EVERYTHINGSPITEFUL - DIPPINGDOTS

hi i'm alive

Sessions in the library over the next few days grew few and far between as Jake and Danny forced themselves to mingle with the wizards more. We're gonna have a miserable time here if we distance ourselves from everyone, was Jake's reasoning, especially if we're not even sure yet what the wards are actually doin' there.

And, sure, he had a point, but Danny was going to be grumpy about it, anyway. Crowds and making friends weren't exactly his strong suit - that was the dragon's thing, what he thrived off of. Attention.

At least Harry, Ron, and Hermione hadn't taken their sudden distance too seriously and welcomed them back to the conversations over breakfast. Their ringing laughter and attempts to include the two diplomats soon washed away most of Danny's anxieties, and the half-ghost found himself joining in on the banter before breakfast was over.

The five of them (Jake clinging to Danny like a child to their mother, the latter of which was by now used to all the contact, and even the unusual warmth Jake's body radiated) made their way to the first class of the day, Jake and Danny parting ways with them once they had reached the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom, neither in the mood for Umbridge's antics. They had heard her tramping up and down the hall that morning, muttering to herself about Ministries and Potter and That bloody Malfoy. In short, politics, which the two had no interest in despite being there for diplomacy in the first place.

"I think she's gonna snap if we go to one more of her classes, what with how stressed she's been lately," Jake remarked one afternoon, standing underneath a tree for shade in the sweltering heat.

Danny watched the Care of Magical Creatures class scream as some beast reared its head at the front; he was too far away from the crowd to make out any details, and remained glad of the fact. "I heard her yelling at someone in her fireplace the other day in her office," he murmured, watching with a small, amused smile as one of the Slytherins broke away from the class and began pacing several feet away, clearly agitated from whatever was in the center.

Jake raised an eyebrow. "And how do y'know that? Seein' as how, like, we're not allowed in her office."

"I got ghost powers," Danny snickered. "And insomnia. You really think I'm gonna be in the room all night when I'm bored?"

Jake threw his head back and cackled, smacking Danny on his shoulder. His grip lingered there longer than it would have a few weeks ago, back when he would have shouted Fuck, that's cold! and spent the next ten minutes complaining about how ghosts really needed to invest in better homeostasis (homeostasis pronounced incorrectly, because Jake had just learned it in his biology book and probably didn't even totally know what it meant yet).

"So?" Jake asked. "What was she doin'?"

"Agh ." Danny leaned back into the tree, staring thoughtfully at the browning leaves above. Autumn was coming much later into the year than he had expected, but maybe that was just an Illinois thing. It usually snowed around November and didn't let up until May. "I dunno, I was only there for about a minute. She was muttering at these letters she was reading. Played with a penchant around her neck. Anyways, she waddled over to this fireplace and a guy's head appeared in there and she yelled at it for a solid thirty seconds."

"What was she yellin' about? C'mon, dude, details."

"Something about inquisiting. I dunno. Something about the Ministry. Power. It got boring after spit started flying from her mouth and I couldn't make anything else out. It was just babbling, basically. The poor guy in the fire looked like he was gonna shit himself."

Jake nodded sagely. "Oh, she's at the end of her rope, all right."

Danny grinned deviously, blue eyes sidling back up to the class they were supposed to be watching. "Wonder what it took for her to yell that much though, huh? We haven't been in her class for a while now, and I know Harry's actually stayed out of trouble, which is unlike him, but y'know, props."

"Bro," Jake sighed. "Oh, man, I wish I could get her that riled up." He paused. "Wait."

Danny clapped his hands together, then launched himself away from the tree. He hooked an arm around Jake's neck and ruffled his hair, ignoring the boy's indignant shouts in favor of shouting, "Look out, Hogwarts, we're coming! "

"I hate being short," Jake moaned as he allowed himself to be pulled along by Danny.

They spent the rest of the day in hushed whispers, shirking their responsibilities in favor of plotting and planning. Danny was in a considerably better mood than the past few days, eyes shining with mischief every time he ducked his head to speak with Jake in a low voice.

"Y'know what my absolute favorite thing about ghost powers is?" Danny sang as the two sat in the library together one day. The halfa had barely read any books on magic, and his textbooks from school lay discarded on the other end of the table.

"Enlighten me," Jake drawled, idly flipping through a page on magic frogs. He had given up on the wards at that point in the day, instead choosing to humor himself with pictures of magical creatures that most resembled the pink toad in their school.

Danny gave him a wicked grin. "The confusion. The drama. Shouting BOO! Is effective, sure, but you know what's even more satisfying? Invisibly holding a bell behind someone's ear and watching as they try to find out where the ringing is coming from."

Jake snorted. "You're in a really good mood, huh."

"You know it," Danny said. "And it's only gonna get better in an hour."

Jake felt a grin crawl across his face. Danny's proposition after they had headed back inside was the only thing he'd been able to think about. They shirked their responsibilities on going into classes in favor of finding out exactly how they could put their powers to good use, bringing some light into their otherwise routine day.

Maybe they could get the trio in on it. Or Fred and George—those two were big on pranks, too, weren't they?

Jake yawned and put the book down, then stood up to walk the isle of bookshelves. Weeks here and nothing—nothing except for the odd lead here and there, none of which truly led anywhere.

They had received a letter from the Order a few days ago letting the pair know to keep an eye out for any severe Ministry interference. We have reason to believe they're closing in on Dumbledore, wrote Kingsley, and Fudge has expressed his concerns over a possible rebellion involving the professor.

Along with the warning came a reminder to keep teaching the students about ghost and dragon culture, which they hadn't really gotten around to, something Jake felt absolutely no guilt towards. Did he care what the wizards knew about him? No. Was he going to talk their ears off about an ancient race he himself had no particular interest in despite being part of said race? Also no. Would he explain if they asked? In as little detail as possible, but, preferably, no.

("Doing the bare minimum," Jake once declared while lying spread-eagled on the bed one night, "is the best feeling in the world. You accomplish everything you need to do with the least amount of effort, and no one can criticize you for it because you technically did your job."

Danny replied to that with something that vaguely resembled, "Amen to that," though it could've also been him telling Jake to shut up and let him sleep.)

Jake was so lost in his musings, he didn't realize he had walked into someone until they were both sprawling on top of each other on the ground.

"Jesus—sorry, my bad, yo—" Jake fumbled around for purchase. As he pulled himself up, he helped the person he'd bumped into up as well. He blinked. "'Mione!"

Hermione blew a strand of curly hair out of her face. She grinned sheepishly up at him. "Hello, Jake. Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"Yeah, well, me neither, so I guess we're even," Jake laughed, eyeing the books she bent down to gather from the ground. "What's that?" he asked, pointing to a particularly thick leather-bound book. Though she attempted to cover it with her hand, he could make out a distinctly shaped skull on the cover. Familiar.

"This? Oh—" she laughed a little and hefted the books under her arm, effectively cutting off the cover he had recognized. "Just some light reading."

Jake raised a brow. "Uh huh."

Evidently, his reaction hadn't been the right one. Hermione frowned, and she took a few steps back. "Either way," she started, "I should get going. Lunch only lasts so long."

Surprise shot through him. "It's lunchtime?"

"Yes." Hermione narrowed her eyes. "How long have you two been down here?"

"Uh…"

"What is it you've been doing, anyway?" she asked curiously. "I know it's not because you like reading. And you always go to the same sections about protection spells."

Jake shrugged, trying to ignore the nervousness flitting through him. Though he had had a small acting course for his dragon training and much experience with getting out of tough situations, lying still wasn't his strong suit. And there was the way her large brown eyes dug imploringly into his, leaving his foot tapping out the nervous energy that had overcome him.

"Just, y'know," Jake said, plastering a grin onto his face, "doin' some light reading."

Hermione rolled her eyes at that. She looked like she wanted to push the subject, but at that moment, Danny decided to step in—noiseless footsteps led him to stand next to Hermione, and a soft, "Hey," had her jumping a good foot into the air with a strangled scream leaving her throat.

Ignoring the librarian's Shh!, the three of them bent down to help her pick up her books again, Danny muttering a quick apology, though his lips had quirked to show he had likely meant to startle someone. Luckily, Jake had become used to his antics and barely flinched.

The leather-bound book lay face up on the floor. He grabbed it before Hermione could and studied its cover art with a curled lip. His stomach churned and his heart dropped, fingers shaking a little as he opened it up to the first few pages.

"Jake—" Hermione started.

"This is a fucking Huntsclan book," Jake snapped, shuttling the book again before he could read any more. The dragon skull art on the cover grinned up at him, dark green and bringing less-than-welcome memories to light. "Where did you get this?" he demanded, taking a step towards Hermione.

Unease flickered in her eyes as she took a step back. "I found it in—wait, what is it? What's so important? What's the Huntsclan?"

Jake started at her incredulously. "You serious?" He turned to Danny, who was watching all this with slight discomfort, fidgeting awkwardly. "Is she serious?"

"What's the Huntsclan?" Hermione asked again.

Jake's grip tightened on the book. "They were a group of dragonslayers. Well, they, uh, hunted more than just dragons, but dragons were their main focus. Their logo is on this book, right underneath the dragon skull." He took a deep breath to calm his nerves. "I thought you'd know about 'em. They're kinda infamous."

Danny put a hand on his shoulder. Its chill was strangely comforting. "Jake, you good?"

"Fine," Jake muttered. The Huntsclan wasn't something he particularly liked to remember; they had hunted him throughout most of middle school, after all, and ignoring the fact that his sort-of-ex used to be one of them, their capes and staffs and skulls had made more than enough appearances in his nightmares.

Hermione looked stricken. "Jake… I had no idea. I'm so sorry. I… I can put it back where I got it from—"

"Where did you get it from?" Danny asked, prying the book from Jake's whitened knuckles. He rubbed soothing circles into the dragon's back while talking as if on autopilot.

Hermione hesitated a moment. "Umbridge's desk," she finally admitted. "Well, I didn't take it, Harry did. Was supposed to give her a note of some sort and saw it on her desk. He thought it looked like a dragon skull and took it, and I was going to ask you about it later, but I wasn't sure how well it would go since it's not our book and I don't really want it getting out he stole it and—"

"I got it," Jake interrupted. Seething, he added, "we'll take the book. Burn it."

Danny's hand motions stilled. "Huh?"

"I don't want that in her hands, whatever reason she had for it," Jake snarled, taking the book again from Danny and tucking it under his arm, trying to ignore the fact that it had once belonged to a Huntsclan member and likely held ways to kill his own kind between its pages. "I'll burn it. And then," he said, voice rising so much the librarian let out another shush from across the room, "then, Fenton, you and I are gonna go absolutely ham on that racist piece of shit."

Danny blinked. A small, devious smile. "Okay."

"Should I be worried?" Hermione asked dryly.

"Three, two…" Jake held his hand up. "Hold…"

"You're killing me here," Danny complained invisibly from above. A snort. "Killing. Ha. Get it? 'Cause I'm—"

"'Cause you're dead?" Jake guessed. "Wow, what an original joke. I'm wheezing."

"At this point bad puns is my brand—"

"Three," Jake hissed, then, as he felt a shift in the cold above him, hastily, "no, dumbass, not yet!"

"You said three! "

"It's one, two, three, go —"

"How the fresh hell am I supposed to know that—"

"Go! " Jake whisper-screamed and scrambled to his feet. He brushed out the wrinkles in his jacket and spun widely around the corner, intentionally bumping into the figure that had been walking towards him. The wall of grotesque pink assaulted his eyes, but he didn't let his disgust ruin the moment. As he pretended to scramble for purchase, he leaned into the toad a bit further, who finally seemed to lose some of her balance. She let a cry of outrage as Jake muttered, "So sorry, ma'am, I'm so clumsy, oh no, there I go-"

Now she was trying to get around him, but in an act of tragic teenage clumsiness, he tripped over his own two feet, stumbled a bit to the side, and as she leaned away and took a step, stuck out his ankle for her to catch her (ugly-ass) shoe on.

Of course, not because it was particularly necessarily but rather because of the simple reason that Jake was dramatic by nature, he let out another apology, tried to grab her shoulders to steady her, only to miss - God, so unlucky, he really was such a klutz, huh - and accidentally push her further into the line of fire.

Now positively disoriented, embarrassed, and, by the transitive property of equality (Jake was learning that in his math course now and honestly had no idea what it meant), incredibly furious, she tried to turn on her attacker, only to find a crowd of bewildered, snickering students coming out of their latest class. Purple in the face, she was too busy yelling at those who were roaring with laughter to notice the very reason they were: not her tumble into the corridor, but the gigantic toad suspended invisibly above her head, the same shade of purple and red as her face.

It lowered…

And lowered…

And lifted again, because Danny really wasn't that cruel to let her take her frustrations out on a poor toad they had borrowed from one of the first years. Instead, a handful of floating ice cubes materialized into the air and dropped like stones onto her neck - she screamed at the sensation, jumping into the air and whirling around to find her attacker, only to watch in dismay as three whole cubes of ice fell through her shirt and onto the concrete ground.

The student body laughed. Umbridge pointed a finger at them, tried to single out the ones who had humiliated her. Jake, safely concealed in the crowd, gave the still-floating toad a wink.

"I still think the whole tripping thing was entirely unnecessary," Hermione drawled over their shoulders, causing Jake to yelp and Danny to reflexively shoot his head up in the air.

"Maybe so, but I think I deserved some payback," Jake shot back, closing his library book on magical historical figures named after rune stones (he wasn't even trying anymore at this point), "and anyway, I shoulda gotten an Oscar for that performance, yo. Thank God for Gee giving me acting lessons."

Danny snorted. "Acting lessons? You just tripped her."

" And didn't let her see my face, which is why she couldn't get any real proof I had done it, and changed my voice to sound higher and more pitiful, which is so not me."

"You have a high voice."

"It's not pitiful. "

"I dunno, when you get going about your homework it gets pretty close-"

"Says you, Mr. I Can't Live Without Caffeine And Astrology-"

Hermione interrupted their bickering with a cough and a pointed look. She sat down next to Jake in the spare chair, looked around as if anybody else would be in the library of their own free will on a Saturday morning, then shifted her eyes onto Jake's book. "Watcha reading?"

Anxiety shifted his stomach. He showed her the book with a cool expression.

"Rune stones?"

"Old white dudes named after rune stones," Danny corrected snarkily, his own chemistry textbook propped up so his face was covered.

"Why?" Hermione queried, her voice kept carefully innocent.

"Just…" Jake gestured around. "Just some light reading." Nice. "New prank ideas." Nice.

"You don't think you've kind of exhausted your resources at this point? You're going to get caught.

She was right, technically. They had done all the classics; TP'd the draconic skeleton in her classroom, placed a photo of Nicolas Cage's face on every cat picture in her office (seventy-three in total; the faces were provided by one Danny Fenton who, for some reason, owned a Nicolas Cage sticker book that his friends had presumably bought him for his fifteenth birthday… and that he felt he had to bring along for some reason, though Jake wasn't complaining), had used a very thin coating of ectoplasm to cover the edges of her blackboard and made it nigh impossible for her to write on it with her wand (the students had to teach her how to use chalk, and Jake was sure he would never laugh as hard about anything again), and this weekend they were supposed to meet with the Weasley twins to organize another crime. The teachers technically had no proof they did it because they cleaned up after themselves once the deed was done, but most of the student body had figured it out. That was fine; Jake wanted some sort of credit.

Anyway, they would definitely exhaust their resources within another week if they kept this up at the rate they were going, but Jake was so far gone in his boredom at this school that he'd do literally anything for some chaos.

Jake was still trying to come up with a witty reply when Hermione suddenly spoke up, "I know you're lying to us."

Before Jake could defend himself, Danny dropped the book he was "reading" to stare intently at the witch. "What do you mean?"

His voice was careful, calm, but the tapping of his fingers on the table and the way the contrast between his pupils and irises seemed to sharpen showed Jake the other boy was on his guard. Him, too; his hackles rose and a small spark ignited in his chest, ready to spread throughout his body at the slightest hint of danger. Jake tried to tamp it down; Hermione was a friend, and she would never hurt them, no matter how much their trust in the school had deteriorated.

She rolled her eyes. "Come on. Every night at the library, looking through warding spells and protection potions? Don't give me that look, Jake, I come here often and sometimes help reorder books, and you two are so unorganized your search history has become infamous among Pince, I, and a few of the other students who help. Anyway, the long studying, the shifty looks at breakfast, skipping some classes, really refusing to mingle and be democratic like you promised… I think I understand. You've been avoiding everyone's questions, but I get it."

"You do?" Jake hated how clammy his hands were. He didn't want Danny to be right - that the students at Hogwarts really couldn't be trusted, that they were way in over their heads here. He wanted to believe in the good in people. It's the one thing that managed to save Rose, and it was the one value he really wanted to keep about himself. If he lost that, then what? How could you be a hero for an entire country if you always doubted people?

Hermione gave them both a solemn nod. Danny leaned forward in his chair, anticipation taut in his body; the smell of ozone grew thicker, and Jake could have sworn he saw the light flicker for a moment in tandem to the ghost's quick blink.

"You don't feel safe here," Hermione said, her voice obviously meaning to practice sympathy. "What with Umbridge, some of the students… I get it. You don't feel like you fit in." She placed a hand on Jake's and gave Danny a small smile. "But you have nothing to worry about. No one can hurt you. You don't need to know about protection spells - we have them already in place. Hogwarts is the safest place on Earth. No one dangerous gets in."

Jake shared a quick glance with Danny - his icy blue-green eyes, pupils so dark and tiny they looked like little black holes, contrasting to Hermione's dilated ones in the dim light. The ghost's eyes said it all: No one dangerous gets in… no one dangerous gets out, either.

"It's like you're in our head," Jake heard himself say with a laugh that didn't quite feel like his own.

"We'll keep you safe," Hermione promised. "If you ever need help, just ask."

Danny gave her a slow nod. His smile looked more forced than the civil conversations Jake would have with his cousin Greggy. Ozone.

"Oh, we are so fucked, " Danny summed up as soon as they made their way back to their room that evening.

"Let's not jump to conclusions," Jake muttered, kicking off his shoes and flopping down on his bed.

"Jump t- dude, they know. She said Hogwarts has wards-"

"Yeah? Hogwarts has always had wards. It's in its history. She didn't mean it like that ."

Danny began to pace. "But what if-"

"Why are you always so pessimistic?" Jake exploded, sitting up in his bed. "Why can't you just accept the fact that not everyone is out to get you?"

Danny's eyes flashed dangerously and his nostrils flared. "I don't know, dying kinda made me a bit of a nihilist, you know?" He stopped his pacing, put his head in his hands. Deep breath. Jake let him finish, knowing if he opened his mouth now he'd just say something he'd regret. Wow, look at you with the foresight. Maybe this castle is messing with your head.

"You don't know what it's like," Danny finally said, slowly, like he was forcing the words out of his throat. "I told you about my parents. But you don't - you don't know. Nobody knows. "

Jake stayed silent. His mind churned with words - they wanted to crawl out and explode, a torrent of angry rants and accusations, but clamped his mouth shut instead because he recognized someone opening up to him when it happened, and there was no way he would ruin it by saying something insensitive like he usually would.

Danny sat down on his own bed, staring blankly at the wall. "My parents - they think I'm at some NASA camp. They bought it. No questions asked. You know why?" A beat. "They think it's more important to hunt me down and shoot the dead me than care about the living side of me."

"Your parents don't know Phantom is you."

"They have to know something," Danny insisted. Slowly, his eyes began to look more human. They swam with tears, to Jake's surprise. "They can't have no idea their son died. It doesn't make any sense. They're - they're my mom and dad."

Jake watched in baited silence as Danny seemed to pull himself together again, wiping at his eyes before any tears managed to escape. He felt too frozen to go over there and comfort his friend, and guilt pricked at the edges of his heart because of it.

He could say something, at least. "It sucks," Jake tried, "it does. And you're right, I don't know. My parents know who I am. But, Danny, man-" he turned to him fully, and Danny's eyes were so human it hurt, "-I've been shot at and betrayed by people I love. I've been there to some level - and I know that it doesn't always get easier, but you gotta learn to deal with it in a healthy way, and I think your way is only hurting you." He picked at the sheets. "Hermione's kinda right. So are you. So am I, I hope. I think we're all right in some way. They put these stupid walls up so we can't really trust them, but Hermione and the others have been nothing but helpful. I don't think the students had anything to do with this and I don't think it's fair to assume they're out to get us."

"I'll be okay," Danny murmured.

"Nah, man, you will, but it's something you gotta work on instead of just saying it. If there's one thing I know about being a hero, it's that if you never see the good in people, there doesn't seem to be as much of a reason to save them. And that kinda ruins the whole point."

Danny paused for a bit. Then, "Damn." A tired laugh. "We having therapy sessions every night now, or…?"

Jake laughed; they both knew Danny was deflecting, but neither had it in themselves to care at the moment.

Danny sighed. "I think you're right. I mean, I'm not gonna totally trust everyone, and no offense, but I think that blind trust you have is gonna get you in trouble one day-"

"I mean… point."

"-but I think maybe we could use some help, maybe. We're not getting anywhere." He waved his hand around. "We don't have answers."

"Hermione is smart," Jake pointed out. "We could get her in on it."

"And the others?"

"I don't know."

"Me neither."

"Glad we reached that middle ground."

Danny laughed. Black hair flopped into human blue eyes. Jake relaxed; the smell of ozone slowly slipped away.

"Here's to nihilism," Danny said, micking raising a glass in a toast. "May Gen Z humor never die. But may I also listen to my friends from time to time 'cause they're not all dumbasses, I guess."

"Here, here," Jake snickered.

"It's very simple," Fred said excitedly.

"Yet also incredibly complicated," piped up George.

"Incredibly so."

"Amazingly simple. Yet complicated."

"An intricate instrument that we are both incredibly proud of, and no doubt you will be, too."

Danny blinked down at the box, a bit put off by the twins' freaky finishing-each-other's-sentences spiel. "These are fireworks."

"These are fireworks," Jake cheered, a devious grin on his face.

"Wizard fireworks, my good lad," Fred said.

"Perfect for pranking," George added.

"We are the kings of the school when it comes to practical jokes-"

"-but if you two are willing to get into the business, we're more than happy to help youngins such as yourselves along the way to victory."

"You two-" Fred jabbed a finger at the flabbergasted pair before them, "need to up your game."

"You're weak."

"Afraid of a challenge."

"Afraid you'll get caught," George sang, "when that's often the best part because of the credit."

Jake reached over Danny's shoulder to poke at one of the brightly-colored fireworks. "These look legit."

Danny felt a small surge of excitement in his chest - finally some action. Between trying to uphold the promise of mingling with the wizards more, trying to find a solution to the ward, and finding a good time to tell Hermione what was really going on, he felt more stressed than he had in a while; which was saying something, since stress was pretty much his default at this point. He still itched to fight something, whether it be a ghost or just a particular unfortunate professor in his sights.

"How do we use them?" he asked now.

George sighed dramatically. "Alas, they're not quite ready. We'd have to test them."

"Which is why," Fred said, "we're giving you this prototype box. Use it however you wish, as long as it's directed at Umbridge. We're going to use the results to better our final product and go out with a bang."

Danny wasn't entirely sure what going out with a bang would entail with those two, but he couldn't care less at that moment. He watched Jake take the box with near giddiness, and felt a slow smile crawl across his face. Yes, the small pranks against Umbridge were fun, but they'd have nothing on what they would do with the fireworks.

"We have to plan this out carefully, bro," Jake declared as they walked back from the hallway they had met the twins in to their room. "Meticulous. Nothing missed. We only get one shot."

"We're gonna get in so much trouble," Danny cackled, holding the door open for the shorter boy as they made their way into their room.

The next few days were little more than a planning spree. They practically dropped everything to craft out the details, surviving on pop tarts and shitty coffee to get through the day as they brainstormed and goofed off.

Their temporary isolation from wizardkind ("Can't hang out, history is in the making," Danny told Harry) was probably the reason they didn't hear about the latest Umbridge news until it was practically an uproar in the school. They came to the corridor leading to the Great Hall, where a wall was tacked full of announcements for the school, and were met face to face with an official-looking paper declaring Umbridge High Inquisitor, whatever that meant.

"The ministry is taking control, is what it means," Hermione seethed during breakfast while Danny choked on a pasty he had been eating when she had sworn loudly and with feeling before launching into a tirade of anti-Umbridge rants.

Ron raised his glass. "Welcome to hell!"

Jake, however, was ecstatic.

"Incredible, showstopping, spectacular," he hissed during one of their sit-ins at DADA (during which there were no particularly exciting disturbances, only mild amusement at the fact that the toad still had trouble writing stuff on the board through magic, since Danny hadn't quite cleaned up all of the ectoplasm from it). "This is absolutely gold."

Danny shot him a stare that was meant to convey the message of How the hell is government intervention in a school like this a good thing?

To which Jake stared back with, Trust me, this is gonna be off the shits. Either that or I'm gonna commit arson and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Both were in character so Danny wasn't quite sure which to believe.

It was during their walk to their next class that Jake finally explained. "Everyone's gonna be paying attention to her now," he said. "We gotta act while the news is still fresh because everyone will be watching. Everyone."

"Sometimes I can't stand you," Danny laughed. "That's so stupid. Let's do it."

Jake's smirk was so smug it made Danny fall into laughter all over again.

There was chaos, absolute chaos in the school, and that was just how it should be.

More specifically, there was chaos in Umbridge's office and the corridor outside of it who heard her shrieks. They came from the room along with various whizzes and pops, lights flashing through the tiny window in the door.

The two boys stood around the door with the rest of the student body that was there to watch. No one moved to open the door.

Danny cracked his knuckles, feeling immensely pleased with himself. "A job well done."

Jake was hanging onto his arm, a manic grin on his face. "Holy shit, you're amazing."

Danny ignored the rush of warmth in his chest at the complement. "Ghost powers-" he tapped his chest, around the area where his core would be, "-coming in handy yet again."

The plan went like this:

Umbridge was in her office pretty much any time except class hours. Thus, she needed to be distracted to get out. Luckily, Jake was ready to be obnoxious again and managed to lure her away with a story of vomit on her desk in the classroom, then cornered her in several different spots throughout the school with his uncanny ability to take up ungodly amounts of space despite his tiny frame. He talked her ear off about the Ministry, asking questions and cutting into conversations as he pleased to ask a different one.

Meanwhile, Danny went ghost and slipped into the office (the door of which was propped open by a small book Jake had swiped from the library and placed in between the doorframe as Umbridge swept out of her office) with the fireworks. He picked out only the ones that were easiest to conceal, then stuffed them into every crevice he could find; in half-open drawers, behind cat plates, underneath her desk… everywhere.

For a dramatic flair, they had asked the Weasley twins if they couldn't provide a remote activation for the fireworks, to which the two of them happily obliged with a timed flare. "Another prototype. I'd test it first," George warned.

"Test runs are boring. You know what'll happen. Where's the fun in that?" Jake said as he took the contraption from them.

"An intellectual," the twins chorused happily.

To tie it all together, Danny used the timed flare thing to set up the firework starters. The instrument was a small string with a nub on the end which created a spark, so several different strings allowed him to connect a few fireworks at once.

After the set up, they needed only to wait. Jake let a very steamy Umbridge back into her office, Danny came back into the visible spectrum outside and gave Jake the thumbs up - the countdown from one minute had started.

Now, the door to the office burst open and out flew about fifteen small fireworks; they spat gold and red and blue and green, in the shape of mini-lizards and fish, even one small dog. Sparks shot out of it and hit the ceiling. People screamed in delight, and the screaming quickly turned into uproarious laughter as Umbridge, in all her purple-faced, singed-hair, toad-like glory, stepped outside and pointed a finger directly at Jake and Danny (now in human form), snarling, "You."

Danny feigned innocence. "Me?"

Jake simply dissolved into a fit of laughter.

"I don't understand what the problem is, Dolores," Minerva asked monotonously, hands folded together as she stared at them from her desk.

Umbridge spluttered furiously; she jabbed a shaking finger at the two teenagers standing behind her, both of which were trying their hardest not to let out giggles as they stared at her singed back. "The problem - the problem, Minerva, is that these hooligans have desecrated my office, humiliated me in front of everyone-! The problem is that they should be expelled and I demand an audience with Dumbledore to do so!"

"And I'm telling you," Minerva replied in a calm voice, "that matters concerning Mr. Long and Mr. Fenton are to be brought to me. It was a prank. We have many of those at this school."

"It was disrespectful and treasonous."

"Treasonous?" Minerva barked a laugh. "Dolores, I find myself in a position to tell you this myself: the students at this school are not perfect pictures of a well-behaved student body. They are teenagers who, yes, will disrespect the teachers-"

"But they are not students," Umbridge spat. "They are here because they were invited. If they cannot behave like guests, then they should not be here."

"I will dole out the punishment as I see fit," Minerva drawled. She waved Umbridge away, much to the other woman's chagrin. "Dolores, you have a class to teach. I will deal with these two. And…" she eyed the colorful sparks still settling in the woman's awful pink coat. "Do clean up first."

The door shut with a slam. Umbridge's stomping could be heard for a good ten seconds as she made her way down the hall.

Minerva sighed. "If you're going to laugh, get it out now."

The pair lost their composure. Jake leaned his face against Danny's shoulder, tears in his eyes, while Danny cackled like an evil mastermind. A minute later, they had finally quieted down and faced a still-cool Minerva McGonagall.

"I hope you understand that she still has a point," the witch finally said. "It was incredibly disrespectful - you cannot go around humiliating her every day and expect no repercussions."

"Aw, come on, Minerva," Jake sang. "That was mad funny."

For a moment, Danny could have sworn the professor's mouth twitched. "I'll ask you two to clean up her office," she ordered. "I want everything spotless - and please, for the love of Merlin, Mr. Fenton, get rid of the ectoplasm on her blackboard. It's only a matter of time before she realizes and it's just getting sad at this point."

Danny bit his tongue to keep himself from bursting out into laughter again, forcing himself to nod solemnly at the witch.

"You cannot do this again," Minerva added, looking them both in the eye. "Understood? She's gaining power. Any more humiliation and she might just find a way to kick you out."

Danny kept it to himself that he honestly wouldn't have that much of a problem with it. Instead, he shot her a thumbs up and said, holding back a snicker, "You got it. Totally understand. It wasn't funny. Right, Jake?"

"Absolutely not. Totally irresponsible," Jake agreed, eyes still swimming with tears. He pressed his lips together so hard they turned into a white line. He looked like he was about to explode. "Never happen again."

Danny nodded sagely. He bit his tongue again and used the small bit of pain to stave off the attack of giggles trying to force itself out.

"Clean up her office directly after this meeting. Dismissed." Minerva waved her hand, and the two of them walked stiffly out of her office. Once the door was closed, they shared a look and finally let the laughter loose.

Jake sat in the dark, staring at the green-bound book, night vision allowing him to see the dragon skull on the front.

One of the most memorable things Jake learned about the Huntsclan was the indoctrination. Children stolen away from their families and raised to be killers - he couldn't imagine it. He knew how much Rose suffered, and yet - he had no idea.

"They dress the trainees in red so you can't see the blood," she had once told him. "The young ones are always the messiest."

Jake let out a long breath. Why would Umbridge have this? Where did she get it from? And most importantly - why couldn't he bring himself to destroy it?

He wanted to. God, he wanted to. Just touching it made his skin crawl all over; between those pages held the ways to kill his kind, or maybe a record of all the murders. He didn't know why he wanted to know so bad yet at the same time feel the immense urge to incinerate the book with his fiery breath.

Another seed of doubt in Jake's mind - which of the wizards could be trusted if they had access to this?

He was such a hypocrite; yelling at Danny for doubting everyone, then doing the same thing at the slightest chance something might be off. Maybe it was because of his initial distaste for wizards and what they stood for. Maybe it was the stress of the wards getting to him. Maybe it was the stupid book.

He was tired. He was exhausted and had no idea what he was doing. They were in over their heads, but he supposed that's part of the thing that makes you a hero. You take risks.

If there was one thing he did know, it was that this book was bad news and Umbridge having it in her possession was a far cry from anything okay.

Jake slept fitfully that night, dreaming of dragon skulls and green weapons and clear blue eyes swimming with tears. He couldn't tell if the eyes belonged to Rose or Danny, and wasn't sure which he'd rather it be.

reminder u can also find me on ao3 w the same username, i have a few more fics there that i dont upload here bc they have like social media skins n stuff, also my socials are linked there and i'm too lazy to do it here lmao

leave a comment if u enjoyed and remember to drink water ily thanks for reading!