahold of Jace to hire him for his expertise. …I had read the thesis, but mostly I had been proofreading. As good as I was with math, I still didn't get microeconomics except in very broad, very basic terms. And from what it sounded like these people were offering him, the first company had gotten lucky in snatching him up first.
Jace and I were… well, overwhelmed, to be quite frank. We spent a weekend buying him a new wardrobe, because he could no longer wear jeans and a t-shirt every day and because the man couldn't dress himself well in anything else.
In June, he was talking about us having a baby because we were no longer insecure in our finances. I had frowned at first, putting it off, making sure to replenish the condoms every time I went to the grocery store, not wanting to ever be in a position where we were without and decided we didn't care enough to stop… But really, what was I waiting for? Dr. Grissom clearly had never loved me, and he had been the only man in the world who could make me doubt Jace. So then my future with Jace was secure. Financially, we were secure. …Having a baby right now wouldn't mean poverty… our child would never grow up the way I had. And I wanted a baby. I wanted to be a mother.
A part of me felt like it might fill the void left behind, despite how happy Jace truly made me. I mean, it wasn't the 'walking on air' kind of happy, but… I was consistently contented. That was enough.
I started buying prenatal vitamins instead of condoms, and the woman at the counter of our small, organic grocery store started winking at me. …I made a point to go to a different cashier from now on. Ew.
In July and August, we were disappointed and I started worrying that it wouldn't happen… that maybe I couldn't conceive. I wanted us to go in and talk to someone about it fertility treatments, but Jace insisted we talk to my ob/gyn instead, who laughed when I told her I was worried after only two months and showed us how to track when I was ovulating and gave us… tips.
You wouldn't expect it, but conception sex can be crazy hot. Your whole body is tingling both from what he's doing to you and your excitement about what it could be bringing… I mean, we had sex when I wasn't ovulating, but when I was… Oh man, the things he did to me. And everything was hotter because he would whisper in my ears, "Oh, Jesus, Sara… You feel so good. I love you so much. We're going to make a baby, just like this, honey… with all this love. Every moment of her existence will be in love. God, I want to make you come."
I mean, okay, maybe that's weird. But I promise, it's also sexy as hell. I would be in the middle of a crime scene and someone would say something about a baby or love just say 'Oh God!' when they saw something particularly disgusting… and my toes would be curling in my boots and the hair on the back of my neck standing up in response.
In October the test was positive. We were having a baby!
At that point, everything changed. Jace had renegotiated his salary to some ridiculous amount that I didn't even want to think about, but he promised me we'd live modestly and give a lot to charity, which at least made me feel less guilty about it. We bought a small two bedroom with an unfinished basement so that if we had more kids, we could remodel to give them their own rooms, and we scheduled a trip to Costa Rica for our honeymoon before I would be too big to really enjoy myself… but I was given very strict conditions, for the trip, about what I could eat and drink and about what kind of footwear would be appropriate… And I was happy to oblige. When I wasn't pregnant, I would have said a little risk was worth it for the adventure, but with a tiny life inside me, I was more concerned.
We managed to find a cruise that would take us down there, and all of their food was loaded up and stocked in L.A. But, it stopped in Puerto Ayora, where the Darwin Research Facility was, for one week, and then on the coast of Costa Rica for another week before heading back towards home. And with the money we now had, Jace knew we'd have other opportunities for beach-side vacations. He willingly gave me the honeymoon I had so desired and ridiculously growled at me when I tried on my old bikini, asking if he thought my boobs were now too big for it. I mean, I would only be three months when we went, and I wasn't worried about having a little tummy… but the way my boobs had swelled up already, I was worried about public indecency.
He plopped me onto the bed, assuring me that he saw nothing wrong with my new-found cleavage and I laughed, honestly happy, while he ran soft kisses over the stomach that I knew would not be flat for long.