Sue Clearwater had just gone back to where she was from, and I was left at the library-bookstore. I just had signed the papers to be the manager of the place when Sue had told me that I was a promising young woman and that she was looking forward to work with me. I was happy, for that, it felt like a completely different world in comparison to last week. I felt like I was shifting in my career in a way I wanted. She did say that I would probably be at the position for at least a year, to see how I would work in this position. I completely understood the decision and the reasoning behind it. When I asked for a higher position, I knew I might not get it, but it was important for me to get it out there.

All I missed in my life was Jasper. I didn't let my brain get there.

My first task would be to hire someone to replace my previous position. I was doing that all day, while working on different things as well. Angela left a lot of things for me to do, but I was alright with it. For one, she wasn't here, and I didn't have to think about how scummy of a person she really was. Secondly it gave me a chance to find what was what and what I needed to do.

I was about to close up, finally after a long hard day, when I heard someone knock on the glass. I jumped from the register table, spooked, and looked at who it was.

I was met with Jaspers sad eyes and I was stuck in the place. He looked horrible, like he was sick, and immediately I wondered what had happened to him. I was surprised that I saw him though. I didn't expect him to show up. Not now anyway.

He mouthed something, that I couldn't hear, and I showed him that I didn't hear him. I wished I did. I missed his voice and seeing him, I just wanted to be lost in it again. I nervously took my stuff and the keys so I could lock up. I tried to ignore how my hands were shaking the entire time I was closing the shop, especially knowing he was behind me, watching me. I always loved his eyes on me but now it was a little bittersweet.

When I went out, I thought I would hurl at the sight of him and what that would mean. Was I ready? Was he too late? He was going to break up with me.

"Hey…" I said, when I had locked the door and backed away from it coming closer to Jasper.

"Bella… I know I don't deserve it, but do you think we could talk?" Jasper said, his voice a little raspy. Wait… Was he okay? What had happened to him? If he was like that when Rosalie came, I understood her being worried. I was becoming worried as well… Perhaps he hadn't taken the break up so well… But that was wishful thinking on my part. He probably wanted to end things once and for all.

"Sure…" I answered, a little scared and not really taking in that Jasper was standing in front of me "Where do you want to talk?" in my dreams, he looked healthy and he loved me.

He looked a little relieved "I can take you home… We can talk in the car, I was thinking?"

I licked my lips thinking it over … "Are you going to be an asshole again?" I remembered how cold he had been and if he was going to turn on me like that, I am not sure my poor heart could take it.

He half smiled at my half joke, and shook his head "No. I won't."

The look on his face, his smile brought me back in a quick memory swirl. His smile was something I thought would light up my world and I always wanted it to. But the hurt he had put me through, was something I didn't expect ever. That smile made me extremely sad right now and I didn't want to face the consequences of never seeing it again.

I was panicking and I stepped away "I… I can't do this." I couldn't let him go… It just can't end like this.

I turned to leave but Jasper was trying to stop me. He didn't touch me, which I was grateful for because I think I would just about let him do anything, once I felt his touch on me again. He just pleaded "Bella, I beg of you please. Just talk to me. We don't have to go anywhere, just please talk to me. Fuck, please Bella!" He sounded more desperate with every sentence he spoke.

I turned to him, a little hope returning to my heart, as I saw the desperation on his face still present "Bella… Just let me explain, if you have it in your heart… And if you don't want me to I can fuck off."

I had agreed, hoping for the best. I sat in his car, in perfect silence. It was dark and intimate and I kind of wanted to cry because I could still feel the love for Jasper – that hadn't gone anywhere. I bit my lip, to try and stop me from doing something or saying something before he could. I know I would forgive him and take him back. But he needed to do this so we could be together – if he didn't do anything, it would mean we wouldn't be together. It was as much of a growing experience for him as it was for me.

Call it growing pains if you will.

"I wish I could explain it better than this, but… I am so afraid of becoming close to someone." He shook his head, looking heartbroken. It broke my heart in response.

"Explain it badly then, I don't care. But explain that shit. Talk." I said softly.

He sniffed and continued "I'm sorry I didn't come to you earlier; I was sick for the past week… High temperature and all that… I had some fucked up dreams though, and… I dreamed about my father. I don't remember him, just snippets of something, and then I had those dream. Well memories, really, but it came back to me. He was fighting with my mum, something they actually did a lot. I just don't usually concentrate on that. Since my father died, mum would always try to tell me these nice things he had done." He sighed "I know, it sounds stupid-"

"It doesn't… Keep going." I said trying to encourage him, my tears freely falling, in the silence. I needed to hear what he was saying.

He tried to smile at me and continued "He would just say these things… The memory was of him having a fight with my mum. She told him to go; to leave. He did but not before he told her that love doesn't exist, and she will never find a real one. I think they had a fight about something like that, although I'm not sure. On his way out he reminded me of it, saying the same thing to me." He looked at me "Bella, she never did find anyone… And I just grew up believing there was no such thing as love, and that there wouldn't be no one for me as well."

I was breathing heavier… He was talking about love. I didn't even think that he would have a problem with something so simple. Well… simple for me at least. I didn't even notice something like that before. If we got through this, and I believe we will, I will get to know this man's mind; every inch of it.

He continued "You gave me hope for love… And then, that evening." He looked at his hands "I knew I loved you Bella Swan. I think I loved you before, but then, that moment… I knew for sure… And then I had to ruin it." Jesus Christ… He said it. He told me he loved me. My breathing stopped and I tried not to overthink that he had just confessed his love for me. And now I truly knew we would get through this. He had his heart in this… I had his heart to prove it, and he had mine, not that I had said the words, but he did see it, and he knew that my heart belonged to him now.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" I said while softly crying. I wanted to tell him I loved him too, maybe even more than he loved me, but I had to ask him this, so I could put it behind my back.

"Because I was afraid you wouldn't want me... I panicked and I was over thinking everything. How you came into my life, how we started, how we were together; everything was flashing before my eyes. I couldn't sleep that night, thinking of why a person would want me... And it's not an excuse but it's easier to consider that I was protecting myself while hurting you. What I've come to learn is that I would much rather hurt myself and be vulnerable, than ever do what I did." I saw tears in his eyes as he bit his lip.

I crawled in his lap, needing to feel closer to him. I had to comfort both of us this time "Jasper Whitlock, I love you. You deserve love and you're better than you think you are. You're a beautiful person, inside and out, and your dad was a prick for saying something like that."

Jasper let his tear fall, and now both of our faces were wet, covered in tears. I leaned in and kissed him softly. He responded by hugging me closer to him "You deserve love." I said again, against his lips "And we're good for each other."

"I love you." He said again and I couldn't help but to laugh a little "I'm sorry." He continued.

I leaned back, my back resting against the wheel of the car "I can't promise you we will be good and alright for the rest of our lives, but I love you too. And I will communicate my issues with you, and I need you to do the same… If not, I'll walk away now." I said seriously. I needed for him to understand that I wanted us and I loved him but I wasn't going to let him break my heart every time he gets nervous about love. I loved him but I loved my sanity more.

He nodded "I will communicate. I'll start now. I want to be with you Bella… I want us together. I want more than a dom/sub relationship with you. I want you to meet my mum and I want you to take you out to my office parties." Jasper said leaning back against the chair, looking at me wishfully "I want to go buy groceries with you and do other mundane things that bore people out of their minds. I want to do boring things with you, and I want to keep doing what we were doing a week ago."

I pursed my lips, pretending to think about it "Hmm…" Jasper was smiling at me, looking back at me "Of course I want that. I want all the other good things too." I smiled back at him "Especially the good things." Jasper laughed a bit.

We sat in silence, just looking at each other for a second. He was back in my life and I wasn't going to let him go. There probably will be more mistakes to be made, and there will be people that won't be happy about us, but I was sure of my decision, like I never have before. My life was looking up now, and I was grateful to be a part of his life.

So, what now?

I touched his face "Take me home."

He slowly touched my face, dragging his fingers over my cheek. I could see the longing in his eyes, and I wondered if my reflected the same need. The moment was so intimate between us. I had missed his touch so much. I craved him, like he was part of the air – something I couldn't live without. I knew that I could go on, but I wouldn't have been alive, truly. He was mine and I was his, and we were finally honest and we were each others.