Dear folks. Sorry for the wait. Life is just crazy – and I've not been keeping up with Naruto as I would have liked. It doesn't help that I have gotten sucked into the Star Trek fandom.
Ah well. Thanks for keeping with this super long, super sprawling, super beginner fanfic. I've grown as a person as I have written this over the past 2 years. It evolves and grows just as I have. Now, as I look back at the first chapters, I wince.
Who knows. Perhaps my next fic for this pairing (if I ever continue with this fandom) will fair better.
Gentle Lesson: The Restoration of the Hatake
Chapter 37: The Road Not Taken
"... it's not the same without you,
because it takes two to whisper quietly..."
Owl City
"Sakura," Naruto murmured, as he glanced at the tense face of the medic kunoichi. The pink-haired girl had taken lead, her chakra boosting her farther and faster among the tree branches as they travelled quickly over the ground. ".... Sakura..."
Even more than before, he realized the bonds which had grown over the years. While Sasuke and he had disappeared for training with the other Sannin, Sakura had remained and waited and blossomed into the fierce kunoichi who could more than hold her own. And their Sensei...
He too had grown.
Sasuke kept his own opinions to himself, but he easily kept up with the hard pace of his teammates. Between Kakashi and he, there lay many words, many understandings – and many memories. Long ago, it seemed, Kakashi had told him that emotions and bonds would eventually destroy his balance as a nin.
A shinobi's emotions must be tightly reined in, Sasuke mused. He told me so – and behind his eyes, there were many painful memories – Obito-san... all the friends he has lost over the years. He had said he could understand. They were all dead. But now, it's different... now... surely...
Here, the Uchiha glanced at Sakura.
Now surely, there's something worth living for.
Kakashi, once upon a time, had scoffed at the idea that beyond death lay something. Deep down inside, however, sometimes, in a philosophical mood, he would wonder. On those rare moments, he allowed himself to remember his parents and his unborn sibling... he would hope.
Many times, he had succumbed to the darkness of unconsciousness, expecting to meet a silent death. A non-existence so tempting for the battle-fatigued mind. And yet, eventually, there was that moment of realization – a warmth, a coldness, a light, a quick breath – and pain.
It was the hospital room again with all the sensations of helplessness, heavy weighted limbs and bone-deep fatigue. Yet another escape from death.
"You're so lucky," Genma would say enviously. "It's like there was a star hanging over you on your birth."
"He could have been blessed by some wise woman," put in Raido sensibly.
"Or his name is lucky."
"I KNEW MY RIVAL WAS JUST TOO HIP! BUT I WILL EXERCISE MY -"
"You can't exercise luck -" Ebisu rolled his eyes.
"Tho' if a person could, it would be him," Asuma laughed, his cigarette twitching. "Eh, Kurenai?"
"Hmmm..."
But that was then. This was now. And he lay there in the darkness, falling into the darkness – feeling sluggish and tired as the chakra within him flowed steadily outwards into the very barrier which imprisoned him. This time, he would not waken to the hospital room. For once, without restrictions, he would find out the answer to that question for himself.
Still... there was that voice. That voice - those voices - which had drawn him back so many times before. There was regret as well, leaving so soon after finding something worthwhile to fight for. There was the hope which he had thought he had found in Sakura's eyes...
Sakura...
He sighed.
I'm sorry...
He was walking through the night. It was a dark oppressive thing – not light and airy. Without wind, without the rustle of the trees and the soft glow of the stars. No moon shone down, nor was there any sound.
It was nothingness.
As he had feared.
But then, up ahead, he saw it – a gentle light flickering. It was a familiar sight – and rather startling at that. It was a fire, sparking and crackling in the darkness – feeding off of several expertly arranged pieces of wood. Warm and red, it cast light on his face – but behind him spread no shadows. Those were eaten by the nothingness.
Around the fire, logs were spread. And to the right, here, Kakashi paused. It was his father, seated there, elbows propped up on his knees. Relaxed and obviously musing on a matter, Hatake Sakumo was poking at the small blaze with a long stick, watching the end slowly catch fire and glow at the end with the fiery embers.
Without words, Kakashi found himself drawing closer to the man he hated for so long, then learned to understand painfully – over time. The Copy Nin took a seat and glanced at his father, suddenly unsure of what to say. How to say it.
The time for questions and accusations had long been over – now, Kakashi realized, uneasily, it was his father's turn. And how could he face him? He had failed, after all.
"Yo," he finally murmured, feeling rather inadequate.
"Kakashi," his father's warm voice drew Kakashi a little closer. "Long time no see."
"Yeah..."
"You've been busy since the last time we met?"
"In some ways," Kakashi hesitated. "In others... no..."
"Hm."
A pause. Sakumo poked at a few more embers.
"You are feeling ashamed," the older man said. "You shouldn't."
"I've made some bad choices," Kakashi sighed with the admission. His lackadaisical expression behind the mask made his father's lips twitch upward with a grin.
Just like my little boy! Sakumo thought.
"It's not funny," Kakashi said stiffly. "I've failed you... and Mother... and the family... and Konoha..."
"In what way?"
"In every way. The line will die with me. I am dying alone with a crazy shinobi. I am betraying the family honour. I am abandoning my friends..."
"You are in a hard place," his father agreed. "But there is no path that cannot also lead to hope."
"Even here?"
"Even here."
Kakashi looked around the heavy darkness encompassing the two of them like a bubble. He wondered whimsically who provided the wood and the fire. His mind? Or some great being who wanted to give him some resolution as he passed on?
"Ah, he has come as well," Sakumo noted, as out of the darkness emerged the familiar sight of a long white face of Lightning's Howl.
The wise eyes were kind and soft in the glow of the fire, the tongue lolling – giving the summoning's face a cheerful air. Giant paws rested beneath the head as the large dog circled his body around the two men. Kakashi blinked at the sight of the dog.
"You came to say goodbye as well?" he asked.
"Young pup," Lightning's Howl sighed. "There will never be goodbyes between us. We are here together now, as we should have been before."
"Nice to know," Kakashi hmphed. "Now we just need some drinks between us and a bit of music -"
"Now, now, Kakashi," his father said. "There's no need for sarcasm."
"I think the young pup is very confused," Lightning's Howl huffed, as if laughing. "And he is attempting to hide it behind his brand of battle humour. As usual."
Kakashi shrugged.
"So you have given up," the summoning continued. "That's that, then?"
"Apparently," Sakumo sighed. "Not what I was expecting. I figured things would be turning out for the better – I thought the blood of the Hatake would have a little more fire in it... but..."
"Appearances can be deceiving," Kakashi said rather sharply, wishing more than ever to be left alone. "It's not like I can do anything -"
"You could have called me," Lightning's Howl corrected the ninja. "You know it. You are willing to give up so easily. Why?"
"And what would I wake to? Sakura? Or another interrogation?"
"You think that what you have experienced is all a lie?" Sakumo leaned back. "What you have been offered is merely the delusions of a complicated genjutsu?"
"It could be."
"True," sighed Sakumo. "Why are you here then? They are killing you off in the genjutsu they put on you? That hardly seems logical."
"Indeed, young pup," the hound shook his head and poked his wet nose at Kakashi's hand. "I don't think you have thought this through. Even now, these feelings are unresolved. You must understand that there will always be days when you will wonder at the reality of things. You will wonder if it is all a dream. A complicated genjutsu. But, even so, is there something so wrong in grasping at the good things one can feel in life?"
Sakura...
Her green eyes and gentle hands. Her light laughter and lithe body. Her strength and and her anger. Her shy glances upwards at him – her -
Sakura...
"So you think I should fight for this. Despite the unknown ending?"
"If it means seeing her again, Kakashi, what do you think?" Sakumo asked.
Kakashi sighed and stared into the fire, recalling all those fond memories of her. Sakura cooking in his new apartment. The new plants given to him by Naruto. The furniture easily obtained by Sasuke for their comfort.
"We're not letting you hang out by yourself anymore, Sensei," Naruto shook his head firmly. "Our homes are something we can all share -"
"Not 24/7, I hope," Sasuke snorted. "I've got plans that don't include you."
"Who wants to be part of your plans anyway?" Naruto sneered. "It probably includes sitting in the dark -"
"Who's in the dark, idiot," Sasuke glared at his blonde teammate. "Like Sensei wants annoying idiots like you around all day long!"
"I'm not the idiot! You are!"
"No! You are!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"BOOOOYSSSS!!!" Sakura's punch sent the two ninja flying. "Shut the hell up and let Kakashi-sensei rest in his new apartment." Turning her head towards her now quivering sensei, Sakura's scary expression melted away. "Now, you just enjoy the peace and quiet. And the awesome view! We got the best view we could find from your balcony!"
Kakashi buried his head in his hands and let go a rattling sigh – half-laugh, half-sob.
"I'm an idiot, aren't I? Pushing and pulling – making decisions and then meandering – like a child who does not know his own mind. Wanting to stay – and yet, wanting to leave... Feeling a stranger and yet at home... I'm just so... fucked up... I don't know what's right and wrong anymore."
"Then trust us, Kakashi," his father said, eyes serious, yet kind. "There are many things that give life meaning. And you have been given so much – and it cannot be taken from you – if you fight for it. Letting it go so easily... that is not our way."
Lightning's Howl rose and caught Kakashi's eyes – and Kakashi rose, feeling new resolve filling him.
Sakura... Lightning's Howl... Father... Naruto... Sasuke... Konoha... my friends old and new...
"I will not say goodbye," his father said softly, rising to clasp Kakashi's shoulder. The Copy Nin's hand raised slowly to grasp his father's large hand as well, enjoying the connection now between him. It was good to feel their hands together – as it had been so long ago.
"Because we will never be parted?" Kakashi blinked. "That is -"
"Because I am a part of you, as much as your mother. Your soul and your summonings," Sakumo smiled. "Let me tell you how much I take pride in you – whatever decisions you make. So, in a way, you carry my pride. You are my pride – and my joy. Now go."
"Thank you, Father," Kakashi nodded. "I am glad that I could see you again. Everytime we meet, I am reminded sharply of what I lost -"
"But we will meet again," his father grinned. "I look forward to better news next time. Now go. Go!"
Kakashi nodded shakily and turned away. Walked back into the darkness – but beside was the familiar presence of his summonings. And with each step he took, his path became brighter and brighter. The glow of fur and of chakra gathered. Kakashi was returning home.
This is not the time for goodbye. Not yet.
Team 7 arrived at the location of the first outpost in good time. Instead of the projected 5 hour trip, Sasuke had predicted, thanks to Sakura's soldier pills and natural stamina, they had arrived in 4 hours. Even then, the three nins knew that the task before them was daunting. Around them lay thick forest and craggy rocks in between. It would be a difficult task to be able to differentiate the life signs between animal and human in such a wilderness. The amount of space needed to be covered alone was daunting, never mind the type of terrain facing them. Dells, crevasses, rocky outcroppings and clusters of trees would make the search almost impossible.
"Where's a Hyuuga when you need one?" grumbled Naruto. "If Hinata were here, we'd find him so easily..."
"I don't know," Sasuke shook his head. "There's so much out here... Sakura... find anything in the outpost?"
Sakura leaped out from behind a small secluded spot between some rocks and trees, frowning. Landing by the boys, she shook her head.
"There was someone at the outpost a week ago or so, but it's hard to prove conclusive that it was that creep or not."
"I say we divide up the space and explore everything within five hundred paces," Sasuke suggested quietly before his teammates could start panicking again. "Then come back to this spot," here he threw down a kunai with a red ribbon, "within two hours. See what we can find out to begin with. Look for any markings. Any sign of a trail however small... it shouldn't be hard..."
"But this is ANBU we are talking about," Sakura sighed. "He should know how to cover his tracks... It would be so easily for him to hide..."
"But he will be found," Naruto disagreed firmly. "He will. As a team we will find him. There's no way he can stay hidden forever. Plus, I'm sure Kakashi is fighting back as we spea-"
But before Naruto could finish his sentence, there was a hollow boom which resounded throughout the forest and the valleys, echoing it seemed from all places at once. Sakura and Sasuke exchanged glances as they sensed a sudden wash of chakra. Naruto's head whipped back and forth as he looked around them.
"What was that? Did you feel that? That felt -"
"That felt like Kakashi!" Sakura yelled. "Which way?"
"I don't know... it's hard to pin the location..."
After the dark, there was a bright light so blinding it burned the retinas and left behind a glare – but beyond that, there was morning. A cheerful kind of sunrise which promised blue skies and white puffy clouds – the kind that Shikamaru enjoyed watching. There was a brisk wind which carried the clear air of rocks and the wood scents of the trees surrounding them.
Kakashi stood there – raised above the treeline and looked around at a bright new world. New – as new as the eyes which beheld them. It was stunning – the silence and the business – the warmth of the rising sun and the cool of the shades -
Below him, Lightning's Howl shifted, his grey fur glistening in the sunlight. The giant wolfhound raised his head and howled, filling Kakashi with renewed strength and chakra. It filled him to overflowing as a cup – and it crackled along his body, radiating outward from his pale hair.
It was his heritage, his past and his future.
"There! There! Do you see it?! There! Oh my gosh! Sensei is so cool! He's always looking so cool! And check it out! It's his summoning! Sakura!"
"I see it, idiot. Shuddup!" The girl whacked her teammate hard on the head, slamming his face into the rock. "Where that bastard Yukio... I need to get my hands on him... or so help me..."
"Sakura," Sasuke turned to the girl. "Let's get closer – but I think..." He left the sentence unfinished as the two hot-heads of his team raced further into the thickets. "Hey... guys... yo..."
They were long gone into the distance.
Kakashi, after taking several deep breaths, looked around below him. There were no enemies. No scent of suppressed chakra. Nothing appeared to be hiding in the shifting shadows of the trees. Here, there was only nature – the flora, the fauna – the earth. He turned around to look back from which he came.
There was no darkness now. It had all been bared to the light: the cave from which he had emerged broken wide open like a fragile egg shell. Rounded, crumbling sides of earth, once hardened with chakra, rounded upward and away – revealing a still, curled up figure.
Jumping down lightly, Kakashi landed by... his teammate, his fingers immediately searching for a pulse. Yukio was dead. For a moment, Kakashi knelt there, and then, gently, he closed the dark-haired ANBU's eyes. Brushing away the dirt from pale skin, the Copy Nin remembered all the time he had spent together with Yukio.
Staring at the stars...
"You know, Kakashi," Yukio sighed. "There's something about the moon –"
"Don't tell me you're getting soft in your old age…" Kakashi snorted derisively, landing lightly on a branch somewhere above his comrade.
"Doesn't it get to you? The moon? The stars? So pure – so untouchable – so beautiful… you wonder how they stay in place – how they got there –"
"That's easily –"
"No… what if – were they made? Did they REALLY slowly come from nothing to evolve to into these beautiful lights? Is that why we feel so lonely under them?"
Drinking on his balcony...
"You live your life way too dangerously, Kashi-kun… what if –'
Kakashi opened his black eye blearily at Yukio's solemn tone.
"What if – you never came back?"
"Why should y'care? You're th' one who hurts me all th' time. Who's most annoyin'… dash - dastardly…"
"Hmn. Yes."
Sharing the dangers of missions...
"Kashi-kun. Why act so surprised?"
He watched the silver-haired ninja turn away to lay the sword down with shaking fingers
"Ah! You've got a scratch! Let me have a look!"
Deft hands bound up Kakashi's arm with bandages materializing out of nowhere.
Damn the man! He had thought.
There was a moment of silence as Kakashi watched his ex-teammate bind up his arm. They stood there staring at each other – dark eyes meeting dark eyes.
"You know," Yukio said, walking around Kakashi to slide two strong arms around the slimmer man's waist. "Standing there in the moonlight – you remind me of a moon spirit. So precious. But oh…. So cold."
Kakashi searched his heart and considered the thing inside it: sorrow and regret. Something like grief for what had been a great ninja and once upon a time, a great mind. There had been a soldier who had given away everything for Leaf. All he had wanted was someone to be there for him.
One cannot live alone, Kakashi smiled softly. That is the lesson I have learned. No man is a leaf existing on his own. Each must be bound together on the great tree we call family.
I am sorry, Yukio, that I was not the one. From now on, it is in my memories, you must exist. The good and the bad times together... the times you tore me down and built me up...
He paused as more memories came upon him.
"Kakashi. You. You in there! Dammit! Speak to me! Are you wounded?"
Strong hands shook him - slapped him awake - and he was there - in the blood spattered room - the warm corpse of a ten-year-old girl with a grey dress beside him -
Her hair was reddish - any lighter and -
Sakura. Rin.
Somehow Yukio managed to cut off the bloody prcelain mask before Kakashi spewed up what little he'd eaten before the attack on Rock. His dark blue eyes darkened with lust -
"You're so hot, bloody like that..." He whispered, his breath hot against Kakashi's neck.
Kakashi turned away with a glare and a sharp... 'no'. But he was weak - and Yukio took him there anyway - hard and fast on the teacher's blood-slicked desk.
Kakashi looked down and wondered what could have bred in the dark to cause such torment and loss. They had been like negatives drawn to each other, feeding on each other's loss and pain. But now... now, they were free.
For all that, thank you. May you find peace.
When Team 7 burst into the sunshine of the small glade, they were awed by the sheer size of the white wolfhound before them. The wise eyes sparkled with laughter and yet were still with solemnity. There was youth there – and wisdom beyond the ages. As always, Sakura felt she was looking at some eternal soul. Sasuke nodded with respect and Naruto waved.
"He is with him," the creature growled softly. "Wait awhile. He must pay his respects to the dead. Only in a fulfilling goodbye, can the past be released."
Sakura nodded, "We will wait then."
"It is over now," Lightning's Howl yipped. "I am a happier wolf for it. The young pup has given us much to grieve over – and yet, there is joy as well."
Sakura smiled, "That's Kakashi for you!"
"Indeed."
"The ANBU will be on their way any moment, I'm sure," Naruto stared around him uneasily. "I sent the message hours ago..."
"It takes a while to get to the borders," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Not all of us are imbued with demons you know."
"Imbued?" Naruto squinted.
"Forget it."
"What's it mean? Imbued?"
"I said forget it, idiot."
"Stop calling me idiot!" Naruto began to flail.
"Then stop being an idiot, idiot, and improve your vocabulary!"
"GUYS!" barked Sakura.
Both of the boys froze.
"Sorry..." Naruto whimpered and fell silent, satisfying himself with a glare at Sasuke's profile.
Sasuke snorted, but also held his peace. An angry Sakura was a dangerous one.
Kakashi turned rose finally and stepped away. After a moment's thought, he quickly formed a few seals – it was one of his handier jutsu copied from a Sand Nin. Molding his chakra evenly through the earth, Kakashi let the man he once called friend sink down into the earth. In a few hours, the hunter nins would come and take care of the body. Until then, Yukio would find the peace he had so long searched for.
Climbing over the edge of the large hole, Kakashi blinked at the sight of Sakura dusting her hands off. Sasuke and Naruto appeared to have been buried in the ground head first.
Chuckling nervously, he approached the medic nin.
"Yo... Sakura..."
"KAKASHI!" The young woman ran toward him, her eyes already checking him over for signs of severe injuries. "You are okay!"
The Copy Nin grinned.
"Yeah... somehow..."
"And... your...."
"Yukio is dead," Kakashi said softly, turning a little to stare at the hole he had just left. "The hunter nins will take care of it. As usual."
"But you are safe. That's all that really matters," Sakura breathed softly.
Kakashi drew close to her then, raising his hand to trail his pale fingers down her soft cheek. She was so beautiful – it took his breath away. Somehow he found it hard to tell her. Sakura smiled in an understanding response.
"I think..." he looked around. "I think we should worry more for Naruto and Sasuke. They seem to have gotten wasted... seriously..."
"There's just so much a girl can take," Sakura replied seriously. "What can I say? I might have gotten carried away..."
"Sakura!"
"They'll survive."
".... really..." Kakashi refrained from saying anything else.
The two of them instead found themselves staring at each other again. This time with new eyes – free of barriers. There was determination now – courage, hope and honesty. Sakura couldn't remember the last time she felt so elated. She blushed.
"Well, it seems as if it is my time to leave -" harrumphed Lightning's Howl. "Leave you two young pups to it."
"To what?" asked Kakashi, scratching his head in embarrassment.
"To what indeed..." the dog seemed to laugh. "That is up to you, I should think."
It seemed as if he winked at Sakura, which turned her face red – and Kakashi was sure he looked scandalized. But without waiting for a response, the dog nodded.
"Until next time then, young pup."
And he disappeared in several clouds of white smoke. For a moment, there was an awkward silence. Somewhere birds chirped, small animals rustled and a few groans emanated from the rest of Team 7.
Then, without warning, there were four ANBU touching down on the edge of the small crater. They nodded at the two Jounin before descending, allowing Sakura and Kakashi to pull the two young men out of the earth (loudly complaining about Sakura's fists).
Quickly they left, all of them knowing better than to stick around. Besides, the idea of returning home to their friends, the thought of hot fresh food and drinks held many charms for Team 7. Sakura wanted to get Kakashi into the hospital for a quick checkup. Without a word, they turned toward home.
Sakura couldn't wait to get alone with the Copy Nin. They had much to discuss.
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