Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, but man if i did... grabs towel to wipe up excessive drool.

A BIGGGGG super dooper ollie ooper shout out to all my reviewers

darkred22: Thank you. I try to avoid cheese if I can help it.

Vesper Jones: Wow, you QUOTED me, well Edward, well my edward. Thanks.

Nobody particular: Your wish is my command. And you should change your name to SOMEBODY particular. Thanks.

Purple is my color: No it isn't... Blue is.

Twilightfan9748: Short, sweet, and to the pt., thank you.

INVX: I recommend Bank of America. Thank you. Loved your post. Rambling is good. I like to ramble. In fact, I ramble all the time. Oh look, trees. There's a tree outside. I LOVEEE trees. They're just so green and leafy. Like a salad.

Mattybabe: sure thing, friend. And thanks.

Sarah: you get the best answer award because you have my name.

Slinkybob24: Exactly HOWWWW slinky? Muchos Gracias.

Chapter 1

My Edward. There he was standing across the chapel in his tuxedo. A black one as smooth as velvet. Perfect. It matched his voice.

The airflow to my lungs halted immediately. Breathing? What was that again? I felt like all of my bodily organs just shut down when I looked up to his topaz orbs. They were staring at me with something new. A kind of possessive finality.

I looked down and flushed the color of apples in June. He only grinned.

Come on feet. Only fifteen yards worth of steps and Edward would be mine for eternity...quite literally.

I walked with my head held high, a proud bride. Charlie and Renee were here somewhere I was sure, but it felt like just the two of us, Edward and I.

I was so close now. He reached out his hands for mine. Our fingers brushed, and then he was gone. Just poof. Like that.

Chilling laughter met my airs, and I pivoted. There stood my Edward, in the arms of a strawberry blonde enchantress I knew to be Tanya.

Wait a second. The chilling laughter was coming from him.

"Honestly Bella. You really thought you were the only one," Edward mocked.

I closed my eyes. This couldn't be happening, not when I was so close.

My eyes looked on with helpless desperation as Tanya whispered something into my almost-groom's ear, all the while watching me with teasing eyes. And I continued to watch as Edward laughed.

"Edward..." I began, taking a tentative step towards him.

His laughter turned to scorn and revulsion. "Bella, look at you. You'll never be good enough for me." And with that, he strolled out of our wedding with Tanya on his arm, leaving me at the altar.

Everything was blurry after that for the tears gathering in my eyes. The watery droplets hit the stone floor of the church, and with them, so did my knees.

"No," I heard myself sob. "NO!" At the top of my lungs, I yelled that one word over and over again.

God, it was all so blurry, but I kept screaming – till I felt twin vices encircle me in their grip.

Between my futile gasps, I heard voices. "Bella." I kept squirming.

"Bella, shhhhh. It's alright, Bella." There was that voice again. "Shhhh. You'll wake Charlie."

Charlie? Who cared? The reason for my being just left me for good.

Suddenly, I felt something warm touch my lips.

Gasping, I opened my eyes – and have never been so happy to not be blind in all my life.

There was my angel above me, kissing me softly. I gave into it.

Finally, he looked up and smiled, blessing me with one of his trademark lopsided grins. It did not quite manage, however, to reach his concerned-filled eyes.

"Finished?" he questioned.

"With the screaming? Yes," I replied, then honestly added, "With the kissing? Not so much."

I started to sit up in order to reach him better, but he pushed me back down.

"Allow me," His voice was soft. Husky.

His perfect face leaned down. His lips brushed across my face, gently kissing away my tears.

What was my name again? Bertha? Bethany?

My eyes closed and I reveled in the sensation, a contented smile on my lips.

Quick as a flash, he was on his back, head against my oak headboard, me lying in his arms.

"So tell me Bella. Did the Muppets try to steal your shoes again? Or was it the Smirfs this time?" he teased, mimicing the lie I told him last night when I had woken up screaming.

"Well, you know how those smirfs are," I answered, "Completely vicious."

Edward's chest rumbled against my spine when he chuckled.

"But no," I continued, "They were unicorns. And they only took the left ones."

He kissed the top of my head, and I snuggled in closer.

"Hey, Edward," I said.

"Hmmm?"

"I need a shower now."

His arms tightened around my waist. "How terrible unfortunate for you."

"But Edward," I whined, "I smell."

"Yes you do. You smell wonderful, but I am not letting you off this bed until you tell me what your dream was about."

My breath came out as a juff. "I told you already." Come hell and high water, I was sticking to my unicorn fib.

"Mhmm," he replied, working his kisses from the crown of my head, down to my cheekbone, "and what did these unicorns look like?" he said between kisses.

Sweet, sweet kisses. "Purple...with...yellow...pinstripes...errrrr...I mean...polka dogs!" I said in the few instances that I had oxygen available for use.

"Sounds terrifying." His warm breath tickled my skin and set it ablaze.

If I didn't get out of there soon, I'd tell him everything.

A battle strategy. That's what I needed.

Breathlessly, I pointed out the window. "Look over there!" I cried.

Edward's head whipped around. "What is it?" he asked alarmed.

I used this opportunity to slide out of his arms and run for the bathroom, not so easy while in hysterics.

Edward, my immortal, experienced, 101-year-old fiancee, had just fallen for a classic game of "Look over there!"

Somehow I reached the bathroom and closed the door before he caught up with me. I collapsed onto the fuzzy yellow bathroom rug into a hopeless fit of giggles.

"Bella, that was not funny," he said, sounding...dare I say it...embarrassed.

"Oh yes it was," I countered, "and you know another thing – Gullible is no longer a word in the dictionary," I said seriously, "they took it out."

Silence greeted me on the other side of the door, then, "What do you mean?"

I fell back on the floor and laughed harder. My abdomen was burning. All the fluffy hairs on the rug were compressed from were I was repeatedly rolling on top of them.

Edwad just sighed and mumbled something. "Why do you need a shower at this exact moment anyway?"

"The early bird gets the word," I replied in a sing-song voice.

"Bella, that doesn't even make sense." His voice was exasperated, yet still amused.

Drat. Wrong expression. "I mean good things come to those who wait," I corrected.

"So, wait to shower, and get a good thing."

Was Edward being suggestive? God forbid. Lead me not into temptation.

Quickly I started the shower. I grabbed a pen and scribbled "I Love You" on a piece of tissue paper before sliding it under the door. Then I hopped in the tub.