Disclaimer: I do own the Twilight series believe it or not. Jasper, Bella, Edward...we have tea on Sundays. Oh darn, I just woke up. Brutally murders alarm clock.

The Denalis will be in the next chapter I promise...I had a really difficult time figuring out their stories. I went through and gave them all personal histories and personalities. Hope you like. Enjoy these last tension free Edward and Bella moments...MWUHAHAHAHAHA

SHOUT OUTS (i lovveeeee squiglies

Mattybabe: NOOOOO WAYYYY! I shall try my very best. :S that is my favorite emoticon btw. Thank you for using it.

VesperJones: Thanks for the shout out in your fic. And thanks for that comment. It made my day, well week, well life...and afterlife. I can die happy.

Rocknfire12345: Gracias. Metaphors ARE the meaning of life, don't you know. Look it up in the dictionary.

Kersicca: NOOOO!!! NOT THE HAIRDRYER!!!! My hair is frizzing at the very thought. (shudders)

Nobodyparticular: Me too. I wish I had an Edward to do it to.

Loudie: I love your spelling quite a lot actually. It's almost as bad as mine. We're in the same boat, on the same airplane, riding on the same camel.

INVX: That was you? Drat! I can't believe I fell for your evil tricks. Polkadogs are super cool. I have a link to them in my profile.

Chapter 4

I was having a difficult time breathing.

"Breathe, Bella, breathe," I heard Alice say, "I'd give you some advice but I don't really remember what it was like to have to, so..."

Air came tumbling out of my lungs in a whoosh.

"The Denalis?" I asked.

"Yep," replied Alice somberly.

"Is Tanya with them?"

"Yep," she answered, "And guess who else is?" Alice's face was twisted in scorn.

"Who?" Who else mattered?

"Kate," she said in a high pitched, squealing tone. This much disgust for someone was strange coming from her.

"Best friends?" I asked teasingly.

She groaned before correcting, "Archenemies."

I gave her a puzzled look.

And she gave me a puzzling answer, "Let's just say that you and me might be on the same boat."

I thought about that for a moment, then the dusty light bulb floating above my head switched on. My lips twitched. "If by boat, you mean 490 Battle Cruiser, than yes, we are definitely on the same boat."

She shot me an evil grin, "Come on, Bella. Let's go tell everyone about the intruders. AHEM. I mean guests," we linked arms, "but after dinner," she added.

"I knew it!" I exclaimed, after she had confirmed my suspicions about the surprise.

"Drat," my partner in crime muttered as we walked out the door, "Well, act surprised anyways."

Coming down the stairs, I spied Emmet and Edward in the living room, watching, of all things, a discovery channel special on zebras.

Before my feet hit the floor coming down off the last step, even faster than I could blink, Edward had caught me and was setting me on my feet.

"You're alive!" he rejoiced in joking wonder, "It's a miracle!"

"Oh, I don't know," Emmet said coming to stand beside him, "She's still standing up – Maybe she's a ghost."

Emmet really needed a reminder that I was clumsy. Not five.

I shot them both a say-one-more-word-and-I'll-cut-off-your-fingers-and-make-you-eat-them-I-don't-care-if-you-are-a-vampire (phew) look.

"I guess I had better check her vitals," Edward said with a grin.

Well, I guess that he wasn't very fond of his digits, because he started checking my pulse.

"Dr. Edward, did you find a pulse?" asked Emmet.

"Maybe – but I'm not sure," he replied.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well," he began, "there's one sure way to find out." His comment had too much cheek injected in it to not be something I'd blush about.

Edward leaned forward and whispered something into my ear. A PG-13, not suitable for children, parents please block this channel something.

And my prediction was right. I did blush. Strawberries, apples, Mrs. Scarlet in the ballroom with a rope: they had nothing on the color of my face.

Emmet was a bad influence – a very bad influence. Remind me to thank him.

"By George, I think we've done it," Emmet exclaimed in a god-awful British accent.

"I hate you," I said, before starting to walk away. Apparently though, Edward thought that this was a bad idea for he caught me in his arms, squeezing me to his chest.

"Oh, no you don't," he whispered, "Remember how this worked out last time?"

I turned around to face him then...and smiled, putting my arms around his neck. "You know what?" I asked.

He raised an eyebrow, one perfectly arched (perfect in general) eyebrow. Wow. He made me lose my train of thought. Actually, he wrecked my train of thought – and he did it with an eyebrow.

My frazzled state disappeared in a moment though, and the taunting smirk returned to my face. I beckoned for him to come closer with my pointer finger.

He did, leaning down, and I tilted my face as if to whisper in his ear.

I let him wait in suspense for a moment before yelling, "I've been walking by myself for eighteen years!" directly at the source of his uber-keen vampire hearing.

Edward cringed. Emmet's booming laugh ricocheted off the walls.

Soon, my laughter joined his, and then, finally, so did Edward's.

His mirthful eyes met mine. "That only makes it all the more pitiful that you haven't mastered it by now. You're still not off the hook," he said as he scooped me up into his arms.

They had become a second home to me now.

Correction: his arms were home.

"It's surprise time," he announced joyfully.

Now, a normal girl would have clapped, squealed in joy, smiled, performed some action signifying joy. But I thought that the fact that I preferred to spend my time with the immortal vampire family of my immortal vampire husband-to-be landed me several miles south of 'normal', so I only groaned and smooshed my face into Edward's shoulder.

"You still love me though," said Edward. The pitch in his voice was soft; standing delicately on the fence that separated teasing from dead seriousness.

"Somehow," I answered with a laugh. I glanced up and saw that Edward's mouth was tense.

Quickly, I planted a kiss on the closest patch of skin I could reach, the side of his neck.

"Of course," I corrected, completely sullen this time.

He visibly relaxed before walking towards the kitchen.

I sighed and muttered, "Here we go."

"You'll like it," he reassured, "I promise.

Reaching the kitchen, I spied Esme standing by the oven.

If she thought it was strange that I was being toted around in her son's arms, she didn't show it. In fact, she glowed. "Surprise, Bella!"

My abductor started to put me down, then stopped, "Are you sure you can handle it?" he asked, grinning from ear to ear.

I put both hands on his shoulders and breathed deeply, "I think I'm ready."

He laughed at this, but set me on my feet all the same.

Before me, was a dinner big enough to feed everyone in China – twice over.

A glistening roasted chicken was the centerpiece, with a heap of mashed potatoes in a silver bowl next to it. Radiating out from the chicken were assorted vegetables – listed clockwise: cream corn, okra, tomatoes scattered over some sort of pasta, green beans, and peas. On the far side lay the desserts. They consisted of at least four pies, a tray of brownies, and a rather questionable looking cake.

"Wow, Esme..." I said.

"Sit down, dear, sit down!" Esme bubbled over with excitement. She reminded me of a ready teakettle.

I sat. "It looks delicious."

Esme beamed, right before she heaped a mountain of food on my plate.

Tentatively, I tried the potatoes.

Mmmmmmm.

"Wow, Esme, this is great," I told her, meaning every word.

Twenty minutes later, I was eating a slice of the apple pie.

Alice and Jasper had come in to watch the human freak show.

I swear I heard Jasper murmur "Where does she put it?" to Alice at one point.

Currently though, Alice was the subject upon which Jasper and Edward's befuddled gazes were fixed.

"Alice," Edward started, "alphabetizing the scientific names of the world's marsupials cannot be that exciting."

I giggled into my chocolate milk. So, that's what she was thinking about to distract Ed.

Alice looked offended for a moment. "I call it a hobby," she defended, "for your information."

"Last week, it was amphibians," I threw in...just for good measure.

Jasper looked at me, "Sure it was."

Edward appeared to be flustered.

Alice looked at me, "We may as well tell them, Bella."

I nodded.

Jasper went to round up the rest of the Cullens.

I glanced back at Alice and Edward. He was looking at her with an intense expression. She was gazing at a potted plant in the corner of the room like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

When everyone was gathered, she gave them the news. "The Denalis are coming to pay us a visit."

Dead silence was not the reaction I was expecting. Clearly, Alice was right to have waited until after dinner.

"When?" Edward broke the silence. His voice was terse.

"Tonight," Alice replied sheepishly.

I was confused. I knew what my problem with them was, but I was pretty sure that the Cullens and the Denalis were friends.

I looked around the room and studied the faces.

Two people looked remotely happy: Esme and Rosalie. Carlisle and Emmet were gazing at me with strange, nervous expressions. Jasper was staring at Alice with the same one.

"Is this...bad?" I asked quietly.

No one said a word.

Finally Jasper, sensing my nervousness, answered my question. "We haven't been on the best of terms since the Laurent episode."

Ahhh, Laurent. Victoria's friend had lived with them for a while. I had forgotten. I shuddered a little.

Edward was still gazing at Alice. He looked every inch the vampire he was. "Why?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"Irina's gone," she told him, still totally focused on the ficus.

Irina? Who? What all hadn't Alice told me?

"Bella," Edward turned, addressing me, "we need to go."

"But I..."

Now." he said sharply. His eyes were burning with some kind of well-contained fury.

This was the first time in a long time that I had ever felt uncomfortable in the Cullen's house. And embarrassed to boot. Embarrassed because I was so naive, that I was out of the loop, that everyone knew something I didn't and that no one cared enough to tell me.

"Too late," Alice said meekly.

The doorbell rang.

Not my best work, admittedly. I tried to resist the urge to write insane elephant related humor between Bella and Edward because I wanted this chapter to be a bit tense. Why are they tense? Only I know the answer. Reviews would be very much appreciated.

Tune in next time where you will undoubtebly read about:

Nancy Drew

Monopoly

Camels...tehehehe. LOTS of camels.