Going to school wasn't quite the same anymore since that moment. Looking at Matthew wasn't quite the same anymore. Not many things were the same anymore. It was over. Matthew didn't want him anymore, and there was probably no way he ever would again.

Somehow, a 'broken heart' wasn't just a metaphor. Not only did it make him feel ultimately miserable, it also actually stung. Really badly.

The moment he got home again, Judithe was right in his face, asking him if he was alright and what had happened. He rolled his eyes and locked her out of his room.

He pretended he was perfectly fine and it worked. He didn't feel like getting people into his face asking if he was okay and showing how much they felt sorry for him. He just wanted to be left alone, and if he showed how he actually felt, that wouldn't happen. One of the downsides of having nice friends and a guardian-angel sister.

What did he need pity for? It was a pain in the ass, if anything. He didn't deserve it anyway. It was his own stupid fault Matthew broke up with him. If only he'd not taken every chance he had to annoy the flying fuck out of Arthur, everything would have been just fine. Then Matthew wouldn't think he was a complete and utter blunt jerk. Because basically, he was a complete and utter blunt jerk.

Unfortunately for Abel, Mathias noticed something was off the moment he saw him and dragged him to one of their favourite bars in Brussels the same Friday evening. They both thought some beers would do him some good, but no. Alcohol was for when you were happy and wanted to have more fun. When he was down, he didn't feel like drinking and they went home after two beers and an inexplicably huge amount of attention from the other guys. Which was irritating as fuck.

Pretending worked just fine, Abel noticed. He'd been keeping it up for about three weeks now, and no one seemed to notice a thing. There was only one very big obstacle that nearly had him choke on his own act when spotting it: Matthew himself. Since they were in the same class, walking into each other on a daily basis was inevitable.

But he was starting to get over it and felt his act of indifference became more and more true.

Right?

Not quite. Just when he thought he was about to start dealing with it, he saw some guy kissing Matthew. On the cheek, true, but he'd blushed and had that innocent questioning look in his eyes. That same wonderful look he'd given to Abel in Paris when he finally got the hint.

And that hurt.

Somewhere, there had been this tiny little spec of light that said that they could be together again as though nothing happened. That was what had driven him so far, and now that motivation was ultimately shattered.

There were certain things he failed to hide as time got by. He wasn't his usual relatively care-free and relaxed self. They noticed that everywhere. In the football field, he'd play like a tank instead of slipping past the others like he usually did. This resulted in some (luckily minor) injuries and a few yellow cards. And when someone 'accidentally' tackled him in another average Saturday-match and called him a pansy drama-queen, shit hit the fan. The unfortunate guy got a headbutt and Abel a red card.

All his teammates, including Ludwig now really couldn't deny something was horribly off. He left the field like he didn't give a shit and flipped off some shouting parents and little brothers in the audience. And that was strange.

They noticed it in the gym as well when he was no longer in for a round of put-as-many-chalk-hand-prints-on-each-other-as-possible and his tricks got careless and sharp.
Kim, one of the girls he had been friends with for a long time, asked what was bothering him, and he only responded with an annoyed 'just some school stuff'. But she got an idea when he gave an irritated huff when she winked at her long-time girlfriend when she came in.

Later in the locker rooms, when the gymnastics girls went home and the acrobatics girls went into the gym, Kim took a second to warn Judithe about her twin brother's behaviour before her training started. Of course she already knew, but decided to ask him again when she got home. Of course, he locked her out of his room again.

Judithe was getting more and more suspicious and annoying, there were tests coming on which he couldn't concentrate on, and school was a bitch in general.

To make matters even worse, after one of the longest school days he could remember, Abel found Fluffy dead in the rabbits' cage. The biggest and oldest of the three rabbits was lying on her side on the grass. Abel kneeled next to his pet, ran two fingers over her head like she was only asleep and would wake up to sniff his palm like always. He hoped she would. But she didn't.

The universe just loved to hate him, didn't it?

"Abel? What's wrong?" His mother asked from the door.

He didn't look up from his pet.
"Fluffy died." He purposely tried not to sound too emotional, but he couldn't hide something like that from his mother. She got outside immediately and looked down at the rabbit as well.

"The poor girl." Chloé said and rubbed her son's shoulder. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." Abel stood up. "I'll go bury her." He got a shovel from the garage and after stroking her fur of the last time, made the corner of the garden Fluffy's final resting place.

After smoking three cigarettes immediately one after another, he spent two hours sitting in the rabbits' cage. All he wanted to do was holding the two pets he had left. He pressed his nose into their fur, tickled them, stroked their tiny little heads and fed them some greens.

They were such cute, silly little things. They didn't notice anything of the world. No social pressure, or homework, or relationships to screw up. Only running about, eating, sleeping and being snuggled by whichever lonely, love-sick schlemiel happened to own you. Wouldn't that be great?

He didn't care that it was below zero outside, or that he should be doing homework. Heck, it wasn't like he'd understand a shit of Chemistry anyway. Redoxreactions? Complete gibberish.
No, then cuddling and snuggling Vlekje and Snoetje was a lot better.

Judithe woke up in what she knew to be the middle of the night. Unsurprisingly, it was pitch dark and the house was quiet. Still, she had that uncomfortable feeling. Something was nagging in her mind, and it wouldn't leave her alone. She had had this feeling before, so she knew perfectly what it was.
Although it was urgent, it was also three in the night. This annoyed her to no end, so she attempted to turn around in her bed and get back to sleep. Unfortunately, the nagging feeling only got worse and worse, not leaving her alone for even a second.
Now she knew it: This was too urgent to wait.

With a concerned sigh and a whisper of "Zut." she left her bed. Without paying attention to how cold the air felt or hesitating for a split second, she stepped into Abel's room. She carefully shut the door behind her so she wouldn't wake anyone else.
"Abel? Abel, are you awake?"

"Ugh. I am now." He complained, but Judithe knew him longer than that.

"Don't lie." She stated a little tougher now. "You haven't slept for a second."

Abel sighed, and against his will and sanity, sat down on the side of his bed. He grumbled a little as it was a bit cold in his room, especially compared to the warm blankets he had been underneath just a few seconds ago.

Judithe crouched in front of him and took his hands into her own. She noticed he was clearly avoiding her eyes, but she carefully forced him to look at her.
"What is the matter?" She already knew the answer, but she still waited for him to tell her. She wanted to hear him say it. Abel was just being as stubborn as ever and kept his mouth shut.

Judithe, however wasn't exactly patient, especially in the middle of the night.
"You're still sulking over Matthew, aren't you?"

"How did you know?" Abel mumbled, hoping his sister would lose interest and leave him alone.

No point in that.

She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.
"It's obvious. I'm a girl, and I'm your twin sister. I know those things. So tell me what happened between you and Matthew."

Judithe always sounded so sweet, but she was hard as a rock with her intentions. She had never been the patient type with her brother, especially not in the middle of the night.

Abel looked away at the mere thought of Matthew. He didn't want to remember what happened, and he didn't want to be reminded of that one very unpleasant conversation.
But he did remember. He remembered every single word. About how he'd been acting like a jerk. About how he hadn't listened to Matthew and pushed his limits. And about how their relationship clearly wasn't working.

She instantly felt so sorry for him, she practically felt as broken as he was. Without saying a word, she sat down next to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, just like he always used to do when she had been bullied again in primary school.
"Hush, hush. It's okay. You can tell me."

"I've been a complete asshole." He said, as though it was a dry scientific fact he read out from a book.

"Wow. Self-knowledge. Well, it's one thing you realised that from yourself. Now that you know that, you can do something about it. Talk things out."

He rubbed his eyes as though he hadn't noticed the water drops down his cheeks before.
"I really don't want to think about it right now."

"You should. You can't go on like this, you're scaring Kim."

"Kim of all people?"

"Yes, and you know you've got issues when the punker bulldyke tank-person with piercings and muscles bigger than Yuri van Gelder's is scared of you."

"Ugh, kutzooi. I'll just distract myself or something."

"You've been trying that for the past three weeks, and that's worked so well to get Matthew off your mind." She started to hiss her words under her breath now. Irritation and impatience was starting to kick in.

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you."

There was a silence. Judithe took a deep breath in, held it for a moment and sighed. She was still rubbing her little twin brother's back in soothing circular motions.
"What are you thinking about?"

Abel thought for a moment. He didn't quite know how to put it into words, but he just tried anyway.
"If, you know…Matthew was the one who broke it off. I think I'd just annoy the fuck out of him if I'd try to make up."

"Come on. He's not the kind of guy to get pissed and stay pissed."

"I know. But..."

"But?"

"I've never really thought about it before, but I think he'll be a lot happier with someone else."

"And what if he would be?"

He hid his face in his hands and rested his elbows on his knees, feeling like just a big pile of pathetic misery.

"Okay, okay. I get it. Major depression." Judithe needed to gather her thoughts too. "Why don't you ask him?"

"I don't want to nag at his head right now since that is one of the points on which I fucked up."

"You'll never find out if you don't ask. Now it looks like you don't care at all that it's over." She felt his doubts about asking. It wasn't all that hard to cross someone's lines now, and that was exactly what he had to avoid at all costs. "I'll ask it for you if you want me to."

"Rather not."

"Okay. Either you do it yourself, or I'll do it. And if I do it, you can be sure it won't be friendly."

That was about the last thing he wanted to happen: Anyone being a bitch to Matthew. No one ever had the right to bitch to Matthew. No one. Under any circumstance. Not to Matthew.
"Okay, fine. I'll do it myself." He admitted.

He had to hurry up on that, though. Tomorrow was the last day of school before the Christmas break. Then he wouldn't have a chance for two weeks.

"Is that a promise?"

"Yes."

"Good. Do you want me to go now, or should I stay?" She asked, but she already knew the answer.

"Would you mind staying?" Abel asked softly.

"Of course I wouldn't." She whispered. She lay down under the duvet, holding it open for her younger twin to join her.

Abel rolled his eyes, but snuggled up against her anyway and let her stroke his hair. It was just the same as years ago, when they were thirteen years old and in first year. He was still a head-length shorter than his sister, scrawny little boy with a squeaky voice. One night, after worrying and not being able to sleep for hours, he'd gone to her room in the middle of the night after first having walked back and forth between the door and his bed. After a good half an hour of stuttering, crying and trembling, and her holding him and calming him down, he'd spilled his guts: He told her he was gay.

Back then he was struggling with it so much, and the only person he had dared to turn to was his sister. He had no friends in their class yet.

And Judithe had taken care of him so sweetly. She had told him it was okay, and that there was nothing he had to worry about. That she'd be there if he needed her and that she wouldn't let anything happen to him. Ever. And she let him fall asleep in her arms and kept him safe through the night for him to calm down.

Now he was once again in that same tender embrace. Judithe's soft body was still warm and safe, like a mother. But then safer. Her arms around his thin frame gave him rest. Her touch was a safe place.

After not too long, he dozed off into a peaceful sleep closely and safely against his big sister's chest. Judithe had kept her promise: She still always dragged him through the toughest of times, by good means or bad, whether he liked it or not.

~o~o~o~

Translation:
Zut = Damn

Kutzooi = (hard to translate) Fuck (it).

You were right, Aphrodi, when you said he obviously wasn't showing his feelings. Then again, our potty-mouthed grumpyface is rather good at that.

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