Disclaimer: I don't own.

A/N: Once again, it's a little shorter than I intended it to be, but it's been like the longest day of my life. It rained this morning, and being in a room with eight one year olds who have too much pent up energy is... terrible. I hokey pokey-ed for like, honestly, forty minutes this morning. And that was just one of our large-moter/tire-these-kids-out-before-lunch-and-nap activities. You wouldn't think it's exhausting, but the tenth time around, it gets to you...

So, I'm going to post it a little short, and take some me-time before class. Ugh. :)

Chapter Forty Two:

I don't know how Catherine talked me into this. We paid for a 'Couple's Massage' because she said we'd be able to talk that way… and I had agreed, without really thinking it through. Now, I stood with my hair wound up with a sheet wrapped around myself, scared to walk into the room where I would lay down, naked, on a bed… and talk to Catherine while people touched me.

Yeah, I… really wasn't sure about this.

Hearing Catherine's voice behind me spurred me on, however—I wasn't going to let her see me hesitating, and if I could get in and situated before she was even in the room, I would feel better about that. So I rushed into the room we'd been directed to, plopped onto the table before realizing my feet were in the hole for my head… I spun around quickly, rearranged the sheet, and did everything I could do to slow my breathing down as the door opened and Catherine came in.

"Hey Sara… God, I can't wait for this. It's been years since I treated myself like this…"

She laid down on the next table over and when it sounded like she was lying still, I chanced a glance. She was covered, her hair up like mine, her eyes already closed. "…What about you? You get a lot of massages?"

I laughed softly. "No… I never have time."

"Oh, believe me, in three months you're going to be wishing you could go three times a week. Your lower back is going to hurt like nothing else."

"Ugh." I groaned. "I'm not looking forward to that…" She laughed, and our massage therapists entered, introducing themselves and setting to work—I felt goose bumps skate down my spine as the sheet was pulled down and peeked at Catherine—her eyes were still serenely closed. I closed them again, feeling a little more at ease.

And really, once you got over the idea that someone you didn't know what touching you… it felt pretty good. Maybe I would have to start getting massages on a regular basis, if my back was going to hurt as bad as she said…

"So," I said, when I was relaxed enough to feel a little more confident. "…Tell me what Gil's like."

I could hear the smile in her voice. "You've spent more time on him this trip than I have…"

I peeked again. Her face was amused. I scowled and closed my eyes. "I know, but… people are different around different people. …What's he like just around you? Or, at work? In public?"

Catherine laughed again. "Well, he's definitely more playful around me than around others. …But you've seen that side of him. He's playful around you, too. …At work, he's… he's in his element. …Solving cases, doing experiments, drawing blood from new recruits…"

"…What?"

She laughed. "Yeah, don't ask. …But also, if you two end up going somewhere with all your flirting and coy glances, I would be very much afraid of his fridge."

"Why?"

"Oh, if he runs out of room in the lab fridge he just throws his experiments and blood samples into the staff one. …It's a problem.

I laughed. "I'll be sure to watch out…"

There was a brief pause, and then, "…Where… are you two… going with this?"

I frowned, "Doesn't he… tell you anything?"

She snorted in disbelief. "He didn't tell me anything at all. I figured out most of what I know in the moment I saw you two eyeing each other in the pool. Although him calling you "Mrs. Wendt" helped. …I think the only thing I didn't have figured out was… He said that you married Jace because you thought he didn't know what he wanted. …He was telling me that the game I was playing with the pet names and everything wasn't going to help him seem like he did know."

"…You think he does?" I asked, hesitant and a little doubtfully.

This time, when I peeked, she was peeking too. I blushed but she just smiled and closed her eyes again. "Yes, I do. …Sara, let me tell you a little bit about the Gil Grissom I know. He lives alone, in a townhouse, and rarely has company. The furniture is functional, the house is clean, and the walls are decorated with framed, mounted butterflies behind glass. …But the house isn't warm, and it doesn't feel… homey. It feels like a bachelor pad, occupied by a man who no longer delights in bachelordom. I often find myself asking him, when he says he ate here or saw a show there… whether he went alone or with someone. Ninety percent of the time, he's gone alone."

She sighed, "…He works doubles more often than he goes home on time, and this past year, since his conference in San Francisco, he's been pulling triples in record numbers. The first three months he was back, he'd maxed out on overtime in the beginning of the second week of the month. Brass, our supervisor, ended up signing forms allowing him to work over the allotted time, because he's one of the best—we couldn't do it without him. Although he came and gave Gil a stern talking-to about spreading out his overtime so he didn't have to do that… Sara… I've never seen the man actively pursue a woman before, although he's had his share of dates over the years. …And I've never seen him so…upset… so not himself… as he has been since San Francisco. …Why do you think I took him on this cruise? He was absolutely miserable…"

I chewed on my lip. Why hadn't he been at the wedding, if this had been affecting him so deeply and for so long? …Clearly I had to mean something to him, because he was actively pursuing me. She said she'd never seen him do that… She said he'd been miserable. …What had he been trying to tell me, before, about the wedding? Suddenly, that seemed like vital information.

"…What do you think… he wants out of life? I mean, he seems pretty comfortable operating alone…"

She sighed softly. "Right now, Sara, I think he just wants you. I told you, I've never seen him like this. …But, if you're asking if the man's a loner, he is. I mean, he's never going to be super social. He's a man who is… dedicated to his work, who likes his privacy and his me-time, and who is… very independent. I think he likes being about to fly out to give lectures or… race his cockroaches as conventions… without being tied to much."

"We're all finished here, ladies." One of the women informed us, and with a frown on my face I sat up, holding the sheet tight around myself, and let myself out to change in a hurry. Whether Gil had wanted me before or not… whether he'd really wanted to marry me, that day on campus when he'd dropped to his knees and begged me to choose him instead… things were different now. Even though he seemed to think about the baby a lot, I was inclined to think that that was wishful thinking on my part.

I mean, when we were snorkeling… He had touched my stomach often, and while I had thought he was communicating concern that I was putting the baby at risk by diving so deep, it was certainly possible that he had just wanted to touch me. I mean, when my arms were floating at the surface, they were above his line of sight… he was probably just trying to retain some contact… because he wanted me. I knew that much. …But a man who liked his independence and his privacy and his me-time might look at me and want to touch me… but he wouldn't want to give up cockroach racing conventions to stay home with a baby that wasn't his.

Which meant that… I had just been dreaming, thinking that he could be mine someday. …Thinking that all of this had been a misunderstanding. …Besides, there was no reason to believe I was going to leave Jace. I mean, his actions had been terrible, but could I really leave the man whose baby I carried, whose name I bore, and whose very being was at once so kind and so gentle that it was impossible not to love him? …Well, with the noticeable exception of how he'd behaved on this trip. But I couldn't expect him to be kind and gentle and rational when he believed his wife was going to leave him for a man he'd trusted.

I dressed in a hurry, hoping to get back to my room before Catherine came out, so I could avoid any further conversation or any invitations to lunch with her and Gil. It was our last day on the island, and I really thought the best thing to do would be to take some time for myself, go exploring, and clear my head. It'd be another almost two days at sea before we reached Costa Rica, which meant I would likely have very little time to myself. I managed to slip off the boat undetected and hurried into town—there was still so much we hadn't done, and I didn't mind going places by myself either. And it would be good for me, because right now, I just needed time to think.