Here's the beginning part. It wasn't originally meant to go here, but then I changed the plot so...

Step one. Disclaimer: I do not own this in any way. If you make me say it one more time, I'll hit you with a tray.

Step two: Thank you all my lovely reviewers. Keep it up. You are my muse.

Step three:

Chapter 3

We exited the truck when we got to the Cullen residence. Edward let me walk for once. Exactly how long had it been since my feet had touched the ground?

Anyway, any chance of him ever letting me walk again was ruined when I smacked my head smartly against the door frame.

Edward was by my side in a millisecond. Probably less than a millisecond actually. He turned me around facing him, and I watched as his inspecting gaze wandered across my forehead looking for any serious injury.

Finally satisfied, he smiled. "You know," he said, looking me in the eye. "There's a door there."

Ha. Ha. Let us make fun of the human, shall we?

I glared. "Edward, I might not be able to take you down by myself – yet," I sternly reminded. His smile fell, but only a tad bit. "However, I'm not afraid to buy a rocket launcher."

"A rocket launcher? Well, it could possibly make a dent," he smirked, "But really Bella, you and a weapon of mass destruction equals…well…mass destruction," he continued, "Forks would be leveled."

My glare was stuck on my face like gorilla glue. But so was his smirk. He went on, saying, "And I hear rocket launchers are rather pricey."

"Don't worry about that," I said, "I already have a bank account set up."

"Oh."

"Yes, it's called the dumb-vampire-gets-on-every-last-nerve fund." My delivery was smug.

Edward laughed.

"I even have sponsors," I continued.

"Mhmm, and who might they be?"

"Alice Cullen Incorporated," I retorted.

All of a sudden, there stood Alice Inc., on the bottom of the stairwell. I always forgot about the keenness of vampire hearing. "Yay, conspiracy," she said. "We can go weapons shopping tomorrow."

I smiled. Of course she would turn a murder plot into a shopping spree. "Whatever you say, Alice."

I started to turn back to Edward, but saw that he was stalking over to the couch, mumbling something that sounded like "women."

"Come on, Bella," Alice called. "I have all these new clothes I want you to try on that I…"

But I was gone, running towards the couch, and my savior, at top speed. I jumped in his arms. He laughed and looked down. "So, you first make plans for my ultimate demise, and then ask me to save you from torture, is that it?" he asked.

"Pretty much yea," I replied.

"Well then, have fun in Makeup Land," he stated.

I sighed. I might as well have had my own box, with Barbie Bella written in big hot pink letters across the front.

"Well," I said, with a dramatic flourish, "if I'm not back in thirty minutes – I've thrown myself out of a window."

He looked down then, amusement evident in his features.

In keeping with my theatrical theme, I jumped from his lap, covered my face with one hand, and gasped out, "Goodbye, Edward," before turning on my heels and walking towards Alice. A.K.A. my doom.

Before I reached her, I turned around, "Edward, this is an awful surprise."

"Oh, this isn't the surprise," he said, "Your surprise isn't ready yet."

I hung my head in mock sorrow, "Woe is me."

A strange tapping sound floated up to my ears. I turned and noticed that the source of it was Alice's foot, tapping the hardwood at supersonic vampire speed.

"Come on," she said before towing me up the stairs.

"Patience is a virtue," I quipped, as I was unceremoniously shoved in her room.

I gaped when I glanced about me. When Alice said 'some clothes', what she really should have said was 'the entire contents of every store in Paris'.

Outfits were lined up in a rack at the center of her room, by colors, red to indigo.

"Where do you want to start?" she asked brightly.

"Canada," I suggested, turning to leave, planning to hide in said country, but not before I saw the pout.

I really was a sucker for the puppy dog pout.

"Where do you want me to start, Alice?"

My friend beamed before directing me in the applying of my new apparel.

Eleven outfits later, we were still just in orange, or coral, as Alice informed me.

"Why do I need to do this again?" I asked exasperated.

"You'll need a new wardrobe for Dartmouth of course," her voice was casual, like how one would discuss stock prices.

She had to be kidding me. "One:," I stated, "I haven't even agreed to go to college yet. And two: this is for me?"

"Duh, silly," she said, "well only the ones that work for you," she looked at me in the latest orange concoction, "Peach is not your color."

I groaned. "I won't accept them. Just be aware."

"After all the time I spent looking for them," she said in a sad voice, pouting again.

"Curse you, puppy dog pout," I sighed, "All right. They are pretty. But still. This stuff is for gorgeous people like you, not for me."

"Nonsense," she said, "that scarlet one you tried on is going to drive Edward crazy in a month or two."

I blushed. Stupid, psychic, annoying best friend.

Suddenly, I caught a whiff of a strange smell, well normal for other families, but not for the Cullens. It smelled like – food...I had an inkling as to what my surprise was.

I looked back at Alice, and my brows furrowed. She was looking at me, but not really. Her eyes were distant. It finally hit me that she was seeing the future.

At last, she moved, stepping back a step or two, before looking at me and announcing, "The Denali clan is coming."

Oh no. Tanya. The nightmare. Ugly girl cardinals. It all slammed into me like a tidal wave.