Buffy

Buffy, Faith, and Giles head to the dining hall. Faith was anxious, Buffy could sense her extreme agitation and desperately wanted to send her support and comfort, but she resisted. It wasn't fair to try to manipulate Faith's emotions, and she knew it.

"What are we going to do with Willow?" Giles asks once they are settled at one of the tables.

"Do?" Buffy raises an eyebrow at her watcher.

"There must be consequences for her actions."

"What would you suggest? Can you make more of whatever Faith used to take her powers away?"

"We can try that. However, I fear that was only as effective as it was because she was sharing her life force with Tara."

"You sent Faith in there not knowing if it was even going to work?"

"There wasn't much choice, B. I had to try to stop her."

Buffy frowned, trying to suppress her rage at all that had happened. "So if that won't work, what else can we do?"

"I don't have the resources to bind her powers. Nor do we have the ability to contain her any other way."

"Ok, so what then? Are you suggesting we use her to help seal the Hellmouth and then kill her?"

"I'm not suggesting anything, only pointing out that we have to be aware of how dangerous she is."

"And why is she so dangerous anyway? How could you have just abandoned her? Why didn't the council send someone to help keep things safe in Sunnydale?"

"I don't know. I lost touch with the council. They blamed me for your disappearance and were very unhelpful in trying to locate you. They focused their resources on finding potential slayers and training them, hoping to find a way to reactivate the slayer line."

"I really do not like them." Buffy frowns and sits back in her seat.

"Yes, well. I have always found the council's methods to be flawed." Giles looks away.

Buffy and Giles had both stopped eating, only poking at what was in front of them.

"I need to go back to the mansion for supplies." Giles finally says.

"I'll go with you. Angelus might still be out there." Faith offers, talking with her mouth full. Buffy does her best to suppress her disappointment and fear at this idea. She can tell she didn't do a great job when Faith gasped, causing her to choke briefly on her food. "Don't worry, B. We'll be back."

Buffy frowns, she was burning with sadness. Knowing all the people who were dead because of her mistakes, she could barely contain the pain she was feeling. This is all my fault, and after saving Willow, we might have to kill her anyway.

"Hey, it's ok. It's not all your fault. You didn't do this." Faith offers Buffy a comforting hug, and Buffy leans into it. Sighing deeply.

"Something more must have happened between you two? You said Tara helped you tap into your slayer connection. What does that mean exactly?"

Buffy shook her head sadly at the memory of Tara and tried to focus herself on the present. "We don't know. I've always felt a tingling around Faith, letting me know where she is. But now, it's so much more. I can feel her emotions, and I seem to be able to send emotions over the link to her." Faith's only contribution to the explanation was a slight nod.

"Curious," Giles replies, looking at the two women thoughtfully.

"Giles, what is this spell you planning to do?" Buffy asks, doing her best to control her emotions and keep focused on finding a way to stop the First.

"Right now, the Hellmouth is open. Demons can pass into our world at will. Additionally, the proximity effects you once felt in the high school have escalated severely. Many of the terrible things that have happened are because humans were influenced to take evil actions. The spell will close the Hellmouth and reduce the effects of its evil influence. Hopefully, it will also banish the first."

"Only hopefully?"

"I don't know precisely what spells Willow performed. It is difficult to predict what will happen."

Faith finished her packet and rose from the table. "Let's get a move on, G."

Buffy watched with apprehension as the pair left. She could feel Faith's excitement at getting a chance to get outside and possibly fight something. Frowning, she gathered herself and headed to the training room. Hoping to burn off some of her excess energy and focus on something other than Faith for a while. She entered the training room and surveyed her options. There were several punching bags and wooden dummies, along with all types of weight training equipment. She decided to do some stretching and other warm-ups before testing herself. After only a few minutes, she felt a familiar sensation approaching from behind.

"Back already?"

"Never left, we checked surveillance before going - guess Angelus didn't want Giles to get back into the mansion. It was a lot on fire."

"How is Giles going to find what he needs now?"

"Not sure, he's checking out what they have here." Even if Buffy couldn't tell what Faith was feeling, her agitation was evident. Getting worked up to fight and then not being able to, did not make for a happy slayer.

"Spar?" Buffy offers.

Faith grinned and stalked towards Buffy. She stood casually, waiting to see what Faith would do. Faith feinted right and punched out with her left. Buffy was surprised but managed to deflect the blow and keep her feet. The aggressiveness of the first attack, letting her know that Faith wasn't planning on holding back.

Buffy launched a series of punches, which Faith dodged and parried - jabs meant to put Faith on the defensive and not give an opportunity to attack. When Buffy thought she had the advantage, she went for a leg sweep. Faith had been ready though and leaped over the attack, simultaneously punching out and managing to clip Buffy on the shoulder, spinning her. As Faith landed, she went for her own leg sweep which caught the off-balance Buffy, and she fell to the ground.

Back on her feet before Faith could even be pleased with her success, Buffy launched another series of punches, this time, varying her efforts. Adding in several blows to Faith's ribs, one of which landed solidly, knocking the wind out of Faith and making her step back. Neither slayer had any awareness of the crowd that had gathered. Several of the soldiers, including Riley, had entered the training room and quickly become entranced by the battle before them.

Buffy did not relent after knocking the wind out of Faith. She punched out again. Faith managed to deflect the blow, grabbing Buffy's wrist and throwing her to the ground. Quickly following the motion with a kick at her head as she tried to rise. Buffy grabbed the leg and flipped her onto her back. Jumping up and pinning Faith to the ground. Trapping her arms to her sides with her legs. "What's the matter? Can't beat me without Willow's help?" Buffy laughed at Faith as she struggled to free herself.

Faith grinned and gave up her struggling. Fighting each other wasn't quite the same as killing demons, but it did relieve some of the ache they both had from not being able to slay.

"What the hell are you guys?" A deep voice calls out to them, breaking the silence.

Buffy leaps off of Faith and stands defensively, and Faith is beside her in an instant. They both calm when they see the soldiers and their look of awe. These were the same soldiers who attempted to imprison Willow not too long ago. The slayers didn't answer, only grinned at each other and walked passed their audience.

Together they walked back in the direction of their rooms. "I'm going to get cleaned up and check on Willow." Buffy offers, "I'll see you later? Maybe Giles will have figured something out." Buffy was worked up after the fighting, and she needed some time away from Faith - knowing that she couldn't or at least shouldn't try to act on her desires again. Faith said nothing as Buffy walked away from her towards her room.

Buffy entered the room and closed the door, leaning against it for a moment. This is going to be hard. How am I supposed to resist wanting to be with her? Especially when I know at least part of her doesn't want me to. She could still feel Faith's energy, their rooms weren't all that far apart, and the feelings she was covered in right now are very intense. I've apparently ignored my feelings since I met her, I should be able to keep doing it now. Buffy tried to convince herself as she undressed to take her shower.

She entered the shower, leaving the water cold, hoping it would calm her down. It was not working. The sensations seemed to be getting stronger the harder she tried to push them away.

"Cold shower, B? Is it helping?" Buffy is jolted out of her thoughts at the sound of Faith's voice. Faith who was now standing in Buffy's bathroom. Buffy peered at Faith over the edge of the flimsy shower curtain.

"I think you know that it's not," Buffy responded.

Faith smirked, "Well, when you're done with whatever you're doing in there. Maybe we can talk?"

Giles

How could I have thought for a second that Angelus was on the side of good? I should have known he would be up to something. And on top of that allowing myself to be tricked by the First Evil. I have to find some way to undo all the damage that has been done. I made so many mistakes. I failed Buffy and Faith both. I should have tried harder with Faith. Her mistakes were really no different from my own. And then I left Willow alone, even when I knew the girl was treading in dangerous territory. I cannot believe how stupid and arrogant I was. I knew she had power. I should have done more to make sure she wasn't dabbling in dark magic. If I had known sooner that Tara had been killed, maybe I would have been able to stop all this.

Giles sighed and focused his energies on what he could do now to try and improve their situation. He searches through the of books he found in what Riley told him was their library. It was just a spare examination room, lined with books and artifacts. Many of which he realized Willow must have liberated from him at one time or another.

It was clear that someone had taken great care to organize the books, though he wasn't sure if it was Willow or Tara who would have done so. There was a small desk with a light where he sat with what appeared to be the newest books that were added to the collection. He began idly flipping through, not even sure of what he was hoping to find. He quickly realized it was in a language he didn't even recognize and was ready to slam it shut when he noticed one of the pages was loose.

It turned out to be a note someone had added to the book and slid between the pages. He pulled it out gently, eyes widening in shock as he examined it. The pages it was stuck between held two images. One he recognized as an image of the seal which used to protect the Hellmouth. The other was an ornate weapon that he had no clue about. It had a curved ax blade on one end and what appeared to be a wooden stake on the other.

The note said -

Scythe - made for the slayer? Could it be the key to closing the Hellmouth?

There was also a hand-drawn map, the drawing was rough, and he did not recognize or understand any of the landmarks. He continued to search through the pile of books, no longer trying to read them, only looking to see if there were any more notes. He couldn't even be sure who had written it, but it was the closest thing he had found to real information.

Faith

Faith exited the bathroom and sat down on the bed, waiting while Buffy finished in the shower. Not being able to help herself, she watched as Buffy dried off and dressed.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Faith blushed and looked away. "Maybe, I shouldn't have come in here."

"You wanted to talk, so let's talk. Everyone is fully clothed now, should be safe for talking."

Faith stood up and faced away from Buffy. "Yeah... I just… I wanted to explain why we can't do this."

Buffy was not at all good at hiding her feelings. When Faith first made her presence known, Buffy's excitement and arousal were clear. Now her sadness and disappointment had taken over, along with a fair bit of anger. The emotions were verging on causing Faith physical pain. She needed to get Buffy to calm down somehow. She had no idea how to deal with her own feelings, nevermind someone else's.

"I'm sorry - I don't mean to be messing with you… I'm just not used to dealing with all this."

"This?"

"Feelings." Faith took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "What do you feel from me?"

"Mostly fear."

Faith frowned a little, "Ok, but how strong is it? Do you have to reach for it? Or is it just there? Can you tell which feelings are yours, and which are mine?"

"It's always there, but just barely. If I focus, it gets stronger and I can sense more feelings. And yeah... I can tell which ones are yours. Why? Is that not how it is for you?"

Faith couldn't seem to bring herself to answer.

"I'm guessing that's a no."

Faith shook her head and looked down at the floor, "your feelings are kinda everywhere."

"Oh." Faith could feel a ripple of sadness from Buffy. "I will try to work on feeling less."

"No... that's not what I'm trying to tell you." Faith stood up and starting pacing.

"My childhood was… difficult. I put all that behind me once I got my power, and I decided I wasn't going to let anyone take anything from me ever again. I decided I was going to be the one in control."

The steady stream of extreme emotions from Buffy seemed to calm a little, giving Faith a chance to remember what she was trying to say.

"I thought if I could act confident and uncaring that it would be true. Most of the stories I told you didn't really happen. I wanted to be the girl who just took whatever she wanted and didn't care how much it hurt everyone else."

"But now….I can't pretend that what I do doesn't matter to anyone." Faith frowned and wrapped her arms around herself. "Or maybe I don't want to pretend. I'm not even sure."

Faith was shaking with fear and confusion. I only believed one person ever actually cared about me and look how that turned out? How can this be real? But I know it's real. She groaned in frustration. She had sort of explained herself, but not enough to make Buffy understand. How can I explain this to her? I know she's not going to go evil or something, but I'm just not worth caring about the way she seems to care about me. I shouldn't have come in here. I don't know what I was thinking.

"Hey, it will be ok. This is all pretty confusing for me too. But we'll figure it out. I'm sorry if I was putting too much pressure on you. I..."

"I know exactly what you were doing. You thought that's what I was. I don't blame you for that. It's who I was trying to be." Faith's tone was soft, she seemed sad and defeated.

"No! I mean maybe a little. But no. It's more that I spent all that time hiding from my feelings, hiding from what I wanted. I didn't want to hide anymore. It's true that I didn't think you would mind, but I never wanted to take anything from you that you didn't want to give me."

Faith looked over at Buffy, wanting to believe her words.

"I just don't understand how you can care about me after everything that happened. The world is a complete mess, just about everyone you ever cared about is dead. It's all completely my fault and yet here you are trying to make me think you care about me. It just doesn't make sense."

Buffy was still for a moment, "I'm not going to get into whose fault this mess is. I think we both know we each made some serious mistakes that ended up with us here." She sighed, and then froze, starting to shake. Faith was by her side in a second, feeling the pain and sadness radiating from Buffy. Her body reacted without a thought, needing to provide comfort to make that feeling go away.

"B? What just happened?"

Buffy gathered herself and pushed Faith away. "Nothing, I just…"

"You just what?"

"I just realized something." She frowned and headed towards the door. "We should go see if Giles found anything. I should check on Willow too. After all this is over, maybe we can talk some more? Whatever happens, I want you in my life. More than that, though, I want you to be happy. Whether you believe it or not, you deserve happiness."

Faith moved in front of Buffy quickly, keeping the door shut. "No, we have to talk about this now."

"No, we don't, you were right. I shouldn't be worried about this right now. We have a world to save."

Faith should have been happy for being told she was right about something, but she wasn't happy at all. She stood blocking the door and replaying their conversation, trying to figure out exactly when Buffy's attitude changed. She realized that I must not care about her the way she cares about me. All she wants is for me to be happy, and all I keep telling her is that I don't care about her. I do care about her. I just can't figure out why she cares about me.

"Whatever it is that you think you realized… I didn't mean to make you think…"

"It's ok. You didn't do anything, let's just go."

Buffy's pain was making Faith angry now, "No! You're not listening." She shoved Buffy further into the room. "You have no idea what any of this is like for me. No idea what I've been through. I get that you want something from me, and I'm sorry that I don't know how to give it to you. But this isn't fair. I'm trying. I'm trying to be what you want me to be. I just have no idea how to." Faith was yelling now, her rage boiling over.

"I don't want you to be anything other than what you are."

"That's bullshit. You want me to be happy! I don't deserve to be happy! After everything I've done, how can you not see that? You being nice to me? You caring about me? It's too much!"

Buffy's mouth dropped open like she'd been punched in the stomach.

"I can't take feeling how much I'm hurting you on top of all this. I should never have listened to Tara. I should have just left this place."

This time Buffy moved to block Faith from leaving. "You're right. You're completely right, none of this is fair. Ever since…" She paused, "I stabbed you, I've been so confused and scared. I was so afraid of losing you that I didn't even think about what that meant. I'm stupid and selfish."

Faith stared into Buffy's eyes, Buffy was no longer assaulting her with her painful emotions, and Faith finally felt like the only emotions she were feeling were her own.

A knock at the door interrupts them before they can say anything else. Buffy opens the door, to find Giles waiting outside.

"Buffy, I think I may have found some interesting information. I'm heading over to discuss it with Willow. You should both join us."

"OK." Buffy moves to follow Giles, but Faith grabs her hand, keeping her from exiting.

"We'll be right there." Faith says, and Giles nods. She shuts the door and wraps her arms around Buffy.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you were right. I needed to hear it."

"You keep telling me I'm right, and I'm going to start to get a big head." Faith grinned, and so did Buffy. "Can you be patient? Give me some time to figure this all out?

"I thought I was being patient." Buffy smirked a little, "You came in here remember? I was doing fine trying to freeze myself in the shower."

"I did sorta attack you in the hallway earlier too…"

"Sorta." Buffy grinned again. "I'm still not complaining about that."

They stood together for a few more minutes in silence. Faith was starting to feel better. No longer did she feel overpowered by Buffy's feelings, she still had doubts about how Buffy could care for her, but she was no longer quite as afraid of accepting it as she was before.

"We should go see what Giles found out." Faith finally says, releasing Buffy from the embrace.