Disclaimer: I own my soul. My soul is Twilight. Mathematically, I own Twilight.
THANKS! I only got thirty reviews. But then again, it's been two days, so I understand. I got hit with inspiration. Ms. Muse practically tore my door off its hinges, stormed through my living room, and knocked over all my furniture...so I had to write this. THANKS TFMEC, my beta, for doing an excellent job as usual, at such a fast rate!
The Musings of Artemis: Haha! I am omniscient. W-o-w. First time in the history of the world that I spelled that word write without microsoft drawing a squiggly red line under it for mispelling! Hoo rah! Ah, that fat lady. Maybe she'll get stuck in the door, and big men with oil kettles will try to grease her out of it. That should buy some time...
Angrypsychokel: Fanfiction and books in general are the only places you get praised for causing hysteria. Malls? Supermarkets? The ghetto? Hysteria gets you what? A fine! But not here!! LOVE you ffnet. And YOU angrypsychokel. Haha. Thanks.
Kerssica!: HAHA. I figured out it was you. You are now officially "the blank space also called kerssica"! tehe. PM! Shoot. I meant to do that this morning! Drat drat drat. Im an awful penpal. RIGHT after these reviewer shoutouts. I've been super busy. This time, with stuff I WANT to do! Your advice actually helped. That's a first. My friends suck. Well, not really, they're awesome! But at advice, they're terrible. FAT LADY DIES OF OBESITY!! Haha!! I laughed for hours. Operas everywhere would be devastated. SparkleEdwardSparkle! It's like Open Sesame (everytime Aladdin said that, I always thought of Chinese food)... Hmmmm... but, yeah. NO offense. I just laughed... haha SQUIRRELsexual. Actually I'm MONGOOSE sexual. If you know what I mean... (trails off into fantasy, mongoose filled world) If only Edward Cullen was a mongoose... Ah. Gazebos? How the heck do Dutch people not know what a gazebo is?! Geeze! Is all that cold making you crazy? And, no, you didn't make any sense per usual. But I'm starting to understand. IF I just read through it without analyzation, I can grasp the gist. So, yes, Chers, wind flavoring sounds great. Nice hand movements, btw! I saw you doing them in my head. :D Red and blonde? Hmmm... I bet you could make it work. I saw your pic on myspace. Now, I need to get one. Blasted internet. I tried to make one but the darn thing wouldnt let me! Cya later!
Dulce Lee: new lingo is the sugar in my tea. The cream in my coffee. The goldfish in my pond! Haha. Dont know what Im saying. Drat. I sound like a babbling baffoon! OR baboon... whichever. COOL! Standardized test scores. Yeah. You have a good weekend too.
Penombra magia: Haha. Well, golly gee shucks, I'm flattered! No, I dont really talk like that. Thank God. Im actually very Yankee for my southern roots. Emotional rollercoasters do seem to be my forte. Glad you liked.
MarikaEmmie: Really? I sent you lilacs, but I didn't know if you liked purple or not. Glad you did. Where's Tibbins btw? I sent him, but I don't know if he made it or not. Aw, thanks for the love!
XD: Gosh, LAZY! Nah, jk. Im slacking on my shoutouts today. Too excited. Too lacking on usable braincells. They've all gone nighty night...SEE?? Glad your bouncing, I guess. Like TIGGER!! Well, TTFN! Thanks.
Rose: Four in the morning? I recently stayed up reading a fic till then. Gosh, really does things to my social life. People are like why are you tired? And Im like reading! What's it to ya? And then they're like: ohOOOO! You're an enigma. And then I just shrug. The end. I guess that's good that you couldn't stop reading so you're forgiven for not reviewing any more. Author is my ultimate goal. That or screenwriter or journalist or SOMETHING that involves a pen in my hand. THANKS! I was touched!
Niaxxedward: Beg all you want to! MWUHAHAHAHA! Nah, jk, just wait and see!! :D and thanks.
OilovexedwardxcillenOx: Can't he?? (and thanks!)
Minilove4ever: She'll sing here in the next few chapters. I promise. ;) That, btw, was a winkie face. But sometimes they don't show up on the computer screen. So just...know that it was a winkie face. Imagine it if it's not there.
Meelah: Tradgic? I think you mean tragic, my darling. OMG. IM EDITING STUFF NOW!! (pulls hair out) Im sorry. I mean tradgic is fine. Im turning into my British grammar professor! GOD HELP US ALL! And thanks. :D
Djtlas: People always say that. 'didn't see that coming'. I thought I was rather obvious. Glad to be proven wrong!! Yay. I want to be a mysterious, twisty turny author. Only, more articulate than that. THANKS!
Xxconfuzzledxx: THANK YOU! Just because you were the first to actually say that. Everyone else is threatening to run me through with various household appliances if I do. Ah, sweet relief! Ly.
Thrushflightedwardsstalker: holy crap. We need a scoreboard or something. Seriously we do. And a calculator. Math was never my strong suit. You get 7336234763976 points for reading my story today. That leaves you with around 7336234765262 points in total. God it's sad. You're beating me. And I'm the gosh darned author! GO DR. SUESS!! That man is the cooliest.
Emberwillow14: Wishful thinking... haha. thanks, as always. You're awesome. Ly!! Sorry my shoutouts short. Im utterly exhausted.
Xxxbrokenxxx: And it keeps getting worse. Wait till you get to the end of this one! Thanks for reviewing.
Socialdistortionist: (lesigh) I have no tissues, so I'll ship you a shirt of mine. It has a panda on it. To cheer you up!! Pandas always cheer people up! Like KUNG FU PANDA! Which is awesome. Just look at the panda. All through this chapter, FOCUS ON THE PANDA! THANKS!!
Monkey: the liquid is just liquid. We don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. Well actually, trouble. That's what it is...trouble! haha. No, it's not charlie's blood. Thank you :D
Mandja: Wow pretty much says it all though, doesn't it? Haha. Thanks for the esteem boost!
Andirod: No joke, right! I mean, Charlie's house is nice and sentimental and all, but still. She would have to be a nutcase to give that up. And thanks!
Melodycullen: HAHA! Loved yoru review. I could almost see you saying it. You know how you form characters in your head from books. Well, I have a melody cullen in my head kind of like that. And it was funny watching her freak out, however creepy that is. My secret? Seriously... white chocolate mochas. I swear to God they have inspiration as a main ingredient. Quote me all you want, actually. If you think I mind, you are seriously mistaken. If that's egotistical, then I am. Quite frankly, I think this chapter is the best one I've ever written, so... see what you think...
Angelfromhell: OMG ANGEL!! You just hexed it. Im going to get writer's block, and it's all your fault! REVIEWERS UNITE! REVIEWERS GRAB PITCHFORKS! REVIEWERS ATTACK! Haha. Nah, jk, but it did make an amusing mental image. Actually, she lathered your hair while you slept...but it was vanilla. I'll tell her to go back... FIVE SECONDS LATER. Okay, she says she will. YAY! Excitement going crazy for the next chappie!
Dazzle.me.darling: It IS one of life's greatest mysteries. Like why duck's quacks don't echo! Yeah, it's like 65 on the list. Everyone's life kind of sucks right now, don't it. Haha. The fat lady says thanks. She'll be sure to.
Ol2bob: No joke. IT's about time she showed some inkling of a spine. That's all I want out of Breaking Dawn. Honestly. Jacob? Edward? Dont much care. As long as she stands up for herself. Although I do lean more team edward. I CANT WAIIITTT for midnight sun. Awww. Sorry for the ill timed update and all. Maybe this will be better?? But i doubt it. THANKS!
Euphoriafalls: Gosh, phillip at the playboy mansion would be like a ACD person after eating pounds of twizzlers: completely off the walls. Gross... llama porno. Don't want to think about it. As long as we warn all the girls. On second thought, they're all stupid bottle blondes. Let's let em suffer!! What is Skins btw? Have you seen Robbin Big?
Reshmi Solaris: Sort of like a change in events. A vote on Edward's mortality. Interesting...
MeyaRose: Yep... tragic I know. You remind me of a scrubs episode... can you guess which one?
Thegirlfromamestris1912: Yeah, I know. But you know dads. They want to THINK they're needed. She would have probably gotten it in the will anyway. IS that a terrible thing of me to say? I dont know.
SavannahX: I bet it's not bad. I'll review when you post some. I try to review my reviewers stuff. HOLY CRAP! You scared the shit out of me on that elevator! You blended right into the wall. I mean, I tried to press the numbers, and they felt oddly like someone's elbow. Apparently, your ticklish there though. It gave you away, and I busted through the wall with my bare hands and escaped. Clever though! But not clever enough! Bahahaha.
Chapter 35
Home again, home again...
Edward drove the Volvo up the winding, white cement driveway, giving my hand a slight squeeze. I looked out the windshield.
It was the mansion we'd gone to on our honeymoon, sheltered from the wind by mountains, overlooking the same valley we'd looked out on fourteen years ago. The beige plastered walls looked warm and inviting.
The burgundy-tiled roof completed the warm look of the place.
Warm... that truly was the perfect description. Our house was like a flame in the cold, Forks weather. If you squinted your eyes, tilted your head, and looked at it from a distance – say, the opposing mountain peak Edward and I hiked to on odd weekends – it did look like a fire.
The architect had taken his artistic license and used it unapolegetically for the house had many levels. Some rose up in twisting spires. Some jutted out at odd angles. Some stacked halfway on top of others like steps do. All, however, were covered in the same burning roof. The different planes made the image truly look like different levels of a giant bonfire, snapshotted and frozen in time.
Most days, the clouds above it could pass for smoke, the brown and green earth for the kindle, and the gleaming windows for flying sparks.
We were both so very proud of it. I didn't think I'd be one to enjoy decorating my home, but I did. Edward and I would shop at different antiques stores, looking for various things – a dark mahogany dresser; an oaken curio; a green paisley settee... whatever fit.
With the push of a button, the garage door opened, and Edward pulled the car in the spacious area, shutting the giant slab of metal behind him. It came down piece by piece, like an accordion.
He pecked me on the cheek before he stepped out.
"Mom?" asked Esme. She'd just turned eight last Tuesday.
"Mhmm, Essie?" I replied.
Edward had opened the door for Essie to get out, but she didn't, leaning over the seat, closer to me. Renee told me this was a phase. Soon, she'd jump at the chance to be away from me. 'My revenge' Renee had called it, laughing over the phone. It was then, that I would truly appreciate my own mother.
But for now, she leaned closer. I cherished it.
"Why doesn't Uncle Jasper ever hug me? Uncle Em always does."
I looked up. My eyes met Edward in a meaningful glance. We had just returned from 'dinner' at the Cullen's. Jasper still had not grown terribly comfortable. Essie's blood pulled at him strongly, and although I knew that he would never hurt her, he didn't trust himself, didn't take any chances.
"He's just shy, sweetie. He loves you."
"Oh," she said.
"He even got you a present."
Essie's face instantly lit up at this. I sighed. The Cullens were always showering her with gifts.
"Where is it?" she asked, sitting ramrod straight on the edge of the seat.
"Inside," I said, smirking.
She all but flew from the car. A little past Edward, she stumbled and tripped.
I ran around the other side to see if she was okay.
Edward, though, had already set her on her feet.
"Like mother, like daughter," he murmured, and I glared.
Louder then, he said to his daughter, "You've got to be more careful, Messy."
A grin tugged the corners of my lips. 'Messy' – that was Edward's nickname for her. Something in my heart went funny when I saw him pick her up into his arms and walk into the kitchen. It happened every time they were together.
He shot me a backward glance, and his eyes were the greenest green. I smiled and followed them into the house. Did I mention green was my favorite color?
Inside, Edward was making Essie a peanut butter and honey sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Should I make that too?" He gestured to the bread, and me.
"Sure," I said, and he returned to slathering golden honey over a slice.
"Mommy!" Essie cried, running to me. I knelt and opened my arms automatically. She giggled when I scooped her up and ran over to the couch, grabbing the remote and flipping on ABC.
We were nice and settled in; Essie curled up, her auburn hair spilling over my lap, when Edward delivered the sandwiches. She sat up and eagerly devoured hers.
"Chew with your mouth closed," Edward softly reprimanded. She did as she was told, blushing slightly, long lashes lowering over sparkling emerald eyes.
For himself, Edward had made Easy Mac. He closed his eyes as he forked it and ate. I knew that he was savoring it. Dinner for him usually took thirty minutes longer than it did for Essie and me.
Our daughter still propped up against my side, I rested my head against Edward's warm shoulder and watched him eat.
After several minutes, he took notice.
"What, may I ask, are you doing?"
"Payback," I said simply.
He chuckled, and it was dark and rich. His chest vibrated with it, and lines creased in the outer corners of his eyes.
Suddenly, all the colors, Essie's pale pink jumper, Edward's bronze hair, the beige walls, they all swirled together. The scene changed. The vertigo made me want to vomit.
I was dressed; head to toe, in black.
Essie stood beside me, older, much older. She must have been in her mid-twenties now.
Her auburn hair she'd cut off into a bob. Her green eyes were sparkling with tears.
I looked down at my arms. The skin there was thin and lined. Fifty-two, something told me. I was fifty-two years old, and I was a widow.
Tears cascaded down my cheeks when I realized that my husband, Edward Cullen, was dead.
"Cancer," the doctor had said. "There's nothing we can do."
The funeral was a simple one, nothing fancy.
The coffin was black and smooth. Bitter wind bit my face and sent my tears skittering away across my skin. But that couldn't stop them. Those tears were quickly replaced by fresh ones.
A wild desire caught me, a desire to lift the lid, to look at my husband's face and stand there looking at it until death came for me.
And since I could not stop for Death-
He kindly stopped for me
Emily Dickinson's famous lines ran through my mind like a mantra. 'Kindly' was the keyword. I wished fiercely that death would be kind to me, kind enough to take me back to Edward where I belonged.
I'd been told many times that this was just temporary, that I'd see him again. But, judging from the average life span for a woman nowadays, I still had fifty good years of time to kill. How could I possibly wait that long?
Alice came over to stand beside me. No one knew it was Alice but me, not even Essie.
Essie knew the Cullen's secret and knew to keep it, as well. The other people assembled though thought that the mysterious family had moved to Albuquerque.
A lady no one else could distinguish because of the thick black veil covering her face was crying tearless sobs onto a man's chest. Tearless, because the sobs belonged to Esme.
The man's shoulders would heave every so often, too. I was glad his down turned hat hid Carlisle's expression from my eyes.
Alice put a hand on my shoulder. The cold was oddly comforting. I wondered if she blamed me for her brother's death. I did...
My breathing quickened as they began lowering the coffin. I had only feet to go. I could open the lid and look at him one last time. All I had to do was move.
The black sunk deeper into the dark earth, and my heartbeat sped in panic. I'd never see him. I'd never see him. All it took was a word.
The coffin disappeared, but still I could do it.
A man in a gray coat grabbed a shovel and dumped the first clod of dirt over his coffin. It landed with a thud.
And it was too late...
IXIXIXI
I woke up screaming.
"Quiet, ducky," a slithering voice said.
"You!" I yelled at the three hags standing in my bedroom. I could barely make out their shapes. They blended in with the night. I must have slept all day. "Why did you give me that bottle?" I demanded.
Images of a black coffin still burned behind my eyes.
I looked over at Edward. His eyes were open, and he was perfectly still. He looked...dead.
I bent over him, shaking his stone shoulders.
"Wake up!" I yelled.
"He shall not," one squelched.
"Why! What did you do to him?"
"Frozen in time he now lies," the violin sounding one said.
Another finished on cue. "Heedless to your pleading cries."
Frozen. Not dead. Frozen.
"Take it back," I hissed, rising from the bed. "Take it away from me!"
"It cannot be undone," they chanted.
"You can stop time! You can reverse it, too!"
"We cannot."
"Please," I begged them.
"Make a choice nigh it's too late. Or his torment shall be great."
Far away, past the panic, I thought that they would make excellent poets.
I stepped back as another vision hit me, this one of simply Edward's onyx eyes.
It had been fifty years since he'd changed me, and finally I'd told him about the vial.
Betrayal. Outrage. Hurt. He raised a hand as if to hit me, but promptly clenched his hand into a fist and brought it back down to his side.
I was back in my bedroom again, standing before the three hags.
"Too late," they whispered again.
It was too late... Edward. Stone dead in the ground.
I checked just to make sure he was still there, only breathing when my eyes affirmed that he indeed was.
"Choose," they whispered.
"I can't..."
"Your choice, it must be firmly made," one said.
"Within an hour, and with our aid,"
"The world will halt for you till then,"
"But bear in mind, it's just till Ten."
The last line they finished together. Wind, violin, and sledge came together in that same vile harmony. And then, they vanished without a trace.
Till ten... I glanced at the clock. 9:00 was displayed in red, archaic numbers.
I ran to Edward. He was looking at the ceiling, wide-eyed. His arm was still curved over where he had held me to his chest, the other hand draped casually over his heart.
I looked outside. Peering out my window, I saw a strange sight. A bird was caught in mid-air, brown wings outstretched. I could open my window and touch it if I wanted to.
I glanced back at the clock. It said 9:01 now. So, time hadn't stopped, just everyone around me.
I shook my head. This couldn't be real. This was something in books and movies. But then again, so were vampires.
Till ten o' clock. That's what the Fates had said. I was reminded suddenly of Cinderella.
I was stuck in a fairy tale. A sick, sick fairy tale that there seemed to be no way indefinitely out of. I left the room to check on Charlie. Halfway down the hall, I stopped.
Charlie was dead. Edward would die too if I told him about the vial, at only fifty-two years old, and a painful death at that.
Could I knowingly subject him to that?
I slunk down against the wall.
And Essie... if I didn't tell, she would never be born.
Was I, by not telling him, essentially killing her?
But, was I, by telling him, essentially killing him?
Either way, I would feel like a murderer. I'd either murder my daughter or murder my husband. That damned vial was so small, and yet it contained things that were so large: regret, death, loss, grief...
Choices. I never had been very decisive, especially when it involved big issues. And now, there was no one around to ask or help me. I was alone with my terrible choices.
A/N: Alright, so out of all the chapters I've ever written, this one is my absolute fave. I... I don't know... really threw myself into it. How I know when I've written a good chapter... well, not good neccessarily, but that's the best adjective I can think of. Anyway, how I know is that at the end of it, I don't remember writing it. I swear it's like I go into a trance. Appreciate reviews, as always.