Faith

Ugh, where am I? Hmm, it's kinda nice here. Faith is slowly coming to awareness, almost all of her body hurts, but somehow she also feels completely content. Something warm is pressed against her side, filling her with strength and comfort. B. She smiles softly and snuggles herself more into Buffy's warmth. For the moment, not caring about what it might mean or even where she is.

"Faith? Are you awake?"

"No." She whispers and focuses on Buffy, letting herself return to blissful oblivion.

When she awakes again, she can hear people talking. Buffy is no longer by her side. She's still in the room, though. Faith isn't ready yet to open her eyes or let them know that she's awake.

"How could he do this?" Buffy is furious. Anger is radiating from her with no restraint.

"He thought he had to," Giles replies with a heavy sigh.

"Is he going to live?"

"They're not sure. They have him in a medically induced coma for now." Giles sounds exhausted and just as furious as Buffy.

"He better hope he doesn't wake up!"

Faith couldn't take the emotional pain she was feeling along with the physical pain. "B?" She called out softly and reached out for Buffy.

"I'm here. Rest. I'm right here." Buffy held her hand and stood by the side of the bed.

"Closer." She wasn't even sure she said it out loud, but in an instant, Buffy had climbed back into bed with her. Faith nestled into her warmth once again and drifted back off to sleep.

When she woke up the third time, Buffy was wrapped around her. Their legs entwined and Buffy's fingers laced with her's, resting on her stomach. She slowly opened her eyes and became aware that Joyce was in the room, smiling down at her. She instantly began to panic.

"Relax, don't wake her up yet. She hasn't slept much since you were hurt." Joyce whispered, placing a comforting hand on Faith's shoulder.

Faith blinked a few times and tried to calm herself. It was easy to follow the thread of Buffy's energy and return to the contentment she felt earlier.

"I'm so glad you found your way into our lives, Faith. I hope you know that."

Faith didn't know how to respond, she only offered a soft smile and nodded. It had taken her a while to get close to Joyce for all kinds of reasons, but in the past few weeks, she had begun to accept that the woman genuinely did care for her. She knew at least part of it was because Faith took care of the slaying so Buffy could focus on being normal. She knew it was more than though, Joyce would talk to her like she was a person, showing genuine interest in what Faith had to say.

"Now that you're awake, maybe you'll be able to leave today. I brought you some clothes." She places a pile of neatly folded clothes at the foot of the bed. "they won't tell us much about your condition since none of us are legally your family. Wesley was apparently your emergency contact, and he isn't awake yet."

Faith scowled, Wesley! He did this to me! Some of her memory was starting to return.

"I can't believe he did this to you. If he ever does wake up, I may kill him before anyone else gets a chance to." It made Faith smile to see Joyce being so protective of her. Joyce glanced up at the clock, "your friends will be here in about an hour. I'll leave you to your rest."

Faith nodded and watched as Joyce left. She looked around the room as best she could without disturbing Buffy. She noted flowers and cards wishing her to get well soon. Seeing them there filled her with something she couldn't describe. She'd never imagined having people who cared about her this much. She was almost certain if this had happened before her second chance, there would be no visiting of any kind to her in a hospital - except maybe to finish the job.

Nothing on her body particular hurt anymore. She carefully took stock of all her parts. She couldn't move much, but she could feel bandages pulling at her skin and hair. There seemed to be one covering the right side of her head and another wrapped around her ribs. There may have also been another on her right thigh.

Faith closed her eyes and focused on Buffy, feeling amazingly warm and comfortable in this position. For the first time in her life, she felt perfectly content, happy even. She had people in her life who cared about her, who loved her. Even the betrayal by Wesley wasn't enough to undo all the progress she had made. She couldn't remember all of what had happened. She remembered fighting some demons and receiving a burst of strength from Buffy, everything after that was fuzzy and faded.

After twenty minutes of failing to recover any new memories, she decided she had to wake Buffy up. She nudged her slightly, "B, time to wake up."

Buffy groaned and buried her face deeper into Faith's neck. Squirming her legs and body even closer. "C'mon, our friends will be here soon." She smiled, realizing she really did think of them as her friends too.

"Don't care. Too sleepy to move." Buffy burrowed in closer, nestling her face into Faith's neck.

"You gotta, how else am I ever going to get out of here?" Faith nudged her again, not very forcefully. She didn't really want Buffy to move, even though she needed her to.

"Fine," Buffy grumbled and rolled away. Faith immediately wished she hadn't, she let out a small whimper. "Are you OK? I didn't hurt you, did I?"

Faith chuckled, "no, you didn't hurt me." She rolled onto her side so that they were facing each other. They stared at each other for several minutes in silence and then before Faith knew what was happening - they were kissing. The kiss was brief, and Faith couldn't even say for sure who had initiated it.

"Oh, god! I'm so sorry!" Buffy quickly jumped out of bed and moved into the chair. She rubbed her face, trying to wake herself up and possibly find a way to rewind the last minute.

Faith's lips were still tingling from the contact, and she knew that Buffy hadn't noticed that Faith responded positively to the kiss. She wanted to tell Buffy that she wasn't upset, that she wanted more. She was still a little too terrified that she wouldn't be able to handle a relationship with Buffy.

Buffy frowned, "do you remember what happened?" Faith was relieved by being allowed to completely ignore what just happened.

Faith growled at the memory. "Wesley. He told me there was some house that needed to be cleared of a minor demon. He said you were waiting for me. I knew he was lying since I couldn't feel you anywhere near me, but I felt kinda weird and wasn't sure what was going on."

Buffy broke the arm of the chair she was sitting in, her grip was so tight. "I should have known what he was up to!"

"Nah, don't think like that. He had been training me solo for weeks, buttering me up. I knew he was a council lackey. I should have known better than to trust him." Faith smiled as a thought occurred to her.

"Why are you smiling?"

"This might be hard to explain... but I've always had trouble trusting people, letting anyone in."

"No kidding." Buffy rolled her eyes.

Faith gave her a light smack on the leg, "Hey! I'm growing here, don't make fun of me!"

"But it's so much fun to make fun of you." Buffy grinned and playfully smacked her back.

This time Faith rolled her eyes, "anyway. So I just got burned by him, but it's not freaking me out. I mean... I'll probably rip his arms off if I see him again. But it doesn't change the trust I have for everyone else."

"Look at you being all introspective."

"Plus, now we know when my birthday is! Where are all my presents?" Faith was practically bouncing with excitement at the prospect. She had never celebrated her birthday before. She didn't even know how old she was until now. She had guessed she was about 15 when she was called as a slayer but never knew for sure. They had asked Wesley if he knew, he must have found out and decided to keep the information to himself.

Buffy started laughing. "Once we get you out of here, we'll work on your presents."

Faith grinned and moved to lay on her back. She started itching at the bandage on her head and decided it was time to pull it off.

"Faith! What are you doing?" Buffy cried out in alarm, but the bandage was already off. "Your wound..."

"What? Am I hideous now? Please don't tell me I'm deformed or anything?"

Buffy smiled down at her. She had moved back into the bed, crouching beside Faith and examining her head. "No, you are far from deformed." She was running her hand through Faith's hair, and Faith was attempting to repress how good it felt. "Your wound is completely gone."

Without another comment, Buffy pulled the blanket off of Faith and started lifting up her hospital gown. She carefully peeled the bandage away from Faith's thigh and gasped. She ran her fingers gently along it, again making Faith have to struggle with the sensations.

"B? what are you doing?"

Buffy didn't reply, she lifted the gown up further, not seeming to notice how much of Faith she was exposing. Faith finally got enough control of herself to stop Buffy's examinations. Holding her hands tightly and waiting for Buffy to realize what she was doing. Much to Faith's relief, the slayers seemed to have a silent understanding of how far to push their flirting or any indications of how they felt about each other. Buffy's examination of Faith was starting to get a little more personal than she was comfortable with.

Buffy finally looked down to see all of Faith that she had revealed, blushing and looking away. She slowly pulled her hands out of Faith's grip and returned to the chair. She lifted her own shirt to look at her ribs. "I had a huge bruise here just last night." There was no sign of a bruise visible at all.

"What happened?" Faith readjusted her gown, pulling off the bandage around her ribs which didn't hurt at all anymore.

"They wouldn't let me stay with you. I found some demons to let my frustrations out on. They got a few good hits in." Buffy shrugged like it was no big deal. Faith frowned and looked away. If I hadn't listened to stupid Wesley, she never would have gotten herself hurt. Her inner dialogue was disrupted by Buffy holding her hand. "It's not your fault. I'm a slayer too, remember? You don't have to protect me."

Faith ignored the comment, she felt like her whole purpose was to keep Buffy safe and happy, but she knew Buffy would never understand that and didn't want to fight about it.

"How long have I been in here?"

"Three days, you've been asleep for almost all that time. I saw them change the dressing on your head last night. It was... not good." Buffy ran her hands through Faith's hair again. "There's not even a sign of it. You had a huge gash on your thigh and two broken ribs."

Willow, Xander, Anya, and Tara appeared in the room just then. Xander is holding a huge bear with balloons attached. Faith looked up at them and grinned.

"Faith! You're awake!" Tara ran to her and hugged her. "Where are your bandages?" She gasped when she pulled away.

"Don't need them anymore." Faith slid off the bed and picked up the pile of clothes Joyce had left for her. "Seems like it's time to get the hell out of here." She quickly pulled the clothes on under her gown. "You guys have a party to plan!"

Buffy

It's a week before classes start, Faith had just helped Willow, and Buffy get settled into their dorm room. Now they were all at the bookstore getting materials for class. Buffy is attempting to reach for a book on a high shelf. She can hear Faith chuckling at her. "Do you want to help me or just make fun of me?"

"Hmm... I'll think about that."

"Faith!"

"Ok, yeah. I'm helping." She moves forward and reaches for the book.

Buffy notices a large man approaching and feels a ripple of jealousy from Faith, and she swears that Faith just growled. The man doesn't seem to notice either slayer and passes by them without even a glance.

"What was that? Did you just growl at that guy?"

"What... no, I didn't."

Tara had told her to wait for Faith to show some sign that she was ready to admit her feelings. Buffy was running out of patience and decided that growling was the sign she was waiting for. Ever since Faith's Cruciamentum, the slayers had become inseparable. They had realized that their closeness is what healed Faith. They each continued to fake injuries in order to have more cuddling sessions without it having any deeper meaning. They both knew that's what they were doing, but Buffy was too afraid to comment on it, believing that it would scare Faith away. She had been very careful to shield her feelings from Faith. She had felt ripples of desire from Faith, but it was always accompanied by fear. Buffy didn't exactly know what Faith was afraid of, but she took this to mean Faith wasn't quite ready to admit that there was something deeper between them.

"Faith? Can we talk?"

"About what?" Faith hasn't relaxed her posture or taken her eyes off of the man.

Buffy shakes her head, grinning slightly at the absurdity of it all. "Come on. It's time you talk to me."

Buffy doesn't wait for a response, she only leads Faith to her dorm room, holding her hand and practically dragging her into the room. Buffy puts her school supplies away and sits down on the bed. Watching Faith standing in the middle of the room, Buffy can feel muted and conflicted emotions from Faith. She'd learned that this meant Faith was confused or upset and trying to hide it from Buffy.

"I know you don't want to tell me anything that happened before, or after, whenever," She waves her hand and shakes her head at how confusing it all is. "But can you tell me if we were…" She pauses, afraid now to find out the answer.

"If we were what?" Faith's voice is soft, and she can't meet Buffy's eyes.

"Together?" Buffy finally spits it out.

"Together, how?"

"Come on! Like dating." Buffy is starting to get a little exasperated at how little Faith likes to reveal about her time travel and how unwilling she is to admit that they both want more from this relationship.

Faith smiles a little, "no. we were never dating." But she says it like there's something to it. Something she's not saying.

"Was that guy we just saw there?"

Faith tenses a little, but nods.

"Were he and I dating?"

Faith scoffs a little and shakes her head.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"That's not the way this works. I'll only answer yes/no questions, and you know it."

Buffy moves to stand in front of Faith, "OK, did you and I ever kiss?"

Faith nods and Buffy moves even closer.

"Did we ever do more than kiss?"

Faith nods again.

"Was this before or after?"

"After."

"I wish you would tell me what happened."

Faith only shakes her head. "None what happened matters anymore. We're already past all the mistakes we made."

"We?" Faith frowns, and Buffy knows caught Faith revealing something. She only ever said that she made a lot of mistakes which led to her and Buffy being sent into the future. Never before did she indicate some of it could have been someone else's fault too.

"I didn't mean it like that."

"Right…" Buffy turns away, trying to control herself. Buffy wants Faith. She wants her in so many ways, and it's starting to drive her a lot crazy. They had grown incredibly close, learning how their slayer connection worked and how to use it to their advantage. Their almost constant physical contact was not at all one-sided, Buffy knew that Faith had at least some level of physical attraction to her. Not knowing everything that happened is making it impossible for either of them to give in to what they both wanted. She has a feeling she was responsible for something very significant, and Faith is hiding it from her.

"Look, I mean it. Whatever you might have done, you would never do that again. You can't blame yourself for what you didn't even do." Buffy knows that Faith is sincere, but it doesn't matter, she needs to know.

Buffy whips back around, "but you remember me doing whatever this thing is."

"It didn't even happen to this you. It happened to some other version of you. It doesn't matter." Buffy knew Faith wasn't lying, she just didn't think Faith was right.

"I wish I could believe you."

Faith sighs, "I wish you could too."

"Did I hurt someone?"

"Don't ask me about this, please."

"So, that's a yes, then." She pauses, "did I hurt you?" The pain evident in Faith's eyes reveals the answer.

Faith backs away, Buffy sees Faith's hand cover her stomach, and she realizes exactly what she must have done.

"I'm the one who stabbed you?" The words are barely audible, and she feels like the world is collapsing in around her. How could I possibly have stabbed her? She's everything to me! There has to be a reason for this. I can't even imagine hurting her!

"You had to. It wasn't your fault."

"I don't understand, you have to tell me what happened, I need to know." Faith doesn't turn around, and Buffy moves closer. "I think I could love you. I want to love you." Buffy whispers, her heart is racing. She hadn't intended to say that, but she was afraid if she didn't that Faith would disappear and they'd both lose their best chance at happiness.

Faith is frozen with her hand on the doorknob.

"Not knowing is making it impossible. Please, I need to know what happened." Buffy is shaking now, unable to control the fear and confusion she knows is being sent to Faith over their link. "I know you think you're protecting me, but it's not working. I need to know."

Faith

Faith turns back around and slides to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. She loved me when all these things happened for real. She says she loves me now, maybe she still will after I tell her. Truthfully, she needed Buffy to know, she felt like everything that happened was part of her, and by keeping it from Buffy, she felt dirty. She sighs and covers her hands with her face. "When do you think Red will be back?"

"I'm pretty sure she's off with Tara, I don't expect her back here at all today." Faith frowns again. I completely failed on that promise, at least I can keep an eye on them, try to make sure Willow doesn't go off the deep end. She knew how Tara had died, but that wasn't really the thing she was trying to save her from. Keeping her from getting shot would be easy, saving her from whatever awful things Willow might do to her was significantly harder.

Tara had been very respectful of Willow and Oz's relationship, she never made any indication or showed any sign of interest in Willow romantically while they were dating. It didn't matter though, the attraction between the two witches was undeniable, no matter what Faith tried to do to keep them apart.

It didn't take very long before Oz figured out he didn't belong in Sunnydale anymore. After he left, it only took a month of them spending time together before they began dating. Faith could rarely get any time alone with Tara to warn her about Willow. And even when she did, Tara would only say that she understood what Faith was telling her, but that she wanted to be with Willow anyway.

"Why don't you like them being together?"

"I don't have any problem with them being together." Even though she intends to tell Buffy what happened, she is not going to explain what happened with Willow and Tara. If things go as badly as she thinks they might, she can't risk Buffy thinking anything bad about Willow.

"Is it because you like Tara?"

"You can't be serious." She had known Buffy was jealous of Tara, she just never had a way to convince her there was nothing to worry about without acknowledging that Buffy was jealous.

"I would understand if you did, I know you two have some kind of connection."

Faith frowned, what she was planning to do was hard enough, she didn't need this nonsense about Tara making it even harder. "I have absolutely no romantic interest in Tara. I'm just still a little upset with Willow I guess. She and I never really got along before, and she said some things to me that are hard to let go of." This was all true enough that Buffy seemed to relax. This would be a good time to tell Buffy how she felt about her, but she couldn't do that before she told her everything.

Buffy seemed to relax, and Faith sighed. She began pacing around the room, trying to get the story straight in her head. Faith had initially been furious when she found out that she'd have to remember, but then she realized she could handle remembering, as long as Buffy didn't. Once she told her story, this Buffy would know the truth. The friendship that they had now would likely be destroyed, along with any chance of any other kind of relationship. As terrified as she was, she knew she had to do it.

"Just try not to hate me after I tell you." It was barely a whisper. If it were anyone other than Buffy, they wouldn't have heard it. But Buffy did.

"Hate you? I could never hate you!"

"You did." You will. She took a deep breath and slid back down to the floor, leaning against the door.

Faith begins talking. She explains everything that happened after the accident with Finch. Everything, as she remembered it at least. She had almost convinced herself that it wasn't her that did all those terrible things, but finally letting it out is making it hard for her to hold on to that fantasy. It doesn't take as long as she had expected. Buffy stayed silent the whole time. A few gasps are let out at key moments, so she knew Buffy was following along and understood everything she was telling her.

There are plenty of details she left out, including Buffy's mother's death. She didn't hide any of the awful things she had done, even things that she had never told Buffy before.

Her perspective on most of what happened was skewed, taking more blame for mistakes than she should have. Coloring events to make herself come across even worse. She didn't realize she was doing this, her self-loathing had reworked events, making her believe they happened a certain way. She almost entirely avoided mentioning anything about Willow or Tara. She only indicated that they were there, but she concealed everything about how evil had overtaken Willow.

She doesn't look at Buffy once while she explains, her eyes firmly fixed on the ground between her feet. When she finishes talking, she sighs deeply and waits five minutes for Buffy to say something before she stands up to leave, glancing at Buffy before she exits. Buffy is sitting with her hands clenched in her lap, an unreadable expression on her face. A million conflicting emotions rolling off of her and assaulting Faith. Usually, they were able to hide all but the most extreme emotions from each other. Now it seemed like Buffy wasn't shielding anything. None of the emotions Faith could feel were good.

Faith walked slowly away from the dorms, wishing she'd feel the sensations letting her know Buffy wasn't going to let her go, but she never did.

She had nowhere to go really. She didn't want to go back to Buffy's house. Going to Buffy's house, torturing herself with what she knew she could never have, didn't seem like something she could handle.

Even though it's early, she's tired. She's tried so hard to get past what happened. She had convinced herself that she was this new person. A person who would never have done those things. Retelling it made it all fresh, reminding her that wouldn't ever be able to do anything right. She found herself back at the seedy motel that her life in Sunnydale started in. She planned to go back to Buffy's tomorrow and do whatever Buffy told her to do. She just needed this day to herself, this day to grieve before she went back.

She manages to get the same room she had before. It wasn't on purpose. It just figured. This is probably where I belong anyway. It was a nice fantasy that I could have friends and be part of something. I'll be lucky if she even wants me to stay in town.

Crawling into the bed and pulling the sheets over her head, she doesn't cry. She just does her best to empty her mind and beg for sleep to take her. It finally does.