I apologize for the wait. Life for me has sped up. Mainly because I'm graduating this year with a BA in English (if I pass my Japanese course). With it, I hope to teach ESL to students in South Korea (for starters). Japan and China are also on my list. At any rate, this means being "more mature" and "thinking more seriously about what to do next in your life". (sigh) Sadly, therefore, fanfiction has been harder to keep up. But hopefully I'll be able to finish this particular baby by spring. Here's to hoping! Thanks for all the encouragement! Ja!
I do not own Naruto.
Summary so far: Kakashi, although gifted with a Hatake bloodline and the Sharingan, is forgotten in the fracas of war. But Team 7 isn't going to let their favorite (not-so-favorite) sensei be. Between missions that seem to distract them, as they help rebuild Konoha after the war with Orochimaru and Akatsuki, Team 7 tries to find out the past of their illusive sensei. Despite finding out what made the man who he was, Team 7 had to face another enemy in the shape of Kakashi's uncle. The past colliding with post-traumatic stress disorders and other various psychosis, causes Kakashi attempt suicide. Although his return to Konoha is a success, Yukio, in his attempt to hold Kakashi close, brings the nin into further despair.
Warning: Angst. Stream-of-consciousness hallucinations.
Song: "Must Be Dreaming" by Imogen Heap
Read and review!
Kokis: Once again, I'm thankful for your encouragement and excitement. And have half of your present done:)
Prescripto13: Same old, same old here! Last chapter... not of the story... lol. But. The turning point, ne? Nuisaeri: You seem to be a newish reviewer? I'm so glad to hear such encouragement from you, especially since I think I'm definitely dragging this along... I hope you enjoy regardless! Hope to hear from you soon!
Nanatsunade: Yep! Here's another update. No Yukio beating yet... not yet...
SweetAssassin: As always, hearing from you is the greatest! Thanks for the encouragement!
Moiya Hatake: You can be President of the "Hate Yukio Fanclub". Your imagination amuses me. (giggles)
MazokuTenshi: Thanks! I'm glad that this still seems like a great story to you! Hope you enjoy the update!
tootalltygerlily: Once again, thanks! I appreciate the encouragement. And yes, Yukio's days are numbered. :)
steggylikesjuiceboxes: Hahaha! I guess we're on the same wavelength. And I don't blame you at all for dropping it and taking awhile to catch up. This thing is mammoth. (sighs) Hope you enjoy this one!
anbu10: Wow! You get a medal for reading all that stuff! Hardly anybody starts with "White Fang, Lightning's Howl" and "Revelation of the Wolf". Hope this quenches some of your need for a cliffie resolution!
Inarealpickle: I actually think there were a couple readers who liked Yukio. He's a really troubling(ed) character. I hope you enjoy this new upload!
Ibendover4Kakashi:) Thanks! I hope you enjoy this new update! It's a great encouragement to hear that my story is really engrossing! Thanks again!
Jemiul: Thanks ever so much for your repeated encouragement! You don't know how much I appreciate it!
equivalentexchange: I think there are a whole bunch of people (see above) who hate Yukio. Hahaha! I feel honored to know that my story was so engrossing! Good luck with school!
blondekell: Thanks for the uber encouragement! It's great to hear from a regular reviewer! And I'm glad that the direction of the story is still amazing for readers (especially since we've been seeing this for a long time coming!
WitcherCo: Hee hee hee! Shikamaru is the best! I also felt alot like Shikamaru when I was young. But as I get older, I also feel younger because life has gotten so interesting! So it's all good!
naruto: Hmmm... I'll try...
Krows Scared: Wow! How's it going! I noticed your absence and was mildly worried. That either a) a beloved reviewer had disappeared off the edge of the planet or b) my story was off-putting. Both options of course are mildly depressing. Well, at any rate, welcome back. This story, is sadly still going on. (sighs) I hope to finish it by spring... otherwise... I don't know...
me-ninjakitty: Thanks for the encouragement. If you like original, you may want to try "Letters of Yesterday" by me. It also is a KakaSaku story. And is one that I am very happy with. And it's... a my-st-ery:) See ya round!
blackshinobi24: Wow! Another reviewer! (feels honored) I really hope you like this! Thanks for the 4 thumbs up!
folltosa: here be the update! Enjoy!
dancerquity: Sorry about the wait. (read above for more details) I hope you like the new update!
charlottehibiki: hahaha! Another Yukio-hating reviewer! Wow. I'm sure there's enough now to make a nice sized fanclub. :) HOpe you enjoy the pro-sakura update!
Must Be Dreaming
Another thanks to Jemiul. Who has been a faithful reviewer... from... almost the beginning!
It's the right and wrong universe...
I must be dreaming or we're onto something
Rin bent down, her hair seemed to glow a gentle brown - then it flared blonde, almost white and then in the blink of an eye, her hair seemed as black as the night. He reached out his hand hesitantly. This was Rin, was it not?
It was her smile and there was kindness in her eyes. Eyes which were so dark - they seemed like fathomless pits, and then... bright. Bright as Naruto's eyes. As the sky.
Naruto...
The name lingered on his lips and then fell away.
Naruto... Sasu - Sa -
No. Those were merely a dream. A dream so happy and then so sad - so dark...
He focussed instead on the familiar face in front of him. Drawing closer to him, Rin reached out, he shut his eyes basking in her light touch.
"You've been gone so long," he whispered. "I thought you weren't going to come back at all. I missed you so."
She laughed softly, then her hand stilled. He opened his eyes, his brows furrowed in concern as her eyes filled up with unshed tears.
"I wanted to be there," she replied softly.
Her voice sounded so quiet - as if she were speaking from a long way off.
"I needed you so much... after..." Kakashi shook his head trying erase the memory of the Yondaime's silent, prone body. "I was so alone..."
"I'm sorry..."
A pause.
"I wanted to be there too. But... things happen, Kakashi. I thought we left enough behind for you to remember us - be strong for us..."
"I'm so tired..."
"Tired..." she sighed. "I think it's because you've been a little stupid lately, hm?"
Kakashi blinked.
"Eh?"
"Obito said I should be more severe with you. Running around like that - letting things go to wrack and ruin. Sitting around moping in the dark."
Kakashi shrank back, noticing how her fist had balled at her slim hips.
Just like...
Sakura...
Rin's face blurred, her hair whitened, a pink hue streaking it... Kakashi shook his head.
Ah... Rin has become so much like her. But that isn't...
His teammate grabbed him by the collar.
"Are you listening to me, Kakashi?" Her eyes were really scary. The medic let him fall back on his pillow. "This isn't what we wanted for you."
Kakashi turned his head away and shut his eyes again. Although he wanted to bury himself under his pillows, the Copy Nin couldn't - his arms were tethered to his bed again.
Tsunade-sama... Another scary woman...
"I didn't die for this. Neither did Obito. Do you think Sensei died wanting something dark for you? For you to bury yourself in work - in blood and in silence?" Rin's thin shoulders slumped. "All this time, I wanted something good for you. I -"
Kakashi turned to her, and took her hand in his.
"I'm sorry... I'm tired... so very tired..."
"You're young. You have everything in front of you. There should be nothing holding you back."
"Things happen, Rin. Things beyond your - my - Sensei's control. It's the way life is," he smiled lopsidedly. "Didn't I tell you before that your optomism is going to get you into trouble?"
"Is there something wrong with hoping for the best."
"No," Kakashi looked troubled. "It's just that it's hard to meet those expectations... sometimes..."
"That I know about," Rin stroked Kakashi's hand which squeezed hers gently. "Still... when you go, promise me that you will try again. There are people waiting for you. People who need you to be at their side."
"People?"
Kakashi looked up with suprise.
Taking me in full bloom
See what you made me do
-
With indifference, Makoto watched the small puffs of dirt rise from beneath his feet. He shuffled his sandals back and forth pushing small rounded pebbles around listlessly. A few ants scuttled away from the area - safely back to their home under the wall. For a moment, he considered stepping on them, but he drew back.
He was grown up now. With Ichiro, he had reached the top, as it were. After years of hard work and very little free time, here he was - in the elite force better known as Leaf's ANBU. And yet...
The new ANBU didn't know what to think. He should be happy - here with Ichiro. On one of their rare days off.
"What d'you wanna do?" asked Ichiro, nudging his peculiarly silent companion.
"Dunno," mumbled Makoto.
"Something's on your mind. Spill it."
"Eh?"
"I don't want it to spoil our day, idiot," Ichiro affectionately slung an arm around his companion's slumped shoulders.
"I was thinking... to visit our senpai..." Makoto hesitated.
"Senpai..."
"You haven't thought on it?"
Ichiro bit his lip, then nodded slowly. "Wellll... yes... but..." He cocked his head in thought. "You know, Ibiki-san."
Makoto shivered. "Who could forget him?"
"I over heard him talking to somebody... He said... that he's gonna be pulling Kakashi-senpai out."
Makoto froze.
"He - he's leaving?"
"I think so..." Ichiro sighed. "It's for the best. You know that..."
"Hm..."
Makoto's foot withdrew from the pebbles. After shaking his foot free from dust, he stood and smiled down at Ichiro.
"Then let's go - to Tsunade-hime."
"Tsunade-hime?"
"Yes. If this is true... then..." Makoto shook his finger. "I just know how people are gonna react in ANBU."
"People are gonna react?" asked Ichiro, following Makoto down the road. "Seriously? Kakashi-senpai is the greatest. Kakashi-sama deserves the rest, doesn't he?"
"Hm. Yes... but you know... some people depend on him. You know what I mean..."
"Ahhh... Yes..." Ichiro remembered a certain ANBU Bear. "So... Tsunade-hime should know this? Isn't this... ratting out our senpai?"
"Who do you trust?" Makoto asked. "Who's been the one who's stood firmest for us? Been tough but certain? C'mon, Ichiro... You're supposed to be the smart one!"
"Are you sure you aren't biased?" Ichiro asked. "You got introduced to Icha Icha because of Kakashi-senpai..."
"Hm. Yes, yes. That is true... but thinking objectively. He did his best - Yukio... I like him. But Kakashi-sama - is Hatake. He's got so much heritage... I don't want it to wither away in the dark."
Ichiro lifted an eyebrow inquisitively.
"Okay, Makoto... Admit it."
"What?"
"You like him."
"WHAT? N-No way..." Makoto laughed.
"Then... has an overdose of Icha Icha gotten to your brain? What kind of a man says something like "withering away in the dark"???"
"I did. I made it," Makoto huffed at his companion. "What's wrong with it?"
"You sound like a girl. In love," Ichiro glared darkly - then grinned. "It's the Makoto I want to see and hear. Let's go then, Ma-CHAN... and see what Tsunade-sama says. Race you - onetwothreego!"
Makoto stared at his rapidly disappearing partner in confusion then realized what happened.
"He-he-heeeyyy! Ichiiirooo! Get back here! That's not fair! Ichiro!"
-
Iruka could detect the faint worry in Tsunade's abrupt words:
"So. What is it? If it isn't fever..."
"You know what it is, Tsunade-sama," he had said softly, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "We ALL know what this means."
"We were too late," Shizune whispered. "He's..."
"He's NOT GONE!" Sakura stuck her chin out. "I'm staying with him - he's gonna come back. I know it."
"Sakura -" Iruka lowered his hands to the desk and folded his hands. It was a now a long familiar gesture for him. Something to preclude his reasoning. A way for him to think as he linked his fingers together.
Familiar. Like that man had been for so long. On those missions they had taken so long ago together... With Genma, Raidou... I had been so afraid of him then - of ANBU... now... I'm afraid... but there's anger now here too. Sakura's so angry... and I can feel it... as if it were a living thing...
He shuddered.
"I'm just saying that so far... the diagnosis isn't... good..." He hedged a little, wondering if Sakura should even be in the room considering her exhausted state.
"Just say it," Sakura said bluntly. "You think he's gone crazy, don't you?"
"Listen, I don't know what's happening... he's just..."
"Gone crazy," Tsunade propped her suddenly aching forehead on the palm of her hand. She drummed her fingers restlessly on the table. "How did it come to this, Jiraiya..."
The older man leaned back and sighed.
"Hatake were always a little delicate. Because he went through so much, I guess we overestimated Kakashi... After so many years in ANBU - after a war like the one we just went through - and the wars before that which he survived... is it so suprising that he's a little... insane?"
"A little doesn't describe it," Iruka said roughly, avoiding Sakura's glare. "He's... hallucinating."
"I never read records of hallucinations before..." Tsunade said.
Sakura nodded.
"When we took him, he was fine. He was fine," she repeated, shaking her head. "It just doesn't make sense. Even in the hospital, he seemed okay."
"Considering he had just attempted to commit suicide," Iruka added dryly.
Jiraiya raised an eyebrow.
"Suicide?"
"Hmmm... at the family shrine, apparently," Iruka shook his head. "Don't look at me that way, Sakura. A psychologist needs to know everything before he starts anything... and apparently only Naruto had the presence of mind to tell me what I'm goning to be dealing with. Unless you think you are okay on your own, Sakura."
The medic's jaw stiffened with protest.
"I'm fine," she said softly. "I said I would handle Kakashi-senpai. And I will."
"Sakura..." Jiraiya said softly. "Kakashi is well... suicide, it - well -"
"Runs in the family?" Sakura said sardonically. "Tell me about it. I've read the case files... but... death does too. They are gone. All of them." She stared at her hands, shoulders very still. "I don't want to see that lost..."
"I never wanted any of them lost," Jiraiya sighed. "We were young when they started to die off like flies. But that doesn't really bear on the here and now. Here and now..." He folded his arms across his chest. "I wanted him to take over for Tsunade - we agreed on this. The old lady-"
"Jiji!!!"
"I mean, Tsunade-HIME here should have a chance to rest her bones... Kakashi would have been a great replacement - we wanted this for him. But war came upon us so fast - we just had to go with it... And now here we are..."
Tsunade leaned back in her chair.
"It's not over," she stated firmly.
Sakura lifted her head. Iruka could see thin tracks of tears on her face. He bit his lip.
Sakura... you...
"I believe in Sakura. Even more, I believe in his strong heart. He will return to us. That is the way the Hatake are," Tsunade smiled. "For a long while, I underestimated Naruto... let's not underestimate someone whom we depended so easily on before. Okay?"
Everybody nodded. Shizune set the tea down.
Tsunade raised hers in a solemn, cryptic toast.
"To those who walk in the sun."
What will happen, Tsunade-sama? Iruka wondered as he plodded home to a waiting Shizune. Not even you can say. Will you bet on it?
Iruka smiled.
That is the beauty of life, he decided. You can never see what is ahead. With optomism, there is only opportunity. I want to see it with those eyes. And Shizune...
The dark-haired medic ran out his door and slung her arms around his neck.
"Welcome home," she smiled.
"It's good to be back," he grinned and drew her close.
She pulled back, glanced at the flowers cradled in the crook of his arm.
"Flowers for me?" Shizune cried with delight, tenderly lifting them up to look at them closer.
"Hmmm..." Iruka smiled, scratching the back of his neck nervously and shuffling his feet. "Shizune..." He said tentatively.
"Yes?" She looked up, her dark eyes sparkling.
Iruka smiled in return.
"I need to talk to you - about... something important..."
-
Pinch me till waking...
So undeniably yours
"Yes, PEOPLE." Rin tapped the Copy Nin on the nose. "You never really become aware of them, huh, Kakashi. That's what I like about you the most... But you know, this is the time to wake up... you can't lie here forever."
"I can't?" He pouted, grabbing her hand. "I don't want to let you go again..."
"Silly..." Her voice grew faint, but her hand held firmly onto his. "You have your own path to tread. A life no one can live for you. Choices only you can make... It's not all about you, Hatake prat..." Her grin wavered. "But... for once... think about what you want... some things..." Her eyes grew distant, then sharpened uncomfortably on his face. "Some things... you need to say 'no' to."
Kakashi blinked, she leaned forward and gave him a kiss on his cheek.
"Grow some backbone, Kakashi. Remember the old days when you'd irritate the hell out of everyone - even Sensei would sigh over you..."
Kakashi grinned.
"That's the way of the genius."
"I don't see any geniuses here," Rin laughed playfully, tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear. "Say 'yes' to the right things, Kakashi. You will find rewards beyond your imagination -"
She drew away, her fingers never leaving his.
"We're here inside you... never to leave..."
"You said PEOPLE..." Kakashi said stubbornly. "I like you the best - who else can replace our team?"
Rin's lips turned up in an enigmatic smile.
"Silly..."
-
Hana opened the door slowly, suprise written all over her face. Raidou looking beyond her could see nothing but the dark interior of the Inuzuka Clan House. But somewhere, two young boys yelling at the top of her lungs. Still, Hana seemed unfrazzled. Totally calm and collected, she stood in the doorway, hands on hips, head cocked in inquiry.
"I'm not going to bite you," Hana said with a short laugh. "Come in."
Raidou hated clan houses. It reminded him too much of the Namiashi estate. And his father... Certainly he had overcome that particular battle a long time ago (thanks to Genma), but still... Taking a deep breath, he entered in slowly, looking around carefully. Two boys hurtled down the stairs and out the back door. The rickety wooden frame slammed loudly.
Hana shrugged.
"Boys are boys."
"Yes..." Raidou sat down at her gesture. He watched as she pulled out some bottles.
"Sake or tea?"
"Just one," he said with a small smile.
"Sake it is then!"
He didn't sip from it - merely turned the small cup around and around...
"You came about a mission?" asked Hana.
"No." Somehow the scarred nin found his tongue. "No. I... uh... It's complicated."
She waited.
"It's about... Genma..."
"He's ill?"
Raidou watched for it. But it wasn't there... He breathed a small sigh of relief and smiled.
"No. No. He's fine. He... doesn't know I'm here... I just... couldn't help but notice that... the boys..."
"Are alot like him," Hana smiled softly and rose to the window, to watch the two young ones race around the yard with the new generation of Inuzuka pups.
"Yes."
"It happened a long time ago, Raidou," she said, after a while. "I don't see why it should be brought up."
Raidou walked over to her.
"Years ago, I was young. And lacked any self-confidence. For me, Genma was everything. It was... a little..."
"Obsessive?" Hana laughed.
"Yes."
"So honest."
"Well, I think I'm older now... And I know... that it is not a question of who owns Genma. Fact is, he would never want to abandon a child, wherever it came from. If he found this out too late, the guilt would... destroy him, I think. And besides, we both understand how important family is once you lose it."
"You have grown, Raidou," Hana said whimsically. "When did that happen?"
"Suddenly."
They both laughed.
-
Over her folded hands, Tsunade's brown eyes flared with curiousity.
"The secretaries said you have something to say?"
The two ANBU stirred restlessly on the balls of their feet - but their backs and shoulders remained stiffly straight, their eyes never quite meeting hers, gazed past her ears out beyond the windows of her office. She knew the view from her office window was quite amazing. After all, she'd been looking out of it for quite some time.
But Jiraiya was right. Watching the village change, grow, fall, rebuild itself - the seasons, as they passed - had laid their toll even on her body. And mind. And temper.
Surely I'm not an ogre, she thought crossly to herself.
"You can be at ease," she leaned forward. "Tell me, quickly. I don't have time to waste - even if it is amazingly new gossip from the lips of..." the Kage pursed her lips in thought. "ANBU, right?"
"Yes, ma'am," Ichiro said with maddening politeness, relaxing a little.
Makoto followed suit.
"We came..." He hesitated.
"Out with it, kid," she rolled her eyes. "It's not gonna get better with age."
Makoto stifled a grin and nodded.
"It's Kakashi-senpai."
The Kage blinked.
Silence blanketed her office.
The chair creaked ominously as she leaned back.
"And what about him?" She asked. "He won't be coming back for a while - his... injuries sustained from the last mission have paid a heavy toll on his... body..."
"Mhmmm..." nodded Ichiro. "We've been noticing for quite some time that... Kakashi-senpai... is special... and... we both thought that we should tell you about... how... he's been..."
"He's been, acting strangely. I mean, ever since we knew him..." Makoto carried on, hurriedly. "There seemed something off. We both came to you, to tell you that removing Kakashi-senpai from ANBU won't be enough..."
Tsunade leaned back in her chair.
"Oh? And why is that? You want to keep him there?" She raised her eyebrows.
"We'd never presume -" Ichiro bit his lip, wincing at her sardonic tone.
"But you do -"
"It's for the best," Makoto blurted out.
Ichiro glared at his impulsive companion.
Tsunade's eyebrows rose further, then furrowed.
"Why do you say that?"
"There's... another senpai who shows interest... our team needs each other to survive," Ichiro sighed. "But... this is all at the cost of Kakashi-senpai's nerves. He... would often be jittery. It was if... his eyes... saw things that weren't there... and Yukio-senpai once told us that he saved Kakashi's ass from being kicked out of ANBU by lying to the medics about his condition."
"What?" Tsunade's hand slammed down on the desk. "When? When did this happen?"
Makoto and Ichiro inched back. Tsunade sagged back in her chair, rubbed the bridge of her nose and then exhaled a large sigh.
"Sorry... it's just... Nevermind... Just go on... You said that... this Yukio told you he lied to medics about Kakashi's state? Did he say why? When? How? Why would he tell you this?"
"It was before the Rock Village take over..." Makoto continued. "Yukio-senpai warned us... He - he said that Kakashi-senpai was prone to... have, er... problems... that was all he said. And... he said that it had happened once before. To keep him in ANBU, he had bypassed the hospital and tended the nin himself - avoiding any kind of medical diagnosis... ANBU try their best to keep an eye out on our... er..."
"Mental states," Ichiro put in baldly. "I think... this bad episode happened a while ago... but recent smaller episodes had Yukio-senpai worried..."
"Did he say when this... bad episode happened?"
Makoto and Ichiro turned to each other, then shrugged.
"Well..." Ichiro took a deep breath.
Tsunade shook her head, Certainly they are young - and as such - have little power in the chain of ANBU... It's a dark place - and what drove them there... I do not know... But something in ANBU is so dark as to make them this worried...
"He didn't tell us the date per se... but..." Makoto took a deep breath. "There was... a school involved. It caused... hallucinations... It is the reason why Kakashi-senpai is so... concerned about cleanliness, for example."
"So, mild symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder?"
"Uhhh..." The two young men blinked. "It's not as bad as it sounds..."
"I see..." Tsunade smiled. "It's not suprising that you don't know such things. It's a new field of research - psychology. A study of the mind, as it were... Among other things, looking at the impact of memory and past experiences upon the fatigued mind."
"I see," Makoto said slowly, not really seeing at all.
Ichiro nodded.
"I don't get it all... but... this will help Kakashi-senpai, will it not? It was so hard for him to smile..."
"Well..." Tsunade sighed. "Smiling is hardly a prerequisite to enter ANBU... but... for a human to live a healthy, happy lifestyle, there has to be some sort of fulfillment... I think Kakashi lost his aim... that is all. We... are going to help him find it again..."
Ichiro nodded again.
"That is the best thing to hear... but..." he hesitated. "There is... another who has found fulfillment in Kakashi-senpai. If you take our senpai away... there will be nothing left..."
"For you?" Tsunade asked.
"No..." Makoto smiled. "I have Ichiro to keep me in line."
"Without me, this idiot would die tomorrow," grumbled Ichiro with a smile. "But," he sobered up. "Yukio-senpai. In Kakashi, he has found meaning. At first, this tickled our fancy... but... a drowning man only drags his rescuer down... We think... its best... to set Hatake-san adrift... For his own good. Yukio-senpai... will just..."
"Have to learn how to sink or swim," Tsunade grimly.
Another silence fell on the room.
Makoto sighed. "That is all we had to say," he said lamely. "I don't know if this has been useful -"
"It has been... extremely informative..." Tsunade smiled. "I am... indebted to you both. Your insights have cleared up a mystery we had been puzzling over. With this, surely, Kakashi will see the light of day. I am sure he is already thankful."
The two young men smiled tentatively back.
"We best be going now," Ichiro turned. "Excuse us..."
"Thanks for listening," Makoto bowed.
"Thank you for coming," Tsunade replied graciously. "Take care, Makoto-kun. Ichiro-kun. I wish you the best in missions to come. Remember to find your smiles in each other."
Makoto snorted. Ichiro glared at his friend.
"I'm not so bad, eh, Ichiro."
"I think it's just spreading. It'll all end up at your doorstep. You and your..."
"Aw. Shut up. You're just jealous..."
-
Time had stood still in the room. When she returned to Kakashi's "sickbed", it looked so much the same. Sakura knew that it was overly optomistic to hope that he would be up and running by the time the meeting was over...
This is something even I cannot fix...
She sighed, and took his thin hand in hers. Already she was imagining herself cooking for him. Putting meat onto that scrawny skeleton...
Cutting that wild mane... Making him as comfortable as he can be... Still... nothing is accomplished by him here...
"Kakashi..." Her voice seemed thin in the dead air. "They say... that people lie unconscious sometimes can hear the voices and feelings of those by them..." Leaning forward, she traced his face with a finger.
"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry, I guess... After all, we forgot. We were so stupid. Idealistic and carried away by our names as heroes... But you know, deep in me, I never forgot..."
The silence after seemed... heavier - Sakura laughed at herself. Somewhere between the laughs, teary hiccups edged in. Balling her fists in her eyes, the medic tried to stem her tears.
"This isn't what we wanted for you - to be alone - to lie here for the rest of your life, with you somewhere else. Kakashi - you told us the importance of people... How could you let yourself be buried..."
Her voice squeaked high at the end. Sakura took a deep breath to steady herself. "All the time, didn't you guess I wanted something good for you. Even back when you were alone - when we had to seperate ways... we talked that time. Do you remember..."
Sakura smiled.
"Back then I was so alone, with Tsunade and Shizune... and Iruka and the others. But I missed our team so much. We were like family."
She giggled at the memory.
"And you know, there you were, totally apathetic. I didn't even think you'd show up for the Chuunin Exam... but you did. And, then, you took me out to celebrate. Flowers and all..."
The light flickered. Kakashi slept on.
"What I meant to say... is that people depend on you. There are people who are waiting for you... who need you to be at their side. Naruto. Sasuke... Myself... Aren't we good enough reason to go on?"
Reaching forward she took his hand.
"This is your time - you can't lie here forever... You have your own path to tread. In the future, there is a life only you can live - with choices only you can make... And these choices... are for you. Think about what you want. Some things, I'm sure you're gonna have to learn to say no to... And that's why, we're beside you..."
She leaned back exhausted, greeted only by silence. The light flickered and hummed. Somewhere a nurse was whistling an offbeat tune. Her chair creaked.
"We won't... let you go..."
The bed and the dark mask blurred together.
-
Yukio opened Kakashi's window to let the evening breeze into the stale room. Soon the Copy Nin would be back. They would be able to sit there, comforting each other in silence and understanding under the moon. Together, they would watch the stars. He had put some bottles in the fridge ready for drinking - and some food for convelescents. Yukio knew that Kakashi would return. They would be together once again.
As it should be.
-
Rin's smile grew. Her face glowing as bright as the sun, but as his vision lost to whiteness, he could hear her laughing at him.
"... She's right beside you... You never were clever that way..."
Her eyes filled his visions and he fell into them drowning - falling back down -
A young child jumping up and down on his mattress and then falling back to bounce off the fluffy quilt. And there was nothing but a warm stillness. He opened his eyes expecting to see his mother, Rin again, perhaps...
But he had never passed the river to Beyond - a heavy weight seemed to settle back on his shoulders as he recognized the room. Kakashi shut his eyes and exhaled a tiny sigh.
Back here again, eh.
He twisted and stared out the window, trying to sense any chakra - but when he turned to the right, he nearly jumped out of his skin. Yet, he remained silent. Looking down, Kakashi suddenly understood why his hand was so numb. Her young hand was wrapped tightly around his - never letting go - even in her sleep...
Sitting up slowly, Kakashi leaned forward, hesitantly, his fingers rose to her hair, pushing back pink, damp strands. The young medic looked drained.
How long has she been here? His brow furrowed in concern. Forget about me, the hospital is going to have another sick person...
There were dark circles under her eyes - they stood out enough for even him to notice. And her cheeks were stained with tears. Kakashi bit his lip and laid back with a sigh on his pillow. Slinging an arm over his eyes, he laid there - listening to the light breathing of the exhausted girl, who had never let him go. It was uncomfortable to think on, so he attempted to turn his mind away -
And yet, there it was, worry nibbling at the edges of his mind...
Handholding... What does this mean...
It brought to mind the other - that man... Yukio...
Just the thought of dark hair and piercing eyes made Kakashi cringe. He didn't want to go back to that. To the darkness.
I'm sorry Makoto. Ichiro... Perhaps Rin is right. I need to tread my own path - wherever that takes me.
His hand tightened around Sakura's smaller one.
Wherever that takes me.
Don't stop...
I'm losing it...
-
Read and review.