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~o~o~o~

Later on as they gathered at the gates of the graveyard and went to Versailles, Matthew wondered whether or not what Francis had told him was true. He hoped it was.

If it was, the things they had done up until now – the hair-ruffling, the tickling, the joking around, every look they had exchanged – basically everything got a different meaning. It suddenly became a bit awkward to remember. It made all kinds of questions float into Matthew's head: How was he supposed to act around Abel from now on? It wasn't as though anything had changed, but he was sure he'd become awkward. He knew himself well enough to know that would happen.
Matthew told himself to act the same a usual, but that didn't work from the first second. He looked around, locked eyes with Abel unexpectedly and quickly looked away again.
Damn, why couldn't Francis just have left him oblivious? This was going to be difficult.

After Versailles, which took a little longer than expected with all its grandeur, it took the class a long time again to find a restaurant. It was dark by the time they finally left the place again, which had not quite been the planning either. The initial plan had been to go back to the hotel, but Trouillefou had a plan B up his sleeve. Unfortunately. He turned around and led them to the river.
It appeared they'd make a tour on the Seine. Great.
The weather was soft. There was no wind, and the temperature was comfortable. There were pairs of chairs by at the sides of the ship to provide a most beautiful view over the river and the brightly lit bridges.

Of course Alfred insisted on sitting next to Arthur. This was something the Brit pretended not to like in the least bit, but he really did appreciate. When he was sure no one was looking, he'd even take Alfred's hand and lean against his shoulder.

Slightly envious was the perfect way to describe how Matthew was feeling since quite the opposite of his brother's situation, was his own.
Himself and Abel, side by side, entirely silent for the entire time. None of them spoke a word at the lack of something to say or the slightest idea how to act. Neither moved a muscle or made a sound. They felt each other's presence burning by their side, but neither did or said anything.
The fact it was dark outside and the riversides and city were a romantic sea of light wasn't helping either.
While Matthew had told himself nothing had changed for as far Abel was concerned, he couldn't help but notice the other wasn't saying a word either. Did he know?

Later on in their room, not many more words were spoken. Matthew was still feeling unsure about what exactly was going on in Abel's head. He was never sure what was going on in the guy's head.

By now, Abel also noticed there was a different sort of tension between them than usual. The uncomfortable sort of tension. That kind of tension that came from bother sides, though he couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly was going on. Maybe it was that Matthew seemed to be even more quiet than usual, or that he hadn't made any eye contact since they had been to Père Lachaise, or that he seemed to be thinking all the time. Or maybe all of them?

Even when they both went to bed, not a word was spoken. Matthew was, though restlessly, asleep almost immediately. Thinking and worrying so much had tired him out.

While Matthew was already far away in his dreams, Abel was still staring at the ceiling. With a hand behind his head, and one leg pulled up to make his position as comfortable as possible, he scanned through his many thoughts.

What had happened at Père Lachaise? What had changed? Okay, granted, maybe he had crossed a few lines himself that morning. Even though it hadn't been entirely his fault they ended up the way they had, he should have thought it over a little better. Not everyone appreciated being tickled or poked in the baby fat.

Any now and then, he looked to his side to see if Matthew hadn't woken up in the meantime. He hadn't. He was very much asleep. And, damn, was he handsome. The moonlight that came through the curtains cast him in mysterious shadows and defined his soft features.

Abel could slap himself for even thinking it, but he really wanted to snuggle up close to Matthew right now and hold him for the rest of the night. To have his arms around that solid torso, and his fingers in that thick wavy hair.
But he knew he couldn't do that. He had to keep is own wants involving Matthew to himself if he didn't want to ruin the great friendship with his classmate. That would certainly happen if Matthew would ever find out.

Okay, Matthew was a sympathetic guy, but there were a few things anyone would freak out about. But that was no problem. He would never have to find out. Abel was absolutely positive that he could easily live with not telling Matthew anything about the rather annoying feelings he was developing.

A few soft mumbles from his side drew Abel's attention back to his sleeping classmate. Matthew shifted, turned and ended up in a for him very comfortable position with his forehead against Abel's shoulder and his hand in a fist on his arm.

Abel looked at him.
Big mistake. He bit his lip and blew off some steam. Oh, who was he trying to kid? He could feel his self restraint fading away more and more with every second up to the point it physically hurt. It was pretty damn frustrating to be so close to Matthew, heck, to have him snuggling up to him, and yet being so far away.

He stroked a strand of Matthew's half-long hair out of his face and behind his ear. He whispered, more to himself than to Matthew, how much of a kind, sympathetic, amazing, sweet, adorable, oblivious, huggable little thing he was. That he had no idea of the heart-meltdown he could cause without even trying.

For a moment, Abel considered holding his hand, falling asleep and accepting the consequences (those probably being a punch in the gut and a black eye) the next morning, but he dismissed the thought. It was just wrong to make a move when the other had no chance of responding in any way.

…

What Matthew was doing didn't count since the lad didn't even realise it himself. The first time it happened, Abel had thought it was hilarious, but now he cursed Matthew's unconventional shifting in his sleep. However much he appreciated any sort of attention from Matthew, having him unknowingly snuggle in his sleep had quite a bit of an awkward charge. The guy should have taken his teddy bear with him, no matter how embarrassing it may be. Would have saved a lot of…this!

Sweet goodness, why had he agreed to switch rooms in the first place? Right now, even sharing a room with Arthur would be like a relaxing spa in heaven compared to this. He should have known his self-restraint would be tested as much as he could cope and just a little more. He should have known, but he hadn't. He had just blindly agreed in a moment of rash acting when the only thing that came up in his mind was 'yes, I'll get to spend more time with Matthew!' and now it was time to face the obvious consequences he had initially overlooked.

He shook his head to tell himself to just get it out of his mind. This was never going to happen.

~o~o~o~

FRUSTRATION-block.

So this was more of a thoughts-chapter. It is quite an experiment, so I hope it turned out acceptable.

Please leave a review on this piece of awkwardness and frustration!