TO ALL MY REVIEWERS OLD AND NEW:
ARIGATOU! THANK YOU!
Without your encouragement, this book (and it is a novel) wouldn't be the epic it is today!
If you haven't reviewed yet, and enjoy it, send me line, I like to hear from new people! Such small payment for free entertainment!
Fur all over: Yeah… it's kind of a tragic story – but it'll have a happy ending – that I promise you! I'm glad you enjoyed!
Blood Renevant: I'm glad you liked. This isn't going to have any surprising character deaths… I've never tried a 'death of Naruto' story – is that where Naruto dies or all the characters die or something? Hmmm…seems like you had a bad experience writing something! I guess I'm cheesy since I write what people like (and therefore get more reviews)… aren't I mercenary?
Snowfall: Yeah… poor Yukio fits nowhere… oh well. As for Sasuke and Lyra… yeah… their relationship is one of my (MANY) sub-plots – so keep an eye out! You'll definitely hear more. But to date: Lyra is a Gekkou – and she's the one who's been honing Sasuke-kun's swordsmanship! Hahaha!
Emerald lady: A lot of my readers say they'll go psycho unless they get the next chapter. It warms my heart – and makes me write faster. Hope you enjoy this chappie!
Jennjennr: Glad you liked the fight! Your review was encouraging since that scene was very tough for me to write. As for your impression… v.v.v. close – not quite though… but close. Lightning's Howl, I surmise, (even I'm not sure of the details…) is Kakashi's soul. That is to say, Kakashi's soul of light. All that represents goodness. Before Kakashi, there was no Lightning's Howl – so the summoning is unique to him alone. As for your other thoughts… v. interesting guesses… but hopefully you'll not be disappointed with the answers. (the above was a freebie, hahaa!) Thanks for reviewing and telling me how much you enjoyed this fic!
Subakun-sensei: Yes. Confrontations. Actually… I hate confrontations. Do you remember the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Toy Story? "I hate confrontations!" That's me. But in a family of 10 kids, it's kinda hard to live without them. So… I'm glad you liked the various clashes. Hope you enjoy this chappie!
Mahoakittie: oh yes.. the angst! Hahaha! It's like saying, "The horror! The horror!" (cough) At any rate, Kurenai preggers is interesting, but I like Shino more. He's so funny – in a really dry kind of way. Like the whole attitude he gets in the post-time-skip (PTS for short) – "You recognize him, Naruto… but not me…" It's like, he's got a whole soap opera and 'tude and everything but nobody's noticed the change… I feel he's static… wonder if I could change that…
Inquisitive: wow. You're so on the ball it's scary! Hahaha! It's yep, yep and yep to all of your surmising! Basically. Yes, Kakashi has over-submerged his good personalities to cope with the war and stuff that happened to him and stuff he had to do… and yes, Sakura seems to be the only one to draw him out 'successfully'… I say successfully since Yukio does draw out a Kakashi – but which one – and what are the long-term consequences to that? Yukio started out as a bad guy with good intentions – and then became a lot more complicated and skewed as I got to know him more… because I like to keep SOME things open ended and that is the characters – when Tolkien and Rawlings talk about meeting their characters, I know exactly what they mean. Just today (Aug 8th) I met the arch-villain. I knew there was an arch-villain but I wasn't sure who it was… now I know. Now I sound schizo so I'll stop talking. Oh yeah… Ichigo and Makoto… my pet anbu! Ha! Just random OCs that grew into bigger people than I imagined. And they're not leaving yet!
Sabireru: I'm squealing with you! ANBU!Kakashi is so hot. Totally. And I wish we could see more of that in Naruto… all we've got to date are those short clips of ANBU!Kakash in the 1st movie (when he rescued the Snow Princess). (which I watch over and over and over and over again…) thanks for the compliments! Hope you enjoy this KakaSaku-ness!
Shadow Dragon Boss: hahaha! Yeah… I'm not into gratuitous, pointless swearing – but I think my characters when stressed should show it appropriately! Hahaha! Although sometimes when people are like, "God!" I'm like… umm… ninjas wouldn't have a context for that – so my nins say things like 'For kami's sake –" which just sounds frigging funny… anyway… the joys of writing in canon and yet keeping it intense! Ha! KakaSaku – coming right up! Hope you enjoy!
ANBU-Nightblink: THANKS SO MUCH! I'm so flattered. Seriously. It was a really cool pic (as I mentioned on DEVart). I don't do a lot of original stuff… I prefer coloring things in! hahaha! But I'm glad you're enjoying my Hatake Cycle! It's been a long journey for me and you can see that as time passed by, I've improved. I think… (shifty-eyed) With that said:
EVERYBODY! PLEASE STOP and check out ANBU-nightblink's profile for the link (it's her homepage link) to her DEVart!
She did this cool pic of Kakashi in LH-mode. V. intense!
Remember! I love to see artwork and stuff like that – so go ahead and knock yourselves out (as long as you mention GL) – send me links and I'll pimp them!
Darkflameangel: Glad you're enjoying it despite the cliffies I'm inflicting on you guys! Hahaha! Hmmm… I'll go round live journal and check it out – I'm afraid I forget unless I put it on my Internet to do list – alas, my internet time is quite limited – 1 time a week… I have to do everything at a 3 dollar/hr café… I'll check out the stuff you suggest as well (when I get the time). To be honest, I'm really busy wading through FMA, Bleach, Blood+ and other stuff – like Saiyuki, Trinity Blood, Loveless… anyhoo.. thanks for the beta-reading offer… I might take that into consideration one of these days… school? Yeah. Me too. Back to school in September! Which I'm so looking forward to! (I'm such a nerd…) It's the cool weather… here in south Ontario we are STEAMING UP with all this DAMN humidity! It drives me nuts! Are you in high school or secondary? (if you don't mind me asking)
Stoictimer: yeah I know… Kurenai pregnant… what can I say? Naruto though is very easy to write that it kinda gets boring – but it also is tough to get the right blend of angst and humor that comes with Naruto… one minute he's farting, the next, he cheering somebody on to do the right thing, the next minute he's angsting over his bad childhood… yeah… and that's what Naruto needs. Swearing. Although, the Hellsing anime swearing with those two bad vampire-chip dudes was kind of over the top… so yeah…
Sokerfreek922: Yeah… the fact the others aren't lifting a finger is interesting – but you watch – Naruto – Team 7 are going to stir up the village before long… I think… (checks plot again)… I think the other Jounin are ho-hum about it because it happens – like a casuality in the war – and they're trying to rebuild their own lives – on the other hand, we've got Genma, Iruka and Ibiki showing more concern… I'm weird… I think it's a plot hole… what do you think? (goes off to bite nails)
I Can't Believe I'm Not Anime: thanks for clearing that up – I always get confused. But in retrospect, I don't think positions matter in their relationship – it's more about succumbing to animal needs. I think. There's no romance – at least on Kakashi's part. Yukio is too screwed to be considered romantic – but is he aware of what he's missing out on? Love? Yeah… I think so… I love Hinata. She's so like me – she was the one I identify the most with – lots of expectation, eldest girl in a very respectable family, shy, in love with an extrovert… even darker haired and wearing baggy clothing… (except I'm not pretty like she is…) at any rate.. Shino does need hugs… I don't know what to do with him… geez… now I can't leave him alone… (sighs and goes back to her plot lines)
Kokis: The fact you reviewed and said that it was awesome is the reviews I like to see! Yes, Kakashi is kinda horrible in the way he's hurting himself. But I'm glad that you can see beautiful images in your head (that's what's driving this story). Hope you enjoy this Kaka-Saku-ness!
Sanity through Madness: What's a fanlisting? (very unaware) Hmmm… you are too kind to notice the conventions for me! Toronto in September is my key! Mom and Dad said I could go! YAYYY! (yes, at 24, I still like to let my parents know…) To be honest, they're really sweet seeing as I'm probably going to go by myself… (eeekkk!) But I WILL be brave and go! My bro says he might go with me – so maybe that'll work out ok! THANKS FOR THE PICS! I LOVED ALL OF THEM! (especially the Rock Lee, the KakaSaku and… was it, Haku? Yes…) The Jesus dude… whoa… (blink) okay… Hopefully you'll find this chapter worth the wait! Until next time!
sakura'n'saber: Glad you enjoyed this and all the little things I'm trying to weave in! Hope you enjoy this chapter - it's starting to get complicated! KakaSaku forever!
hanabi jou: not sure if you got this far to read my reply, but here goes! I hope you enjoy this story, little errors or not. To be honest, I've not yet got any handy-dandy data book to read from! alot of background stuff is made up or gleaned from internet sources. I wish there was an english data book handy that I could read, but all I've got is in Chinese (?), Japanese (?), I don't know... anyway, thanks for letting me know, I think that's a cool inspiration for a one-shot!
kittycatcharm: oh you went to a con? do send the piccies along! I like con pics! It makes me want to go to one (probably the Toronto one this sept)... yeah, hopefully you'll like this chappie - and unfortunately, yeah, I've been doing my own beta-reading b/c this story is too adult for my younger sister who like to read my stuff... zuzu, ko and gen-gen are my fav ninja after kashi... I think they show up in the next 2 chappies (something for you to look forward to!) and zuzu and ko get their own sub-plot(s)! hahaha! Love zuzu more tho, but I torture him in this fic!
sakurabell: Sakura grabs onto people alot (so does Naruto) as Kakashi said in the Chuunin exam, Sakura and Naruto are alot alike - whereas, the other equation is Sasuke and kakashi who are more touch me nots (which would make sense as to why pairings b/w Sakura and Kakashi work well). And yes, I do incorporate the whole 'stop - please stop' 'don't go' thing into Sakura's personality. i'd see her doing that kind of thing. it's kinda cute, i think... i think... geez... yeah...
hana megami: thanks for emailing me the rest of your review! so touching! seriously! just curious does 'idi-sama' refer to me as in, idiot-sama? if so, very cute!haha! love it! ahem! I'm glad you're enjoying the soap opera-ish complex relationships b/w people in this fic - and yes, chap 23 and 24 will deal more with the relationships b/c things have to move forward in some sort of a direction! and it's sort of a challenge to incorporate all the next steps for the plots within conversations and stuff... (hint hint) Tsunade thus is the mover and shaker and different things happen b/c of different people! hope you enjoy! until next time!
LOVED THE 2ND Movie! (but no Kakashi, sadly) Although Gaara was cool….
So cute!
Ahem… anything else… ummm… I don't think I mentioned this before, but for those who've been with me since the beginning of the fic, you all know how apprehensive I was about exams and school and all that since it had been a while since I was in university – well… good news! My marks were above and beyond what I expected!
2 Cs, 2 Bs and 5 As! I'm so happy!
I do not own Naruto. Sadly… but hopefully the Gaiden's coming soon, so that'll be good!
OH YEAH! Check out my profile to see my artwork for GL:
In the Graveyard
Behind the Chainlink Fence
2 Battle plans
WARNINGS:
Some swearing, perhaps… and FLUFF! Ha!
Song lyrics: Yuki Kajiure's "Cynical World"
Go download it if you've not heard it! It's very good!
Chapter 23
Heal These Unraveled Threads
Part I
Part 1: Joy in Pain
Here we stand
In ravishing rain
Joy is like pain
It feels like a miracle
As her sandaled foot met the tree bough with a soft thud, Sakura, looking into the dense foreboding woods, couldn't help but shiver.
In front of her lay brambles, vines, clouds of insects and somewhere, a leaf rustled as a couple of lizards slithered down a broken tree limb. The silence was -
Doom? Hate?
She didn't know - but she drew back - suddenly uncertain.
Looking back, through the broken brambles she had pushed through -
As if from a different world -
From far away, she could hear Tsunade's familiar bellow - Naruto was huddled in the grass, cradling a swollen lump forming on his head. Sasuke jerked away and looked off into the distance with folded arms - body language screaming - "I SO do NOT know them!"
Just watching her partners' antics, strengthened her resolve.
If he's out there alone - and he is - he's alone, hurt - wounded - in a dangerous wilderness -
Jumping carefully onward, keeping her senses alert, Sakura considered her sensei.
Wilderness, huh... in some ways, his heart is like that, too...
As she moved along, deeper and deeper, the pink-haired Jounin began to feel as though she were -
As if I'm buried alive - UGH! That creepy-crawly is just - just tooo CREEPY! AHHH!
Swiping a web off of her face, Sakura decided to ascend further up and scout from a higher position.
Bugs are so gross! I will NOT scream! Chin up, Sakura! You're a Jounin now - bugs shouldn't be a problem -
Batting away at a couple of moths, Sakura moved on, focusing hard on her surroundings. Her green eyes widened as she sensed a weak chakra flare up ahead to the right.
Speeding up, Sakura burst into a small clearing - a tiny sheltered hill - tall trees looming over it with shady boughs - and around the gentle curve of its base flowed a quietly chattering river.
It was a bit of a shock to her - to hear such a cheery sound - and following it around the hill, pushing past a largish brambly hedge, Sakura found a shaded waterfall pouring out of a tiny outcropping.
Here, where the soft sunlight filtered its golden rays through the pale green trees, Sakura felt a different kind of calm.
It's so - peaceful - and -
With the arching boughs of the great trees, it seemed as if it were a bower - a safe room -
Safety. Calm.
Sakura smiled as she looked at the delicate blue flowers that blossomed alongside the mossy rocks. Running her fingers along the fragile petals, it remindered her of a butterfly. As she turned slowly, trying to gain her bearings, the pink-haired medic froze at the sight of a black-gloved hand draped over the large roots of a tree.
Darting around the large tree, the tender-hearted girl gasped at the sight of her sensei -
Not my sensei really anymore -
Lying there - barely conscious. Through his fingers, blood oozed slowly, as his lax hand covered the reopened scars of his newly healed injury.
"Kaka-shi..."
He stirred weakly at the sound of his name - his one grey-black eye (now black with fatigue) fluttered open. She drew back with a gasp.
Kakashi - you're - you're - his pupil is - slitted - what - what the -
"S-s-s-sakura," He whispered. "Go - go away -" And when she did not move - "why -"
He stopped, mesmerized as she relaxed - and raised her hand to his face.
"Shhhh..." She hushed him gently, caressing his thin face through the black cloth mask.
He feels so bony...
"It's okay," Sakura choked back her tears.
I must be strong. Now! For him!
"It's okay," she repeated. "I'll - I'll just look at this -" Carefully, she moved his hand away, unzipping his vest and quickly cutting his sleeveless black tank top away. "Water - I'll need to get some. Don't move."
"Hn. Highly -" HIs breath hitched in pain as he tried to shift upward. "Unlikely."
"Baka-sensei! What're you doing! I told you not to move! Geez! You're no better than Naruto!"
With that, the Jounin medic turned away and finding a close spot dipped a canteen from her back pack into the cool water.
Watching his ex-student, now top notch medic stomp off, Kakashi felt something pull in his gut - something stir - something -
His lips for one moment twitched upward, but his chuckle ended with the taste of blood in his mouth. Things got hazy - and he saw her -
It had always been her, bending over him - nobody else -
It only seemed right that she be here now - but -
She was in no position to help him - she swayed toward him - blood trickling down from the corners of her mouth, dripping off her chin - her bright eyes dead -
Dead -
"Rin."
No.
Making her way back, Sakura noted his breathy gasps, glazed eyes and soft grunt of pain - falling to her knees beside him, casting aside the canteen, she laid hands on his torn stomach.
"Kakashi - can you hear me?" she asked urgently, as she started to heal him. "Damn... I should've left the water for later... Damn it! Kakashi! C'mon! Answer me!"
His eyelids fluttered open for a moment - gazing past her shoulder - or somewhere in the vicinity of her face - he seemed to be smiling - and then his face filled with horror.
"Rin!"
"Kakashi." Sakura whispered softly.
His dead teammate - she was a medic... is that - hallucinations - that's what! Get your act together or you'll be losing the one thing you cared about to a minor stomach injury... okay... not so minor but -
Extending her chakra, gently reaching down past the skin, torn muscles and pulled tendons, the experienced medic winced at the definite organ damage - the chakra wasn't flowing as it should either.
Not good.
Without a word, Sakura carefully pulled her sensei down flat on his back.
Carefully, she laid out a healing jutsu scroll across his bared chest, sighing at the sight of his skinny frame and sharp collarbones. With her chakra activating the scroll by one hand, she carefully snipped off several long strands of grey hair. Quickly, she placed one bunch of ends over the gaping wound; the other ends met the center of the scrolls seal.
Concentrating extra hard, Sakura fully started the seal, and her chakra flowed through the seals, down the hair to the wound. Minutes passed by as the young medic rebuilt the damaged organs using the DNA information from the hair and the scroll. Slowly, but surely, the wound began to close - the muscles began to smooth out and connect - the tendons reattached - and the skin grew back. Eventually, she sat back on her heels, cricking her neck with a sigh of satisfaction.
It's gone well - all things considering - I really should be doing this in a sterile room with at least five other people but - I guess that summoning's chakra is still in effect - maybe - kami knows what that power up does for him - his eyes are -
It didn't bear thinking on.
Gingerly, she leaned forward - there was no reaction from him - he just lay there -
Running her fingertips down his shoulders to his slim waist, Sakura pressed as much warmth as she could into his cold body.
Still no response. Just a fraction - a tiny part of him seemed to relax. A bit.
Lifting up one eyelid, she checked out his pupil - the black was slowly widening into a circle. She bit her lip, undecided, then slowly, she moved her hand - over the straight bridge of his nose -
A hand rose to grab her wrist, halting her - fingertips resting still on THAT eye - that eye -
Sakura could still remember that first C-Rank, Team 7 took -
So long ago - Kakashi - raising his hitae ate in order to fight Zabuza - we didn't know what to expect - and then -
We didn't even know the importance of Sharingan bck then - but it sounded cool - cooler than an empty socket - which is what I thought it was for - some gross reason - I don't know - and then, there was Naruto.
"That's sooo cool! Wow! Our sensei is super awesome!"
Awesome. Yes. But also dangerous.
"Sakura -"
Sakura's eyes met a mismatched pair - now quite awake.
"Kaka-sensei! You feeling better?"
He blinked.
"Yes."
A pause, then he grunted reluctantly, as his full senses returned to him - and a fraction of his strength. She helped him sit up a little, with her sleeping blanket roughly positioned behind him for comfort.
"Thanks."
"It's the least I could do - especially in return for covering our ass like that, I'd forgotten -"
She stopped.
Forgotten. That sounds bad - it's so - so cold...
"What."
"Eh?"
"What had you forgotten?" he asked dryly.
"Oh!" Sakura blushed, feeling stupid and - super uncool. "Just that you could do such awesome things like - I didn't know you 'd gotten a summoning like that - I mean - I know you've got the other hunting nin dogs - but I didn't know you'd gotten something like HIM - I liked him - he's nice. Lightning Howl, right? Alot different from Pakkun, huh?"
Kakashi blinked at his nervously babbling ex-student.
"Yeah..."
Sakura blushed a deeper red as she realized her idiotic behaviour; without further comment, she poured water over a cloth and washed off her sensei's -
EXTREMELY TONED -
-sigh-
Torso.
SAKURA! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING! BAKA!
Why not? asked her demonic Inner Self. There's no harm in looking at a handsome man - especially when he's helpless under your hands -
That's. Just. Wrong... whimpered Sakura.
Her hands deftly began the bandaging process - her face schooled to betray none of her thoughts but Kakashi's quiet sigh of contentment caused her to realize that this was probably the first time in a long time that he'd got such considerate care.
Suddenly, she felt -
She was on a rapid river - the stream was pulling her farther and farther away -
"I wonder - does Pakkun still use that shampoo?" She attempted to break the silence.
I don't want him to curl back up in his shell - but - I don't want to scare him away either... What to do?
"Ah... I think so - I don't really have them around that much..."
Sakura didn't respond to that for a minute.
So he's abandoned everyone, huh?
Forcing a smile to her face, Sakura thought about the small pug. A tiny dog with a weird sense of humor, wise views, a hidden (but big) heart and undying loyalty.
Kind of like his master... I guess...
"Now, Lightning Howl-san is much, much more respectable!" Sakura said, trying to keep a poker face. "Pakkun always ranted on and on about his soft and bouncy paws - like that new seller downtown advertising his silk kimonos - or something!"
It was a lame joke - but Sakura's giggles died as she realized that for once Kakashi's eyes had curved in happy crescents, his mask moving - she supposed, as he grinned.
For a couple of seconds, their eyes met and then, the moment was broken as his slid sideways.
"We've been missing Pakkun - and you -"
Another silence.
Sakura poured some water into the canteen top-turned-cup and held it out for him - averting her eyes from his face, she busied herself with packing up her small med kit. She continued in a whisper, eyes fastened on her kit buckle -
"Especially you."
On impulse she turned toward him, drawing her knees closer to his side.
He sighed.
Then, in a low voice:
"Why?"
Sakura blinked a bit - at loss - she focused suddenly a black glove holding out the cup.
What a question! What kind of a question is that? How does one answer -
It was too hard to verbalize.
"Do you know why the sky is blue? The sun is yellow and rises always in the east and sets in the west? Why water is blue yet transparent? Why clouds are heavy with rain yet soar in the sky?"
Kakashi shifted.
"Hmmm... if you read a scientific book -"
"I can't explain - it is that - it is that - that natural - how could one not?"
"Easily enough."
"How can you say that?"
"I've been saying that for five years..."
She watched his gloved hand fiddle restlessly with a couple blades of grass. Her face hidden by pink bangs falling forward - he couldn't see - he didn't know how the green and the black blurred together.
"Because you're an important person to us - because - because -"
She faltered, suddenly, tears tracking down her cheeks.
"Because I - we - love you."
"Tch."
Sakura gulped down the rest of her tears, wiping her face suddenly, feeling rather ashamed of her outburst. Her sigh was wobbly with emotion - her shoulders shaking with slight gasps.
Kakashi sighed, feeling – for the first time in a long time – like a jerk.
"Sakura... sorry... I -"
"You're hurting yourself. Maybe you can't see - but you're changing - for the worse -"
"Hn. I don't -"
"You never raise your face to the sun - you hide away - you hide away like a child in a closet - no, that's just not it - you hide yourself away WITH all those other things that drag you down - I - we - just want to be there for you - to help you carry those burdens. Like you did for us."
"I didn't do anything - I was the most fucked up sensei in Konoha's sensei history. Ask anyone."
"Everyone makes mistakes."
"Yeah. Mine were just bigger than others -"
"We don't see it that way - you once told us - do you remember that day - that day when you stood there before us - right before that Chuunin Exam -"
"Geez... that - don't even go there..."
"Yeah, I know. Years later, and people say it still was a bad thing you entered us in - that it was just rivalry between you and Gai -"
Kakashi snorted derisively.
"That's what I think too. You told us - I remember it still - you said - that we were your proud team - and then - when it all fell apart and the boys were gone, I said to you - and we say to you - you are OUR proud sensei. Nobody else will do. We miss you. Tardiness, perviness, lack of excitement and all."
Sakura sighed.
"Well... that's all I wanted to say -"
"No scolding?"
"No scolding. I think you get enough shit in your life already - you don't need anymore."
Kakashi scratched his head, deep in thought.
"Sakura... I'm -"
She looked up -
He sighed.
"I'm sorry - I just - "
"You gotta work this out on your own," Sakura finished his sentence for him; she grinned at his wide eyes. "Yeah... I've gotten wise too, these past years - I see tons of shit around now - tons of people come to me for help to deal with their fucked up lives. It's no big deal. I guess, I make a big deal over you because I feel you've put a lot into my life. It's hard being the only ninja in a civilian family - I didn't have a lot of support, really... and you - when you were there for me - at the Chuunin Exam and all, well... I guess, I feel that - I want to be there for you." Her hands gently gripped his thin shoulders. "That's all."
"Sakura..."
His husky voice drew her -
Is it his lonely eyes? The eyes of a child who lost his mother so early? His father, killing himself in his study - and he walked in and - what have those eyes seen?
I see - I see a lost boy -
It only seemed natural then to draw him then into a rather awkward hug. He was tenser - stiffer than the tree behind his back - he obviously wasn't used to the human contact -
It only broke her heart more.
Slowly, he melted into her tightened embrace - his masked face buried itself into her neck, breathing in the mixed scent of blood, sweat - and a trace of some imported perfume...
She's a lady now, too... Kakashi thought. She's grown up. She's no longer my little unstable Sakura... She's got a life of her own to pursue - not hang around me as a student - she - Kakashi thought.
His hands found her waist - but any resolve to push her away melted at her warmth -
Why is she here? Wasting her time with me?
He didn't know. Didn't want to question. It'd been so hard -
It's been so hard - to walk this alone - and she is so - so -
Warm.
There, underneath the trees, they sat - leaning into each other comfortably, sharing warmth - a warmth that grew between them - a soft flower - petals blooming outward as it turned toward the face of the sun - a piece of life - a storehouse of memories -
On missions - trying to lighten up Sasuke - trying to get his attention - saving Naruto from his own idiocy - hitting Naruto over the head - relaxing around a stream one time on the way home from a day out on a farm - creeping up on Kakashi, trying to grab his book out of his hand - beating Kakashi by spoiling his newest Icha Icha plotline - watching him walk away, alone, with Pakkun, carrying shopping bags in his arms, wondering - what's he stocking up for? A storm? - watching Sakura, coughing up blood, as the bastard beat her up in the Chuunin exam, wondering - why didn't I spend more time with her? Why did I abandon her - allow her to be - and then even now - she had been there - at his mother's grave, preparing an offering for the dead - doing something for him, something he should have done - a child abandoned and who abandons - what do I do to deserve this - this healing that she gives to me - for free - Kakashi - falling forward, beaten and battered, exhausted - remembering a time of death, even as he stood there bleeding - what had brought him there? What had brought him - but a strong link to the past - he always hung around the memorial...
Sakura pulled away slightly, to lean her forehead against his - their arms still wrapped around each other -
"Don't leave us," she whispered. "You can't leave us to be alone - surely - you know what that feels like -"
Kakashi looked undecided, then nodded slowly.
"I promise. I won't leave you."
"Good. I'd miss your unenthusiastic face if you did something stupid and died."
"I may look unenthusiastic but I'll have you know that I'm still a ninja!"
She giggled at his mock outrage - he chuckled quietly, too.
"KAKASHI!" A husky voice burst their bubble.
Kakashi pulled away, suddenly uncertainly. It tore at Sakura's heart to see it - the withdrawal, the burial - the -
ANBU is a tomb.
She remembered Ibiki saying it one time. To Genma. The senbon had twitched upward in agreement. Sakura shuddered at the truth.
You're right, Ibiki. It takes men, it buries their self-confidence, it buries their self and their love - no, no one can destroy love - it destroys their ability to show it - he's like a flower, Ibiki - how can we send a fragile flower and bury it underground?
I leave him now and -
Sakura's heart filled with desperation - she grabbed his hand -
Don't go - don't change - don't - don't forget -
Yukio burst into the clearing and halted at the sight of Kakashi struggling to his feet - his black gloved hand pulling out of Sakura's resisting one.
His hand - held by -
Yukio's face clouded behind his mask.
DAMN THE FUCKING BITCH!
Struggling to keep his inward anger inside - it won't due to pull a hissy fit in front of her - she'll guess - Yukio merely glared in her direction, while holding out ANBU Hounds white mask. Kakashi took it silently and slipped it on, turning away, without a by your leave.
It's like, watching two personalities -
Sakura felt frightened, but kept her face solemn as she followed the men back to the plain.
ANBU are just plain screwed up. Why do we even HAVE them? I really gotta ask Tsunade this... No wonder they have all these psychosis... damn...
The plain suddenly came into view - fighting past the last brambles that clung to her hair, Sakura felt a heaviness in her gut as she watched Kakashi's back recede from her.- his vest tight on his narrow frame, now zipped up - the ANBU katana strapped to his back again -
"Kakashi -"
He paused at his voice, turning ever so slowly.
ANBU Bear folded his arms and sighed in annoyance audibly.
Inner Sakura gave him a third finger (mentally).
"Be careful," she said in her most snobbiest medic voice. "I don't want to have to do a good job twice. Take it easy on the way home. I'm assuming we're not going any further -" She pointed at Tsunade's group now beginning the trek back across the plain.
Naruto and Sasuke were hesitating - obviously waiting for her - and ogling the sight of Kakashi and ANBU Bear.
"And - Kakashi -" Her voice was reedy with uncertainty.
So young - so vulnerable -
Kakashi, banishing the thought quickly, turned, ready to spring away.
The river was flowing rapidly - and she was pulling away -
"Kakashi. Don't forget -" Her whisper traveled on the wind to him.
You can't turn back
You're in chains
He gave a tiny nod and darted away.
You can't turn back
You're in chains
Never again
Return from a cynical world
Naruto and Sasuke made no move as the two ANBU passed them in a blur.
"Kaka-sensei..." the blonde kitsune whispered.
"It's okay," Sasuke said. "She's smiling."
"She's crying."
"But she's smiling too. It's okay."
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto yelled as their medic teammate came up to them. "Are you okay? The idiot didn't do anything to you, did he?"
Their teammate shook her head.
"No... he promised. He won't forget."
Sasuke turned to wach the four ANBU disappear ahead of them into the mountains.
"He won't forget." The dark-haired Uchiha sighed. "He won't forget? Tch. He never does. That, is his problem."
Sakura said nothing - just twirled a blue flower in her fingers – deep in thought.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me?
Waking up is the hardest part, he thought, as he inhaled the rank hospital odor (he always hated it) - it was that sterile smell, that powdery smell - and the bright florescent lights - and the squeaks of the nurses' shoes didn't help it either.
Waking up is the hardest.
Especially when there's nobody to wake up to -
A grin spread itself crookedly across his face as brown hair, brown eyes and a scar popped into view suddenly.
"You're awake?"
"Like hell…"
"What?"
"It's like hell -"
"You're in pain? I'll call the nurse! Right away! Just hold on!"
Genma sighed and rolled his eyes.
Then winced…
Ouch, ouch…
"No… I'm fine…"
"You look like shit."
"Who doesn't - in a hospital bed?"
There was a thoughtful silence at the thought.
It would have been nice to think that hospital visits weren't common - but in war, the hospital became your home - you were in and out so often, they'd have revolving doors just for you -
Raido sighed at that morose train of thought.
Well… it's that recklessness of yours really - it just gets you into trouble…
"What's with that sigh?"
"Nothing. I just think that you should think more before you act."
"You always were the cautious one… slowpoke."
"Ha! Haste makes waste…"
"Now you sound like that weird Aburame kid -"
"Ouch. Did I deserve that?"
"You ask me."
They lost their banter when they took stock of their surroundings, though - it was a small room with an open window - a light breeze played with the thin curtains.
"It's one fugly room," sighed Genma, pointing a finger weakly at the pukish green walls.
So eloquent, Raido thought.
It reminds me of that golden afternoon… when we both woke up - we had been fighting those Sound monsters and then -
There was nothing but regrets and wishes and the dark -
And Genma calling my name.
Like I was something special.
It was sweet - to hear my name on his tongue - especially since I'd been missing him. He and Hana had been together a lot before then and there'd been no room for a third wheel… ha… as Genma says, ménage a trios is one person too much…
Well… I opened my eyes and - there he was watching me with solemn eyes across the room in a matching bed.
Where'd he get a senbon?
That was my second thought…
And then.
"You came back."
I didn't know what to say - so I went with gut instinct and said:
"I heard you calling my name."
Genma dipped his head and clamped hard on his senbon.
"I don't want you to leave. Ever."
He paused and then, groaning, shifted himself off the bed and onto his feet. I watched in concern as my honey-haired friend - no, be honest, Raido - crush made his painful way to the side of my bed.
"Never again."
I grinned crookedly.
"I won't."
"Better not, else I'll go to hell to find you -"
He fought the solemn moment with a grin and lost.
"Go to hell to find you and kick your ass."
Then he leaned forward, hesitantly. Unsure. I lost myself in his eyes.
"Just kiss him already," a brusque voice said, and the curtain jerked aside, totally ruining the romantic moment.
It was Tsunade.
Damn the old hag.
Genma just grinned, winked at me and leaned in for a kiss. No fuss. No muss. No flowers or cheesy music. No tongue. Just a nice kiss.
A beginning.
Fine with me.
"Ahhh…." Sighed the Kage, a dreamy smile crossed her face (more scary than a Sound nin). "What I'll be seeing in my dreams…."
Genma and I looked at her horrified.
And now here we are, together. Together forever sounds nice.
Sounds cheesy, Genma would say.
I can just hear him.
"What are you? A character from Icha Icha?"
But things are better - well, not for Hana maybe... she's the one who Genma left. I never asked about it - just watched it happen. She was always, well... independent... and Genma, I guess, had no trouble breaking up... but it makes me wonder sometimes... if I hadn't put my foot down... would he still have chosen me? Honestly?
I can't bear his kids.
Or carry on the Shiranui heritage. There will be no brown haired, brown/hazel eyed kids for us.
He says it's only better that way - but sometimes I wonder...
"What's with the long face? Missing me in bed already?"
Genma's eyes lit up with another smile.
I couldn't help but laugh at his irrepressible humor.
"No... but yeah..."
He laughed again at my reluctant admission.
"Ah. I didn't think it could be the debriefing - did it go bad? Are we grounded?"
"Noo... I was basically giving Tsunade the what-for..."
"What? Not about -"
"She shouldn't be sending unstable shinobi out onto the field. Seriously."
"He saved my life, Raido. All of us."
"Maybe. But he went psycho - who knows - he might have turned on us..."
"Are you still mad at him - about the whole Hana thing?"
"I'm NOT! That was years and years ago!"
"Are you sure?"
"Sure! This has nothing whatsoever to do with his meddling - I'm talking about him objectively here... he wasn't -"
"I trust him."
"I don't."
"Then trust me."
Genma shifted his arm slowly over and clasped his large hand around Raido's.
"Trust me."
"I just don't -"
"Don't say it."
"What?"
"That he's not worth saving. He is. Nobody should be left to their presupposed fate. If I had that attitude, you'd still be under your dad's thumb. If Naruto had that attitude, tons of people wouldn't have changed... like that Hyuuga Neji who's always looking at birds -"
After a moment, the scarred Jounin sighed.
"I just don't understand -"
"Neither do I, which is why we're going to have a little talk with Team 7. Okay?"
"Okay. But this week you're putting your feet up and taking a vacation -"
"As long as it's with my little Raido-kun -"
"HEY! Don't call me 'little'! What're - ACK! Don't pull me - you'll get infected - and -"
There was a brief struggle, which Genma won, by pulling Raido down on top of him, hard. Their lips met in a deeply passionate kiss - and somewhere between the second and third, Genma was heard to murmur - been waiting too damn long - and then the door opened.
"Oh. Dear," Iruka blinked. "Excuse me!"
The door slammed shut.
"What? They were doing what?" They could hear Shizune asking in a shocked whisper.
"Lemme see! Lemme see!" Izumo was whining. "Irrruuukkkaaa! Don't be such a -"
"Let him see... serves Raido right for pandering to Genma's fantasies!" Kotetsu was gutting himself laughing.
"Was he in a nurse's uniform?" Anko was asking hopefully.
"Not as far as I could see," Hana sighed. "Thankfully - I don't want the boys to get ideas..."
"Absolutely not!" Iruka and Shizune said at the same time.
There was a pause.
Then everybody laughed - even Ibiki cracked a grin.
"Just like a married couple!" cried Kotetsu.
Iruka turned red, Shizune sighed.
Which only made their friends laugh harder.
Inside the room, the resulting silence was broken by a small chuckle from Genma and a loud groan from Raido.
Iruka, Shizune, Kotetsu, Izumo, Hana, two little boys, Anko and Ibiki laughed as Raido pulled the door open with a mock frown.
"What. You could see that we're busy..."
"Just came to say 'get well'!" Anko yelled, blasting Raido back.
Iruka, Shizune and the rest took the opportunity to infiltrate the room.
"Hey! I didn't say -"
Raido's protests - get away from him! he needs rest! - were completely ignored as the group were clustered around the bed, chatting away, giving Genma the latest gossip and pulling out flowers and gifts.
"Here, let me put them there for you," Shizune was saying, unwrapping the flowers.
"I'll help," Iruka put in.
"You did hear about the news? Akimichi Chouza's death was confirmed -" Kotetsu was saying with relish.
"No way! Who's in charge now?" Izumo asked.
"Chouji, I guess..."
"WHAT! That fatty?"
"Shhhh! Don't say that! He's a nice young man! And going to get Ino one of these days -" Shizune scolded.
"You're kidding me!" Anko protested.
"I kid you not."
"How do you know?" The black-haired Jounin kunoichi (still sporting fish nets and a miniskirt) frowned.
"I hear things." Izumo said smugly.
"Ibiki, tell me, is this true?" asked Anko.
Everybody leaned in.
"It is true," the grey-coated man said, with a solemn voice.
"There! It is true!"
"Wow! But then... that's no real surprise. They're all getting around to the mating thing..."
"Mating thing? Anko... that's really..." Hana sighed.
"Puts me off the romance..." Raido muttered.
Genma only chuckled.
His eyes landed on the young kids.
"Who are these brats? The next generation of Inuzuka?"
"You bet! And the best pups to date!" Hana grinned, ruffling the two boys' hair.
"Moooom!" They whined. "Stoooppp it!"
"Since when..." Genma trailed off, confused.
Hana shrugged.
"They're my treasures. Hiroshi, Renjiro - say hello to Shiranui-san."
"Call me Genma. It's easier to remember!" Genma winked at them.
"Hello, Mr. Genma," The dark haired one (who looked a lot like Hana). "I wish you well."
"Does it hurt bad?" asked the lighter haired one, his serious hazel eyes unblinking.
"It's all cool - just some mission gone wild. As usual. You training to be shinobi?"
"YEAH! We started the Academy this year!"
"So how old are you then?" asked Genma.
"Eight!" laughed the boys. "We're all grow'd up now!"
"Oho! You're twins then?"
"Well," said Hiroshi. "I'M older by FIVE minutes!"
Genma looking at the young boys wondered.
Hana is so independent. I never heard that she got married - I hoped she was not irrevocably in love with me... but... these boys are perhaps fruits of a new love. I'm happy for her. I never wished her ill. Hiroshi doesn't look like her though -
Shizune, watching Genma watch the boys, sighed.
They are treasures. All children are. It's funny - those twins are so not identical... like two sides of a coin - ying and yang - Hiroshi-kun is not really like his mother - his hair is much lighter, his face and eyebrows narrower, and his coloring - his hazel eyes... but really talented already, Iruka says. I'm sure that his father would be proud of them... it's a pity... And Renjiro-kun, too. He's more like his mother. And like his mother, doesn't accept pity.
Watching the two boys' quarrel degenerate from a squabble to a full-blown 'shinobi duel' (Genma egging them on to Hana's dismay), Shizune couldn't help but smile.
Like their parents, they make their own destiny - and don't care what others think - it's all about them and how they feel in the moment - what a gift they have - and they do not know it...
Thinking of a future with Iruka, having kids, raising them, creating a home and a new set of dreams for Konoha, Shizune couldn't help but hope that her kids would have that same confidence.
Zoning back in, Shizune caught the tale-end of a story from Iruka.
"Seems like Naruto's been realizing Hinata - or rather, his feelings for Hinata. Quite funny, according to Kurenai."
"Kurenai?"
"Yeah... they just came back - around noon."
"They've been gone for quite some time, right?" asked Izumo.
"Yeah... A couple of days, now." Kotetsu said, counting on his fingers.
"Eh? How long have I been out?" asked Genma.
"Too long," Raido glared. "You shouldn't be overworking yourself now as it is -"
"We'll get going," Hana said quickly. "I don't want to cause any harm here - especially with the boys... I don't know where this energy comes from! It's like they just don't know when to stop. And they never think before they act..."
"Sounds like someone I know," Raido, Shizune and Ibiki said at the same time.
Everybody laughed.
"So anyone know where Kurenai was?" asked Genma.
"Oh. Out with Tsunade, and Shino, Hinata, Kiba, Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura - on a mission," Kotetsu sighed.
"Really?" asked Raido. "Sounds big."
"It was. They also had four ANBU backup." Ibiki said tersely.
Raido cocked an eyebrow infinitesimally.
Ibiki nodded.
Genma leaned back.
"No kidding."
Iruka, eyes darting from one face to the other, looked solemn.
"Then -"
"Did it go well?" interrupted Genma, shaking his head at Iruka.
"Depends on what you mean by 'well'," Ibiki said. "Things were confirmed."
Watching the boys playing in the corner of the room (they had found Genma's senbon set), the adults grew quiet.
"It is as we feared," the ANBU Torture and Interrogation Squad leader continued.
"Damn," Genma said softly, falling back onto his pillow, feeling tired all of a sudden. "That can only mean -"
"Well... our goals will be set back -"
"It's bad for the town," murmured Hana. "We're just starting to get back on our feet..."
"Yes," Raido said, suddenly taking back all his harsh words about Kakashi.
Damn. He's going to be stuck there for some time now...
Everyone was silent at the thought of war - even Anko quieted down.
"At any rate," Iruka said. "If we stick together, we'll get through this!"
"DAMN RIGHT!" Anko yelled.
"DAMN RIGHT!" copied Renjiro at her elbow, grinning up at her.
The adults laughed as Hana scolded the boy.
Saying their farewells to the bed-ridden Jounin and his (ever so caring) lover, the group trickled out of the room, leaving behind memories - new ones and old - happy and sad -
And the realization of a dark future - no one could check - no one could predict.
In the warm breeze
You will cry
Again and again
That's fate for a criminal
NEXT UP: When going gets tough, the tough go clubbing! Memories of a Sannin. The truth of a death. Sakura dances. Kakashi watches.
Heal These Unraveled Threads, Part 2: This Cold Place