Faith - 1 week ago continued
Faith shot up, the metal bands that had been holding her no longer keeping her strapped to the table. She looked around the space and frowned. I'm in the fucking Initiative again. I knew we should have blown this place up. She stands up from the table and stretches her neck, rolling it around and grinning as it cracks. Her body feels different, her skin tight, almost like she hadn't been wearing it for a while.
She didn't remember what happened. She had been at the Bronze, waiting for something. Then she was here. She knew who she was, she knew she should be on her way home by now, but she didn't want to go there. She could feel a warm buzzing in the back of her head trying to call her home. Scowling, she buried that feeling, blocked it out, and focused on making her way out of the empty underground fortress.
She didn't run into anyone on her way out, and all the doors had all been left open. She frowned as she tried to remember how she got down here, she knew it was important, but couldn't find the memory.
She climbed out of the tunnel and into the night. Taking a deep breath and smiling at the cool night air.
"Faith? Where have you been?" She stops and does her best not to run at the voice calling to her. The voice was filled with love and concern. It's causing Faith's entire body to scream and ache.
She turned to face Buffy.
"You said you wanted me out for the night, so I went out." She grimaced and moved away from the gentle touch that was filling her with comfort. There was a whisper of a voice in her head, the voice was screaming, but she could barely hear it.
"I...I thought you understood. We were just studying. You could have come home hours ago."
Just looking at Buffy's face made Faith's skin crawl, the hurt she saw reaching into her and trying to take hold. The whispering on the edge of her consciousness, begging her to tell Buffy what was wrong. To beg for help. The whispering wasn't loud enough, she wouldn't let herself hear it.
"Whatever." Faith shrugged and started walking.
"Are you going to come home now?"
"Going to finish patrol." She left a stunned Buffy standing behind her. She could feel the confusion and pain coming off her in waves. It made her stop and sigh as she battled the conflict inside her. "Do you want to come with me?"
"No.. I have to get back. I have an early test tomorrow, and Dawn is alone."
Faith shrugged, trying not to show her relief that Buffy wasn't going to stick around. "Guess, I'll see you later." Ignoring the tears forming in Buffy's eyes, she stalked off towards the nearest cemetery.
When she finally came home, she stood in the doorway of the room she had been sharing with Buffy for over two years. The blonde had been crying, her face was puffy, and she held tissues in her curled fist. Faith sighed and ran her fingers through her hair before heading towards the shower.
She watched the sleeping form for a few more minutes before sliding into her side of the bed. She was very careful not to make too much movement, but it didn't matter. Buffy sensed her, and even though she didn't wake up, she did turn and wrap herself around Faith.
Faith froze under the contact, and she laid as still as she could. The longer she laid there, the worse she felt. Her entire body throbbed and itched. She had to get away. She didn't belong here. Ever so slowly, she extricated herself from Buffy's arms. Grimacing as she heard Buffy whimper and reach for her in her sleep.
Faith frowned and headed to the basement. She tried to find herself. Something wasn't right, but she couldn't figure out what it was. She felt empty and lost, but she didn't think she should feel that way. She heard the whispers again, wondering what they were trying to tell her, but not caring enough to try to listen. On her way to the basement, she notices pictures of her and her friends lining the walls. She picked one up and tried to remember the day it was taken.
She, Dawn, and Buffy were huddled together and smiling. Faith traced the line of her smile in the photo, hoping to recapture the feeling she must have felt, but it wasn't there. She was empty. Nothing made sense, she knew this was her life, but it didn't feel like it belonged to her.
She could remember what happened, but it made no sense. How could I be in love with B? And why the hell have I been working so hard to take care of her and her bratty little sister? She frowned at the questions she couldn't answer, replacing the photo and heading to the basement.
They had set up a little training area with a punching bag and a wooden training dummy. The training dummy received the brunt of her frustrations. She beat on it furiously, and without grace, her hands began to ache and bleed, it only made her punch harder.
She finally passed out on the small cot against the wall, only to be shaken awake a short time later by a very annoyed Dawn. "Are you taking me to school? You said you were going to take me! I'm going to be late!"
"Dawn! Leave Faith alone. I'll take you," Buffy called down the stairs.
"Fine!" Dawn screeched and headed upstairs, shooting Faith a dirty look on her way.
Faith sat up and rubbed her head. Her entire body ached, her knuckles were caked with blood. She grinned at them and peeled off one of the scabs, smiling at the unpleasant sensation and the fresh blood that bubbled up.
"Will I see you after work today?" Buffy was suddenly downstairs with her.
Faith stood and moved past her without looking at her or answering. She heard Buffy sigh deeply as she got to the top of the stairs, pausing for a moment. That small voice was telling her that she cared about Buffy, that she didn't want to hurt her. "Sure."
She had no intention of going to work or meeting Buffy later. She wasn't going to stay in this house though, whether or not Buffy would be here. She headed out the kitchen door and tried to decide what to do. She found herself in a familiar alley, in a place she hadn't visited in a while, at least not alone.
"Willy." She called out as she dropped herself onto the stool.
"Surprised to see you here without your girl, Slayer. Kinda early, isn't it?"
"Shut the fuck up and give me that bottle." Willy complied, sliding her a not very clean glass and a bottle of whiskey.
She poured a healthy amount into the glass and downed it, refilling her glass before the burn even began to subside in her throat.
"Faith?" A familiar voice called to her. She growled in response. Just wanting to be left alone, she got up from the bar without looking, heading out into the sun where she knew Spike couldn't follow.
As the whiskey warmed her belly, she started to walk. She found herself in front of the apartment building that was hers in another life. Standing just under the rooftop where she had once fallen. She rubbed her hand over the scar on her stomach, anger filling her as she remembered that day. Without thinking, she walked into the building and kicked down the door that could've been hers.
"How did you find me?" The man sitting on the couch stutters as he jumps to his feet.
She grinned, she wasn't looking for him, she had forgotten all about him. But now she remembers, not what he recently did. She doesn't know about that, she remembers before. She remembers him leering at her and trying to touch her. She remembers his voice taunting her from her time altered prison.
"You. I remember you." Her voice slurred by the mostly full bottle of whiskey she had finished.
"How… you can't... " She loved the terror she sees in his eyes.
"Say? Are you human? I know your daddy wasn't." She crosses her arms and taps her lip thoughtfully as she looks him over. Normally, she'd be able to tell if someone were demonic or not, but her senses were dulled by the whiskey and the chaos in her mind.
"What… my dad... how do you…"
"Jesus, finish a fucking sentence." She chucks the empty bottle of whiskey at him, hitting him squarely in the stomach. He bends over and groans. "Human, are you a human?" She's a little unsure of why she cares. She's killed humans before, why did it matter now? It mattered, though. She knew that it did.
"Yes. I am human." He answered, shaking in fear.
"You better not be lying to me." She grabbed him by the throat and threw him onto the couch.
"You're... not supposed to…"
She moves to him quickly and punches him in the face. "What did I say about finishing sentences?"
He only blubbers, unable to form words through his split lip. His inability to speak amuses her and she gets an idea of what to do with him. She forces him to stand, dragging him to the front door.
"Come on, let's go."
"No.. I.. no.. Please. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Hurt me? You never hurt me you worthless asshole. I just don't like you." He winced and tried to pull away from her. "I'm going to give you a chance. It'll be fair so it won't be wrong when I kill you. Well, sorta fair, anyway." She grinned wickedly as she thought about her plan.
"Kill me?"
"Just shut up." She hauled him out of the apartment and towards the basement. She still remembered the way into the tunnels. She took several practiced turns, having no trouble following the path she had used so many times before in a different life. After several minutes she found the ladder she was looking for and pushed the man up ahead of her.
Technically, she had never been here, but she wasn't worried, she knew the routine.
Holding the man tightly by the back of his neck, she banged on the door. A window slid open, and she forced the man's face into the opening.
"David? What are you doing here so early?" The guard opened the door without noticing the distress on his face or that he was being held captive.
David squealed as Faith pushed him past the guard.
"Hey! You can't come in here!" The guard grabbed for Faith, but she caught him first, twisting his arm until his elbow snapped with a satisfying pop.
"Relax, I'm just here to play with my new friend. I'm gonna put a real good show on for you too. Might wanna tell your friends." She winks as she releases the arm and stalks further into the club.
It's dark, and the music is loud. It's early, so it's not very crowded. She frowns a little. She wants a crowd.
The manager stalks up to her, a demon with yellow skin and blue horns. "Slayer. What… ah, what can we do for you?"
She shoves David at him. "Get him a buddy or two, so he has a chance."
David quickly moves to hide behind the demon, thinking he'll be protected. Faith only widens her smile. David might be in with the demon crowd, but she knows that this club owner will care more about profits than keeping him safe.
"No problem. How much time do you need?" The demon motioned to his cohorts, who grabbed David and began dragging him away.
"Whenever you can get a good crowd going." Faith smirks. "I'll just be at the bar."
David screams as he's pulled into a cage. "You can't do this!"
A few hours later she's standing in the cage, waiting for her opponents to appear. She stands calmly, swaying slightly from all she had drunk, no weapons visible in her hands. The hum of the crowd and the pulsing beat of the music infusing her. This was something all parts of her agreed on, she was built to fight demons.
This fight club had been her refuge when she worked for the Mayor. He wouldn't allow her to slay, so this place was her only opportunity to sate her need to kill demons.
Two vampires, a polgara demon, a demon with thick, scaly skin, and David appear through the opening on the other side of the cage.
She grins, not even caring at the lopsided odds. The four demons surround her, while David cowers in the corner. She stands still, waiting for someone to make the first move. It's one of the vampires, she ducks under his attack, punching him several times before staking him with a stake that wasn't there a second ago.
The crowd goes wild in frustration at the ease of her first kill. She turns to the crowd and grins at their displeasure. While she was distracted, the polgara demon managed a blow to her back, which sent her stumbling into the side of the cage.
She quickly spun around as he attempted to stab her, she broke off the spike and jammed it in his eye. He howled and backed away from her while pawing at his face, taking a few steps before he dropped to the ground. She was a little disappointed in herself for killing him so quickly. She had promised them a show.
The vampire and remaining demon attacked her together. Striking at her from two sides, many of the hits making it through. She grunted against the pain, an insane smile plastered to her face. She felt a pulse of power from Buffy, and she pushed it away. She didn't want the boost, she didn't want any help.
The crowd was roaring again, sure that the slayer was about to die. Just when it seemed all hope was lost, a flaming sword appeared in her hand and sliced clean through the vampire's neck. Just as quickly, the sword was gone.
The remaining demon stood, frozen in confusion. Faith attacked him with her fists and feet. She was chaotic and unhinged as she struck at him. All of the fluidity and control she had acquired in her fighting style completely lost.
Her assault wasn't doing much damage to his thick hide, and he was managing many serious hits on her. Her left arm hung limply at her side, as her shoulder was dislocated. Blood was pouring from her nose and above her right eye. She grinned wildly, loving every second of it. Reveling in the pain she felt, and the knowledge that she was still going to win.
She hadn't paid any attention to David. Not until she felt the searing pain in her side. He had managed to retrieve the polgara demon's spike and stabbed her in the side with it. She roared in fury, her fiery blade ending the remaining demon before she turned her focus on David.
He dropped the spike and scrambled away from her.
"Stabbing people in the back isn't nice. If you're gonna stab me, you better do it from the front." She scooped the spike up and tossed it to him. He held it in both hands, shaking in terror as she approached.
She held her right arm out to the side, her left still hanging uselessly, "free shot."
The crowd was screaming and chanting for the man to attack. Faith grinned at the look of desperation on David's face. He approached her cautiously. The spike held out in front of him with shaky hands. He got within striking distance, and as soon as he made a move, Faith punched out at his throat. She was irritated at him for all kinds of reasons, but mostly because he had ruined her fun.
He dropped the spike and grasped at his throat. Faith grinned as he gurgled and sputtered before falling to the ground.
xxxxxx
Faith stood under the hot spray of the shower, and she watched the dirt and blood rinse off of her and swirl down the drain. She tugged at the wound at her side, grinning as more blood poured out and traveled down her body to the floor of the shower.
"Faith?"
She has to restrain her groan at the sound of Buffy's voice, now in the bathroom with her.
"Where have you been? You said you were going to meet us after work." The hurt in Buffy's voice is making Faith furious.
"Out."
The curtain is pulled back, and Buffy gasps. "What happened?"
"Slaying."
"You're bleeding. Let me call Willow, she can heal you."
"I'm fine." Faith insists, gritting her teeth. Why did I even come here?! Voices in her head were colliding, a swirl of anger and confusion, mixed with desperation to ask for help.
"You're not fine, at least let me bandage your wound." She pulls away from Buffy's outstretched hand. She knows that touch will soothe her pain, she doesn't want to be soothed. She has no idea why she didn't just go back to her apartment.
Faith slammed the water off and walked out of the shower. Shoving Buffy away from her as she wrapped a towel around herself and strode out of the bathroom.
She went into Buffy's mom's room, a room they hadn't yet started using. Quickly drying herself and throwing her bloody clothes back on. She climbed out of the window and ran off into the night. Ignoring the shouts of her name from the window, focusing on the pain in every part of her body and the warmth of the blood running down her side.
The next day she snuck back into the house. She had waited until she saw Buffy leaving before entering the back door.
"Faith." A cold voice calls to her as soon as she entered.
"What the fuck are you doing here, Red?" Faith growled, furious at letting herself be surprised by Willow.
"What happened to you? Why are you doing this?"
"What this? I'm coming home to get some clothes." Faith shrugged.
"You know what I mean. Why are you ignoring everyone who cares about you?"
Faith laughed, "cares about me? Are you kidding me? Just leave me the fuck alone."
"No! I will not leave you alone. You are my friend, and I care about you. Buffy, Dawn, and Tara care about you." Willow took a step forward. Faith reacted by moving quicker and shoving her to the ground. Faith was back outside before Willow could get back up.
She didn't get very far before she crashed into Buffy, who had been waiting just outside.
"Please tell me what's wrong." Buffy pleads with Faith. "What did I do?"
"Not everything is about you, princess." Faith responds coldly and tries to move past her. Being near Buffy is making her feel things she doesn't want to feel.
"Then what is it about? You can tell me anything, let me help you."
Faith laughs bitterly, "come on, B. You had to know this wasn't going to last. You know what I am. You might have let yourself forget, might have wanted to believe that I could be what you wanted. But you had to know it wasn't real."
"You know that isn't true! What we have is completely real!" Buffy yells back at Faith, who stands smugly with her arms crossed. "Why are you acting like this?"
"I'm not acting like anything. I'm just being me. If you don't like it, then tough shit." Faith held her smug grin, hoping to see pain in Buffy's face.
"Do you like it? Is this what you want?"
The question startles Faith, and she frowns. "I… don't know."
The hope in Buffy's eyes at the response renews her anger.
"I know you're still in there somewhere. Please tell me what you need."
Faith grinned wickedly, bringing forth a very special knife and holding it up for Buffy to see. Buffy's eyes widened in recognition. "What if what I need is to give us matching scars?" She takes a purposeful step towards Buffy. Buffy stood completely still, her lips squeezed into a tight line of determination. Faith pressed the points of the blade to Buffy's stomach. As the weapon began to draw blood, Buffy grabs Faith's wrist, holding it still.
"If I believed that was what you needed, then yes. I would let you scar me. But it's not what you need." Buffy kept her eyes locked with Faith's. "I know you're still in there. I love you, there's nothing you can do to change that."
Faith could feel the pulse of Buffy's unconditional love filling her through their bond. She shrieked at the confusion and pain she was feeling. In an instant, she willed the blade away and ran as fast as she could.
xxxxxxxxx
"Should I heal her?" Willow asks.
"I don't know," Buffy replies, her voice is filled with agony. Faith can't open her eyes. Everything hurts, and she can't move her legs. She moans a little as she tries to open her mouth to tell them to fuck off. Her jaw is dislocated, and it won't respond.
"Tara will be back tomorrow. Maybe she can help."
Faith starts to try harder to get up. The idea of Tara seeing her fills her with fear. She has to get away. Her legs won't respond, and she drops heavily to the floor, smashing her already very damaged face.
"Heal her, I guess. I.. can't…" Buffy stammers and lets her voice trail off.
Warmth spreads through Faith's body, and as soon as she's able, she's on her feet and out the door. Nobody even bothers to call after her this time.
The next day, Faith sneaks back into the house. She's more careful this time, waiting until Buffy is at work before entering the house. She opens the door and sneaks up to their room to grab a change of clothes. She's not sure why she comes back at all. She's earned more than enough money at the demon fight club not to need to. Something keeps pulling her back. A tiny voice that she refuses to listen to is telling her this is where she belongs.
"Faith." Tara's voice calls softly from the doorway.
"Fuck." Faith groans and attempts to get out the window, but it won't open.
"Wait, please. Just two minutes and you can go. I won't try to stop you."
"Any more than you already have?" Faith growls and beats on the window which she guesses must have been magicked closed.
"I know this isn't how you want things to be. Somebody did something to you. You were happy. Don't you remember that? Don't you remember being loved?"
Faith frowns, she doesn't turn to look back at Tara. She stares at the window and wonders which will break first if she smashes her head into it.
"You have to find yourself again. This isn't who you're supposed to be."
"Has it been two minutes yet?" Faith responds, but she felt something shift inside her. Being around Tara feels different, there's something tugging at her. She can feel it trying to change her, to try to make her whole. She's mentally clawing at that feeling, hating how it feels.
Tara sighs deeply, "yeah. It's been two minutes."
Faith is out the window before Tara even finishes her reply.
xxxxxx
How dare she fucking follow me? This is bullshit. I don't need her watching me. I can take care of myself.
Faith runs as fast as she can, but somehow Buffy continues to follow her. This isn't the first time she felt Buffy following her, but this time she can't seem to get away. Tara must be helping her tonight. She growled, furious that the people who supposedly cared about her wouldn't just leave her alone.
Faith is running aimlessly, not paying attention to where she is.
"Slayer." A voice hisses at her, and she grins. Whatever this is will be better than thinking about Buffy.
"Holy shit, you are ugly!" She responds with insane glee. The creature before her is covered in slime and does not seem to appreciate her observation.
"I might be ugly, but I am not alone." She finds herself surrounded by four similar looking creatures.
"Ok, then, let's party." She launches herself at the closest one, smashing his face with her fist and having to suppress a gag at how squishy he is. She briefly considers using her special weapon, it would mean not having to touch any of these disgusting things again, but it might make the fight too easy. She sticks with her fists. Her fists have never failed her before.
She fights with uncontrolled fury, not caring about the hits she takes, not caring that she might be doing more damage to herself than to them. Even with her chaotic actions, it doesn't take too long until four of the creatures are down, the slime was slippery and gross but didn't seem to protect them all that much. The final creature howls at the corpses of his dead friends.
"You will pay for this!"
Faith laughs bitterly, "I think I already am."
The creature surprises her and crashes a meaty fist into her head before she can defend herself, she falls backward and slams her back into a rock. "That actually fucking hurt." She grunted and tried to stand up. Pain shot up and down her spine, making her see stars. She launched herself blindly at the creature who stabbed out with a weapon she didn't notice he had. It sliced into her stomach right below her diaphragm. Right through the scar she should never have received from Buffy.
She screamed in response as he twisted the blade, tearing at her insides. She smashed her head into his chin with everything that she had, and then she dropped to the ground.
She had the vague sense of being carried and then placed on something soft. Sometime later, warmth spread through her body, and she opened her eyes. Furious eyes met her gaze.
"Say whatever the fuck you're going to say, Red. I need to take a shower."
Willow shook her head, "this is the last time."
"Whatever. I don't give a shit if you heal me or not." Faith stood up and waited for Willow to step out of her way and climbed the stairs. She caught a glance of Buffy standing in her room. She hadn't meant to look. She was going to take a shower and get as far away from here as she could.
When she looked at Buffy, everything changed. This was the first time she couldn't feel the other slayer. Through everything, she had always been at least able to feel her, but now there was nothing. Buffy was as empty as she was and the truth of what she was doing finally registered in her mind.
She had been telling herself this whole time that she wasn't trying to hurt Buffy, that she was protecting her by staying away. If she had any sense, she would have known how wrong that logic was, but she didn't have any sense. The screaming whispers that she had been ignoring finally broke through. She could no longer ignore what they were telling her.
Still coated in gore and slime, she carried the empty blonde slayer into their bed. She whispered to her, telling her that she would find a way to be better, she would fix this. Buffy never responded or acknowledged her in any way.
She woke up early and watched Buffy for several long minutes. She knew she had to go before Buffy woke up. She quickly cleaned herself up and made her way to the witches dorm room and banged on the door.
"Faith?" Willow stood in her doorway, her eyes barely open.
"Can you send me to Boston?" Faith was fidgeting, bouncing from foot to foot. She hated coming here and needing Willow's help. She didn't have any other way to get there, though. If she tried to drive, it would take too long, and she would never make it.
"Send you?" Willow scrunched her face in confusion, rubbing her eyes.
"Yeah, like teleport me. Now?"
Willow looked at her, still not awake.
"Faith? Come in, what do you need?" Tara appeared next to Willow opening the door wider.
"I just want to know if you can send me. Now. I need to go now." Faith was having trouble keeping herself together and wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on to her need to find herself again.
"Sure, yeah, ok. I need a minute." Willow responded.
"I'll wait here." Faith didn't want to enter the room. She didn't like the way Tara was looking at her, and it was tearing her apart. She wanted to fall into the comfort Tara's presence brought her at the same time she needed to get as far away from that comfort as she could.
"Here, you might need this." Tara held out a small red object, it wasn't quite a crystal, but she didn't know how else to describe it. Faith made no move to reach for the item. "It won't do anything to you. It just makes people tell the truth." Faith frowned and still didn't try to take it. "You'll have control over it, it won't work on you, only on who you want it to. Please." Tara insisted and motioned again for Faith to take it.
Faith reluctantly reached out and plucked the item out of her hand and shoved it into her pocket.
Willow reappeared in the doorway. "Where do you want to go?"
"Here." Faith handed her a scrap of paper with an address. It was of the cemetery where her watcher had been buried. Willow frowned a little at the address but nodded.
She held out her hand, and Faith retreated a step. "I need to touch you for it to work," Willow comments carefully. Faith slowly reached out and barely touched her fingertips to Willow's.
They arrived in the graveyard, Faith looked at Willow and silently begged her to go. She was barely keeping herself together, and she needed to be alone to find her strength again. Willow nodded and vanished before Faith had to say anything. Faith took a deep breath and surveyed her surroundings. She didn't know which grave was her Watcher's, but it didn't matter. She only chose this place because she had to pick somewhere.
She stalked off towards her old neighborhood. She needed a car, and she hoped it wouldn't be too difficult to find someone who would lend her one. After she had escaped from her mother, she had lived off and on with her watcher. Never fully trusting the woman, but finding it hard to deny herself access to regular food and a warm bed.
She had made a lot of friends on the streets, and she hoped that one of them would remember her enough to give her a car. If not, she would just have to take one.
"Faith? Is that really you?"
Faith whipped around to face the new voice. She had no idea who this woman was, "you know me?"
The stranger backed away, "yes. I… I knew your watcher."
"So you know what I am?" Faith smiled and stalked closer.
The woman swallowed hard and nodded.
"Got a car?"
"You… need a ride somewhere? I'll take you wherever you want to go."
Faith moved even closer, grabbing the woman's shoulder before she could escape. "Not a ride, need a car."