A/N Warning - There are depictions of physical and mental abuse in this chapter - starting at the xxxxx until the end of the chapter. It is not necessary to read them to follow the rest of the story.
Faith - 1 week ago
Faith sat at the bar, fiddling with the label on the beer she had been nursing for the past 20 minutes. She had another 40 minutes to kill before she'd be allowed back into the house. Buffy and Willow had kicked her out so they could study for finals. Faith didn't mind being sent away, she was really just waiting for Spike so they could begin patrol.
Life had become stressful for Faith since Joyce died. She took on everything she could to make sure Buffy and Dawn were taken care of and as happy as possible under the circumstances. It was hard, but she didn't mind. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for her family.
She was looking forward to the summer. Buffy would have a break from classes, and Faith was cutting back her hours at work. They were even planning on going away for the weekend, just the two of them. She was hopeful that things were about to get better if they could manage to survive this next week.
A man sidled up to her, and she inwardly groaned at what she knew what was coming next.
"Hey there, gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?"
She froze at the voice. She remembered it, but it took her a few moments to recall from where.
She slowly turned to look at the man, hoping to keep her face neutral. She was just going to be a girl turning down a drink, nothing more. Nothing to worry about.
"Nah, thanks. I was just about to leave." She starts to push her stool away from the bar, but a hand on her arm stopped her.
"Don't leave yet, Faith. We have so much to talk about."
"Do I know you?" She did know him, she knew exactly who he was, but she hadn't met him this time around, so she wasn't supposed to know. This was David, he was the Mayor's son, and in her previous life, they had been enemies. He hated how close she was to the Mayor, the few times they interacted near the end she had been able to feel the rage pouring off of him. I should have realized it was him who trapped us in that prison dimension. It all seemed so obvious to her now. He would have provided the poison she used on Angel. Whether he planned to just get her killed, or if he really intended to imprison her, she couldn't be sure.
He smiled in response, supreme confidence oozing from him. "No, you don't know me. Not yet, anyway. Maybe you should come home with me? We can get to know each other better." He licked his lips as he eyed her in a very unpleasant way.
Faith had to control the urge to vomit. She had done her best to avoid him when she was working for the Mayor. He skeeved her out then, always leering at her and making suggestive comments. Even at her lowest point, she couldn't bring herself to flirt back with this disgusting man. He reached over and began to stroke her thigh. The contact froze her, she couldn't move, couldn't react.
"That's right, Faith. I know what you like." He leaned in closer, his face inches from hers, and she couldn't move. Every part of her was begging her to move, but her body wouldn't listen. "Now you're going to come with me, nice and easy."
She was screaming in her head, but she couldn't fight what was happening to her. She knew there was a way out of this, but she couldn't remember what it was. She couldn't remember anything, she slowly stood and followed the man out of the Bronze. Following him without question into the back of a van. Once she sat down, she felt a sharp pain in her neck, and then she was out.
When she wakes up, she's strapped to a table in a very familiar way. Strong metal bands holding her completely still. She could barely remember who she was, but she knew this had happened before. She knew she wouldn't be able to escape.
Starting to panic, she thrashed against her bonds. She knew she had something that mattered, a reason to break free. If she could remember what it was, this would all be over.
"Shhh... calm down." The man gently ran his hand through her hair. "We're just going to take a little stroll down memory lane. Then I'll let you go." His words and disgusting leer did nothing to calm her down. She continued to thrash, and he frowned. "No matter. Fight all you want. It won't help you." He whispered something she couldn't understand into her ear. Agonizing pain shot through her as she's assaulted by memories.
Her body arched impossibly against her bindings, and she screamed. Memories of her mother's twisted face filling her mind. She could feel herself coming undone. A face filled with disappointment, telling her over and over that she'd screwed up. That she was worthless trash that should never have been born.
She could barely track individual thoughts as she was attacked, her mind cracking apart.
xxxxx
She's alone in her "room," and she is freezing. The only clothes she has on is a small pair of shorts and a tank top. She knows she has to get up and get moving. It's the only way not to be freezing. She takes purposeful steps back and forth. Punctuating every length of the room with a two-punch combo to the wall in front of her. Grunting at the pain that shoots through her hands. She doesn't care, the pain helps keep her warm.
xxxxx
She's sitting at the kitchen table, a man is sitting next to her and grinning.
"Do you like the dolly I brought you, Faith?" His breath is warm and foul. She does her best not to cringe. She's not allowed to cringe.
"Yes, thank you." She makes sure her grin is wide and toothy, just like it should be. Just like the sweet, happy little girl that she is, should grin when a nice man gives her something.
"Good, I'm glad you like it." He places his hand gently on her thigh. She doesn't react, she's not allowed to react. Her mother will know if she does. She always knows. She focuses on the doll, knowing that when this man leaves the doll will leave too. She doesn't actually like the doll. It confuses her, and she's not sure what she's supposed to do with it. She likes it when they bring her food. Food she understands.
"Come sit on my lap while you play, that way, I can see how happy it makes you." This doesn't make any sense to her, how can he see how happy it makes her if she's on his lap? She doesn't ask, she simply slides over and lets him position her where he wants. As soon as she is on the man's lap, he groans and shoves her away. He clutches at his stomach and runs out of the room.
Faith has no idea what just happened, mostly she's just glad the man is gone. Though she didn't get any food, and she's sure she is going to be in trouble. She keeps her eyes focused on the doll. Waiting for her mother to return and let her know if she did it right this time.
"Faith!" The doll is ripped out of her hands. She's not surprised. Of course, she did it wrong, she always does. "Look at me!"
Faith looks up, keeping her face soft and controlled. She doesn't even wince when the dolls head is ripped off and thrown across the room. "You fucked it up again! I really thought we had a chance with this one." Her mother sighed dramatically, hands on her hips. The remains of the doll dropped to the table. "I just don't know, Faith. I try so hard. I don't know what to do with you."
Faith knows not to apologize, that just makes things worse. She's never figured out what she is supposed to do, but silence usually leads to the least amount of pain. Usually.
"Say something! Don't you care about what you're doing to me!? I give you everything, and you can't even be polite to my friends!"
"I... thought I was polite. What did I do?"
"If you don't know, I can't tell you." Her mother sighs, shaking her head in disappointment.
Faith frowns, who was going to tell her if her mother wouldn't?
"Just get out of my face."
She paused at the door for a moment, it was raining. It was raining hard and cold. She knew the raindrops would sting against her skin. Suddenly she's flying through the air and out into the yard. Her back hurting from the kick it had received. She doesn't react, only picks herself up and doesn't look back.
Even though the raindrops sting and freeze her, it brings her a little relief. It washes the grime off her body, she gets to feel a little cleaner for her trudge to her room. The other advantage is she knows her mother won't follow. She can take as long as she wants to make her way back to her prison. Once she gets under the trees, the rain is a little less painful. She is still freezing and can only enjoy her freedom for so long before she forces herself inside and into the somewhat warmer space.
xxxxxx
She's at the table again. Her mother sitting by her side. Her hand resting on Faith's tiny thigh. A woman she doesn't know across the table smiling at her. She has a stack of papers, and she's reading through them.
"I don't know why they called you. Faith is well taken care of and perfectly happy here. Aren't you, Faith?"
Her mother smiles down at her, and Faith brightly smiles back and nods. Her mother explained that this woman was here to steal her. If Faith didn't act perfectly, she would be taken away, and if that happened, her mother would be very sad. She couldn't allow that, she wanted nothing more than to make her mother happy.
"Yes, well. We have received several complaints. Why isn't she in school?" The woman asks, and Faith can tell she doesn't actually care. This isn't the first visit like this. They come and ask a few questions and then leave. Faith doesn't understand why they come or what they want. She only knows she has to be perfect.
"Faith is very special. She doesn't do well with other children. I hire the best I can to educate her." Her mother sighs.
Faith tries not to react. She doesn't think she's ever met any other children. She knows she can't speak up, the tight grip on her leg, letting her know to stay calm and quiet, a happy grin plastered on her face.
"Is that right, Faith? You don't do well with other children?" The woman is looking at her strange, she doesn't know what that look means, but she knows she doesn't like it. She only nods in response.
"As you can see, she has difficulty meeting new people. She doesn't talk much. She sees a therapist twice a week to try and help."
"Yes, I see that in the report." The woman sighs and slams her folder shut. "It seems like everything is in order here. We'll check in again in six months." The woman leaves, and her mother follows her. Faith doesn't move. She knows not to move.
Suddenly she's dangling in the air, her shoulder straining as her mother holds her by one hand. "What did you do? What did you say?"
"I didn't…" She doesn't understand. She was sure everything went perfectly.
"You must have, someone complained! Which one of them did you complain to!?"
"I…" she had no idea what to say. She was focused on not crying. Her shoulder was slipping out, she could feel it. She needs to get down, she needed it to stop.
Her mother huffed and threw her to the ground. "Get back to your room."
Her mother followed her this time, and she had to struggle not to react. She knew what was going to happen.
She wasn't moving fast enough, and suddenly she was sprawled on the ground. Quickly she scrambled to her feet and practically ran the rest of the way. She wasn't at all surprised to hear the padlock click shut behind her. She dropped to her knees and waited. When she heard her mother's footsteps fade away, she slowly stood and put her hand against the wall. Pushing with all her strength and trying not to scream as she worked her shoulder back into place.
xxxxxx
A woman had come, she didn't know how long ago. The woman told her she was special. She told her she had to run away. Faith didn't understand any of this. Why would she run away? And where would she run to? She only nodded and smiled, that's what she was supposed to do.
"Maybe this will help." The woman smiled and handed her a small oblong item. "Keep it safe. Keep yourself safe." Again Faith nodded and smiled, "you were meant for great things. You don't belong here." Her voice was low and soft.
"I think it's time for you to go now." Her mother appeared in the doorway. Faith could see the fury building and was filled with terror that she couldn't show.
The nice woman slowly stood, looking back at Faith, distress painted on her face. Faith had learned to read people. She knew how they were going to treat her from the look in her eyes. This woman wanted to help her, Faith knew that meant she'd never see her again.
Faith sat and waited for her punishment. Things went very wrong this time, they always did with the nice ones. Her mother didn't mask her fury at all with the visitor, she had never done that before.
Faith sat for a very long time, she didn't know how long it was. She looked at the small item in her hand and didn't know what to do with it, she knew she wanted to keep it, but didn't know how to hide it. She did the only thing she could think of and slid it into the waistband of her shorts.
When her mother finally returned, she didn't approach Faith. "Get out."
Faith quickly scrambled to her feet, moving as quickly to her room as possible. Grateful for the reprieve and the hope that she'd be able to keep the item. She sat in the dark shed and waited, it had never been this easy before. Her stomach was in knots as she wondered what was going to happen. Finally, she heard the approaching footsteps and the padlock click shut.
Her mother sighed heavily from the other side of the door. "I think that will be your last visitor for a while. She told me what you did. Why can't you behave? Why can't you do anything right?" Another heavy sigh and the sound of footsteps fading away.
Faith didn't know what to do. No visitors wasn't exactly a bad thing, except that meant she wasn't leaving her "room" again anytime soon. It meant no chance to go outside, no chance to clean herself up at all. It also meant no food.
She pulled the oblong item out of her waistband and looked it over carefully. She had no idea what it was, but she hoped it would somehow make things better. The surface was smooth and warn, it had three layers sandwiched together, one small strip of metal sticking out slightly on one side. She pulled at it with her nail and was delighted when it responded by sliding out further. She tested the tip and edge. It was not very sharp, but for what she had in mind it didn't need to be.
She had previously managed to find one loose board on the floor of her shed, she stored the few items she'd been able to hold on to, as well as a few scraps of food. She pulled out the food and took stock. Two pieces of candy and a small chunk of bread. She sighed, at least the mice hadn't gotten to it yet. She replaced the items and added the knife. It wasn't time. She had to be sure her mother was truly leaving her alone before she got to work.
xxxxxxxx
She didn't know how long she'd been locked up, she had no way to track time. Based on the ache in her stomach, she guessed it was several weeks. Her eyes burned against the bright sunlight once the door was thrown open. "Get up."
She quickly scampered to her feet and headed outside. Trying not to bask in the sunlight as she's pushed towards the house.
"Clean yourself up, you smell horrible."
She's shoved into the small bathroom and quickly does her best to get clean in the sink and slides on the dress that was left for her. The dress hangs off of her, she was already extremely skinny, but now it's even more pronounced. Knowing she's going to be punished for how she looks, she frowns. There's nothing she can do.
When she entered the kitchen, a man is seated at the table. A plate of food waiting for her. Her eyes are locked on the meal, she fights desperately not to groan and lick her lips as she imagines what the food will taste like. A large sandwich and a glass of dark liquid that she hopes is some kind of soda. She stays calm, can't let her excitement show. Her stomach betrays her and gurgles in anticipation.
The man giggles at the sound, "go ahead, Faith. It's for you."
She quickly moves to sit beside the man and begins working on the sandwich. She's developed the ability to devour massive quantities of food without getting sick. The man watches with amusement as she inhales every scrap of the sandwich. His hand is on her thigh and gently stroking. She takes a sip of the soda and has to repress her grin. The sugar filling her with brief euphoria. Once all the food and drink are gone, she sits back in her seat and waits for what usually comes next.
The stroking on her leg intensifies the man is leaning closer, his face inches from her face.
"Do you like that?"
She goes to respond in the affirmative as she knows she's supposed to. But when she opens her mouth to speak all that comes out is the remains of everything she had just consumed. Her head starts to swim, and she's laying on the ground covered in vomit.
"What the hell? Did you try to drug her?" Her mother enters, screaming at the man. "I told you not to do that!"
"I thought it would help."
"Get the fuck out!" The woman screams at him, and he shuffles away.
Faith is being dragged out by one arm, the same arm, always her left. She struggles to tense her muscles, hoping to keep the joint intact this time. She's too weak to have much success, she lets out a small whimper as it releases.
"Stand up!"
She drags herself to her feet, holding her limp left arm with her right. She's barely able to keep her eyes open and is completely shocked when she's hit with the cold spray from the hose.
"Stay still!" Her mother screeches at her, and she does her best to comply. "Raise your arms."
She slowly does, raising her left with her right. Stifling a scream as the misplaced joint resists the motion.
The hose cuts off, and she has to fight with all she has to stay upright. Her mother is now in her face, holding her chin. "Look at me, you little shit!"
Faith opens her eyes, focusing as best she can.
"I will figure out what is protecting you! You can't keep this up forever!"
Faith has no idea what that means. It sure doesn't feel like anything is protecting her. Her mother's grip is cruel on her chin, lifting with enough force to make her stand on her toes. With one last menacing squeeze on her face, her mother lets her go, pushing her towards the shed. Following behind, adding helpful shoves to her back whenever Faith starts to slow down. She's thrown to the ground, landing on her face, unable to protect herself from the impact.
The door slams shut, and the lock slides into place.
This isn't the first time she's felt like this. She knew it would pass, she just needed to rest. She laid on the floor, breathing slowly and carefully. Her shoulder still needs to be reset, she knew the longer she waited, the worse it would be.
xxxxxxx
She's laying under her bed with the small knife, working on the last nail that needs to come out. Ever so slowly and carefully wiggling the blade under the head of the nail. She's already broken the tip off and broken another small chunk out of the blade. But she's almost there, one more nail and she'll have removed enough boards so that she can escape.
She's so focused on her work that she doesn't hear the approach of her mother. The door flies open, and she freezes, holding her breath and very quietly placing the knife in the corner of the shed.
"Get out here!"
She slides out from under the bed. Her mother grabs her roughly and shoves her outside without saying anything.
She prepares herself as she knows she should and waits in the kitchen. She's surprised when a young man enters. She's never seen anyone even close to her age before. He looks excited when he sees her. He smiles at her, and she smiles back. "Hello, Faith. I'm Mark."
"Hello." She replies, keeping her smile.
He sits down across from her at the table and opens a bag. Pulling out several items and placing them in front of her. "Your mother said you might like to have lunch with me, and then maybe you could show me your room."
She's mesmerized by the smells of the items in front of her. She's never smelled anything so good in her life. He opens the wrapper of the first item and slides it over to her. She can't help but moan at the first bite of the burger. She finishes it quickly while noticing how the boy is watching her closely.
"Guess you were hungry. Do you want another one?"
Her eyes light up, and she nods. He laughs as she inhales the next burger the same way. Once the food is gone, she can see that he's nervous. She then realizes what he said earlier about seeing her room. No one had ever seen her room before, and she's not sure if that's really what he meant.
Her mother appears in the doorway, her arms crossed and a nasty scowl on her face.
"Are you ready to show me your room now?" Mark asks, standing up from the table.
Faith looks to her mother and sees the nod, not understanding but going along with it anyway.
She can see a look of surprise from Mark when she heads towards the back door, but she doesn't understand why.
"Your room is outside?"
She doesn't understand the question, she just keeps walking.
"Holy shit." He gasps once he sees the shed. "This is your room?"
She looks at him and frowns, "did I do something wrong?"
"What? No… I just.. you live in here?"
She can see her mother glaring at them from the kitchen windows, "come inside."
"No… this isn't right."
"You have to. She's watching." He reluctantly follows. She closes the door and sits down on the bed and watches him pace. She's never seen anything like this and isn't sure what to do. She knows it's going to upset her mother. Her mother sent this boy here for a reason, and if he doesn't say she was perfect, her mother will be upset.
"I can't be in here. This isn't right."
"You can't tell her. You can't tell her I messed up again."
"What will she do?"
Faith only shakes her head, "she'll be upset."
The boy continues to pace, "I don't understand. I heard things about you, and I thought… I thought this was… I should have known. I should have known this wasn't right."
Faith watches him and has no idea what he's talking about or why he seems so upset.
He finally stops pacing and moves towards her. "I'm going to get you help. I'm going to get you out of here." He reaches for her hand and leads her back out of the shed. She's confused but doesn't fight him.
"Where do you think you're going?"
"I'm getting her the hell out of here!" Mark shouts and attempts to pull Faith past the woman.
"Is that right?" Her mother stands in the doorway, with her arms folded over her chest. "Is that what you want, Faith? Do you want to leave?"
Faith slips out of Marks grip and backs away. "No, I don't want to leave."
Mark turns back to her, "you have to leave. This isn't right!"
"No. I don't want to leave." She stands her ground, and Mark shakes his head in frustration.
xxxxxxxxx
Faith had finally managed to pry up the final nail and remove enough boards so she could crawl out from under the shed. She had crawled out of the shed a few times, never venturing very far, just testing the idea of the small amount of freedom it gave her.
Tonight was different, yesterday she had a new visitor. Another young one, like Mark. But as soon as she saw his eyes, she knew he wasn't like Mark at all. He wasn't going to be shocked by seeing her room, he wasn't going to want to help her. He was going to take something from her, and she knew she couldn't let that happen. She had no idea how she was going to stop it, but she knew she had to. She had the small knife, but she didn't think that would be enough. It was never very sharp and didn't even have a point anymore.
Her only idea was that maybe there was something in the kitchen that would help. If she could hide something bigger and sharper in her room, she might be able to defend herself against him. Not knowing when he'd be back, she had to act fast.
She crawled out from under the shed and cautiously made her way to the house. Stopping and holding her breath at every sound. The house was dark and completely still. She stood outside the window and waited for any sign of movement. She slowly opened the door, just enough so she could slide in. She made her way to the counter, walking on her toes, trying to be as quiet as possible. Just as she's about to reach for the knife in the butcher block, she finds herself violently yanked away. Her left arm impossibly wrenched behind her back.
"How the hell did you get out!?" Her mother is screaming incoherently as she drags her back outside. Faith has already lost the battle to keep her shoulder from falling out of the socket. In the past, her mother would let go when this happened, not this time. This time she continued to pull her by the damaged arm. Faith had at least managed to keep her feet, she knew if she fell, she would be dragged, and if that happened, her shoulder might never recover.
She's thrown to the ground and watched as her mother checks the shed all over trying to figure out how she escaped. Luckily, the darkness and the small bushes that grew by the base of the shed concealed any evidence of Faith's escape. She had even managed to think of replacing the boards as she left, leaving no visible sign of her exit.
Her mother screamed in frustration and shoved her back inside.
Faith lay on the ground and tried to work her arm back into position. It hurt too much, she couldn't do it. Even when she thought the socket was lined up, it would only slip back out.
The door flies open, and her mother is screaming at her again. "You are never getting out of here! Never!" The door slams shut again, and shortly after, the hammering begins. It lasts for hours. Faith can't even form a thought. The relentless pounding begins to feel like it's coming from inside her own skull. She begins to scream, needing something else to listen to.
She doesn't even remember retrieving the knife. But suddenly she has it, it was challenging to open only using her right hand, but she finally does. She tests the edge, it's slightly sharp where the tip was broken off. She presses it to her thigh and begins to dig.