CHAPTER 8
SANTANA
Why am I feeling like this? I can't even breathe. It's like I want to cry my heart out. Brittany is in love with Rachel Berry? How did that happened?
But then again, why am I acting like this? Why am I feeling like this?
A knock on the door tore me away from my inner thoughts. I walk towards my door and open it.
"Can we please talk?" Brittany said, her eyes pleading.
I nod my head. Even if I'm hurting right now, I just can't push Brittany away.
She walks inside my room and I close my door.
"Who called you?" she asked.
"William." I answered simply.
She nods her head. "Listen, about me and Rachel-"
I smile faintly. "Yeah, about that. Congratulations. You look good together." I said, and I want to scold myself because I'm lying. I'm not happy with the two of them together. Why am I not happy?
"Santana…" Brittany softly said, as she walk towards me. We are now inches apart from each other. My heart is beating faster now that we're so close with each other.
Brittany caresses my cheeks, her piercing blue eyes bored into mine. I broke eye contact but my eyes settled on her lips. Wrong move because I really really want her to kiss my pain away but I can't. We can't.
I pull away from her. I can't handle it. I sat down at the edge of my bed.
She sighs, "Sue wants me and Rachel to pretend that we are a couple. It's for Rachel's career boost."
I widen my eyes, "So, you are not really a couple?" I asked, just to make sure.
She smiles at me. "I'm not in any way interested with her, Santana."
I want to fight the smile that is forming on my face. "She's pretty." I commented.
She sits down beside me. "I'm not interested." she repeats.
I can't help but to smile at her.
"Why are you grinning like a fool now?"
I blushed. "What? No, I'm not!" I deny.
"I think you are." she teases as she poke my ribs.
I move away.
She tickles me and I push her hand away. "Stop it!" I said, laughing at her.
"I won't until you tell me why you seem happy now?" she insisted as she tickles me again on both sides.
"Stop it, Britt!" I said, scolding her.
She didn't stop though.
She tickles me until I ended up lying on my bed while she's on top of me.
"Britt!" I gasp, my breathing ragged.
She stops but her eyes never left mine. Then slowly, she tear her eyes away from mine then settled on my lips.
Unconsciously, I lick my lips.
"I think I'm going straight to hell..." she whispers softly.
"Why?" I ask, my breathing uneven.
"Because I want to kiss your lips right now." she said huskily that made my heart melt. She wants to kiss me again! Is this a dream? "Santana, please tell me to stop. Just stay stop and I'll leave. Please say it." she whispers again.
She looks at me and I can tell that her eyes are pleading, and I don't know what on earth her eyes were pleading for? I'm so confused.
"Say it." she said again.
I breathe deeply. I don't want her to leave. "I can't. I can't say it."
With that, she presses her lips on mine and my hands automatically went at the back of her neck. She kisses me softly and expertly. With just her kisses, it feels like I'm in another world or another dimension.
She caresses my upper lip then my bottom lip then she does it alternately. Like a slave to her master, I follow the movement of her lips.
I open my mouth and I mirrored her movements. I focus on her top lip then after savoring it, I went on her bottom lip. She whimpers and I could tell she liked what I did. So I repeat what I did.
Her hands are at the side of my head supporting her weight as we kissed each other. I want to taste her lips fully so I let my tongue out and she immediately sucks it that I moan.
Heat radiated all over my body that I arched my back towards her, looking for some friction. She granted it as she press her body against mine.
We both moan at the contact of our body press against each other. Then she sticks her tongue out and I let her tongue explore my mouth. I moan once again.
We continued to explore each other's mouth but then the sound of my phone broke us apart immediately. As if being awaken in our trance, she pulls away abruptly and stands up.
My eyes darted on my phone, it's William again. I answer it immediately.
Before I know it, Brittany already leaves my room.
"Santana?"
"Yeah?" I said as I stare at my door.
"I have something very important to tell you…" he said.
That caught my attention. "What is it?" I asked.
BRITTANY
Oh god! What did I do? Why did I kiss her? A nun? For god's sake! I am literally fucked up!
I should have stop myself! I should know better!
I am really going straight to hell right now!
"Hey Britt! Why do you look all flustered? What happened to you?" Quinn asks as soon as she saw me entering the kitchen.
"I'm okay." I said. I grab a bottled water from the fridge and drinks it all in one gulp. Damn, her lips are so soft. Fuck, what am I thinking? I should stop!
Quinn looks at me, "I wonder if San is sleeping already? We haven't had our dinner yet." she said.
I didn't answer. I feel super guilty of what happened.
Oh god, her lips. It's all I could think of!
"Where is San?" Sugar asks as she enters the kitchen.
"I'll call her." Quinn said, standing up.
I want to protest but I can't. I don't know what to do, oh fuck.
After a few seconds, Santana enters the kitchen. Our eyes met. I look down to avoid her eyes.
"Oh good, you're already here. Let's have dinner now." Quinn said joyfully as she tugs Santana's arm.
I can't even look at her. I'm so ashamed of what I did.
"I'm not really hungry." I said in my usual tone of voice. At the corner of my eye, I felt Santana's eyes on me. I shrug my shoulders. I should probably take a rest.
The next morning, I try to avoid Santana so I went early at the studio. I kept myself busy so I couldn't think about Santana anymore. I don't know what to do about the growing tension we both experienced when we were together. Santana will soon become a nun and I don't want her to think that I'm trying to confuse her. Well, I did kiss her yesterday, and that just ruined the situation we are currently in.
I was able to practice our dance routine endlessly that I'm so freaking exhausted when they came; Quinn, Sugar and of course Santana.
"Hey! You were just here all along. We were looking all over for you, Britt." Quinn said.
I nod my head, acknowledging them all. "I want to be ready for our next stage performance 2 days from now. There's no room for rest." I said simply. MTV music awards are our next stage performance and this is Santana's big break because it will be the first time that she would perform with us live.
Sugar smiles at me, then she walk towards me and touch my shoulders. "You're right. This will be Santino's big performance and we should do our very best to make it look even more amazing. Right San?"
I look at Santana and she nods her head, beaming at Sugar then at me. "Right! I'll give my best!" she said, her voice full of confidence. She looks happy though. Wasn't she affected of what happened between us last night?
Quinn ruffles her hair and I felt something pang inside my chest.
"We are here to support you, San. You will be amazing." Quinn said, smiling at Santana.
"Come on, let's do this." I said, my voice raising up. I can't help but to feel jealous at Quinn and Santana's closeness. I know I could never do that again with her. I already crossed the line.
Two and a half hours later, we were all exhausted and my eyes darted on Santana. She looks severely tired as she wipes her sweat off her forehead. I look at the cold unopened bottled water on my hand. I should give this to her.
I walk towards her and I stop on my tracks when Sugar and Quinn appear in front of Santana. Sugar handed her a drink and she accepts it immediately. I sighed. Atleast there's someone taking care of her now.
But then I felt someone's arms wrap around me from behind.
"Honey, I missed you." she said, I furrow my eyebrows as I heard Rachel's voice. What the actual fuck?!
I remove her arms around me as I turn to face her. "What are you doing here?" I said, furrowing my eyebrows at her.
"I'm just here to visit my girlfriend." she said.
I gritted my teeth. "Girlfriend?!" I whisper dangerously.
She lowers her voice. "There are reporters behind me."
I look behind her. Goddammit! I don't need this right now.
Sue motions me to smile. The reporter is behind her so she wants me to smile. I force a smile.
"My beloved A N JELLS, I want you to meet Mr. Kurt Hummel, writer for Vogue magazine." Sue said, grinning from ear to ear.
I roll my eyes subtly. I don't have time for this.
Rachel takes my hand and intertwined it with hers.
"You don't have to do that." I hissed behind her ear, as if saying sweet things at her.
She cups my cheek and I want to strangle her. Like really. She's getting so annoying. "I need to do this to make it more believable."
"Oh shut up. You know I'm against this right?" I whisper back.
"I know. But you don't have any choice. Sue Sylvester wants this." she said, smiling sweetly at me.
I look at the back and my eyes met Santana's, her eyebrows furrowed.
I pull my hand from Rachel but she refuses to let go of me.
When I look back at Santana's direction, she wasn't looking at me anymore.
I let out a frustrated sigh.
It's been two days. Two days of me avoiding Santana. I know I'm an ass, yeah. But I can't be close with her. I can't anymore. So I need to avoid her in any circumstances.
God, I missed her so damn much!
"You're good to go." Kitty, our make up artist, said as she finished the last touch. "You're absolutely gorgeous Brittany."
I smile at her. "Thanks." I said.
This is the day of our live performance with Santana. I hope she won't get nervous.
"Wow San! You look amazing!" Quinn exclaimed and I follow her with my sight.
And there she is. Santana Lopez aka Santino Lopez in her rock star outfit matching ours. She really looks great.
"Do I really look okay? I'm not comfortable with it." she said, her voice lack confidence.
"You look amazingly handsome Santino." Sugar said. "Don't be nervous. I know you can do it."
"Thanks Sugar." Santana answers.
I stand up and I was about to leave when Santana called me. "Britt, can we talk?"
I stop then I turn to face her. "Sure." I replied.
When we are both alone inside the dressing room, she speaks, "I know you're avoiding me."
I avoid her eyes, "I'm not. I'm just busy with things." I said.
She let out a deep breath.
I look at her then she stares back at me.
"I'm planning to leave soon." she said softly.
"Why?" my eyes widen. I did not expect that.
"William called me 2 days ago telling me that someone called him, a woman from Mexico, she wants to see me. And I'm guessing that it's my mother. She's coming here tonight to watch me." she said, tears welled in her eyes. "This is the reason why my brother dreamt of becoming a famous singer, so my mom would recognize us. And it's finally happening."
I wrap her in my arms. "Oh San, don't cry. You will finally meet your mom and you could tell your twin brother too. Then you could all be together."
"I'm just happy and nervous." she said. "Thank you Britt. Thank you for keeping my secret." she adds.
I pull away, "Are you really leaving?"
I don't want her to go.
"When my mom arrives, I will call my brother and he will take my place here." she said softly.
I really don't want her to go. But I can't tell her. I can't.
I nod my head. Then I wipe her tears away from her cheeks. "I am happy for you, Santana. I really am." Then I fix her hair and ruffles it, "Now, give your best first and last performance being an A N JELL."
She smiles at me. "I will do my best!" she said, grinning widely.
Then she turns away and walks out of the door.
Santana is leaving.
She is leaving.
I want to tell her not to go. But obviously, I can't.
All throughout the performance, I always glance at Santana's direction where I could see her smiling and enjoying her performance. Our first performance would be us using our instruments. Sugar on drums. Quinn as the lead guitarist. Me being the second guitarist and the microphone stand in front of me. I am still the lead vocalist while Santana plays the keyboard on my right side, she also sings alongside me, and she also has her solo part on this song. Her voice is amazing as she sings as a second voice.
She smiles at the audience and I could really tell that her nervousness already evaporated.
I look at the crowd and continue my performance. The girls are going crazy as they sing along with us.
The second song we are about to perform do not involve our music instruments. This is the dancing while singing part. And I have to admit, Santana is beyond amazing.
"Where is San?" I asked.
After performing and receiving our awards, Santana disappeared. And I really want to see her right now.
"He told me he needs to go to the dressing room to get his phone because he wants to call somebody." Quinn answers.
Before the reporters could block our way, I went straight to the dressing room to find Santana.
I found her sitting on the floor against the wall.
"Santana?" I said softly.
She looks up at me, and I saw the tears in her eyes.
I walk towards her immediately, "What happened?!"
She shakes her head, and bit her lip. "She's gone." she whispers.
"What?" I ask. "She didn't come?"
"She's dead. The woman in Mexico is my aunt, not my mom. William called me and I got the chance to talk to her and she told me my mom is gone." she said, her lips quivering. I hug her tightly. She hugs me back as she sobbed.
I don't know what to say so I just hug her tightly, making her realize that she's not alone. I'm here for her.
"What happened?" Quinn's voice echoed inside the dressing room.
We pulled away from each other. Santana wipes her tears away.
"Why is he crying?" Sugar asks, worried.
"He just received a bad news." I said softly.
"My mom is dead." Santana said, tears starting to form again.
Quinn and Sugar got near and they wrap their arms around Santana too.
"We still have our interview with the press." Sugar said, after a while. Santana looks okay now but there's still sadness in her eyes.
"I will take care of that. I have a plan." I said.
"What plan?" Quinn asks.
"Santino, obviously can't make it in the interview. I will help him escape." I said, confidently.
"You can't. The reporters are all over the building." Quinn said.
"I can do the interview. You don't need to worry about me." Santana said softly.
"I can't let you do that. You might end up crying." I said, my eyes on her. She nod her head. "Quinn, Sugar, both of you can distract the reporters while we make our great escape."
"How about you?" Sugar asked. "You have to be there."
"Rest assured. I will come back." I said. "Now, move."
Quinn and Sugar starts to walk out of the door. "See you later, San." they said.
"What are we going to do?" Santana asks, her face worried.
"I have a plan." I said then I dialed William's number.
"Aren't you done yet?" I ask, pacing around back and forth outside the dressing room.
"Not yet. Don't pressure us, Brittany." Holly yelled.
I told Holly to help Santana in her disguise so that she could escape and frankly, I'm really getting annoyed because she kicked me out of the room. So, I'm impatiently waiting for Santana to come out.
Then after a while, Holly opens the door. She grab my shirt and pull me inside.
"Hey, what the-!" Oh my god!
I was speechless.
Why?
Because I think I'm seeing a beautiful angel in front of me. Or is it a goddess? And here I am, believing that I'm the ultimate goddess. But seriously? She looks-
"Amazing right?" Holly said, winking at me.
Santana looks stunningly beautiful in her tight above-the-knee black tube dress. Her hair is incredibly long, Holly gave her a wig of course but it looks perfectly real. My eyes went on her legs and they look perfect.
"Do I look weird?" Santana asks, her voice nervous.
I shake my head. "You are perfect. God, you're so beautiful, Santana." I said, what can I say? She took my breath away.
Holly nudges me then she whispers, "Stop checking her out. You're making her blush." Then she giggles.
I glared at Holly.
"We need to go now." I said. Without warning, I grab her wrist and open the door.
At the hallway, I saw reporter Artie Abrams. "Oh shit!" I cursed.
"Hey Brittany! Who is that girl? Is that Rachel Berry?" Artie yells.
Grabbing Santana's hand, we run at the opposite direction.
I look back and I see Artie following us while he screams, "That is not Rachel Berry!"
I'm pretty sure he is taking a picture of us.
"What will we do now?" Santana asks, her breath ragged from running.
"Don't worry, I'm here. We will get through this. Just trust me." I said to her.
Santana nods her head and we continue running away.
I won't let Santana's secret be out in the open. I'm here to protect her.