First of all I want to say I'm sorry for the super long wait. I apologize profusely. Right now, I'm trying to pull myself out of a Naruto writer's block. (Is this coincidental with the Shippuuden? I don't know...) But at any rate, hopefully this chapter signals a new lease on life re GL.

This chapter took me a month to write. How pathetic. You'll all realize how pathetic that is when you read it. (sigh)

I'll try harder next time! I promise!

As for all those who reviewed, who wrote me, who prodded me with emails, who guilt-tripped me into finishing this chapter: THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!

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moiya hatake: feel free to hit Yukio anytime you like. for now... he's gonna be useful so alive he must stay. (sigh) on the other hand... this chapter just might have you reaching for your weapon of choice. lol.

kakashiluveriam: thanks for YOUR support - this fic has put me through the wringer. quite a few times. lol. This chapter is a case in point.

l.g.lena: Thanks! I believe you're a new reviewer? I appreciate you taking the time to encourage me. I'm glad you like the tension. The eternal tension of what we want and what will actually happen...

sweetassassin: hallo! sorry for the huge wait. And I dunno if it's even worth it. (sigh) I hate writer's block... don't you? I'm trying to climb out of it. but.. alas... we'll see...

kokis-chan: here it is! the update! finally! crazy huh? I hope it's enjoyable. To be honest, I find it a pathetic chapter this time around. I definitely need to get back into the swing of things. Writing for Naruto (and GL especially) requires a special touch. I think my writing has changed again - thanks to writing for other anime... grrr... at any rate, hope you enjoy! ja!

sokerfreek: GOMEN NASAIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so so so so sorry for taking so long... (weeps) I just... got a VERY BAD CASE OF GL-WRITERS BLOCK!!!!!!! Hopefully I'll be able to get back into the swing of things quicker next time around.

someonewithnothingbettertodo: No. Don't feel apologetic about hating Yukio. Lots of people hate him. I'm sure somewhere out there, there is an unofficial 'Hate Yukio' club. But he's really quite tragic, you know. His love is dangerous. (Think Sakujun from Saiunkoku Monogatari but X-RATED). Lol. I'm glad that you are enjoying it despite the rather effed up writing style I adopted for this epic...

blondekell: Kakashi is on a rollercoaster... so... worship the mental imbalance. Hahahahaha!!!! Read on!

subakun-sensei: Hurt!Kakashi is... sooo... ummm... hot. Which is why I hurt him so much. Lol. But Sakura is gonna be there for him. No matter what.

desert anbu: Sakura is tough - and she's gonna pull Kakashi through if it kills her. Hahahahahaha. As for Yukio... yeah... he deserves a beating, but as Rawlings pointed out, some characters get reprieves... And as for Sasuke... I find him the hardest to write - because I'm with you on the hate-Sasuke thing. I just hate that jerk off. But in my fic, he's 'redeemed' so... I guess we're at a whole different place now...

emerald lady: i'm glad you think it's sad/cute. that was kind of what I was aiming for. something realistic and hard edged. make sure you don't cut yourself! lol.

sakura-bell: Hahahaha... Kakashi is going to have redecorate after Sakura... lol. But Yukio deserved it, right? I feel SO bad for making you wait. (sigh) I promise this kind of a wait won't happen again!

H. Cow: I'm glad you're loving the plot and the angst and all. Sorry about the typos... It's Wordpad... Having no good software that I'm comfortable with... my typos abound...

prescripto13: I've never heard of the book. But you know... people who are imbalanced, I believe, tend to focus TOO MUCH on the past. I mean... emo is healthy only for a short period. Too much emo is... well... gay... to put it mildly. Kakashi needs to let go - and be able to say 'no' to other things. Like Yukio. But people who are damaged always make bad choices. It's a slippery slope effect, I think. Or a snowball that just gets bigger...

Witcher Co: Ah! A reader who's not into the yaoi. Well... that's okay. At one point of time, I had to decide whether it would be KakaIru or KakaSaku for my Hatake cycle. (That's right, this is merely the 3rd book in a trilogy set.) In "Revelation of the Wolf", I decided (you can actually see the ambiguity of his behavior in the first couple of chapters...) on KakaSaku... and then... Yukio was born as the dark side of Kakashi. A dark side he's going to have to vanquish (with Sakura's help, of course!). I hope you enjoy his journey to the love he needs! Thanks for the review! You don't know how much I appreciate hearing from new people as well!

Iisdarikki: Thanks for the review! I appreciate it! As for Yukio's name, I put an interesting addendum at the end of this chapter on Yukio. Hope this helps! Ja!

taishorin: You bring up some good points. I really wanted in my stories to explore the mundane aspects of Konoha life - how do people relate... what about social class, what era they are living in (modern day? or alternate universe?)... And then, there's the whole questions of powers and clans and secret jutsus... At any rate, I think that's why people are so traumatized in Konoha at the moment. Every one is feeling bad because they DID let someone slip through the cracks. Now. To be honest, as I reread my plot outlines, the fangurl in me points out that NOBODY could forget Kakashi at all. He's just too cool. But... if he's really just another ninja... then... could he be forgotten? Could he be crippled emotionally and socially? And then... this colossal project was formed.

Yourangelstandingby: Yep. God's busy with his homicidal killing-kittens rampage. Just joking. No. I've just been struggling with the dreaded WB illness. Hope this saves a kitten.

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WARNINGS: Yukio is in this chapter. 'Nuff said. N/C, H/C, Psycho-ness abounds... and some loving too.

Read and Review!

I do not own Naruto. The story and its characters originally belong to Kishimoto-sama.

Chapter 32

Return To The Heart

Dedicated to the disconsolate Kokis-chan, who drove me onward

through the stubbly field of writer's block, which pierced my feet.

She opened her eyes. Slowly. Sleepily. Focussing in, then out -

She felt warm. So warm - and her nose tickled. The pink-haired medic sniffled, wrinkled her nose - then shakily brushed at it.

Hair.

Hers? No. It was big hair. Grey.

The kind of hair that defied gravity -

Her eyes flew open.

Before her, her hand lay entangled in her sensei's tangled hair. Dangerously close to his neck.

And there was... warmth...

Closing her eyes, she sighed in contentment.

If only... we could lay here - just the two of us. Together.

Forever.

-

"Wake up, 'tard."

A pause.

"Loser."

A pause.

"Total idiot."

A pause.

"Midget di-"

"SAI! SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU FAT MOUTH OR I'LL KILL YOU!!!!" The force of Naruto's outburst ruffled Sai's hair and little else. The dark-haired "social dumbass" (as Sai was often referred to) blinked, calmly watching the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki fall back, roll over and bury his head once again under a layer of sheets and pillows.

He stood there, armed with his gear: a short sword strapped to his back, hitae ate on his forehead, kunai holster clipped on and his perpetual short black shirt on. Beside him, stood Sasuke, also similarly prepared. Naruto's foggy eyes thought they looked ridiculous. As if from far away, Naruto could hear them conversing at the foot of his borrowed bed.

Like annoying flies.

"So we leave him then?"

"Sure. Why not? The trip will be that much quieter."

"It's okay to leave our nakama behind?"

"Who's calling him 'friend'?"

"Good point."

A silence.

"Let 'im walk home."

"Sasuke... perhaps you should stay."

Sakura-chan?

"He doesn't need me to hold his hand! He's Jounin -"

"But an idiot."

"Another good point," Sasuke conceded Sakura and Sai's remarks.

"A Jounin -"

"Still..."

"Whatever - let's go. I've sedated Kakashi enough for a quick trip to Konoha. Let's not waste time here."

Sakura. In charge, at large. Worried...

Worried about -

Kakashi -

Naruto's eyes flew open as he bounded from his bed.

We've got things to do!

-

Halfway to Konoha what had been planned as a parade of victory disintegrated into a continuous, all-out snarling match. It didn't help that it started raining either. It was hard to keep a positive outlook on life when you were forced to sit under wet trees, on wet grass with wet running down your neck and a perpetual dampness soaking your bum - and with someone like Naruto on one side of you - and Sai on the other.

Contemplating his (many) sins, Sasuke wondered what the hell he had done to deserve this.

"You smell..."

"What?"

"I said -"

"Eh?"

"You HEARD ME!"

"Mumbler."

"I AM. NOT. MUMBLING! And. STOP - You're touching me..."

"You got something to hide - Yamato, he's hiding something..."

"Sai," Yamato interjected. "Can you not..."

"Yeah, asshole. Get your own chick."

"Ahhh... to it's porn."

Sasuke got jostled more as Sai managed to snatch the photo from Naruto.

"Porn? No... something much better... Hinata-chan? The shy mayflower? And she poses so well... I should get her into my studio..."

Naruto froze, speechless and then started to pound on Sai in earnest.

Under the tree opposite, Sakura was busily checking out her ex-sensei's vital signs, while ANBU Bear watched her like a hawk, absently picking at his nails with his kunai.

"I guess even queer ANBU have a thing about fashion..." muttered Sakura to herself.

"It's HYGIENE, not fashion," the ANBU snarked, shoving his kunai viciously in his black holster. "... And I'm not queer."

Sakura gave him a pointed look.

"It's - I don't know why peope always have to label these things," the ANBU sighed. "Can't we leave it at love?"

"Love?" snorted Sakura disbelievingly. "Yeah, right. More like good sex with a pretty face."

"There was that too -"

"There was ONLY that."

"Like you'd know, stalker girl."

"St-stalker girl?' You ahve the nerve to call me 'stalker'?" Sakura's eyes became very scary. "Mr. I-abandoned-my-post-to-chase-after-my-fuck-buddy!"

The forest fell silent. Naruto and Sai froze mid-wrestle over Sasuke's lap, Yamato put away his kunai with a click.

"Ewwww - Sakura! We SO did not want to hear that!" complained Naruto.

"Agreed," Sasuke sighed.

Sai looked curious.

"Hatake-sama is a queer, hm."

"Not if I have anything to do about it..." growled Sakura to herself.

ANBU Bear laughed.

"Sakura," Naruto's arm snaked around the medic's shoulder. "I know - I haven't forgotten that thing all those years ago..."

Sakura, Sasuke, Sai and Yamato blinked.

"Thing?" ANBU Bear asked suspiciously.

"That thing?" echoed Sakura.

"The way you reacted to Sai and Sasuke together - who'd have thought such a nice girl had a such a bizarre fetish?"

"Sai and I?" Sasuke's jaw suddenly dropped. "Since when?"

"Oh... that..." Sai nodded. "That really taught me something -"

"Sai and I?" Sasuke growled. "Who's been spreading rumors -"

"Not rumors," Yamato sighed. "Jutsu."

"Jutsu?" asked the Uchiha. "Do I wanna know?"

"You know the Sexy no Jutsu?" Sakura asked, sweetly and wickedly.

Payback time, Naruto...

"Errr..." Sasuke sweatdropped at the reminder of Naruto's hentai jutsu.

"Has he shown you his 'new and improved' version? Girl on girl style?"

Sasuke blushed.

"Once... or twice..."

Yamato snorted into his tea canteen.

"Has he ever shown you the Boy-on-boy version?"

ANBU Bear leaned in, suddenly interested.

"A WHAT?" Sasuke yelped.

"It was certainly interesting..." Sai said thoughtfully.

"Her reaction was so gross!" Naruto shook his head sadly. "Who'd have thought a nice, straight girl like Sakura would fall for such perversion..." He shrgged foolishly not noticing Sasuke's quavering first. "But then, she was still in love with the Sasuke-bastard... so... it's no wonder... and I guess, Sai is attractive to any female. I had issues trying to figure out who would top... but... two for one combos are always attractive no matter what pairing -"

BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sasuke's fist flew in a blur, sending the loud mouthed blondie through a thicket of brambles and three trees.

"About time," Sakura relaxed.

"Is he alright, Sakura?" asked Yamato.

"I'm sure. He's the kind of boy to peel himself off the wall quickly. Got alot of experience that way..."

"No. I meant Kakashi."

"Oh. He's doing better then I thought," the pink-haired medic nodded. "If we keep on the low down, it'll be fine..." Here, she glared at the other ANBU. "Rest and relxation is what Kaka-senpai needs - not maniaces like him around."

"Look who's talking..." mumbled the ANBU.

-

They moved out in a comparative silence - Yamato wisely splitting the Jinchuuriki and the artist, putting Sai was rear guard and Naruto as forward scout. Between him and Sasuke, Kakashi would be safe. Sleeping peacefully as he lay there under the stretcher's blanket.

Have a sweet dream, Kakashi-senpai. You are coming home. Finally.

"Wake up, Kakashi," a warm hand tousled the little boy's hair.

"Noooo..." groaned the young child, burying himself deeper into the warm blankets swaddling him.

A light giggle.

"Okay, then, little man - prepare yourself!"

"G'waaayyyy..."

Kakashi's plea went unnoticed as the warm, familiar presence withdrew, lightly flipped the blankets off his feet and then began to tickle his toes.

Under the blankets, his eyes widened - now fully awake.

"Mo-thheerrr.." he groaned, his voice still rough with sleep. "St-stop! I'm not a baby anymore."

"A mother's gotta do what a mother's gotta do. Especially when her little man is going to be late for school."

"Whatever," he yawned sleepily, rolling around to find a more comfortable spot. "And I'm NOT little."

But under the blankets, he was smiling.

Waking up is always hard, Kakashi thought blearily, especially when you know that hard reality is waiting to meet your eyes.

He chuckled dryly at himself.

Now you sound like an old man, Kakashi.

And you just turned thirteen...

His alarm clock rang. He ignored it. He just lay there and felt.

He lay there for two hours. Lay there until Rin and Sensei began to pound impatiently on the already battered brown door of his apartment. The young Jounin turned over and grumbled to himself - then, as his hyperactive Sensei's face popped through his (suddenly open) window, Kakashi flopped back with a sigh.

"Yo - Kakashi-kun!" The famous nin known as Yellow Flash waved cheerily at his now thoroughly disgruntled student.

So it wasn't a bad dream...

"You said there was no mission today!" the young Jounin sighed. "Is there an emergency?"

"No -" Rin conceded, with a weak smile. She tossed her brown hair back absently and frowned at the slack, depressed face of her teammate. "But -"

"But it's too good of a day to waste," interrupted Yellow Flash, his bright smile blinding even Rin. "Rin and I made a picnic basket -"

"Have fun - good night!" Kakashi emphasized "night" in vain hope his Sensei would get a clue.

No such luck.

"Now, now, Kakashi," Rin smiled down at the young boy. "We aren't eating ramen. I made sure. It's miso soup today - just as you like it. Mom's specialty."

Kakashi's eyes flew open - and his stomach rumbled in accompaniement of the vision of miso soup.

"..."

Rin waited.

"..."

Sensei tousled the boy's hair.

"..."

"I'll tickle your toes," warned the future Yondaime.

"... Fine..."

But underneath the blankets, Kakashi was smiling.

He opened his eyes slowly - and when his nose failed to pick up that dank smell the airless rooms for ANBU rehab always had - his eyes flew open. The lights were dim - but still the room seemed to softly glow a deep orange. Then he realized. It was the setting sun, reaching warm fingers through the open window - and the wind which ruffled his hair brought the fagile scent of daffodils.

Suddenly he knew SHE had been there. And the lonely ANBU smiled.

He closed his syes and drifted off.

But the darkness was warm.

Perhaps... this time I will wake to a better world... or is this all a dream?

-

"I heard that Kakashi is back," Genma murmured, dealing out a hand to his card-playing partners: Raido, Asuma, Iruka and Shikamaru. "Yeah - came in the other day with Team 7 and an ANBU escort - flat on his back or so I heard..."

"I heard he had to fight some really powerful ninja in the forest - it was his own grandfather!"Iruka shook his head disbelievingly.

"Uh... I thought it was his uncle. Or cousin..." Raido blinked. "And I heard Sakura caught him and - you know - did a little of this and THAT..." He waggled his pinky meaningfully.

Iruka's horrified look lasted only a moment, before his companions broked down in laughter.

"That's not even funny," Iruka grunted.

There was a comfortable silence, however, as the men contemplated the relatively easy take over of Rock - and yet - the complicated facts of the Coy Nin's life rising to the surface...

"Who'd have thought..." Shikamaru mumbled slowly, scratching at his attempt of a goatee. He finally decided to discard a card and picked up another.

"I heard he's as rich as a daimyo," Iruka said thoughtfully.

"He was always rich," Genma countered, laying down his hand.

"No kidding," Raido nodded, eyeing his partner carefully, trying to analyse the glimmer in Genma's eyes.

Sake? alcohol? Lust? Or... a full house?

It was always hard tot ell witht he special Jounin.

"So... why didn't he ever take his team out?" shikamaru wondered - then paused.

"He bought Naruto vegetables all the time..." Iruka blinked. "But I bet he's just a skinflint by nature."

"Maybe he had a charity he donated to," Asuma laughed heartily at that impossible image.

"Unlikely,' Iruka snorted. "Unless..."

"There was a 'Save the Icha Icha' cause..." Shikamaru finished the ex-Academy teacher's sentence.

Another bout of laughter and then, another long pause.

Some folded, Raido upped the ante with a wink.

-

Kakashi opened hsi eyes. He didn't know what to expect really.

He just lay there, immobile, feeling like a butterfly slowly hatching, struggling free from the cocoon.

New - and full of potential.

Ready...

For what?

For the ANBU coordinator's cold reproof? For a flying chair followed by a scolding from Tsunade?

Or maybe...

Sakura...

He missed her warm hands and honey voice...

Well... not honeyed. That is pure fantasy. More like a miniature Tsunade - a lot of yelling.

But... alot of love.

A blur appeared above him.

He focussed hazily on long, black hair, shadowed blue eyes - and the thin, worried, hawk-like profile of his ANBU partner. A large hand landed by Kakashi's head, bouncing the pillow a little bit. Yukio's fingers tangled in the long grey hair.

"You're back, idiot," the man smiled with affection. "I was worried."

But his eyes were flat.

-

"You've had any luck, yet?" Genma nudged Iruka in the ribs, chuckling at Iruka's long, rattled sigh.

"I never do well at cards," Iruka moaned miserably.

"No, idiot. I'm talking about you and Shizune..."

"Eh?" Iruka stared at his partner suspiciously. "What about Shizune?"

"Genma is asking if you've asked for her hand in marriage, yet," Shikamaru clarified for the frazzled teacher (who was trying to decide whether to discard the ten of spades or not).

Iruka pulled back roughly, the deck of cards shifted precarious to the left.

"Wh-wh-what do you mean? I just have to find the right time and place..."

"Genma can give you tips," Raido suggested kindly, then chuckled evilly. "He gave Asuma tips and look where HE'S at!"

"Hmmm..." Asuma nodded contentedly. "I was so glad to get back. I get really nervous being away too long - Kurenai isn't close to her due date... but she keeps insisting on going on short missions... it's really stressing for me."

-

"What are you doing?" hissed Yukio. "The more you spend time here... the more your cover is blown... and you'll never go back. Ever."

Kakashi turned away to stare at the daffodils and the pale curtains blowing in the wind. If he shut his eyes, maybe this would go away. Maybe it would just resolve itself...

Go back to the way it was before...

Go back -

"LOOK at me -" Yukio growled, his hard fingers taking Kakashi's chin and jerking him around. "Don't you care?"

"What if I said 'no'?" Kakashi said softly, shrinking back from the force of Yukio.

"'No'? You'd say 'no'? Just like that? Is that how little I mean to you?"

"I don't -"

"Don't say it."

"I never -" Kakashi sighed, his hand gripped Yukio's hand lightly in resistance.

But there was no force in his grip.

This is just too much, he thought.

I'm so tired.

When is this farce going to end?

-

"Having a kid... must be stressing... for sure," Genma said thoughtfully. "I mean... once upon a time, that kind of thing mattered to me... but now... Raido's so much more important."

"Thanks," Raido blushed at Genma's second prolonged wink.

"Love is important - and it is the most wonderful thing on earth," Asuma agreed in a dreamy voice, ignoring Genma's snort of laughter. "But... there's something about a child... when you hold it in your arms... you feel like you are holding the world."

Genma sobered up at the thought, Raido looked thoughtful.

"It's carrying on your legacy, after all," Iruka continued. "A piece of you for all time..."

"Well, that's obvious," Shikamaru's mumble burst the flowery bubble of the men's ruminations. "It's got your... DNA."

Asuma and Iruka sighed.

"He just doesn't get it yet," Asuma shook his head. "Well... he's still young..."

"And he's still here," muttered Shikamaru. "Listening to you talk about him as if he's not there..."

A round of laughter ensued, and when the chuckles subsided, there was a thoughtful silence.

Iruka was thinking of his parents dying for the safety of Konoha and their son.

I want to be like them, he told himself. For Shizune and whatever comes in the future - for that piece of us...

Asuma was thinking about how much Kurenai seemed to glow - it was exciting.

If it's a girl... we'll call her Aiko.

Raido thought of his dad, yelling at him, calling him trash.

Fatherhood... would I be any different... or would I leave behind a different memory...

Genma thought of his dead parents who never had a grave.

If I had a child, I'd want to be there for them always. I'd never want to miss out on a single moment of their lives. I never really knew my parents, y'know. Just enough to know what I missed... and I'd never want to do that to my children, if I could help it.

Shikamaru was wondering what the heck made men so weird about progeny.

It's like Dad and Mom, he thought. Getting so excited about Temari... suddenly it's all about the babies... Geez... it's sure troublesome to have all these expectations, legacies... memories... all hinged on you and your future kid... That's it... no pressure for me.

-

Kakashi flinched as Yukio's burning warmth drew closer. Once again, it reminded him of searing fire - burning his hands which now gripped the man's shoulders in weak resistance. Burning his lips as Yukio's mouth and tongue met his.

Kakashi whimpered.

Let me go -

-

"If I had a child, I'd want to be there for them always. I'd never want to miss out on a single moment of their lives. I never really knew my parents, y'know. Just enough to know what I missed... and I'd never want to do that to my children, if I could help it."

When Genma's voice faded away, there was an awkward silence. Raido fiddled with his card, remembering two children laughing...

"So how old are you then?" Genma had asked.

"Eight!" laughed the boys. "We're all grow'd up now!"

"Oho! You're twins then?"

"Well," said Hiroshi. "I'M older by FIVE minutes!"

Raido thought sadly with a sigh as he eyed his hand once again. How can I let you go on then without knowing... If our love is as strong as you boast... it can weather even this storm... right?

-

Kakashi couldn't breathe now. His vision blurring with black spots - darkened... With shock, he realized he was crying -

When Yukio drew back, Kakashi opened his mouth - he wanted to say it.

Go -

Let me go...

Somewhere somebody shut a door. Footsteps approached down the empty hallway outside the hospital room's door. Yukio backed away soundlessly, his piercing eyes silencing Kakashi's lips...

Why do you have this power?

The Copy Nin wanted to ask.

"I love you," Yukio hissed furiously. "I won't let you go."

The black spots grew bigger - Kakashi's chest tightened. He couldn't breathe.

No.

I never wanted this...

The footsteps grew louder. Yukio's eyes wandered around the room nervously - ensuring there was no sign of his entrance. Before he slipped out, he smiled. His dark eyes were indecipherable.

Kakashi fell backwards into the darkness followed only by the eyes and a furious whisper.

"I won't let you go."

Sakura...

-

Raido laid down his cards with finality.

"Call," he said, avoiding Genma's eye.

He had decided.

-

Darkness and then a voice. Small and faraway.

"Hey -"

A muffled hush.

"I'm just -"

"When's he gonna wake up?"

Who -

"Is he even alive?"

A gentle voice answered, "Of course he is - idiot!"

Idiot.

Idiot-sensei?

Kakashi's eyes fluttered open again - he looked to his right - his bleary eyes widened.

It was her.

He had wanted to see her so much.

To say sorry...

"Rin."

-

Chapter 33: Even if Sakura manages to bring back Kakashi to the present - will he be able to say no to his past, his inner demons and... to Yukio?

-

READ AND REVIEW!!!

-

YUKIO

His name is interesting - I really really thought hard before I gave him the names that I did. I decided "Bear" because it's a good companion for "Wolf", and also because... I hate bears. I hate teddy bears too. I collect racoons (odd choice for a girl, I know), actually. "Bear" is also a symbol of strength - and is an object of worship by the ancients. Chinese, Finns, early Europeans and even some of the Romans/Greeks had this "Bear goddess" thing - linked to Ursa Major. I used Bear then, showing a corrupt side of extreme care - that is, Yukio perverts the symbol by his obsessiveness. "Yukio" actually means "man who desires everything" - if I remember my research rightly...