Occasionally, there are times in your life when you can feel, in an utmost tangible way, bits and pieces flying off of yourself – feel yourself unraveling
Disclaimer: Oh, how I loathe thee!
Really...just WOW to all my amazing, splendiferous reviewers. As much gratitude as I can hold: it all goes out to you.
Melody Cullen: Read the rest you big bozo...lol. Jk. Ly. O i know...they're so fun to write about I swear. Im sad that I can't put them in my own book. That's how fun they are. THANKS
Marikaemmie: Don't die. Please...puppy dog pout. Yay favorites. Amazing how one little number can just lift your spirits. Nehow, thanks.
Waiting2bediscovered: Why of course I am...sorry it took forever.
TopazWonder: AWWWW!! (blushes furiously...Seriously. I think I'm beating Bella here.) Diabolical! OMC...how i love new adjectives. STOP WITH THE WHIP...ouchie...lol. Thanks for the hug and the review...even though i almost got crushed. Thanks again. I'm touched. IM A FANPIRE.
Shadow-wolves: I didn't mean you (pouty face). I ly like an antelope loves grass (AKA: a lot). Kk. And thnx.
Dyinginside: GOOOO ninjas! SAVE HER! Monty python gets me right here evertime (cackles). I think you won them over tho...They're partial to zombies...YAY FOR HILLS. Ill grab my tomahtoes, tomatos, potahtoes, and potatos, and bang coconuts with you. WHATTT is your favorite color?!
Eliane: YAY and darn...you caught me. I was so absurdly nervous about writing it, and so worried about getting the emotions down that I forgot to describe most of what was going on in my head. However, I plan on editing, revising, and then posting this story in a shorter format later on, so I'll put it in there.
Duckchick: muchos gracias. I'd always wondered why no one hadn't, so I decided I would :D.
Transfiguration: lol. Glad for it. Who says the war will be over? Who says the vampires will win? ;) I'm surprised that no one got your name, tho. Twilighters are usually into the harry potter scene too.
Nobodyparticular: True that homie. True that. Lol. LY thanks. There would be like one big giant pic of him spanning all four walls, a shrine to Edward. Ahhhhhh...
Minimeyer: Yes actually, with an axe...jk. ur one of my faves. HOW DO YOU DO THAT? Fantasize about anything more than twilight? I am honestly impressed. Pencils are neato! Yes, i did say that. Have you seen the bendy ones? If not, I'll get you one for christmas. They rock!
Emberwillow14: bad indeed. Not pixies...Unseely! lol. U people really have to brush up on your scottish mythology. Google Sidhe and Unseely if you dare! Mwuhahah. They're like...errr...well, just as hot as vampires, only not human at all, mischeivuous...Just bear with me here till i can further describe them in the story. THANK YOU!! As well.
Angelgirl44: lol. Thanks. Smiley right back atcha.
Mattybabe: Creator of brilliance? :D i like that. I didn't invent brilliance, but i did invent the brilliant sandwhich! Lol. Who knows...yes...pandy's going in bella's Vera Bradley java blue duffle. May the pandaness be with you too homeslice! Lol LY thanks.
Jalice14: NEVER...i just got ur penname jasper plus alice equals JALICE! Lol. Thank you for the specification again. YOUR AWESOME...SMILE ON! Jalice, smile on! THANKS
Supernaturalgirl: numbers just toooooo complicated rite now. AWWW well, shucks. Uve got my ego incredibly high. Thanks, lol. Just think of all those ENDLESS, HOT possiblities. (snickers as you faint). Newho, ly, thank you.
Angelfromhell: tehehehe, Who said edward was going to live to change her? MWUHAHAHA! I have the power. Do you believe me? Or do I just want you to? Hmmmm...possible, yes. Sanitary? Highly doubtful. O and thanks
Allyg1990: Cooing is cool. Like a pigeon...hardee har har. SOOOO tired. Lol. Glad you laughed. Im going to go be ridiculous somewhere away from people now. Tehe. THANK you very much.
Jjrenee: i don't know realy. When Bella gets back, we'll have to test this theory. I like the borrowed line. IT's incredibly, sadly enough, true. Lol. Neways, many thanks.
Meyarose: Oh my...ur doing it again...O THE NEVERENDING BAFFLEMENT! (thnx)
PoppyleafEdward'sStalker: WHOA there NELLY! Werent you just thrushflightedward'sstalker...this is going to take some getting used to. Lol. I know. I know that 700 people have read it, but i only get a few reviews. Hmmmm... so, newho, lol, glad u liked. Thanks again. Toodles.
Psych: ELLIPSES ARE THE BEST EVER! Neways, moving on, thank you.
Moonifrui: Cool beans. Oh My Carlisle, thanks!
Clumsy318: awwww...blushes...thanks.
Starlitenite: hmmm...i have a storyline i think you guys will enjoy. I want to write the battle bad. But there'll be some twists and turns, and well..you'lls see (see underlined text)
Thefuturemrsedwardcullen: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELATEDLY!! Yay, i feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that. Ill make you a cake, and panda wants to know what flavor ice cream? Did you read my pm? And of course you can be a butterfly. The secret code word is "lemon juice"...shhh, don't tell. THANK YOUUBERSUPERDEEDUPERHUGS happy b day
Hibiscusqt: awww thanks. Man am i a sucker for the vampire eyes. (blushes) oh alright, ill write some more. Thanks for the not werewolf comment. Tehehe. THANK YOU AGAIN!!
Chapter 24
Occasionally, there are times in your life when you can feel, in an utmost tangible way, bits and pieces flying off of yourself – feel yourself unraveling stitch by stitch.
For Edward's sake, I struggled to keep the bits loosely bound together. Truthfully, I felt like an unopened potato chip bag that was being crunched repeatedly, deceivingly cohesive on the outside, but on the inside...
I had changed clothes, and I was ready to go in the physical sense. Emotionally, I'd never be able to leave, but Edward didn't need to know that.
Currently, my husband and I were inching towards a small airport just outside of Forks in his silver Volvo. The Port Angeles one had been crammed with wedding guests that Jasper and Kate (apparently her power was influence) had convinced to spend a week in Mexico. The pilots, out of "extreme generosity" had all agreed to change their flight plans at once.
Let's see: my bridal shower had been a sweaty moment in a consignment shop parking lot, my wedding an evacuation maneuver, and my reception would be a lonely plane ride; on my wedding night, my husband and I would be miles apart. As I surveyed the fiasco wedding I had previously undergone, I could feel Edward's scorching eyes on my face. He hadn't looked at the dark road in ten minutes, and as I glanced out the window, I was sure I had seen that street sign twice.
The situation I was in, however, held back the reprimands to keep his eyes on the road...or maybe, somewhere deep in my subconscious, I was hoping he would wreck because somewhere even deeper, I'd rather die than leave him.
"Edward, we've passed Benny's Pizza Parlor twice."
"And we'll pass it a hundred more times if you continue to not speak to me," came his desperate reply.
"I'm just thinking." The box he had given me was still in my lap. I noticed that whenever he gave a particularly sharp turn, something inside would rattle around. He had forbid me to open it till I was on the plane. My curiosity was burning, and my fingers stroked the smooth scarlet ribbon of their own will.
He grabbed my criminal hand and brought it to his lips, eyes still forsaking the highway in front of him. "About what?" he asked as he softly kissed each of my fingers.
I averted my gaze. "Us."
"You're not thinking about divorcing me already, are you?" he teased.
"Depends," I teased back.
"Upon?"
"What kind of guys there are in Cancun, of course."
"Bella..." he warned. "Am I really going to have to kill all the men in Mexico, or will you behave?"
A small smile touched one corner of my lips. I was glad he was taking this as a joke. Any more seriousness and my potato chip bag might just rip open. "Define 'behave'."
Edward gave a dark chuckle. "No dying, no almost dying, for God's sake stay away from any more mythical creatures you might encounter, keep walking to a minimum," I glared at him on this one. He continued, "stay away from sharp objects and construction zones...would you like me to draw you up a list?"
I laughed a little. "You know it won't help any. Trouble finds me, remember? You're going against fate here."
"You could try to help me fight it sometimes." His voice turned darker. "I'm serious, Bella. If you are returned to me with a bump or bruise of any kind, I'm suing."
"The Mexican government?"
"Yes," he simply answered. Maybe I should "accidentally" stub my toe...just to see if he would do it. Right now, he sounded pretty intense.
Up ahead of me, I could see the blinking red lights on the airport control tower rising above the trees.
"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything at all," I mumbled. Then, we would've had more time together.
Edward had my hand resting in his palm on the center console. I drew little doodles into the smooth marble skin.
"I love to hear your voice," he said quietly, "I hope you never stop talking to me. Now," his tone was louder, "when you get there, an escorted ride will take you and a person of your choosing back to an immensely private room at a beach front resort. I have paid several people to act as body guards."
I gasped. "Are you kidding me? Edward, I can take care of myself!"
"A week, Bella. A whole week, and now that you're mine," I shivered, "I'm not taking any chances."
"I thought you were over this."
He looked puzzled. We were at the parking lot entrance now, and I was near hyperventilating. "This?" he asked, confused.
"The whole 'Bella is such a fragile soap bubble and can't do a thing by herself. Let's hold her hostage for her own safety'. That this!" I said.
"But Bella is a fragile soap bubble in comparison with ferocious vampires, and while she can do a lot by herself, she seems to, as she said," his eyes shot me a piercing look, "and I quote, attract an absurd amount of trouble while doing it. As such, Bella will be escorted wherever she goes as long as she is away from Edward."
He had parked now in a space directly across from the automatic airport doors. But he hadn't pulled the key out, and the engine was still running.
"Well, Edward is...ludicrous," I told him, crossing my arms and slouching down in the leather seat.
"That's a new adjective," he observed.
"I'm trying to switch it up a little," I said, "I keep using the same ones repeatedly."
He copied my action and slid down into his seat, too. "I see."
I shot a glance to the dark, wooden box. "Can I open this yet?"
"Not till you're on the plane."
I sighed, not so much out of impatience, but out of the fact that I would soon be on a plane that would transport me another country away from Edward.
"Good things come to those who wait," he quipped.
I snorted. "The things who come to those who wait are what's left behind by the people who got there first."
He chuckled darkly. "Not true. I have first-hand experience that verifies mine."
"Oh, really?" I bit.
He grabbed my face with both hands and turned it towards him. "I waited for you," he said softly. "You're good."
"That's debatable."
He shook his head. "That's a fact, and I'll spend every minute of our forever proving it to you."
I couldn't talk. This was one of the few times when he spoke of forever, when he really acknowledged that I was going to be with him for that long in complete sincerity.
"I like the sound of that," I whispered.
He tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow.
"Our forever, I mean."
He smiled and kissed me, shaping his lips over mine. My heart thundered in my chest, and I closed my eyes against the harsh light raining down from the street lamp above us.
His cold lips kissed a necklace around my neck, following the outline of my arching shirt collar. I threw my head back and sighed.
Sadly, through my ecstasy, I realized that this would be the last chance I'd have to touch him for a solid week, and my fingers grew panicky and bold. My hands ran over every single part of him I could reach, propriety thrown right out the window.
His hair didn't escape my clutches. I kept one hand tangled in it even as he moved his head down to rest where my heart beat erratically. I ran my fingertips lightly across his back, memorizing the feel of him, the look of him – the intoxicating smell. This was our honeymoon...cut way too short.
I took deep breaths and watched as Edward's head would rise and fall with each one. A thick fringe of eyelashes covered his honey eyes. Edward looked like a sleeping angel, my own sleeping angel.
"Listen to how quickly it races," he whispered. "It's the best kind of music."
I sighed again. Speaking of music, "Could you hum me my lullaby?"
He smiled. Lazy notes flooded out of his lip in a peaceful buzz. My eyes closed and I leaned my head back against the seat. I was drifting in and out of dreamland by the time he'd finished, and for a moment, I almost felt like I was going to sleep back at Charlie's house. A cold blast of wind and a few raindrops on my forehead dispelled that illusion though.
Reluctantly, I peeked through my lids. Murky, gray sky and Edward's face greeted me. He was going to carry me to the plane. For once, I didn't complain. I wanted to be in contact with him one last...my mind stopped me. One more time before we were separated temporarily.
"Edward," I mumbled.
"Yes?"
"What did you mean by 'I can take a person of my choosing'?" I asked.
"You're not flying alone, and I didn't think you'd want to be completely by yourself in the resort, so I convinced a few people to tag along."
"A few people?"
He smirked. "You know them." Topaz eyes scorched my soul again. "Trust me."
He carried me through the automatic doors and past the front desk, which, for some unfathomable but no doubt vampire-related reason, no one was attending. Here, he swung a left and made his way past the baggage pickup. Edward skipped the door to the main ramp and opened a white door that blended in with the wall.
This led us straight outside to the runway, where one small plane sat with its engines buzzing.
"Cheater," I muttered.
He shook his head. "Efficient."
Under different circumstances, I could've laughed.
My husband's perfect features held my attention the entire time. I knew though, that his footsteps were bringing me closer to the plane because of the dim roar that kept getting louder in my ears.
Arms wrapped around his neck as I hugged myself to him. He crushed me to his chest with a pained hiss. Yet still he continued to walk.
Suddenly, above us, moonbeams had found a breach in the dark cloud cover, and poured down on top of us. Edward stopped and turned his face skyward. I froze, spellbound by his iridescent beauty. A breeze blew his bronze hair, and white light bounced off his glittering skin when he resumed his pace.
Wind eventually pushed the clouds to reinforce the crack in their fortress, and the rainbows reflecting off of him went with it.
Even when he stopped, I remained wrapped tightly around him.
"I don't want to go," I said.
He sighed. "I don't want you to go, either, but I also don't want you to die."
"That isn't certain," I told him.
My palm on his face moved a little as he cringed.
"Is it?" I asked.
"Yes," he whispered.
"Oh...Alice?"
Edward nodded against my hair.
"I'll miss you every millisecond," he said softly.
Sobs threatened to erupt from my throat. "I'll miss you more."
He chuckled some, but it sounded melancholy. "Will you be appeased if I call it a tie?"
Nodding, I inhaled deeply, smelling him again.
"I'll be here when you get back," he said. I didn't miss the break in his voice.
"You better be," I choked out.
He laughed before setting me on my feet. "I wish it were different," he said. "I wish there was something I could do."
"You can kiss me again," I suggested. "Sweep me off my feet."
My favorite crooked smile played on his lips as he looped one arm around my lower back and fiercely pulled me to his frigid body. "Off your feet, huh?"
I gulped and nodded. "Dazzle me."
"With pleasure." He growled the words into my ear before pressing his lips to mine. The passion in this kiss was thrilling, more than anything I'd ever felt before. He held back less, and I was lost, gone way up with the clouds, or was I down? Floating downward in a great spiral. Up, down, right, left, I couldn't tell them apart anymore.
As his mouth moved against mine, I could sometimes feel his tongue graze my lips. My hands reached up to cling his cotton shirt in my fists, trying to hold my body up – a near impossible mission.
At last, he pulled away. Cold arms caught me as I began to sink to the ground.
"Dazzled?" he asked.
"Thoroughly."
"Bella, I love you," he said. "Don't ever forget that."
I snorted. "Miracles are a tad bit hard to forget.
"Do you love me?" he asked.
What a ridiculous question. "Of course."
His eyes lit from within with some sort of onyx fire. "Will you say it for me?"
My lips formed the words easily. "I love you."
He smiled and closed his eyes. "Then I can let you go."
My eyebrows furrowed as I glared. "You better never let me go."
One golden eye opened. "Just for a week...now you better go." He gestured towards the steps. "Don't forget this," he said, stopping me and placing the mystery box in my hands before stepping back.
I walked backwards until I reached the steps to the plane cabin, then turned slowly and trudged up them.
Vaguely, I wondered where the music was. In movies, there was always music when two star-crossed lovers parted ways. I realized though, that the only music I wanted was my lullaby.
I turned around and looked at him again, standing there so strongly smiling at me. Then, the steps began to rise. I didn't let the tears fall until I heard it close with a small "phump".
Only then, did I begin to tremble. A hand on my shoulder startled me and I jumped around to see Emily's sympathetic face.
"Come sit," she said.
I nodded and let her escort me down the aisle. I walked by four other people on my way to the back: Sam, Embry, Seth, and, to my utter amazement, Jacob.
Sam and Embry were looking at me with sad smiles. Seth was asleep. I couldn't bear to look at him or Emily for long. They both reminded me too much of Leah. Jacob had his face averted, with his forehead leaning against the small, circular window.
She led me to a soft, plush seat near the back. I immediately scrambled over it to see if Edward was still there. Sure enough, he was, looking straight back at me.
"Would you like me to sit with you?" I heard Emily ask.
I looked at her and nodded. Being alone was not a concept I was comfortable with right now.
An announcement suddenly flooded out of the intercom, normal airline precautions. Emily and I put our seatbelts on at its bidding. The engine roared faster and harder, but I never took my eyes off Edward. The airplane began to roll slowly down the runway. Edward walked with it, just beside us.
As we gained speed, he broke into a run, keeping up with the plane's rate with ease. I trained my gaze on him until we finally lifted off from the ground and he vanished from my view.
Immediately, my hands fell to the box. Somehow, my mind was convinced that opening it would prolong his presence with me.
I tore the ribbon, held the note in one hand, and cracked the lid open with another.
The first thing I noticed was a shiny silver chain, a beautiful heart shaped locket dangling on it. Opening the tiny rose-engraved pendant, I found two pictures, Edward's on one side and mine on the other.
With tears in my eyes, I pulled it over my head. This was, no doubt, another of his mother's things. After that, were our tickets to the prom he had coerced me into. I couldn't believe he'd kept them after so long. Then again, maybe I could.
I laughed when I saw the Clue pieces, Mrs. Peacock and Colonel Mustard.
Under that were various other things: movie tickets, pictures of us, notes we'd written in biology, a tape of his piano playing, and our Forks High School graduation tassels. Last, sitting in the very bottom, was a small leather brown book.
Turning the cover over, I saw an inscription written on the first page:
Because they can say it so much better than I can...
My brows pulled together as I flipped through the pages. On each, written in his flowing script, were poems, mostly about love, but sometimes about other things.
Yeats, Poe, Browning, Shelley, Dickinson, and other poets I didn't know the names of. These were his favorites. I smiled.
Certain lines caught my eye.
Now Doubt-- now Pain Come never again,
For her soul gives me sigh for sigh
and then,
Today of past regrets and future fears;
Tomorrow? Why, tomorrow I may be,
Myself, with yesterday's sev'n thousand years.
and,
I have no life but this,
To lead it here;
Nor any death, but lest
Dispelled from there;
Nor tie to earths to come,
Nor action new,
Except through this extent,
The Realm of You
Finally, my shaking hands opened up his letter:
My Isabella,
I love you more than words – more than ink on paper can ever portray. I am yours, heart, body, and soul. Never forget that.
Please, Bella, be happy. Wherever you are, wherever you go, be happy. Find joy and love. I won't say goodbye to you because this is not the end. Even if it is my end, I'll never really leave you. You see Bella, you are me. You are my soul. You talk of how you never give me anything, but it isn't true. You gave me a soul, my beautiful, beautiful Bella. And you gave me a heart when I thought it was gone. So, I'll never really leave you.
All I ask is that you live. Please, Bella, if nothing else, live. Live for me.
Ever yours,
Ever mine,
Ever ours,
With all my love forever,
Edward Anthony Mason Cullen
I read it over and over again till my eyes burned and both the ink and my vision were smudged by tears.
Then, the parchment fell from my hands and softly fluttered to the floor. That note had been his final goodbye, and I simply couldn't hold on to it any longer. The feather light paper was weighing in my hands like lead.
Edward's deathwish was for the one thing I could never do – live without him.
A/N: TEARS...rolling down my face. Sorry it took so long. You get a cookie if you tell me where the end of Edward's note came from. And I'd just like to say, "You better hold on tight, spider monkey."