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Chapter 4/7
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The man who had stepped through the portal the previous day had announced that he was Gimum, lord high chancellor to King Harrund of Nidavellir.
He had declared that the King would be visiting the next day to issue a proclamation, and if his demands were not met, the realm of Midgard would feel the consequences.
Tony couldn't help but laugh when the guy drew out a sword and waved it around a bit. He looked like a kid with a toy that was slightly too large, or he did until he took one swipe at one of the floating cars and a giant eruption of light had exploded from its metal edges and cleaved the vehicle in two.
"You should be the most afraid," the little guy had warned, pointing his sword towards Tony. "My weapon would separate your head from your body. It would cut through your armour as if it were butter, and I'll wager you are softer on the inside than the outside."
Tony took a step backwards and glanced nervously at Thor, who stood holding Mjolnir tightly in his grip.
"Good Odinson," Gimum said, with a slight bow. "I had heard tell that you were stationed on Midgard these days, but I did not expect to find you in the company of such wretches."
"Do not slight my friends with your words," Thor growled.
"I merely speak as I find, my lord, but if you align yourselves with these, these…" Gimum searched for words for a moment, and then waved his sword towards Steve as he continued, "These immoral characters, then I shall judge you by the company you keep."
"Keep speaking, Lord Gimum, and you will feel the consequences," Thor threatened.
"Tell me, Thor," Gimum said, leaning forward slightly, with a smirk on his face. "How does your brother fare, these days? Does he still bear the scars?"
Thor suddenly moved forward, raising Mjolnir as he walked, and he growled, "You will not speak of Loki!"
Gimum visibly braced himself, waiting for the hammer to fall, and when it did he stood unmoving, as Mjolnir connected with his chest plate with a small metallic clunk.
Thor looked at Mjolnir, and said, "I-I do not understand."
Gimum started to laugh. "Oh Thor, did you forget we made her? Did you not realise we could quite as easily make armour to defend against her?" He clapped his hands together and said, "Enough of the idle chatter. Be here tomorrow when the sun is highest in the sky. King Harrund will arrive at that time, with his army, to issue his proclamation. He will of course be staying the night and we expect chambers to be available for him and his companions."
The portal began to glow and pulse again, and Gimum turned and walked through it, leaving the Avengers in the street, wondering what the hell just happened.
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"So tell me about these… Dwarves," Fury said to Thor, shifting in his seat at the head of the conference table, the next morning.
"Well, they are short," Loki said with a grin.
Fury pointed angrily at Loki and scowled at him. "You, keep your damn mouth shut."
Loki grumbled quietly to himself, and pulled his feet up onto his chair.
"Seriously?" Clint asked. "You pulled me and Nat out of a mission for Dwarves?"
"Though their stature may be small, I would not underestimate them, my friend," Thor said. "They are a formidable opponent."
"So tell us about them," Steve said, laying his hands on the table.
"They are master craftsmen," Thor began. "Their forges, and the weapons created in them, are renowned across the realms for their accuracy and their deadliness."
"Weapons?" Natasha asked.
"They made Mjolnir," Thor said lowly.
"We are so screwed," Tony said.
"Do we have any idea what their demands are?" Steve asked.
"I guess we'll find out later today," Fury said.
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Just before noon the Quinjet touched down in the street where the portal had appeared the previous day, and the Avengers walked down the ramp.
"You worried?" Tony asked, when he noticed Loki who had decided, for some reason that Tony yet to figure out, to attend the meeting in the form of a random SHIELD agent, fidgeting nervously beside him.
"Aren't you?" Loki asked.
"Well given what the guy said about separating my head from my body, yeah, a little bit," Tony replied.
"Remember what we said, guys," Steve announced. "We see what he has to say first. I don't want anyone provoking this into a fight if we don't have to."
"You really think this won't end in a fight?" Bruce asked, as he stood by Steve's side.
Steve half heartedly shrugged, and said, "We can only hope."
"Yeah, right. So that's why everyone has been evacuated in a ten block radius? 'Cause this is gonna off without any fighting?" Clint quipped.
"Better to be safe than sorry," Steve replied.
"They arrive," Thor said, gripping Mjolnir tightly as pink sparks began to shower into the street, and the portal opened.
Tony had to fight the urge to slam his faceplate down as two Dwarves in brightly coloured robes stepped out into the street and raised long brass trumpets to their lips.
Non threatening. Calm. Not about to fire his repulsors and a barrage of missiles into the portal… Yeah, Tony could totally do that.
When the call was finished, one of the trumpeters lowered his instrument and announced loudly, "Mortals of Midgard, I present to you his royal highness, King Harrund of Nidavellir, and his daughter, Princess Dulvina."
The trumpeters bowed deeply as the portal began to shimmer, and out stepped a Dwarf with long flowing black hair, and what Tony could only describe as the ugliest Hobbit he had ever seen.
The king walked forward, stopping just a few feet in front of the Avengers, as row after row of heavily armoured soldiers poured out behind him, and took up positions around the street.
He waited and then pointedly cleared his throat.
"King Harrund," Thor said, bowing slightly.
Tony looked at Steve and then to Natasha, who shrugged her shoulders, and then awkwardly bowed.
When the king was satisfied that he had been greeted correctly he nodded and smiled. "It is good to see you again, son of Odin. It has been many years."
"Aye, it has," Thor agreed. "I did not realise you were king of Nidavellir now."
Harrund flashed a sly smile and said, "Well, a few well placed assassinations will get you everywhere."
"And your wife, Girna, will she be joining us today?"
Harrund looked briefly downcast. "Sadly Girna fell in the struggle for the throne, but I have remarried, and as you can see, my new wife has helped my beautiful daughter grow into a fine young woman."
"That she has," Thor replied, and Tony could see he was having a hard time keeping a straight face.
The Princess… Well, Tony didn't like to be rude in general, and certainly not about a woman's appearance, but Dulvina, well, there was no other way to say it: she looked like she smelled.
Her hair was long and uncombed, and the section level with her mouth looked like it had some rancid meat stuck in it. When she smiled what was left of her teeth were stained brown and pitted with whatever the dwarf equivalent of tartar was.
"Shall we get down to the important business at hand?" Harrund asked. "Thor, I assume you are to witness the ceremony at the behest of the All Father."
"Ceremony?" Thor asked.
"The marriage ceremony," Harrund said.
"Wait, who is getting married?" Tony asked.
"Well, Dulvina, of course. To that one there," the king said, as he raised his hand and pointed at Steve.
"Whoa, wait, what?" Steve, asked raising his hands. "I'm not marrying anyone."
A look of anger crossed the kings face, and he said, "You took my daughter's honour and now you refuse to wed?"
"Steve, you old dog," Natasha quipped.
"I have no idea what he's talking about," Steve said to Natasha, and then he turned to the king. "I have no idea what you're talking about. This is the first time I've ever seen your daughter."
"Liar!" Harrund shouted. "I saw you in my realm with my own two eyes! Do not dare to lie to me!"
"You'd better marry her, Steve. He looks serious," Loki said as he skirted from behind Steve, back behind Tony's shoulder and out of harms way.
Steve tossed Loki a glare over his shoulder, and then turned back to the king. "Honestly, sir. I don't lie. I have no idea what you are talking abou-"
The king held his hand up, cutting Steve off. "I will hear no more of this. You have one day, and then we will be leaving for Nidavellir. If you do not agree to marry my daughter I will wage a war upon you the likes of which this realm have never seen! Now take us to our quarters!"
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With the king and his army safely escorted to the St. Regis hotel, the Avengers headed back towards the tower, where Fury was… well, furious.
"How the hell did this happen?" he shouted as he slammed his fist down on the table.
"I have absolutely no idea," Steve said back, "I swear I've never seen either of them before in my life."
"Guys," Clint interrupted, and then he looked at Loki, "I think we all know this is Loki's fault."
"What?" Loki squawked, looking up. "I haven't done anything, I swear."
"Really?" Clint asked. "Who is the only one round this table who could even get to another realm or planet or whatever?"
Tony thought about it for a moment, and then turned his face towards his husband. "Loki? Did you do this?" he asked.
Loki's mouth opened and closed as if trying to find the right words, or lies, and then finally he grimaced and said, "I may have inadvertently caused some offence."
"I knew it!" Clint shrieked.
"What?" Natasha exclaimed. "How the hell do you start a war between a place and us?"
Loki half turned away, and mumbled, "I was accused of deflowering the king's daughter."
"You cheated on me?" Tony asked angrily.
Loki turned back and quickly said, "No! No! Absolutely not! I would never do such a thing."
"So what exactly did you do?"
"I was… caught in her room while attempting to steal a powerful magical amulet. They decided I was guilty without even questioning me. You've seen what she looks like, so surely you understand why the accusation is utterly absurd," Loki said with a shudder.
"OKkkkk… so you didn't cheat on me, but that doesn't explain why the king has a bone to pick with the Avengers since you've made it painfully clear on several occasions that you aren't one of us."
Loki grimaced again. "I may have been wearing Captain Roger's face at the time."
"What?" Steve shrieked. "You were me? Why the hell would you do that?"
"Well I could hardly wear my own face! A few months ago Odin told me I was strictly forbidden from visiting any realm, except Asgard or Midgard, and that I was not too old to be put over his knee and spanked like a child!"
"Why would father forbid you from visiting other realms?" Thor asked.
"There may have been an incident with the Jotuns," Loki mumbled.
"The Jotuns?" Thor asked. "What did you do?"
Loki sighed and said, "Odin had long ago told me I should never enter Jotunheim again and… I may have disobeyed him."
"May have?" Tony asked.
"I may have sneaked in and pissed on a monument dedicated to Laufey."
"What happened?"
"Odin put me over his knee and spanked me like a child! Were you not listening?" Loki shouted.
"Wow," Clint said. "That is one fucked up family dynamic you've got going on there."
Loki sighed and looked down. "I am sorry. I did not mean this to happen. I did not realise they would be able to follow me back here, but I was injured while trying to flee, and I must have left some trace behind."
"They were the ones who speared you in the chest?" Tony asked, angrily.
"They were," Loki replied quietly.
"Well, I say we go back to Nidavellir with them, and then give them hell," Tony said.
"We are not about to start a war," Steve said.
"They skewered my husband!"
"And it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person," Clint said.
"Clint," Natasha said, with a note of warning in her voice.
"What?" Clint asked. "I'm only saying what most people round this table are thinking. I think I'll go down to that hotel and shake the king's hand."
Before Tony could shout, Thor jumped from his seat, slammed his hands down on the table and cried, "Enough!"
"Guys! Guys!" Steve said, standing up, holding his hands out. "We can't fight amongst ourselves here. We need to come up with a plan… and preferably one that doesn't involved throwing me a bachelor party."
As Thor sat down, Bruce leaned forward and quietly said, "I might have an idea."
"Let's hear it," Steve said, as he too sat back into his seat.
"She's royalty, right?" Bruce said.
"Your point?" Steve asked
"She probably has all fancy manners and stuff, so how about Steve offends her delicate sensibilities?"
"Er, Bruce," Tony said. "I don't know if it's escaped your notice, but Steve isn't exactly the most offensive person."
"Actually that isn't a bad plan," Steve said. "But Tony is right. We need someone really offensive… Sarcastic and rude. Someone who doesn't really care all that much about other peoples feelings and has no issue with stamping all over them."
As Steve spoke all eyes turned towards the figure slumped in a chair next to Tony, sitting with his legs open and admiring his own fingernails.
Steve finished, "And someone who can shape shift to look like other people."
Loki looked up, paused a moment, and said, "Why are you all looking at me, you inbred oafs?"
"Hey, guess what, Loki," Natasha said. "We've got a plan."
"How wonderful for you," Loki replied dryly, as he stifled a yawn. "I'm sure you will explain it to me, even though I am not the least bit interested."
"Oh, you'll love this plan, Loki," Natasha said with a grin.