Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.
Author's note: I want to finish this story by the beginning of August. It's going to be tough. Any encouragement you'd like to offer would be really helpful at this point. I'm open to suggestions although I know how this will end. MM
Family Tree
Chapter 23
I waited for him to come back. Edward told me that he needed to work out some details with his family if he was going to change me. After a long discussion, we decided to arrange it so that it would happen a few days after graduation. He'd wanted to do it sooner but I still had a commitment; I was going to represent the Black family in the rain ceremony. It wasn't as though the region needed any more rain but there was something to the ritual, something that seemed real to me as we performed it. I'd gone down and practiced at La Push a few more times and had just begun to feel as though I was a part of it and not just an outsider. I also knew that Charlie would never forgive me if I didn't walk in my graduation ceremony, not that Edward would have allowed me to miss it either.
Knowing that Edward wanted me forever made me a little light headed, but there now existed a doubt at the back of my mind that perhaps it couldn't be done. Maybe I was too much of a freak to be able to be turned. I swallow convulsively and try to think other thoughts.
I roll over onto my side, away from the window that I've been staring at for the last two hours. I snuggle into the covers, hiding my face from the icy wind that seems to cut through the fabric with ease. I wish Jacob was here to keep me warm.
I smile at the thought. He'd probably warm the whole room, like my own personal space heater. It had been great, the last few weeks, hanging out with Jake again. He'd been the relaxed, funny Jacob that I knew before everything got way too complicated. He'd acted natural again and it was a relief to know that my Jacob still existed somewhere within that tough exterior.
The only dark cloud at La Push didn't really have anything to do with me; at least I didn't think so. Something had been going on in the tribe; "a difference of opinion" Jacob had told me. There had been some disagreement, although I didn't know what it was about. Apparently Paul and Leah weren't on speaking terms with Jacob or Sam at the moment. Quil and Embry were acting as mediators. I knew they would be able to work it out, whatever it was. How could they not when they heard one another's thoughts all the time?
"Bella?" A silky voice whispered in my ear.
I jump, completely caught unaware. My heart jumps erratically. I turn and face him. "Edward!" I hiss, "I told you not to scare me like that!"
"I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean to." He grins at me with that adorable crooked smile.
"I know," I roll my eyes, "So what happened? Have you figured everything out yet?" I was incredibly eager to hear all the details.
"We've figured out where and when. We just need to iron out the small details to make everything perfect." He pauses and then stares at me pointedly. "Are you still sure you want this? I don't want to pressure you…"
I reach out to shove him but he doesn't move an inch. "Would you stop already? How many times are you going to ask me that? I want you Edward, you know I do," I whisper fervently, trying to keep the childish whine out of my voice.
"I know you want me Bella. You already have me. I keep asking because I want to be sure, I need you to be sure that this is really the path you want to take. There's no going back after this Bella. You can never return to your life. Your whole existence will be gone. Charlie and Renee, gone." He hesitates and then makes a face, "Jacob, gone."
His face is unreadable but I search it anyway, looking for something, some sign that he's trying to back out or drive me away.
Finally, I give up. He watches me steadily. I look down at my clasped hands. "I know what I'm giving up. It's not going to be easy but in the end, it will be worth it. I will miss them though…a lot."
Edward wipes away the few tears that manage to escape and sighs. "I wish it didn't have to be this way. I would give anything to be human with you."
I look up and smile through my strange mix of triumph and sadness. "I know you would. Edward?"
"Yes?" He picks up my hand and kisses it gently before returning it to the comforter.
"Why did you change your mind?" I haven't asked him this and I'm curious to hear his response. He's been so adamantly opposed to my change that this new decision seems out of place; not that I'm complaining.
He sits very still for several long moments that are interrupted only by the scratching of a branch against my window. He opts for a joke. "Would you believe me if I said I just woke up and saw the light?"
"No." I'm not letting him get away with this that easily. I need to know.
"Well, that complicates things."
"Edward…just tell me."
"Bella, after our little spat, when I'd run off into the rain, I did some thinking. I was angry, hurt, and confused about you. When I came back, and you were with Julian and I thought, in immediate danger, I panicked. I would have done anything to get to you, to save you. I realized that I'd been a complete idiot and that my moment of impatience could have cost you your life. It made things suddenly clear. I've known that I've wanted you all this time Bella, by my side forever, but I never wanted to let you know. I didn't want to influence you. I wanted it to be your decision. And then, in the light of all of this new information about your ancestry…I thought that I might lose you to that. I was suddenly afraid that you would want to immerse yourself in the culture at La Push, with Jacob, or run away from all of this and forget it ever happened, with Julian."
I stare at him, my mouth hanging open. "You stupid, stupid vampire. Do you honestly think that for one second I would choose either of them over you? Edward- you are my oxygen. I would suffocate without you."
"You think that now Bella, but don't you realize? Once you're a vampire, you won't need oxygen." Each word is punctuated and feels like a blow to my chest.
"NO! Are you even listening to me? I've thought about all of that and you know what? It doesn't mean anything. It doesn't change who I am, or what I think or how I feel. I'm the same person, the same stupid girl that fell head over heels in love with someone I thought I could never deserve, never have. When I knew that you loved me too…God. How do I describe that? It was like looking up at the same gloomy sky everyday suddenly to be blinded by the sun. Edward- you may think that you're taking away my humanity, but you know what? I think you've given me the best life I'll ever know. What better way of spending eternity is there? Rotting in the ground? Or being by your side? I just need you to understand this, really get it. I also want you to want me for the right reasons, even if that's being selfish."
He silences me with a kiss and pulls me into his arms. His icy lips burn against mine and I respond eagerly, opening my mouth and breathing in the scent of him. Our mouths move in tandem, and I only break the contact long enough to draw a breath before I pull him close again. Long before I'm ready to stop, he pulls back and encourages me to lie down again.
I do as he requests and he tucks the covers in around me. He settles in next to me and twines his fingers into my hair.
"I will make you happy," he vows softly.
"You already do."
He chuckles and pulls me close. Eventually I drift off to sleep.
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EPOV
What a monster I am, holding this young, beautiful woman in my arms. She's so warm, so fragile. She smells so delicious.
I close my eyes. It isn't going to be long now before she's mine, really mine. She won't belong to any of them anymore. She's willing to give them up for me.
It's humbling. I'm still in awe of her resolve, her strength. She wants to do this even though she knows what the pain will be like. She's gotten a taste of the fire, the horrible fire that writhes and twists into each and every cell in the body, expanding them until they explode. She's felt the flame and would return to hell for me. She's willing to give up her family, her friends, her other love.
I smile wryly. Even though she loves him too, she has chosen me. I wonder if she'll feel that she made the correct choice a hundred years from now. Would she even remember him?
I hope not. I want nothing to get in the way of our future, especially no regrets.
I want to show her the world, open her eyes to the millions of possibilities. I can spend my eternity showing her how much I love her.
I know I'm the worst kind of selfish. I couldn't stop myself from telling her the truth. The moment she heard the words she agreed. I've done her wrong but I know there's no other way; not if I want to keep her.
There are also things that she knows nothing about, things I've kept from her deliberately. If I can keep certain realities away from her, I will. She needs to know nothing of the war in my world, the war that is looming on the horizon, bleak and daunting. I will not let it touch her.
I've been playing a dangerous game with Dahlia, but I'm certain of my victory. Her desire for me blinds her aim. I may be unable to read her mind, but I know what she's up to. Either I know, or she's a veritable genius and I've fallen into her trap. Regardless of which way it turns out, I will not let it hurt Bella. By changing her, I will give her some modicum of protection apart from what my family and I can offer her. I need to give her this strength so that she can combat the evil that lurks just beyond the corner; but only if I fail or if my family falls. It's not a pretty picture. We're up against two factions hell bent on destroying one another.
Both sides want to use us, to use me. I will not allow it. I stand for no one and nothing apart from the girl sleeping peacefully in the crook of my arm. I told her a year ago that she was my life now and I meant it. Of course, I would do everything possible to protect my mother and father, sisters and brothers. If they needed me, I would be there, provided it would not hurt Bella in any way.
"Edward…don't be mad."
The talking has begun. I turn toward her and watch her as her face pinches together and her lips form a pout. It's a struggle not to bend my head and kiss her.
She mumbles and sighs and turns so that her face is pressed against my chest. "Love you k?"
I hold back a chuckle. She is so cute.
"Acka halla maza nari. Acka halla maza natu. Ormanalli acta halli, orza maza halla natu!"
This is new, and strange. I wonder if it's a part of the ritual that she's going to take part in. It's certainly not anything related to one of the Latin languages, and yet doesn't sound like gibberish either.
I listen intently, waiting for her to reveal something else, something more. Hours pass in relative silence, only broken when Charlie leaves the house. As the sky outside goes from ink black to a light heather grey, I kiss her and wake her.
"Mmm. That's nice."
"Yes it is. So, do you have any plans for today after school?" I'm careful to ask before I mention anything about the plans I've made for her and I.
"I'm going to see Jacob and the tribe of elders. We're going to do a complete run through of the ritual. It's so embarrassing. I wish I didn't have to do it."
I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "I thought you were enjoying this? Finally learning to dance and all of that?"
"A part of me does like it, truly. But another part of me isn't totally comfortable there. People treat me differently, and not just because I'm white either. After that first visit to the cave…they act like I'm some sort of religious deity or something. It's ridiculous."
"They have a lot of superstitions Bella. I'd rather they treat you with reverence than with disdain."
"Perhaps it's better, I don't know. I'll just be happy when it's over. Then I can focus on more important things." She eyes me with speculation and I play along.
"What more important things?" I feign innocence.
"Well, for starters, my wardrobe. It's so last season, don't you think?" She looks mock serious but I know she's dying to laugh.
"Yes, I've heard that you shouldn't wear white after Labor Day."
"I know. What a fashion sin!"
Suddenly she can't hold it in and begins to crack up. She rolls on her side, holding her stomach and her eyes sparkle with mirth.
I watch her, smiling as well, and just drink in the sight of her, playful, happy, and laughing. If only I could keep her like this forever…
Sooner than I'd like, the moment is at an end and Bella is going about doing her morning routine. It seems to me that she takes forever, but then again, I can't really judge things on speed. It wouldn't be fair.
She's bathed, groomed, and dressed. I follow her downstairs and watch her eat cereal called Captain Crunch. I think they should be sued for false advertising. I see no crunch in that bowl of milk soaked artificial colors.
Once she's finished, she heads back upstairs to brush her teeth. Then we're ready to depart. I hand over her school bag and lock the door behind us. I lead her to the car and open the door for her.
Moments later we're on the road. The trees zip by at a pace that is only moderately appealing. I try to follow Bella's personal speed limits but sometimes I cheat a little. I rev the engine and feel the car beneath me respond with a dull roar. I press the gas and we begin to fly.
"Edward." Her voice is giving me a warning.
"Hmm?" Don't make me stop just yet…we're almost there anyway.
"What did I tell you about going over 100 mph?"
"Something about not to do it when you're in the car…or something."
"Or something," she echoes in disapproval.
I sigh and do as she requests. The needle dips back down and I frown.
"I thought you were over your fear of going fast?" I ask her, my voice not trying to hide my annoyance.
"I am."
"Then why do you always tell me to slow down?"
"Because it's funny to see you scowl."
I turn to her and grin. "I love you."
"I love you too although you should really keep your eyes on the road."
"As if I'd let us crash," I retort sarcastically. I see the turn off for the school and make a smooth, sharp maneuver then pull the wheel the other way and glide into an open space.
"You're sexy when you're driving." Bella comments conversationally.
"Well, you're sexy all the time," I reply smoothly.
She laughs and I get out of the car, cross over to the other side and open the door for her. I give her my hand and help her up.
We walk across campus to our first class and I put my arm around her. It's a wonderful thing to feel complete.
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Jake's POV
"Sam, I don't see how this is going to be solved."
"We just need to give him time. You know how he is. He feels like she's an outsider and doesn't belong. You can't blame him."
"But she's not an outsider! She shares my bloodline! She managed to do what no one else has ever done in that cave. Everyone else is welcoming her as the peace giver. I wish he would let go of his prejudice and accept her too. It would make life a lot easier on all of us."
Sam stares at me, his dark eyes serious and contemplative. "Jacob, it will work itself out. For now, you need to focus your energy on other things. Paul will come around; he always does."
I snort. "What about Leah?"
Sam sighs. "You know she'll do anything she can to cause discord. She's only siding with him to cause a fight. I wish she could find it in her heart to forgive me."
I frown. "They're both so immature. Sometimes I wonder if they're only a detriment to the pack."
"They belong, just as we belong. Not everyone will think and feel the same things. I don't need to explain it to you. I'm only concerned about the unity aspect. We need to stand together to be strong. I do not like splitting into different factions, especially not because of Bella Swan."
"Sam, I'm sorry."
"It isn't your fault. You love her. It's a love that rivals that of imprinting. I only wish that she felt the same so that you could be with her. It isn't healthy for her to be hanging around those leeches and us as well."
"She'll have to choose soon. I've been doing everything I can to convince her of her place here. I wish we could just kill those bloodsuckers…"
"--all in due time. For now, they've respected the treaty and we must as well. We should never wish for war, Jacob. Although, I really wouldn't mind ridding the world of their evil."
"How do you stand it Sam? You know you want to kill them too. How do you hold back?"
"It is not without effort. But my feelings don't count. Our role is that of protector. We watch over our people. We do not attack first. I must follow in the way of our ancestors, finding the wisdom in their teachings along the way. I must do what is right and I must preserve our honor."
I nod my head in weary acceptance. I know that I can't convince him to change his mind. Sam's always been the strongest of us, the most in control. I hope someday that I can be like him.
Sam turns and begins to walk; I follow along at his side.
"So, today Bella comes."
"Yes," I can't keep the wistful tone of my voice.
"I think it would be wise that you try and stay near her at all times."
I look at him in alarm. "Why? Is something going on that I don't know about?"
"I'm concerned about Paul and Leah. I know they wouldn't hurt her physically but…"
"They might be cruel verbally." I finish his sentence for him.
"Exactly. I'd rather keep the peace, if at all possible."
"I'll be with her, don't worry."
"All right. I'm going to see Emily now, breakfast is nearly ready. You want to come along?"
"Like I would turn down free food." I snort and trot along behind him as we make our way toward Emily's cabin.
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