Disclaimer: I don't own.

A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting. I had... some strange things happen. Next update will most likely be Saturday-staff meeting in half an hour and then tomorrow night we're painting our classroom. Two summers ago, the teachers in the room painted it neon lime green. ...I can't tell you how excited I am to change it! :)

Anyway, thanks as always for the reviews! They mean the world!

Chapter Eighty Five:

I slowly opened my eyes and found his blue ones staring back at me. I smiled softly, lifting sleep-heavy hands to his face and running them gently over the beard I still wasn't used to. His delicate lips quirked, just slightly, and I sighed deeply. Last night had been easy—no explanations necessary, really. Sure, there were some apologies thrown out in the passion of the moment, but it wasn't the same… It wasn't what would be needed this morning.

I swallowed, my eyes taking in the dimness of the light and Ayla's soft snores coming between us. It was still early. "…I went to see Jace's dad." I say, thinking that perhaps being direct is the best approach.

He swallowed too, and I wondered if mine had been just as loud in the stillness. "…and?"

I blinked several times, clearing the sleep from my eyes. "I… wanted to clear the air. I… didn't want to be with you and have Susan able to hold that knowledge over our heads, threatening to create a scandal at the funeral or to… change the way his father's thinks of me or… tell Ayla in a twisted, unfair kind of way. …I wanted there to be no more secrets."

"…So they know?"

He doesn't specify what he means—about him or about us—so I answer for both. "…They do. They know that I wanted to leave Jace… they know I'm in love with you… they know about you and her."

He nods, his eyes sliding out of focus as he considers my words. I let mine glance down to Ayla, kissing her curls. Despite the stress of what needs to be discussed, I feel like the moment is a cocoon of warmth. I'm tucked into bed with the love of my life and my child and though I miss the child's father, I've made peace with his death. When my eyes drift back to his, he's watching me, that familiar twist to his lips telling me that he isn't upset I've told his secrets to Jace's family.

I smile softly, reaching a tentative hand to brush over his exposed chest, feeling as though I should find it strange that we're both naked with Ayla in between us, but I don't. …I would never have done this with Jace and Ayla, but I wonder idly if this kind of thing is normal for families in which the parents are in love. He breaks the silence first, taking my hand and lifting it from his chest to his lips, kissing my fingertips and letting his words brush softly against them.

"…What changed, from yesterday…? With us, I mean."

He could be much harsher than this, if he chose to be. I had been all over the place in the last few days. I licked my lips. "Jace… After he hit you, when he found out about you and Susan… when I was explaining to him about how she had been the predator, we had a… moment."

His eyes narrow. "A moment?"

My lips curl into a smile at his lingering jealousy and with the realization that this is the first vulnerability he's shown me since Jace died. I hasten to explain. "I… told him that just because I was in love with you didn't mean that I didn't love him still, but that it just wasn't the same. I told him I wished we'd broken it off before the wedding… on good terms. So we could remember the relationship in good terms. He… was upset that I wouldn't remember being happy with him and… when I told him that that wasn't true, he… he told me he had written something in a book of poetry in his room that he'd been trying to give me for months. Before he could tell me what, you knocked on the door."

"I'm sorry."

I shook my head, running my thumb over his cheek bone and then down into the bristly whiskers on his cheeks. "Don't be… I didn't mean to leave you out there with her, especially after you'd been assaulted… I just wanted him to understand."

"…So you found it, then? Yesterday, when you were going through the books?"

I nodded softly, feeling a soft smile cross my face, thinking of the poem and the letter. "…I'll show you later. He… he'd been trying to let me go for months. …He was trying hard not to be like her."

He reached out to me this time, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and then letting the back of his knuckles trace down my cheeks. "…So then you didn't feel guilty?"

Always so perceptive. I nodded again. "It was… almost like he was giving his blessing. And… when I talked to his dad yesterday, he… gave his too. I didn't even know that I wanted it, until he asked me…"

"Good. He… seems like a genuinely nice man." I smiled, knowing that it was hard for him to know that he had been involved in hurting the man, even if he hadn't really been in control.

"I think he feels the same way about you. He… when I said you were nineteen… he looked… disgusted."

Gil's eyes slid away from me again and I could see how uncomfortable the topic made him. He didn't like feeling vulnerable or remembering having been a victim. The idea of the man pitying him had to be hard. I ran a hand gently through his curls, drawing his eyes back to mine. "I'm… better now. I'm not going to push you away anymore."

I watched as his eyes seemed to darken and he swallowed again. "I… I was an idiot, to jump to conclusions… before."

I know that he means the phone call, the night that Jace had been in my room… the last time we spoke, prior to everything with Ayla. This time I was the one who looked down, watching Ayla's small frame, curled up in sleep, her thumb in her mouth, her small frame was rising and falling with each breath. I took a moment to match my breathing to hers, to calm myself, because it was hard to think of that time period, when the PPD had been nearly at its worst.

"…I'm not still mad, but…" I looked up at him. "…I think it's an issue we need to address."

He frowned. "…Address?"

I felt my lips turn down a little at his confusion. "…Your avoidance tactics. You don't have to like confrontation, Gil, but you do have to communicate with me… When something happens, you have to address it."

He swallowed and, after a long moment, nodded. "I know. …I know that. I… Jace said some things to me, in the hospital, while you slept. …Knowing what you know about Susan and our…relationship… you can appreciate why I might be wary to be taken advantage of again. …Trust is a struggle, and I'd been replaying his words in my head for months, letting them play on my insecurities… When I heard what I thought, at the time, was undeniable evidence of betrayal, I… panicked."

"But when you heard my messages—"

"I didn't… I just deleted them. I knew it would hurt too much to hear you tell me that it was just a stupid mistake and you were so sorry. …I knew that I wouldn't deny you, if I heard the slightest pain in your voice, and…and I've had enough of being manipulated."

I frowned again and he sighed. "But, honey… there has to be some middle ground, for us to work. …You might be afraid of being hurt… but it'll hurt just as much if we lose each other because we weren't willing to hear each other out…"

He averted his eyes and nodded, and though he didn't say the words, I knew he would be making an effort in the future—the remorse in his eyes communicated as much. When his voice comes again, it's tight with emotion. "I… You were… When did you see a doctor about… you know?"

I raised an eyebrow. "My post-partum depression? …Shortly after that. It… got bad."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, with that… I made you go through it alone." His voice quavers with emotion and his tone is entirely self-deprecating.

I cluck my tongue and shake my head. "I didn't tell you what I was going through. It was hard for both of us, being so far apart. …I want us to move forward, not dwell on the past."

He frowned, clearly not feeling I was put enough weight on his crimes, and I leaned closer to him, pressing my lips very softly against his. He tilted his face into the kiss, not deepening it but just softly reciprocating.

Nothing hugely important took place the rest of the day—the realtor who had been supposed to come the previous day came over, apologizing and explaining that her youngest daughter had gone into labor and she'd been so excited she'd simply gotten caught up in that. I smiled at the thought that there was new life coming into the world… I liked the idea that such goodness could still exist. That I could be aware of it and appreciate it…We packed up Jace's room, we played with Ayla, and when she asked for Jace, I explained that he was gone, this time.

I talked to Jace's father about the funeral plans and we booked our tickets and hotel rooms—we were stopping in Vegas for a night so Gil could get a decent change of clothes and his suit. It would be the first time I'd seen his home and I was rather excited for it… We packed our bags, we did some laundry, and when Gil was redressed in clean clothing, we even went out to eat when we decided we were too tired from our day of packing to cook. It was a quiet, simple day, spend in comfortable companionship and it warmed my heart to imagine a life this way.

Once Jace's funeral was over, we'd come back to Boston to finish packing up the house and take care of all our loose ends… and then Ayla and I would be moving to Las Vegas, into Gil's townhouse. He hadn't mentioned marriage, but I still had his grandmother's wedding ring. I had taken it off when I knew he was coming to Boston—I was embarrassed for him to see that I hadn't removed it when I had believed he must have moved on—but it was safe in my jewelry box and if he still wanted me to have it… there were any number of drive-through chapels in Vegas.

Whatever it would take to finally be together the way we had wanted and deserved to be for so very, very long.