AN EARLY UPDATE! YAY! 'CAUSE I LOVE YOU ALL!
HOPE YOU ENJOY!
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Normally I have the fun of answering people's reviews and dialogueing... but an anonymous person pointed out that i could get in serious trouble from if I keep doing that...
i checked the guidelines and stuff but there was no mention of that, so if anybody is kind enough to review me with some information on this that would be great...
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Warning: Severe angst! Flashbacks within flashbacks! Sex! (hetero) Sensuality! (homo) Swearing...
Also... this stupid computer I'm on is totally not letting me use page breaks... so... hopefully this new formatting will work...
also... this was finished last night and i've been battling a really bad cough for 2 days now... so... blame crap on flu-depression...
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I don't own naruto... sadly... happily...
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Heal These Unraveled Threads
Part 2
Part 2: This Cold Place
Good intentions lost in thin air
"Well… that's that…"
The three Jounin were seated below a bunch of cherry trees, taking in the warm air, the fresh breeze – watching the tiny buds still waiting for the warmth –
It's so beautiful, sighed Sakura.
She was resting on her back – as were the boys – looking up at the lazy cloud puffs passing overheard, bracketed by the new leaves on the trees.
It's so – peaceful. It reminds me of that place…
The past few days had been chaotic – returning home, recouping, watching Tsunade begin to shore up their defenses and strengthen their teams in defense of –
Who knows what, really…
The boys had been kept busy – and there had been no time to talk – but now –
There was a chance to draw breath – and think over the things that Sasuke had found.
The lists were easily enough answered. Obviously they were shopping lists when Kakashi hung out at the family place for his self-imposed training.
Genma and Tsunade had helped there.
-0-0-0-
"Yeah. The brat did come to me to ask for time to train – no one knew where he had gone really…"
-0-0-0-
"He said something about his dad's place," Genma had mused, sitting back in his apartment's balcony. "Eh… that was a harsh time – Sasuke gone, Leaf still debilitated –"
"- Everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off…" interjected Raido with relish.
"- I wouldn't have put it that way… but yes… something to that effect. Hmmm… I was just out of recovery and Tsunade thought it might be nice for me to have my own team – ha! What a team! And they're still alive and kicking last time I checked…"
"- Two days ago when you should have been RESTING!" Raido interrupted again.
"Yes, yes. Whatever, Momma Raido…"
"Gaaa! Stop calling me that!"
"Stop acting like it!"
There was a pause.
"Anyway," Genma shrugged. "In all this fuss, Kakashi put in his fair share and then for a couple of months left – which dumped all the glorious, pain-in-the-ass S-ranked missions in my lap – and the others…"
"Oh, yes! I remember!" Raido sighed. "I met him the day he disappeared – carrying paper bags – and Pakkun was with him too."
"Oh…"
Sakura blinked.
She could hear him still – sheepishly guilty –
-
I'm sorry, Sakura –
Sakura.
-
"SAKURA!"
The pink-haired medic jumped.
"Oh! I spaced out again! Too busy thinking! Anyway… I have to go. Really. It's nice seeing you, Genma."
She gave him a peck on his cheek and winked at Raido.
"Keep yourself well and no running around for stupid reasons…"
"Sure, sure…"
"See ya!"
As she left them, she could hear Genma mock-sigh.
"Such devotion for her sensei! If only I had students like that!"
Raido glared at the orally fixated Jounin.
"The last thing you need is someone to pander to your ego."
"So cold! Hey! Raiiidddooo! Where are you going?"
-0-0-0-
And then the photos and the scroll…
-0-0-0-
Jiraiya explained them.
" 'Papa sick'… yes.. well… that is… Sakumo went into a severe depression after the failed mission so… Kakashi was often left alone to fend for himself. A lot of the servants left town, or died… or went to the family farm east of here… Anyway… let's see… ah ha ha ha ha!"
The Sannin tipped his head back as he laughed – his wild white hair spiking everywhere.
"That's Sakumo for you… the Hatake, for all their scarcity were rather rich – yes… your sensei had quite the fortune from the family – and then… of course, all those missions…at any rate, their farm lay on the edge of the river higher up – yes… so they had fish, big rice paddies – quite the farm… not sure what happened to it – I don't think Kakashi's been there for years and years – not since he was very, very young… Sakumo decided that it would be best for his family to move into Konoha – especially considering Hanako and Kakashi… especially Kakashi…"
A pause.
"What was I saying?"
"You were saying they were rich?" Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"Yeah. So he always was hiring a photographer to take pictures of his family –" The famous writer waved the photographs.
"She's beautiful!" Sakura sighed. "And he's sooo handsome!"
"Who? Kaka-sensei?" asked Naruto wincing. "He's got a scrunched up baby face – kinda like a monkey…"
"What? He's more chubby than a monkey – that would be you, idiot…" Sasuke snorted.
"No, idiots! I'm talking about his dad – totally sexy –" The pink haired medic paused at Naruto and Sasuke's frozen horrified faces. "In a totally old man type of way…but Kakashi is soooo cute! Look at his widdle widdle face, you're so cute – yes, you are! Come to mommy!"
"Uhh… that's a picture right?" Jiraiya's eyes narrowed at the obviously deranged medic.
"What's with girls and babies?" Naruto scratched his head, confused.
"Beats me," sighed Sasuke.
"That little tuft of white on his head… ooohhh! I'd like to have his babies if they looked like that…."
Jiraiya, Sasuke and Naruto: IN SHOCK.
"Ewww…. Who'd want such a perverted man's babies!"
Sasuke blinked and sighed.
"Like you should know something like that…"
"Anyway… getting back on track – what exactly did happen? It says that Hanako died of lots of blood loss? Falling down the stairs? What?"
"Oh… yes… Kakashi probably couldn't tell you the proper story – he was so young when it happened…. But – it didn't stop him from blaming himself – no sirree…"
"How do you know he blames himself?"
"Yellow Flash told me – that is – the Yondaime. My student. Kakashi's teacher."
"Wow… so… he told you that Kakashi blames himself, how?"
"Well… it was summer – and Sakumo took the family out to the farm for a vacation – he was really into family time – but work always calls – especially for geniuses – like myself… hahahaha!"
Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura: Yeah…. Riiigghhhttt….
"So, he gets called away, Hanako is left with a whole bunch of the family, a couple of nurses and medics on the way to keep an eye on her– and there's always a falcon or two in the roost to send word to Konoha for backup. Kakashi thinks his mother fell down the stairs because she was going to clean up his room because apparently – according to Yellow Flash, he left it messy that morning – when his dad told him to clean it up –"
"So he thinks he's at fault."
"Yeah… total screw up, really – an ANBU mission in the mountains gone wrong – and there's Hanako out in the garden, apparently, she RUNS in and tells Kakashi to go get the medics (who as I said were already on their way) – and starts up the stairs – we are never sure what she went up there for, slipped in her haste and fell…"
"Damn. That's some crazy –"
"Yeah. I know. Of all the odds… anyway… Kakashi sure got the medics… they got there in enough time to make her last moments comfortable – the missing-nins were neutralized before there was any threat."
"So basically…" Sasuke said slowly. "Her sacrifice was –"
"Unnecessary…"
"That's… just… too…" Sakura sniffed. "Sad!"
Naruto was brimming up with tears as well.
"No wonder Sakumo-san was so sad and depressed! To lose his love! I'd feel like that too!"
"Yeah… it was a great shock to all of us – Sakumo took it really hard – and then what with the war with Lightning – it just got really bad for him…"
There was a thoughtful pause – weighty with sadness.
"What are those other pictures?"
"Let see…"
"Ummm… That would be Sakumo, his brother, his father, his father's two brothers, his grandfather and his grandfather's brother…"
"Ah… yes – I read up on those…" Sakura nodded. "They all died in the war – Sakumo's brother, uncle, father, grandfather and great-uncle… and there was a younger brother – the uncle of Sakumo – yes… he died on the farm in an accident – right?"
"Uhh… Not sure what happened there… Ahhh! This brings back the days!"
"What the hell?" yelled Naruto. "You're leering at Hanako-chan!"
"Well… back then, she was fair game. She chose Sakumo, though."
"I didn't know Tsunade knew her," Sakura raised her eyebrows.
"Not really… but Tsunade was very welcoming to Hanako – Hanako was new to the region, she married with money into the family… but she loved Sakumo so it all worked out. Well… perhaps Tsunade was little jealous, that old hag – has no taste – and check it out – no breasts either!"
"Uhhhh… she looks normal to me…" Naruto peered at the old photo. "AHHHH! Orochimaru looks like a girl in that kimono. Really, Sasuke, your old sensei looks really lame…"
"Hmph. As if that matters – he still kicked your ass –"
"Yeah… that doesn't change the fact he looks like a girl!"
"What's wrong with looking like a girl?" asked Sakura.
"And your sensei was an open pervert!"
"He writes romance classics and –"
"Boys…" Jiraiya sighed. "Really…"
"What's that picture?" asked Sakura – pointing out another photo full of kids.
"Ummm… I don't know why they've got a bunch of kids and teens together – but you obviously can guess who's who… There's Nara Shikaku – looking as unmotivated as usual – with… you guessed it –"
"Akimichi Chouza and Yamanake Inochi!"
"Even then…"
"And now he's gone – Akimichi-sama…"
"Yeah… time and circumstances don't stop for people, Sakura…"
"Anyhow… Ibiki – still scary… Ebisu… Genma and Raido – awww! They're holding hands with young Hayate-kun… but he's gone now too… and Hiashi and Hisashi Hyuuga – they were older than the rest but still – creepy… how much they looked alike… just weird… what WAS this? Some sort of Young People of Konoha day?"
"Who knows? But it's cool –"
"Not Gai – or Anko. Look at her – three years old and still rabid looking… that young woman is scary if you ask me…"
"Kind of like Naruto…"
"Yeah…"
"Hey, hey!" Naruto protested. "I'm not like that snake tongue woman at all!"
"Kurenai and Asuma – not together then – but so cute though!" Sakura squealed, ignoring her loud mouth partner.
"Kurenai is awful young," Sasuke put in.
"Yeah, compared to some of the others…"
"Where's Iruka-sensei?" asked Naruto.
"Right there – he's putting two fingers up behind Genma's head…"
"What a prankster – my type of sensei!"
"Shut up, Naruto… nobody asked you…"
"Hey, hey!" the blonde Jounin yelled, undeterred by his mate. "Who're those kids?"
"Oh… that girl's Rin – she was Kakashi's teammate – with that Uchiha – Obito –"
"Not a lot of Uchiha…" noted Sasuke.
"Well… a lot of your people were policemen, not ninja," Jiraiya pointed out. "Obito, Itachi, you – you guys were special… really…"
"And Kakashi's there too…"
"Yeah… surprisingly…" Jiraiya shook his head. "Unusual. He'd be in the Academy by then…"
"But he's so small!" Sakura blinked.
"How'd he fight like that?" Naruto peered at his sensei scornfully. "Really… kick them in the nuts? Or what? Half of the bugs in the Forest of Death could've eaten him whole!"
Jiraiya rolled his eyes.
"He wasn't there for his Chuunin exams – Akagahara was his exam spot. But it was shut because it was deemed too dangerous."
"No kidding…" sighed Naruto, remembering his foray with Konohamaru into the abandoned training field. "I'm never going there again!"
"Tch. What a baby!"
"What did you call me?"
"Baby, baby."
"Stop calling me that!"
"Stop acting like it!"
"BOYSSS!"
-0-0-0-
With that, the discussion had broken up. Walking away from Jiraiya, the three had discussed their sensei's commentary on them as their sensei.
"He's got some weird ideas of us…" Naruto said.
"Yeah… but some of it's really – true."
"Hmmm…" Sasuke nodded. "Like the love triangle and all – he probably could see more clearly what was happening than all of us –"
"And here we thought he was stupid," Naruto laughed.
"Uhh… I didn't think that," Sasuke blinked. "Maybe you'd underestimate him –"
"Well… it's kind of easy to underestimate a lazy, procrastinating, porn-reading scarecrow –" Sakura put in. "It makes me wonder why he didn't put his foot down though…"
"Well…" Naruto sighed. "I thought a lot about that – and I think –"
Here he turned, blue eyes filled with pride.
"He had his own training ideas – and a lot of it depended on us making the right choices… I don't think he wanted to make clones – he wanted to make a team – he wanted to make shinobi that Konoha would be proud of! Which we are!"
"Hmmm…" Sasuke nodded in agreement. "That makes sense."
"If it's the truth… we can't know until we ask him," Sakura corrected.
"Which we will… one day," Naruto said.
There was a pause as Sakura placed everything back in the wooden box that Sasuke had brought it in.
They laid back to watch the clouds pass by – to watch the sun sink behind the trees and the dark blanket of night slowly roll over.
-0-0-0-
Here we are – and that's that –
What to do next?
Sakura couldn't guess.
Naruto, on her right, fidgeted. Then the number one noisy ninja of Konoha burst out -
"Hey. I'm bored. Let's go clubbing."
"Eh? Now? It's seven o'clock…"
"Time enough to grab some –"
"Let me guess! Let me guess! Ramen, right?"
"Yeah… whatever, Sasuke… you go and pick up your 'girlfriend-but-not-really-your-girlfriend'."
"Hey! That sounds bad! Who says she's not my girlfriend?"
"She is?" asked Sakura. "Since when did you get so serious about her?"
"What? Who said I was serious?"
"Who couldn't be?" Naruto said leaning back. "Although, Hinata-chan is hotter."
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"My girl can actually talk to me!"
"Yeah… well… my girl doesn't cough all the time like she's dying!"
"Lyra isn't dying! It's –"
"A never-ending cold? C'mon!"
"Never mind – let's go!"
Naruto, catching sight of Sakura's darkened face, winced.
"Okay."
And they left the orchard in its peace to grow.
-0-0-0-0-
Three hours later – belly warm with drink and ramen – Sakura watched her two boys dance on the floor with their perennial partners –
Hinata.
Lyra.
It's funny how they never realized the friends they made in the war had become so close –
How close we've all been.
It almost seems – inevitable….
And yet…
Sakura didn't know what to think –
Here I am.
Alone.
Funny.
When I first started out, everybody including myself thought I'd just settle down and marry – and now, look at me, I'm watching my socially inept buddies pair up –
She frowned.
Is there something wrong with me?
Sakura sighed as she thought of all the work waiting for her at home. At the thought of Kakashi-sensei. At the thought of war.
"You seem too down to be right, baby," Izumo drawled as he slumped down beside her. "What's up?"
"Am I normal, Zuzu?" asked the pink-haired medic.
The older Jounin turned at her serious voice, his dark eye peering past his long bangs to look at her.
"What do you mean by normal?"
"What –"
"I mean, what is normality? Normal for – say – ANBU is different than what we think is normal. What we think is normal is different from what the farmer on a rice paddy thinks is normal. What a kid thinks is normal is different from his parent's views – same goes for girls and guys, for nations, for cultures –"
"Yeah…."
"Still – how do you feel abnormal?"
"Just – hey, wanna dance?"
"Sure… if you answer the question."
On the dance floor, swaying to soft music, Sakura relaxed in Izumo's arms. It was easy to use him that way – she knew by the direction of his eyes where his heart really lay.
Kotetsu cuddling with his sweetheart in a dark corner –
It's sad.
We walk through life wanting things we don't have – things we feel we shouldn't have – how many of us feel we deserve what we want, I wonder –
Do we deserve it? Should we grab hold of that moment and secure it forever?
"How do you feel abnormal?"
"Well…"
Sakura's gaze drifted to Sasuke and Lyra, Naruto and Hinata, Tenten and Lee, Ino and Chouji. To Shikamaru babbling about Temari to a very bored Kiba (who was waiting for his date), Hanabi (who scared every guy there), Shino (who was too creepy for even Hanabi) and Neji (who was there to look after his sisters – and grab a chance to talk to Yuuhi Niki) –
"I guess – I don't feel like a whole – I feel like a third wheel…"
"Yeah… I know how that feels," Izumo smiled bitterly. "What's new for singletons?"
"Hmmm… I guess you would know all about that with the whole Kotetsu thing…"
"Am I that transparent?"
"No. Not really… just… hanging with you two – it's pretty clear where your heart lies –"
"Oh."
A pause.
"And you aren't… disgusted?" he asked softly, squeezing her hand.
"How can I be?" she asked. "Friendship and love can grow into something beautiful – but sometimes –"
"Yeah…"
"He's serious about her –"
"I know. I can't compete."
His smile hid a world of pain and loneliness, and Sakura's sympathetic heart contracted painfully.
If only I could give everybody what they needed – if only I could mend a broken heart – but this is something no medic – not even a nin medic could heal –
"I'm sorry –"
"Don't be. It's my fault for falling in love with the wrong person – I should've set my sights on somebody like you – beautiful, talented, powerful, in places, going to places – but –"
"But -?"
"You've got a look in your eye –"
"What?"
"Hmmm… just a feeling…"
"You think I'm in love?"
"Sometimes, you're in love before you know it – and you don't realize that person until –" The Jounin tipped his head closer.
"Don't realize it too late, Sakura. You could lose the best thing going for you – and maybe that person would have needed you, too."
Sakura's green eyes widened at the thought.
"You shouldn't feel bad – there's somebody out there who needs you – so just wait for them."
"Like you are?"
"Hmmm… I guess I'll always be waiting."
"Then, we'll wait together," Sakura winked at Izumo.
Izumo smiled back.
And Kotetsu watching, sighed.
-
You were craving for affection
And the certain invitation
When you're near to me
In the cynical world
-
He watched her from the shadows – his uniform black, his hands gloved once again, his face concealed in his habitual mask – standing there in the shadows – watching
Watching.
Always that – never able to walk forward
Never able to get beyond that chain link fence onto the playground to join the others. Never able to run and play in the sun – always at home studying – working hard to be worthy of the Hatake heritage –
His dad wanted him to grow –
There was no time for building sand castles.
They looked like fun.
And here he was again – years and years and years later – watching her sway – watching her dance on the club's patio under the stars –
Green eyes, he knew, that could widen from second to second with varying emotions – open and honest –
That was what he liked about her – in her lay no darkness –
Just love. Anger. Frustration. Joy. Peace. Strength. Courage. Fear.
A jumble of life.
Her slim hands lying in that Jounin's hands, her small black skirt lifting in the breeze as she twirled gracefully around –
Watching her, Obito approved, memorizing her every move – her every lilt, her smiles, her winks –
She was sticking out her tongue at Ino.
It made him chuckle – to see such playfulness…
The soft music and the dim lights gave everything a feeling of intimacy. It was so beautiful and peaceful –
He was there, instead of Izumo, holding her close and feeling her warmth. His hand spread over her lower back, pressing her nearer, they were so close now, their noses were basically bumping. He was leaning down, turning his head to bury his masked face – no, feel his cold skin on hers – she felt so different against him – her firm body, her slim waist, her breasts pressed hard against his and he basked in her light because – he wasn't on the sidelines – he was –
He wasn't.
Not like I deserve anything – Kakashi sighed, trying to stifle the sudden –
Longings in his gut.
No – it can't –
It's not – it's only –
Lusting that throbbed deep down.
Clenching his fist, bowing his head, Kakashi gritted his teeth.
Not now. Not here… Not like this –
Opening his hands, he could've sworn it was real – the blood on his hands – the black-red blood that fell, dripping down –
It was the life of that young kunoichi he had killed – no, the young girls at the family table – no the young children in the school – the –
Kakashi turned and fled.
-0-0-0-
"Wha –"
Sakura froze.
"Move…" hissed Naruto over Hinata's shoulder. "You're in the way, standing there…"
"What's up?" asked Sasuke passing by on her other side. "You okay?"
Sakura just nodded without really taking anything in, as Izumo led her off the floor, his face filled with concern.
-
Her face –
She –
-
Running out the door, Sakura jumped to the roof of the building looking around –
Looking –
Searching –
I could've sworn –
At her side, Izumo said nothing, until she slumped down on the roof's shingles.
"You sensed somebody?"
"I thought I did – but – I doubt –"
"Sakura," Izumo said slowly, feeling lost like a man searching for something in a dark room. "You shouldn't doubt yourself."
"It's impossible –"
"Eh? You're Naruto's teammate and you believe that? Honestly?"
There was a silence. The two looked out into the night
"Nothing's impossible," Izumo said. "Repeat that."
"You think so, honestly?" asked Sakura.
Izumo hesitated.
Then he smiled.
"We'll say it together."
-
No one fight me in this cold place
Here we stand in ravishing rain
I will not bow to you, criminal
That's your final consolation
Never again return from a cynical
-
It was a hungry need. It was a darkness with jaws that ate him alive.
It was a child's nightmare of a big dark overwhelming him. It was –
All he knew was that he had to get away. Away from those memories – away from that memory – of – of not them dying –
Not their desperate clutching – grasping his ankles and feet trying to get him to stop –
No. It wasn't insanity –
Kakashi could only see one thing.
Her.
Her who is not he.
No. No. That makes no sense!
Her who is not where he is.
Her who is not where he wishes she could be and knows she can never –
No.
A drink. That'd do it.
Kakashi veered right hastily and found his favorite dive. It was a dive in every sense of the word – dimly lit, gloomy, smoky and grubby. A silent place where the quiet ANBU could find some sort of consolation in the cheap whores that serviced the place.
The Copy Nin didn't frequent it as often as others (Yukio, for one), but the demons –
Why do they come now? Why?
Why, Kakashi, why? We're only children. We're only school kids. We just want to live –
Damn it! Damn it all to hell!
Finding his way to a booth, Kakashi sat down and impatiently signaled the water.
"A bottle of the usual," he growled.
The girl nodded and disappeared.
A moment later she arrived with some sake and a tiny cup.
Kakashi, watching her leave, slipped off his mask and downed the entire bottle in one swig. Immediately he could feel the alcohol rushing through his thin body, through this empty stomach and into his blood veins.
I drunk that way too fast – but at least…
Kakashi looked around hazily.
At least it's working fast…
In half an hour, the Copy Nin was drunk enough to beckon one of the younger girls.
He didn't know her name. It didn't really matter. All he knew was that she didn't have pink hair and green eyes –
Just the thought –
He forced it away with another gulp of sake – and a rather hard kiss on unresisting lips.
This would be fine.
It will be enough.
He focused on the small mouth beneath his, running his hands through the long hair, letting it out, roughly – out of its pins. It was a tunnel vision, focused all on her and his feelings – the thin mattress of the bed she had led him to didn't matter – nor did the dingy curtains and the stained walls…
All that mattered was –
The heat that had built up over the night at the thoughts of –
Pale breasts, slim muscular arms and a trim body –
Green eyes, pink hair –
A dream.
But it should be her – this moment should be ours – this time –
"Sakura –" He breathed, as his slow movements quickened them both into the glorious climax. In the dark there, they lay as if silent.
It was incomplete, really, he thought.
Without a further comment, he raised himself up on his elbows to look down – at the content woman he used –
Content, he reiterated.
But used, another part of him said.
Shut up, you're dead.
Her dark eyes held nothing – no emotion – he backed away – feeling as if –
She isn't Yukio. This is no genjutsu – then why? Why when I had a say? When I was –
Does it matter if you're on top or on the bottom? Who is uke, who is seme? Who dominates, who submits? If it's wrong, it's wrong –
Is it?
Is it not?
Is it always this –
This…
This dirt is blood on my hands – this dirt of me – of mine –
Kakashi jerked on his clothes in silence aware of her appreciative gaze.
"You're leaving so soon?" she asked finally, obviously disappointed.
He didn't deign to answer, just threw a little bag of money onto the foot of the bed and left.
For more drink.
-
Now hang onto me
In a cynical world
-
Yukio had the mission papers in hand when he went in search of his first choice for partners.
Where the hell is he? The ANBU wondered, peering into the Copy Nin's apartment.
The windows lay open, a gentle breeze blowing the curtains in and out – and the bare room was even starker in its silence.
The emptiness of a domestic desert…
What I would build for you, Kakashi, if only you'd let me –
If you'd let me –
But…
There's others who want to take you away – to make you theirs… to change you – to deny that part of you – gods… That pink-haired chick pisses me off with her damn platitudes – as if she could know – as if she'd understand –
Nobody understands you –
Yukio left the balcony and leaped over the roofs towards the memorial.
No Kakashi.
Curiouser and curiouser… Where could he have gone? Not his family dojo… then…
Maybe Makoto and Ichiro know something… They'd be at the Fire Dragon Club…
Yukio found the dive.
Your average ANBU hangout – like its offices – a tomb – a musty, dim, smoky hell – but then… isn't life always like this? Hidden secret places –
"Makoto… Ichiro," Yukio hailed the two young men who were carefully sipping on their second drinks for the night (and probably last).
You can always pick out the young ones – the alert vigilantes who jump at every shadow – heh – well… us old ones are probably more paranoid – just… not here…
"Yukio," Makoto said in a hushed voice.
He looked nervous.
"Something up?" asked Yukio, eyeing Ichiro.
He seems fine enough… then…
Makoto and Ichiro shifted uneasily, darting glances at each other.
"What's the problem?"
"It's Kakashi-sempai…" stuttered Ichiro. "He's…"
He cocked his head to a darker booth.
Yukio said nothing but turned away abruptly in the direction of Makoto's finger.
-0-0-0-
Watching the black pony tail move away, Makoto shook his head.
"You know," he sighed. "I just don't understand…."
"Hmmm… me neither…"
"I mean… with an eye like that and experience like that and more than a thousand jutsus under your belt – and a name known in many countries and girls going googlie-eyed over a mask… you'd think you'd be happy, right?"
"I don't know…" Ichiro said slowly, ruffling his spiked brown hair. "I think sometimes that that's the whole problem. Prodigies… have all these expectations to live up to – they can't let loose with all those people watching. They get uptight quicker and have more to lose. I like Hatake-sempai – he's a great man, but I think with the track record he's had, he's seen one too many disturbing things… if you get my drift..."
"You mean he's crazy?"
"Of course not! Just… tired psychologically…"
"Crazy." Makoto deadpanned.
"Don't be disrespectful!"
"Whatever. He's just a man. Like us. Only… he's –"
"Smarter. Faster. Cooler. Hotter. Older. Powerfuller…" Ichiro counted off on his fingers.
"Powerfuller? That's not a word."
"Well… it rhymed…"
"What confuses me is Yukio-senpai's role in all of this…" Makoto's green eyes blinked. "I mean… yeah he's cool and his ability to combine earth with wind is nothing short of amazing but… he's a pain in the ass when it comes to Kakashi…"
"I think he's in love."
"Love?" Makoto snorted. "Love has no place here."
Ichiro frowned.
"You don't think so?"
There was a silence.
Makoto sighed, realizing the gaffe he had just committed.
"Well… that is… between those two there is no love."
"Oh…"
"I mean… beating each other up, annoying each other… that can't be right…" pointed out Makoto.
"Yukio does tend to be grabby…"
"Grabby isn't the word for it. Molestation… maybe if Kakashi was kid –"
"Which he is. Psychologically." Ichiro interjected.
"You think so?"
"Yeah…"
They watched Yukio sling his arm around the masked Copy Nin and help the sloshed shinobi out the door.
"Yeah…"
In the alley way, Yukio found a stray rain barrel. It was good enough. After seven good dunks, Kakashi was partially sober – conscious enough to sway on his own two feet and demand –
"WHATHE HELL?"
"It's a mission…"
Kakashi squinted at the fluttering paper –
It was too dark to read – he dropped it –
"Go fuck yerself… I'm not innerested –"
"C'mon. You're my perfect choice –"
There was a silence.
"You know what I meant," Yukio argued exasperated.
There is no arguing with silence – no arguing with emptiness…
It just is – and you cannot capture it…
"I don' want –"
"It won't happen again – you can always trust me to never let you down –"
"Heh…"
"Seriously…"
"Fine. Whatever… sign ush -us up…"
"You've got until tomorrow afternoon, Kakashi, to get your act together…"
"Lemme do my own thing… I'll be 'kay… I'm a big boy an' can take good care – take good care of myshelf…."
"Yeah… having random sex with a whore and drinking yourself to death is a good way to take care of yourself…"
"Yer… just…. Jealoush – jealous that I didn't choose you – tha's all…"
"Shut up…"
"You're jealous of S-s-sakura… too… right?"
"You don't know what you're talking about…"
"Hn… then you won' mind if I quit ANBU an' –"
"Of course I would! I'd –"
"You'd what? Beat me up? Take me on? 'Sides… who'd wan' to stay 'round for you anyways?"
Yukio slapped him – Kakashi, already unsteady on his feet, fell back, sliding down the alley wall – Yukio stepped in and jerked the Copy Nin to his feet by his vest collar roughly. With his other hand, he yanked the navy blue mask down and found the Nin's mouth in the dark.
Sober vs. drunk.
There wasn't much of a question as to who was going to lose.
Yukio's tongue roamed around his partner's mouth tasting every scent of cheap perfume – every trace of expensive sake. He was the master here – and Kakashi, somewhere along the line, due to oxygen deprivation no doubt, stopped protesting.
Or perhaps, Yukio sighed mentally… he's just drunk enough to –
He drew back.
"Don't touch me," Kakashi gasped weakly – but Yukio could interpret what those pants really meant.
The soberer ANBU of the pair leaned closer, enveloping his slimmer partner, molding their bodies together –
"If you don't like it, you should remain in charge of –"
"I can't –"
Yukio drew Kakashi in, hugging him tighter.
"What? What did you see?"
"I saw her… and she wasn't –"
"Kakashi… you shouldn't –"
"My hands were – they were – I was – I couldn't even hold her – what if I killed her – what if I killed – I killed all of those children, didn't I?"
"It's okay, Kakashi," Yukio said, petting the man's grey hair, trying to comfort the shaking shoulders.
"No…" young Kakashi whispered. "It's not okay…"
They stood there together in the dark not saying anything more –
Miles from each other.
-
Here we stand –
Never again return –
Now hang onto me
-
The sun was setting the next day as Kakashi and Yukio left on the most important mission in this new - could it really be war? - against Rock – and as they passed over the large wall of Konoha, two dark-haired shinobi entered through the large doors – past the large posts.
Just returning from a two month long mission.
One bearing a katana – Sai.
Another with his usual metal guards across his forehead and down his temples – Yamato.
They smiled as they watched Team 7 approached them.
"Some things never change," Sai said with content, noticing all the new buildings and the reconstruction. "Things only get better…"
"Hmmm…" Yamato said inconclusively as he noticed the subtle worry lines on Sakura's face. "Some things…"
-
In a cynical world.
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Next up... I don't know... it's either going to be the mission to Rock or... Yamato and Sai join forces with Team 7...
We'll see... we'll see...
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oh yeah... ummm... kittycatcharm: your convention pics... the link didn't work... could you email them to me? THANKS!