My phone was ringing and ringing, and ringing. Did he not understand that I wasn't able to pick up the phone? Why keep calling when I haven't answered the previous calls? In Edwards defense, I was ignoring him slightly for the past week. But I was sitting in a lecture, this time for real, and I wasn't able to answer him just when he wished to! In fact –

"If there aren't any questions, we are done for today! Thank you guys and I will see you later.." The professor said.

Goddamnit.

Call it a sign or whatever, but I knew I had to pick up the call so I answered the phone "Hey, my lecture just ended, how are you?" I tried to sound as normal as possible.

"Jesus, you didn't call me back yesterday. What happened?" He sounded annoyed and worried. I understood why though.

"I fell asleep." I lied "What's up?"

I would also usually just text him that I was studying seeing as the semester was ending and I had to study a bit more. Truthfully, I had finished most of my tasks already, and I just had to show up to the lectures. In fact, I talked to Jasper more and more in the evenings. We were becoming more like friends, talking about literature and movies we liked and wanted to see. We talked a lot more about BDSM as well, I was getting to know more ins and outs of it.

"Can we get a coffee or something? I know there's something bad happening, and I just haven't seen you. I need to know what's happening."

I wanted to lie again, and say that there wasn't anything wrong, but I knew I was avoiding him. It was really obvious too, and he knew it as well. Jasper had a theory that the reason I was so scared to talk to him and face him was that I thought would hurt Edward, so I tried to cut him off and ignore him. It was working, in a way. Perhaps it was time to put a stop to this. I hated to admit it, but Jasper was right.

Edward deserved more and I should give him that, at the very least. I owned him that much.

"Sure, we need to talk anyway, when are you free?" I asked

We decided to have coffee now, soon as possible, seeing as my lectures had ended and he had a free evening as well.

I kind of wished the coffee shop was further away, so I would have more time to travel there. I arrived first at the café and I was waiting on him to arrive. I ordered my drink and with shaky hands took it to a table, where I would wait for Edward to arrive.

I had decided that I was going to ask Edward for some time. It technically wasn't a breakup but it didn't mean we were together. Truthfully I wasn't completely sure what I was doing was the right thing to do. It felt like the right thing… But then why did it feel so wrong to break up with Edward?

When he arrived, he had a face of a man who knew.

He looked good. I almost started to cry as I looked at him. Why was I like this? Why was this so important for me to explore? I couldn't expect him to be around when I was done fooling around and I didn't. He was his own man and he was free to do what he wanted. The break was also for him to understand that perhaps, I wasn't all that. What scared me – what if I wasn't worth it…

"So, a break?" he asked brokenhearted his face twisting into something unpleasant, when I explained to him "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It's in the name Edward…" I needed to remind myself not to be rude to him and too annoyed. I was hurting him "I just need some time to resolve some issues, and I need to do it on my own." I put my hand on his shoulder "I'm sorry, but I can't be the only one to have felt there were issues Edward… We haven't really been picture perfect for a while now have we?"

He lowered his head "Yeah… You have been acting strange for a while."

I tried not to squint at him. From his perspective I probably was acting weird. I nodded my head "Yeah." It probably was strange to him that a girl was asking to be more sexual… It probably was the kinky aspect of it.

He looked at me, sorry written on his forehead "Are you going to seek therapy or some counseling, or something like that?"

"Yeah, you can call it that…" I was planning on going to the meet up place, Jasper and his friends, Rosalie and Emmett went to last month. It was happening tomorrow. I was ready to see it and now, perhaps to experience it "I'm getting some help."

"How about, in two months we meet up here?" He proposed, smiling at me "Let's see how your therapy goes, alright?"

I felt my stomach drop… I didn't feel as free as I thought it would. Wait no! It was a good thing, right? Perhaps I could get two.

It wasn't actually a bad idea. I would have some time to really know if it would work or not. Two months was more than enough time to understand this part of me and to come 'back home' if I didn't like what I discovered. It was awfully egoistical of me to do, but there comes a time in every person's life when you have to be egoistical. This was mine.

I agreed and we hugged. I felt myself tearing up. Was I sure about this? I wasn't. But I would never be sure about us then, if I didn't do this. I nodded and pushed myself from him, before I really started to cry. It all seemed too easy to be this easy. God, why was I so emotional?

When we separated after the coffee shop, I called Jasper. I knew he was at work but I needed to think about something else.

"Bella, how are you?" he asked. I couldn't tell what mood he was in, he sounded a bit tense, and I only felt a little bit sorry that I disturbed him.

"I umm, I talked to Edward." I wanted to say that I broke up with him, but technically I didn't.

"What about?" he still sounded off.

"Is everything alright?" I had to ask.

I heard him blow some air out "Some fucking idiot couldn't do his job properly and I have to fix his mistake." Jaspers job wasn't an easy one, being a physiotherapist. He sometimes had rough days at his job and today was one of those days "Let's meet up for dinner later? You'll have my full attention then, I promise. Is that alright?"

"I'm up for dinner, yeah!" I felt like we could talk more if we would meet eye to eye as well.

"I'll pick you up at nine."

Hmm… There goes my plan of thinking of something else.

When I got home, I was suddenly so tired I just got in bed, under the blanket to lay down. The sudden emptiness and tiredness I felt was overwhelming. I thought that Edward had been the one for me, and he might still be one. I kind of wished he wasn't because I couldn't handle my soulmate not being interested in sex… And I kind of wished he was my soulmate because that would mean I had already found them.

I could feel myself tearing up. God. Two years just so I could do what exactly?! Spanked! These thoughts continued and I didn't notice when or how, but I fell asleep.

I could hear the doorbell ring through my dream only registering it as the real thing a while later and getting up suddenly. Oh! My head was spinning from the sudden movement. Oh no! It must be Jasper! It must be nine!

My head dizzy, I made my way to the door.

Peeking through the hole in my door, I confirmed that it was Jasper before I opened the door and let him in "I'm so sorry, I fell asleep, give me a minute or two." He looked so handsome and tired I just wanted to stare at him the whole night, but I had to clean myself up to be presentable.

I don't think he felt the same way because when he looked at me, his eyes got a bit wider, looking me up and down, holding me with his gaze "Are you alright?" He thought for a bit "What happened between you and Edward?"

I bowed my head and suddenly got teary eyes again. God! It was so annoying! What was happening to me …?

"Hey, hey… I'm sorry I asked" He cooed me "Do you maybe want to stay in?" Jasper asked, his hands on my shoulders, holding me uptight.

"It's fine honestly." I sniffed "Yeah, if you don't mind." I agreed. Perhaps staying in and crying was better that going out and crying. I don't know what my problem was.

He led me to my room and told me to get dressed in my home clothes. Looking down I realized I was still in my university clothes and I suddenly felt so wrinkled. I went to my dresser and picked some shorts and a long-sleeved shirt and went to change.

I thought about changing in front of him, but I didn't. Jasper and I were becoming more like friends every day. I still wanted him, and I was feeling all kinds of way about him, that made my lady parts tingle. I was nervous around him. I wanted him, but I tried to oppress it as much as possible. I wasn't sure he wanted me like that or not. I wasn't going to make myself a fool either way. The plus side to changing in the bathroom was that I could clean myself up as well.

When I came back, Jasper was talking on the phone. From the conversation it seemed he was ordering pizza. I was grateful for that, as we were staying in and I hadn't had any real food today.

"You look more comfortable." He said after the phone call. He kept eyeing my legs and I let him. It made me feel good.

"What are we eating?" I asked walking slowly towards the bed, where he was sitting.

"I got us a chicken curry one – that alright?"

I nodded and sat next to him. I knew I would have to tell him sooner or later about Edward. In fact, I wanted to tell him on the phone earlier today anyway. "I talked to Edward today. Actually, I met up with him finally. We talked and decided on a break."

"A break? So, you guys are still a thing?" Jasper sounded a bit annoyed.

"No, no – we aren't a thing. We'll just see if after a while, two months, we want to be back together." I was playing with my fingers. Maybe I was too chicken shit to fully break up with Edward, and that's what was making me so emotional? Or perhaps it was something to do with the fact that I was launching myself into the unknown and I feared that too.

I changed the subject and asked him how his day had been. It had seemed rough when I called, and I wanted to be there for him. It didn't really seem as his day had been too tough

We ended up, laying on my bed, eating and talking. At some point I drifted off and I guess he drifted off as well. We didn't cuddle, but his hands were always on me – he was either touching my leg or my arm, or waist. I did the same. It was so unconscious, but I was touching him everywhere I could, that didn't seem sexual or too inappropriate. It did seem intimate though.

I didn't really dream tonight, but I didn't have to seeing as I was sleeping next to Jasper. God, I sounded like a teenager having a crush.

I think I might have a crush on him…

I woke up with his cell ringing. Looking around I didn't see his phone on the bed or the nightstand. Looking around I saw his pants on the floor next to my bed. The phone still must be in them.

"Jasper," I gently shook him "Your phone."

He mumbled something and put his head under a pillow.

Well if he wasn't going to answer it, I was! I got up from the bed and shimmied through his pants. I was planning on declining the call and putting it on silent. I really was. But the name "Alice Cullen" flashed on the screen and I dropped the phone on the floor like it was flaming hot.

Why was she calling him? What business had Alice with Jasper?

"Who was it?" Jasper mumbled, his head still under the pillow.

Did he want me to see that Alice Cullen was calling or he didn't think that it was going to her? Maybe he didn't care and it wasn't anything… I put his phone on silent and got back into bed. I didn't know how to feel about that or what to think, so I ignored it for now.

As I got under the blankets I mumbled back "Didn't see it – didn't care, just shut the sound off."

I didn't want to know what was happening and I was off better not knowing. Jasper turned his face to me, his eyes barely open. He looked cute half asleep, I couldn't help but to look at him back "So you're ready for tonight?" he asked.

… Shit. I almost forgot "It came so fast."

The meetup thing for the BDSM and kinky minded people was happening tonight. It was in a café, and you had to pay to get in. Jasper had already payed for both of us in advance, and we were meeting up with Rosalie and Emmett before the café. Rosalie had offered me her hand to help me pick an outfit. She said that she might have something of hers I could borrow.

Jasper said that it wasn't crucial to dress up – that he didn't usually, but it was always welcomed. Dressing up might help me get in the mood.

"When are we meeting with Rosalie and Emmett?"

"Whenever we want… But Rosalie would appreciate it if we would be at her place at like six in the evening. She should be getting ready about that time." He was staring at my face. Jaspers eyes were icy blue and staring into them was intense. I wondered what he was thinking about. I couldn't hold his gaze for long. I had to look away.

This was the first time he had stayed over.

AN- I know this chapter was so so, but the next one is going to be fun finally. Sorry xx