Disclaimer: I don't own.

A/N: ...Hitting on an engaged man. Tsk, tsk, Jelly and Kathy. I know he's sexy when brooding, but... :)

Hope you guys enjoy. This chapter was tedious to write, so I'm hoping it isn't tedious to read--I was trying to get all the in-between details out of the way, in between a few more interesting things. ...If nothing else, the ending is good. :)

Chapter Fifty Three:

Jace was in his room when I got home. I hadn't eaten, but I was anxious to avoid him, so I went straight to my room. There was a large vase with two dozen red roses. My heart leapt into my throat momentarily, thinking foolishly that Gil had sent them, but that was way too risky. I picked up the card—the words were simple. "I still love you. –Jace." With a sigh of disgust I lifted the heavy vase and hurried out to the kitchen, pulling the flowers from the vase to dump the water from it before depositing it and the flowers in the garbage. I went back to my room and closed the door, trying to sleep… and when a few minutes had passed, I heard his door quietly open and his footsteps out to the kitchen and back. His door closed with a light snap—he was still trying to be quiet, but his anger was getting the better of him.

I hardly slept, replaying Gil's words in my mind over and over again. They had not even been so amazing, but it had been so long since I'd heard his voice that being able to clearly remember and mimic in my head exactly what he'd sounded like… the deep, silky nature of his voice, breaking just a little when he'd told me that he loved me… it was heaven.

The next day, a Sunday, I scrubbed the house down and contacted a realtor about putting it on the market. And then I started packing—sure, we roughly a month left before I stopped receiving paychecks, but Jace had left a note on the counter saying he was putting in his two weeks that day, so there was no reason to believe I would have a lot of time. Besides, in a month I would be four and a half months pregnant, and I was certain that I'd be showing… it would be harder to lift boxes with the bump pushing them out.

Or so I reasoned—maybe I just needed to keep my days busy.

Monday, I called my regular ob/gyn for a checkup after the trip and to see if she knew anyone to recommend in Boston. I planned to shop around, but this woman was one I trusted a lot, so if she had suggestions… It was too early to tell the sex of the baby, and I was reluctant to make an ultrasound appointment when I wasn't sure how long we'd be in town. …Which meant I wouldn't be able to tell Gil before we were in Boston. …In Boston, it would be harder to talk to him. Kyleigh had suggested three-way calling… they would call him, and then call me on their other line, and put the two together… the phone records would show only their number calling me. The problem was that it would tie up both of their phone lines, and the calls would only be moderately private.

Once I had a job, maybe I could have him call me at work. I mean, not while I was supposed to be working, but… It could be done, right?

I expected the month to take forever, but it was a blur of activity… I was able to talk to Gil a little over a week later. He let me know that he was hiring a P.I. who used to be a cop he knew when he first came to the Vegas Lab to follow Jace, because all of the conventional searches he'd pulled in favors in order to do, even many of questionable legality, had yielded nothing. He was warning me that someone would be watching our home, while Jace was there. We packed up, Jace booked tickets to Boston and we found a house and purchased it, and he made a trip to meet his new employers and iron out the details.

When we got back to San Francisco, I was able to talk to Gil again… he was calling to see if Kyleigh and Michelle had received his package yet. They hadn't, though they called me the next day to say it had arrived… Jace questioned me, when I said I was going to go see them again. "They're my best friends and we're about to move across the country… I want to spend some time with them."

"You haven't been spending any time with Rachel…" He said, suspiciously. I scoffed.

"I hate Rachel." I said, and left, leaving him looking bewildered.

The package contained the ring, which was beautiful but made me nervous, just to have it on. I had brought a long necklace chain with me and slid it on that, putting over my neck, pleased to see that it fell into my cleavage, leaving no raised space on my shirt. As long as I wore t-shirts with collars that covered the chain, Jace would never even know I had a necklace on. It also contained a few pictures Catherine had taken of us, on the cruise. They had been before we had made love, and the sexual tension between us was clear even in the photograph, but still… they were nice to have.

I gushed over them, calling Kyleigh and Michelle over to look at him—Kyleigh gripped my shoulders. "He's hot for an old guy, Sar'."

This made Michelle frown, and she pulled the picture from us. "I wouldn't say that he's 'hot.' …He's… adorable. …You want to babysit him, not sleep with him."

Kyleigh and I grinned and exchanged a look—it didn't need to be said.

And then, before I knew it, my crime lab checks were collected, the furniture was loaded into moving trucks, and we were piling into Jace's car. We had sold my car—I had protested, disgusted at the idea of spending all that time with him, but the truth was that mine probably wouldn't make the trip—planning to buy a new one once in Boston.

I had expected to feel better in Boston. And while it was better than having to learn my way around a brand new city, I felt further away from Gil. I had previously thought that miles meant very little—unless I lived in Vegas, I might as well live anywhere for as much good as it did me… but looking around the new, empty house, thinking about choosing and decorating a room for the baby… and having to do so without Gil… I realized I had never felt further away from him.

Jace was home the first week, constantly around, asking me about decorating and arranging furniture and constantly trying to spend time with me… but he went to work the next week, and it was a relief. I emailed Kyleigh and Michelle pictures I'd found online of different kinds of baby furniture, and then called them and asked that they forward the email to Gil, to see what he thought… He emailed them back, saying he liked the dark wood furniture. I went out that day and ordered the set.

I started visiting with ob/gyns, and found a woman I was comfortable with… she stressed whatever was best for mom and baby, treating the father as if he were secondary… his involvement was only important if it was important to me. I loved it, and she had me set up my series of appointments with her receptionist with a glowing smile. I was going to like her.

And despite not wanting to take job in decorating the house that would never be a home, I felt better when I was busy, and I wanted to provide the best I could for our child—so I picked out paint, and spent a week painting the house and planning how to reorganize the furniture. I didn't dare try to move it myself, so I had to spend time with Jace, having him move things, at the end of his day. I didn't like it, but I also couldn't live in home that felt cold and empty… I couldn't raise a child that way.

I got a job as an assistant professor in the physics department at Boston University—the forensics department wasn't hiring, and as I had gotten my masters in forensics rather than physics, they were reluctant to give me more than an assistant's position. Some of that might have been due to the fact that I was expecting, but of course they couldn't legally say such a thing. I would help with lesson plans, grading, and more or less fill in for other teachers… The baby was due the following July, so I should be ready to start the fall semester, with my own full class load if they thought I did well during the remainder of the spring semester.

I told Jace, more because I felt I had to than because I wanted to, and he got excited, suggesting we go out to eat to celebrate. I made my excuses, rising to head to my room again, but stopped me. "Wait, Sara."

I crossed my arms and turned back to him. The press of Gil's grandmother's ring against my heart when I stood this way made me feel braver—like Gil was there with me, a talisman of strength within me. He sighed softly, and seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

"I… know that this marriage isn't… going to be… the way it used to be." He said, and the pain was clear in his eyes. I looked to one side—I felt bad for hurting him, but what he was doing to me was far worse than what I'd done to him. "But… it isn't good for you to be stressed all the time, and… and it isn't good for our baby, either. …Can't we at least… have some sense of normalcy?"

"No." I said, point blank. He sighed again.

"So… we're going to treat each other like this for the next… eighteen years and five months?"

Hearing it spelled out like that made me gasp for air, like I couldn't breathe—that was nearly twenty years I would be tied to this man. But no, surely once our child was older, he or she would be allowed to speak for themselves? …It couldn't really be that long that I would have to go with Gil. I refused to believe that.

"Sara?"

I snapped back to attention, frowning. "Well, you could take back your threat of blackmailing, I could go back to feeling terrible for unintentionally hurting you, and we could arrange a joint custody arrangement between Gil and I and you… Maybe you'd even fall in love with someone else."

He scowled. "I'm not blackmailing you, Sara, I'm being realistic. Your 'joint custody arrangement' would be you get the baby most of the year and I get holidays… that isn't fair to me. If I have to lose you, and I can see that I have, I'm not going to give up my baby, too, without a fight. …It's not a threat, it's just… honesty. And if I'm being honest, I can tell you that I honestly don't believe this is a good environment in which to raise a child. …You don't have to like me, but you have to stop hating me…"

"No." I said, and went to my room without eating again, simply to avoid him. I had granola bars in my bedside table, having anticipated another situation like this one. …I didn't want his words to get to me, but they did. I could paint the walls and decorate my home and stress over all the external details of the world in which the baby would live, but it wasn't good for a child to grow up in a hostile home. Even if neither of us ever raised a hand in anger, the fighting alone would be detrimental.

The only good thing that came in the first month we lived in Boston was the ultrasound—I didn't tell Jace I had the appointment but he somehow appeared in the waiting room beside me moments before I was called inside, heightening my suspicions that he was going through everything—my emails, my mail, the phone records, everything. I figured my doctor would send him away if I asked her, but I didn't know her all that well yet… I didn't want to make a scene.

And after the appointment, I was positively bouncing when I called Kyleigh and Michelle to tell them, and to figure out a way for me to tell Gil. I didn't care what Jace said or thought—Gil was going to be a daddy as much or more so than he was. Later than night, I got a call from Michelle.

"Sara… Hi. I, uh… just was calling to say congratulations about learning the sex of the baby. I… know we talked about it, already, but…I'm so excited." I snorted—she was not good at being sneaky.

"He's out in the garage with an old car he's restoring to fill up the time in the evenings, because I won't spend time with him. Besides, I don't think he has the phone tapped… Were you able to get a hold of… caterpillar?"

That had been Kyleigh's suggestion—using a code word for Gil instead of using his name. I had thought it was silly, but when the particular code word came to mind… it was too funny to not use.

"Hello Sara," came Gil's voice, deep and soft and sensual. I jumped in surprise and yet shivered at the same time—Oh, the things he did to me.

Michelle giggled. "I'm going to set the phone down for… ten minutes, and then come back. If you're still talking, I'll leave again. …Sound good?"

"Yes, thank you." I said, my heart hammering in my chest, moving to double check that Jace had not yet reentered the house. …Would he get suspicious if I locked the door to the garage? Probably. I heard the distinct sound of the phone being set on a table, and breathed in deeply. "…Gil?"

"Hi honey… how was your appointment today?" I could tell he was trying to contain his excitement, to let me tell him in my own time. I had no such self-control.

"It's a girl!"

"A girl!" He said, practically shouting, his voice positively jubilant.

I grinned. "…Is that what you wanted? Are you happy?"

He sniffled. Was he crying? "I'm so happy, Sara. I… I didn't want it to be anything but healthy but… oh, a little girl. She's going to look just like you."

"If she's very unlucky…" I said, but he clucked his tongue and sniffled again. He was crying.

"No… if she's very lucky. Her mother is the most beautiful woman in the world."

"…I wish you could have been there. I'm gonna scan an ultrasound picture tonight and email it to Ky and Michelle for you."

"I wanted to be there too. I couldn't think about anything else, all day."

"…Really?"

"Of course, honey… Did you think I wouldn't be?"

I frowned. "No… I just…"

"What?"

"…It's so hard, only getting to talk to you so often… I get insecure, thinking that you'll decide I'm not worth all the trouble…"

"Don't. …You're worth that and so much more… it won't be this way forever, Sara. We'll figure something out."

"How? You said you couldn't find anything and—" I heard the door to the garage open and caught my breath in my throat, immediately whispering. "I love you, Gil. I have to—" When I heard his footsteps in the kitchen, on the same floor, I changed to speaking out loud. "So Ky's birthday is coming up soon, huh? Do you know what you're going to get her yet?"

He sighed. "I love you too, Sara. …We will figure something out. I promise."

"Ohh, well you can tell me later, when she isn't in the house…"

"You are worth it, Sara. …I'm so happy it's a girl."

"Oh! I know you have to get going, but you never said if you guys had any girl names you liked…"

I could hear the smile in his voice. "…I like Ayla."

I smiled too, struggling to keep my voice sounding like I was just talking to a friend. "Oh, that is cute…"

"It's Hebrew for 'Oak Tree'… Our first kiss was against an oak tree."

I felt my eyes watering. "…That's beautiful."

"I love you, honey."

I swallowed, blinking, forcing my voice back to indifference. "I love you guys too."