Faith

Damn it feels good to be outside again.

Faith and Buffy exit the initiative both taking deep breaths of semi-fresh air. Even though the sky was coated in hazy darkness, it was still fresher than the stale air circulating in the Initiative. Willow is a few steps behind, five soldiers stand behind her, their guns at the ready.

"Which way are we heading?" Faith calls to Willow. Willow consults her map and points. Faith grabs Buffy hand and starts moving.

"Maybe, you should let us lead the way?" The Initiative soldier with the scar on his face says. Faith didn't bother to learn any of their names, except for Riley and he hadn't come along for this mission. He had taken Giles along with a few other soldiers to attempt to find the ingredients they'll need to complete the spell they were hoping would close the Hellmouth.

Faith almost giggles at the man for thinking they even need them here at all. Now that they were outside and on their way to actually do something, she was feeling fantastic and brimming with confidence. Before she gets the chance to say anything, Buffy starts talking first. "Yeah, maybe that's a good idea." Faith gave Buffy a questioning look, Buffy responded with a slight nod towards Willow. Faith wasn't exactly sure what that meant but decided to go with it.

They've been walking for almost an hour before Faith starts to feel the familiar sensation of a vampire. She and Buffy had been walking about 20 feet apart, for tactical reasons and partly to give Willow a break on their auras. None of them seem to notice that the soldiers are no longer with them. The slayers are too focused on the vampire they can't yet see, and Willow is too focused on being terrified.

"Hey there, Faithy. Glad to see you out and about again." Angelus struts out behind a tree and Faith growls.

She glowers at the vampire but does not attack him. A second form appears at his side, and she sucks in an air full of breath. No no no, it can't be her, don't let it be her!

"What's the matter? You're not happy to see your mother?" The woman steps forward, grinning. "You always were such an ungrateful child. It's not surprising you don't want to see me. Even after all I've done for you, you can't even try to treat me with respect."

Faith has some vague awareness that Buffy is at her side, but she can't focus on it, all she sees is her mother. Faith feels all the confidence she had gained falling right out of her, all she can think about is the woman standing in front of her. Wanting to kneel before her and beg, she didn't even know what wanted to beg for, all she knew was that she had to. Only because Buffy was holding her up did she not fall to the ground.

Buffy is saying something to her, but she can't hear it. All she can hear is her mother's voice. "How did you convince her you weren't complete trash, Faith? Doesn't she know what a worthless slut you are?" Her mother moves closer, her mouth curled into a snarl. Faith is whimpering now. "Should I tell her? Doesn't she deserve to know." Faith lurches out of Buffy's grasp, trying to reach for her mother. Her arms pass through, and she drops to the ground.

"You can't honestly believe that she cares about you. How could you be so stupid? Nobody could ever care about you, especially not someone like her!" The woman stands leering over Faith, her hands on her hips as she continues her verbal assault. "It's your fault I'm dead, you know. It's your fault everyone is dead. Right from the start, you were cursed. You'll never be able to do anything right. First, you drove your father away, and now you've managed to kill the entire world. I hope you're proud of yourself and your choices!"

Faith was clutching at her thigh, digging in as hard as she could. The pain allowed her to block out what was happening. If it would just stop, she would be ok. She focused on the present, focused on the energy she felt that she knew was Buffy. Trying to find some way to claw herself back to reality.

Buffy

Buffy screams as all of Faith's pain and anguish seeps into her. She takes a step forward towards Faith, only to find herself dropped to the ground as painful electricity shoots through her. When she's next aware of anything, she finds herself in a barn of some kind that she doesn't recognize. Willow is at her side, helping her to sit. "What happened? Where are we?"

"The soldiers turned on us. I teleported us here as soon as I realized, but they had already tazed both of you." Willow frowns, "I didn't even know I could do that, I just did it without thinking."

"It's good that you did." Buffy squeezed Willow and moved to stand up, noticing Faith's form still slumped unmoving on the floor. She went to check on Faith, but Willow's hand on her arm held her back.

"I think… something is wrong. Her aura isn't accepting yours anymore. It's also a bit dimmer than it was before." Willow sounds nervous as she stammers out the words.

Buffy frowned but moved forward to Faith again, turning her over and pulling her up to recline in her lap. "Faith? Are you ok? You need to wake up now." She whispered, stroking Faith's hair and trying to find the slayer connection. She started to panic when she couldn't feel it. But then Faith slowly began to stir in her arms.

Faith's eyes shot open, and she jumped away from Buffy, her posture tight and her arms raised defensively. "What the fuck are you doing? What did you do to me? Where the fuck are we?" Her questions are a blur of fury as she looks around in confusion.

"The soldiers turned on us. Willow brought us somewhere safe so we could recover."

"Soldiers? What the hell are you talking about? Why were you holding me?"

Buffy's heart dropped, she began to feel some of the slayer connection again now that Faith was awake, but it was nothing like it was before, it was nothing like she needed it to be. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Faith froze and glared at Buffy. Her hand moved slowly to her stomach. "You fucking stabbed me! That's the last thing I remember!" She attempted to launch herself at Buffy only to find she couldn't move.

"Woah, didn't know I could do that either," Willow commented, seemingly a little delighted with her ability to control such powerful magic. Buffy did her best not to worry about Willow's magic use. So far, her eyes were clear, and she seemed to be in control of herself. There wasn't anything Buffy could do if Willow did turn on them anyway.

"Red! Let me go!"

Buffy moved closer to Faith, "Do you see that they did something to her? Anything attacking her magically?"

"No, but then I'm not sure I would. It looks the same, just less."

Buffy nodded, not taking her eyes off of Faith.

"What are you talking about?! Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Faith was screeching, attempting to thrash out of the magical hold but completely unable to.

"Faith. Please try to calm down. You don't remember, but we.. we made up after I.."

"Are you kidding me? You expect me to believe that I forgave you for stabbing me? Why would I do that?"

"You did, you forgave me. And I forgave you."

"This is bullshit. You're just trying to trick me."

"If we wanted to hurt you, you would already be hurt." Willow's voice was a lot harsher than Buffy would have liked. Buffy could see Faith tense up at the words.

"Not super helpful, Will."

"Sorry, this is what I remember her being like. New Faith was confusing." Willow shrugged and backed away, leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, I know. Just give me a chance to try something. I need her back." Buffy took a step closer to Faith.

"You need me back? What the hell is the matter with you? Get the fuck away from me!"

Buffy tentatively reached out to touch Faith's cheek, hoping that physical contact would somehow snap Faith out of whatever this is. She stops when Faith's eyes widen in fear. "Ok, so no touching." She moves back a step and closes her eyes, trying to reach into their slayer connection. She didn't know if it would work if Faith wasn't open to it, but she had to try.

"What are you doing? This is pointless. If you're going to kill me, just do it already!"

"Nobody is going to kill you."

"Why not!? Shouldn't you? Look what I did! I'm worthless anyway. You should just put me down so a new slayer can be called."

Worthless. That's what her mother said.

"You are far from worthless Faith. All those things your mother said, they weren't true."

"What do you know about my mother?" Faith voice has changed, the fury and anger are gone. Her voice is now soft. It almost sounds like a child's voice.

"She was here, sort of."

"My mother was here?" Faith looked around nervously.

"It's complicated. You have to remember the past few weeks, then you'll understand." Buffy moved forward again. This time Faith was too distracted to be afraid of Buffy's touch. "You have to open yourself to me. Remember who you are, who you really are."

Faith's eyes are closed, and her breathing is strained. I can feel her again! Buffy turns to ask Willow to release the spell, but she doesn't have to. Faith is free to move, and she slumps to the ground. Buffy wraps her arms around her, sending all the love and comfort she can through their connection. She worries that Faith will resist, but she doesn't, she seems to accept the feelings and leans into Buffy's embrace.

"I'm not sure how much more time we have. I thought the soldiers might be up to something, so I sent them in the wrong direction, they might have some other way to track us tough." Willow says, urging them to get moving.

"How much further is it?" Buffy questions.

Faith suddenly sat up, looking more alert. "You don't feel that?"

I was too focused on Faith to be feeling for anything else, but now I feel it too. It feels like it's right under us.

"What happens if the First shows up again before we can get to it?" Willow asks,

"I can't... I can't fight her." Faith blubbers slightly, the enthusiasm for knowing they are near their goal instantly falling from her face.

"You can fight her. It's not real. Whatever awful things she did to you, it's in the past."

"That's not so easy."

"Are you still mad at me for stabbing you?" That might be a very dangerous question to be asking, but I don't know what else to do.

Buffy can feel the emotions ripple through Faith, "No, doesn't exactly make me happy, but I'm not angry at you about it." Then confusion shows on her face, "are you asking me to forgive her? I can't do that. There's no way. You don't understand what you're asking."

"You need to forgive yourself." Willow supplies. "You need to forgive yourself for believing what she said to you."

Faith is standing now, her arms wrapped around herself protectively. Buffy wants to help her. She just has no idea what Faith needs right now.

Faith

I was just a little kid. I know none of it was my fault. How can her words still have so much power over me? Faith looks up, "Can you teleport me out of here? Send me back to the initiative or something? I don't want to get in the way."

"Even I could. I wouldn't do that." Willow answers.

"Fine, then I'll just leave, maybe I can lead them away, buy you guys some time..." Faith was scanning the room, looking for the nearest exit.

"Stop it! Why do you always want to run away? You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are needed, and you can do this." Willow scolds Faith, suddenly right in her face.

Faith scowls and stares back at Willow. "What the hell do you know about it? You can barely even stand to be around me. You should be happy I want to leave."

"Well, I'm not. I certainly don't understand all of what is going on or what is happening to us, but I know that we need you. The three of us need to work together. If you leave, we all lose."

"Faith, please just try. If something happens, Willow can get us all away again. You're not alone anymore, neither of us will ever let you be alone again."

Faith is surprised to see an encouraging nod from Willow at Buffy's words. Not alone. She could feel the energy flowing from both of them now. It wasn't trying to change her. It was just letting her know that they were there and that they cared about her.

"Fine, but if something happens to me again, you have to send me away. I don't know what she'll make me do to you."

The trio makes their way towards one of the walls in the basement. None of them needed to speak as the slayers were drawn in this direction. Placing her hand on the wall, Faith could feel power radiating from just beyond it. She began to feel herself fill with an eerie confidence, a sense of complete rightness. Without a thought, she pushed against the cold surface, and it gave way almost instantly. The wall crumbling and revealing a narrow dark tunnel on the other side. The faintest glow of light could be seen on the other end. The slayers took an unconscious step forward.

Buffy

"Wait!"

"Willow? What's wrong?" Buffy had turned to face Willow, her face was now ashen and the look terrified Buffy. Willow only pointed back in the direction of the tunnel.

There was an archway revealed behind the crumbling wall. There were words carved in a language Buffy didn't recognize. "What does it say?"

"It says - only the worthy shall pass. All others will die an agonizing death." Buffy gasps to hear her own voice behind her. She turns to see herself grinning, arms folded as she stood arrogantly. "I'm paraphrasing, of course." The First smirks at them. "I only let you get this far because I knew you wouldn't get any further. Not one of you deserves to pass through that tunnel."

Faith started to giggle. The sound was startling to Buffy. "Are you serious? This is your big plan? You have no idea who you're dealing with." She grabs for both Willow's and Buffy's hands, dragging them confidently towards the tunnel.

"Faith! Don't do this! You don't have to kill yourself to prove anything. Just come back to me, you know I'm the only one who cares about you!" The sound of Faith's mother's voice doesn't even cause her to pause. Buffy looks over in awe at the confident and determined look on Faith's face.

They enter the tunnel and continue towards the light, it was narrow, so they were forced to move single file. All three holding hands while Faith led the way. They entered a large chamber with an altar in the center. The sound of yelling mixed with demon howls followed them down the tunnel.

"How did you know that was going to work?" Willow asks, visibly shaking.

"Everything that thing has tried to do to us was about breaking us down, making us doubt ourselves. Trying to get us to turn on each other. If we really couldn't get in here, there'd be no reason to bother." Faith shrugged.

"You were guessing?" Buffy asks, a little startled that Faith just risked killing them all based on a hunch.

Faith only smirked and shrugged again, "C'mon, let's check this thing out." She headed towards the center of the room. Buffy and Willow shared an alarmed look before following her. The arrived at the middle of the room, finding an altar about three feet tall.

"It's not here," Willow says in confusion.

"It's here, I can feel it."

The slayers move forward, each reaching out to touch the altar. As they do, the ground begins to shake and split apart beneath their feet. They jump back and watch as the floor opens and a stairway is revealed.

"I guess we go down there?" Willow comments, but the slayers are already heading down. She hesitates, looking back at the tunnel and the mass of demons she can tell are waiting for them on the other side.

Faith

They reach the bottom of the stairs and find themselves in another large chamber. The walls are lined with candles and tapestries. There are also several glass cases, each containing a variety of different weapons and other likely magical items. The slayers approach the central most case and peer through the glass. Each reaching their hand out, mesmerized by the weapon gleaming below them.

"You won't need that just yet." A soft voice calls to them, and they look up in confusion.

"We do need it, we have to close the Hellmouth," Buffy argues.

"That is one option." The woman moves out of the shadows to stand before them. She's wearing a blue hooded cloak that covers her face. A second figure appears beside her, this one cloaked in burgundy. Both of their robes shimmered, almost seeming to glow.

"There are no options. We're closing the Hellmouth and working to push the evil back into its hole!" Buffy moves to open the case and retrieve the weapon.

"B, wait. Let's see what they have to say." Faith places a calming hand on Buffy's shoulder. Buffy scowls but nods her agreement.

"What's this other option?" Faith asks, "and how about you show us your faces." Faith eyes were drawn to the figure in burgundy, she felt something familiar about her, but she could not place the memory. She found the woman's presence very calming.

"This is not how things were meant to be." The woman steps closer but does not reveal herself. "We can send you back. You can stop all of this before it even happens."

"How far back?" Faith questions.

"As far back as you need to go."

"What will stop us from making the same mistakes? Will we remember what we did? " Willow asks.

"One of you will remember." The woman cryptically answers.

"Which one of us?" Faith asks nervously.

"The only one of you strong enough."

"That'd probably be you then, B." Faith supplies, feeling immense relief that she might be getting another chance at her life in Sunnydale and wouldn't even have to remember the awful things she had done.

"No, I don't think so." Buffy shakes her head and looks over at the cloaked women, who nod their agreement. "Because of what happened with Angel."

"So, Red then?" Faith frowns.

Willow suddenly shouts and drops to her knees. Clawing at her head. "No no no. What did I do? No!" She curls into a ball, Buffy moves to her but is blasted away to crash into the wall. Willow stood back up, her eyes black and filled with fury. Just as quickly, she drops back to the ground and continues to wail to herself.

"What the hell was that?"

"I just gave her the rest of her memories." Faith watches the witch writhe and moan on the ground. Finally, realizing what this all means.

"Me? How can it be me? I don't want to have to remember all the things I did."

Buffy has recovered from her ordeal of being thrown into the wall. "I'm sorry, I wish it could be me."

"I'm just going to mess everything up again!" Faith is furious and starting to back her way to the stairs, a desperate need to run filling her. Buffy reaches for her and places calming hands on her shoulders.

"You won't. I know that you won't."

"This isn't right. It shouldn't have to be me." Faith frowns.

"It is time." The blue cloaked figure urges.

Faith looks down at Willow who is still curled into a ball on the floor. "You're the only one who can fix this. You can prevent all of this from happening." Buffy grabs Faith's chin and forces her to look into her eyes.

"Fine, let's just do this." Faith growls and turns back towards the hooded figures.

"Faith, wait." Buffy reaches for Faith's hand and turns her, "I'll understand if you don't… want to be with me. Just don't let me push you away this time." Faith turns away from Buffy's stare but finds herself pulled back to look into Buffy's eyes. "Promise me that you won't let me push you away." Faith nods, unable to say the words. Not sure if she would or even could do what Buffy was asking of her. She was filled with so many conflicting thoughts, and she hadn't had time to sort through them. Seeing her mother had wounded her deeply, but she also felt surrounded by what she now had to admit was love. The extreme contradictory emotions were pulling her apart.

"Faith," Willow calls out softly, finally managing to find enough strength to stand. "You have to find Tara, tell her not to come to Sunnydale. If she doesn't ever meet me, she won't have to die."

Buffy

Buffy watches Faith as Willow explains everything she knows about Tara, not listening, only tracing Faith's features trying to understand how all this happened. She reminds herself of how much of a mess she made of things. How jealous and petty she had been when Faith arrived. She hoped that things would be different this time, that Faith would be able to find happiness and not get lost to darkness. She knew there was more to Faith that had yet to be revealed. Faith had a strength within her that no one else had been able to see, not even Faith herself.

She focused on the time they've spent together, wanting to believe that if she focused hard enough that she would somehow remember all that she had figured out about Faith. Hoping that if she could hold on to remembering that she loved Faith, that things wouldn't be so hard the second time around.