Charlie ate with me and then Esme took him on a tour of the house. I was already in Edward's room with him when Esme and my dad came by. We were cuddled on the bed, each of us wrapped in our own activities. I was doing homework. Edward was reading and playing with my hair. He had some classical music playing softly in the background. After they passed, I looked at Edward.
"Was my dad weirded out when Esme said this was our room? Was he okay with the door closed and then seeing us on the bed together?"
"He was a little upset that we were on the bed together with the door closed, but then he remembered you telling him about my…old fashioned values. After seeing what he saw tonight and getting a little more in depth understanding of what it means to be mated, he wasn't all that surprised that the room title had been changed from Edward's room to Edward and Bella's room. I'm still waiting for the day when my name is dropped completely from the title and it's simply Bella's room." He joked at the end. I laughed with him because all it took was for me to move my toothbrush and some clothes in this room and suddenly I owned half of it. I leaned toward him and he met me to give me the kiss I was searching for. I went back to my studies and he focused on his book. He tried to hide it, but I knew he was reading a pregnancy book so he would be able to take care of me. I love him.
I wasn't surprised that Rosalie didn't show up for a few days. I wasn't worried because Emmet always knew how to find her and it was clear that she needed time alone. Edward helped me to study for the tests I'd missed; which I passed. After word had spread about my confrontation with Mike, no one bothered to question me about my extended absence from school. According to Edward, most people just thought I was sick; I didn't feel the need to make any clarifications. Edward gallantly 'ate' breakfast with me, and then threw up with me. The rest of the Cullens gladly left the room whenever I was hungry; leaving Edward to have my meals with me. Alice joined us at lunch because she didn't want to sit by herself. After three days, she started to skip lunch altogether. I knew I was making Edward miserable, but hey, misery loves company. He would hold my hair when my food re-appeared and I would rub his back for him when he forced his back up. Once in a while, someone else would sit with me to give Edward a break; usually it was Rosalie. Soon, Edward was able to skip breakfast with me altogether because Rosalie stayed with me; sharing in my pregnancy symptoms and showing support the only way she could for the time being. I knew he went hunting every night while I slept; no matter whose house we were at.
Charlie went back to the house in the morning and watched my vampires reassemble my house in record time. I was desperate to ask Edward what he was thinking in regards to all of this new information, but I didn't because I wanted my dad to come to his own decision and approach me when he was ready.
Rosalie turned out to be my biggest supporter, other than Edward. She respected his boundaries when it came to taking care of me; which he was fierce about when he felt she had pushed me too far. I was talking to him one night at my house a few weeks later.
"Edward, can we talk?"
"Of course, love. What do you want to talk about?"
"Decisions."
"Ok."
"I want to know how you feel about the baby. What if I decided to keep it? What if I decide to see if Rosalie and Emmet want to adopt it; I know that would be about as close to having her own baby as she is going to get and it would make her happy. I want to know what you want." I was lying on the bed with my head on his chest. I wanted to know his thoughts, but at the same time, was afraid of his answer. He tilted my face up to his and kissed me.
"Bella, I want what you want. In a way, I already think of this baby as mine, simply because it is a part of you. I don't want Rosalie to be a part of the decision making unless you decide that you don't want to keep the baby as yours. If you do keep it, I will gladly fill the role of Daddy, if that's what you want. I want you to be happy first and foremost. I've already decided to be the proud, supportive husband-to-be when your belly starts to tell people that you are in fact pregnant." I smiled softly.
"It's so hard to decide. Part of me wants to keep it because I will never have another shot at motherhood; not that I wanted one in the first place." I added when I saw his face fall.
"You're still holding to your end of the bargain, mister, so don't think you can get out of it."
"I know."
"Another part of me wants to give it up because it didn't come from you. I don't want that reminder in my life forever. Though if I allow Rosalie to adopt, then I can't escape the reminder either way. I'm so confused."
"That's understandable. Have you talked to Rosalie? Would she want to adopt if that is the option you choose?"
"No, I haven't. What are her thoughts?"
"She's thinking along the same lines as you. If you offered it to her, she would want it, but at the same time, wouldn't want you to be in pain by having to see the baby all the time. It goes against the whole point of adoption. She's also thought that if you offered and she accepted, then she would leave the family for a while so you wouldn't have to suffer."
"I would still suffer if she and Emmet weren't there."
"You also have to consider that if this baby stays in the family, then the truth will have to be revealed at some point and another conversion may have to be made." The color faded from my face. I was ok with me changing and my dad if that is what he wants because he too, had to be told in order to protect him. Would I want to subject my child to the same fate?
"You're right. Could we do that? Could a baby really grow up in a house full of vampires? I'm going to have to stay away for a while if that's the case so that I will not be a threat to the baby."
"I don't think that you will be." He said. This peaked my curiosity.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because, even if you decide to allow Rosalie to adopt the baby, it will still come from your body and it's natural for humans to protect their young. Your body and mind will remember that you gave birth and therefore protecting the baby. Rosalie would also kill you."
"She would make a wonderful mother."
"So would you, if that's what you choose to do. Of course, there are other perks to giving the baby to Rosalie."
"Why are you messing with me? Tell me already!" I said with a smile that he returned.
"Your newborn and newlywed status already comes with specific stereotypes. If you have no baby to worry about, then you can focus your attention on other…perks if you will."
"Oh, you mean like my non-stop blood lust?"
"Or just your lust." He was definitely feeling playful. He was anxious for me to be like him, but he didn't want me to suffer through three days of pain to get there. He also wanted this wedding to be over with so he could trade in his V-card for a ball and chain. I was eager for that too. He rolled on top of me, but kept his weight off.
"Bella, I love you."
"I love you too; more than you will ever know." He leaned down to kiss me and my hands sunk into his hair in my feeble attempts to keep him attached to me. He chuckled through our kiss and moved one of his hands up and down my side. I figured that since he was being a little more bold, then I could too. I moved one of my hands from his hair, down his back and let it land on his butt. He moaned and pulled away. I knew our little make-out session was over. He sighed pleasurably and let his forehead rest on mine.
"Oh Bella, you have no idea how much I wish we could continue."
"I know. I'm sorry for pushing you."
"I'm not, it felt good. I like your hands on me." I smiled.
"Should I talk to Rosalie? Do you think that the fresh blood and strong heartbeat would be too tempting to anyone?"
"Bella, I don't think that we would need to worry about anyone suffering from bloodlust. We've all become accustomed to having you around and not one of us would ever consider hurting a baby. Rosalie would rip the arms off of anyone who tried." I felt slightly reassured. I was still so confused. I guess it's a good thing that I still had many months to decide.
"If you think it will help you to make your decision, then I'll take you over there right now."
"I need to know her thoughts if I'm even going to consider that alternative. I don't believe in abortion and I don't think that I have the strength to give the baby to a complete stranger. People can be deceiving." I smirked at him.
"Yes, you're right about that. I would know." He smiled at me. We went downstairs to tell my dad we were leaving.
"Hey dad, we're going over to Edward's. I need to talk to Rosalie."
"Ok. Is everything ok?"
"I'm trying to decide what to do. I want to know if she would adopt the baby if I decide not to keep it. I know she wants to be a mother more than anything in the world, so I'm going to consider her feelings. I'll let you know how it goes."
"Ok. Can I have some time alone with you tomorrow?" He was still mostly focused on the game. I glanced at Edward's face; Charlie must be blocking the reason for the request so that Edward couldn't tell me ahead of time. It hadn't taken my dad very long to figure out that Edward had a difficult time denying me any request I made of him.
"Sure Dad, that sounds fine. I don't know if I'm coming back tonight or not. It depends on how long the talk with Rosalie goes."
"Ok. Hey, uh, I meant no offense to you Edward. I hope you know that."
"None taken, sir. You have every right to want time alone with Bella. I need to go hunt tomorrow anyway." He waved good-bye and I followed Edward out the back door. As soon as we were safely in the trees, I climbed on his back and we were running.
"Family meeting." Edward called from the yard as we jumped over the river at the edge of his property. By the time we entered the dining room, that only I used to actually eat at, the rest of the family was seated and waiting for us. I took my seat next to Edward, who sat at Carlisle's left. Esme was on his right. Next to me was Rosalie and Emmet with Jasper and Alice next to Esme. Carlisle sat at the head of the table and motioned toward Edward.
"Bella has some questions that she would like to ask all of you." I felt all of their golden eyes turn toward me.
"Um, I've been giving some serious thought as to what to do with this baby. I know that I have months before I make my final decision, but you are my family and it does impact you. I've already decided against abortion, and I don't think I could give the baby to a total stranger. That leaves me with few options and I want to consider them all. I could keep it. Edward has already said he would help me raise it and be the daddy. I wanted to know, specifically Rosalie and Emmet, if I were to decide not to keep it, would you want to adopt it? I'm aware that this option will have consequences like having a human in the house at all times and should the Volturi become aware of this, then the baby will have to be turned at some point. I also know that this is your dream Rosalie, and while it's not your child biologically, you could still be a mother."
"Bella, thank you. If you choose to give it away, I would love to take the baby as my own." Emmet nodded, to back her up.
"I still need to talk to my dad and see what he is thinking. If he chooses not to be a vampire, he might also want the chance to have the baby and have the opportunities that he didn't get to have with me. I also need to decide if I want the baby to know the truth behind its conception."
"Bella, I hope that you are able to feel the love radiating around the room for you. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. I admire your bravery. I look forward to being an uncle." Jasper told me.
"I wish I could give you some guidance, but you're clearly still undecided. Just take comfort in the fact that the baby will still be a part of our family, which includes your dad, and therefore he or she will be loved. I am excited to be an aunt." Alice told me soothingly.
"Bella, you know you have the support of all of us, no matter what your decision is. Carlisle and I have discussed this a little and we are excited to be grandparents; it's a dream we didn't even know we wanted until it happened. Thank you Bella." Esme said with a smile.
"Bella, I'm honored that you are even considering me especially since I wasn't the most welcoming to you in the beginning. If you choose me, I will do my best to make you proud of your choice. If not, I will understand and be the best aunt this world has ever seen." I noticed, again, that Emmet said nothing. He just held a comforting arm around Rosalie.
"You complete our family, Bella. You've brought us together in a way that cannot be described. You make us all truly feel and act like a family and I can only imagine that anyone that comes from you, will only enhance us." Carlisle's words broke through my wall and I felt the tears streaming down my face.
"Thank you." I focused on Jasper and felt it when he took my love for them and sent it around the room, saving Edward for last. He reacted to it by putting his arm around me and pulling closer to his body. I stood up and since Alice saw my decision, she was the first to be at my side, hugging me. I went around the table, saving Rosalie and Emmet for last.
"Emmet, can we go for a walk?" I asked quietly though I knew they all heard me. He nodded and allowed me to leave the room first. I paused to place a kiss on Edward's lips.
"I'll be back in a few minutes." He nodded. Emmet followed me out into the yard.
"Let's go where we can't be heard." He held his arms out for me and I walked to him. He ran me into the woods for a mile or two and we found a fallen log to sit on.
"What's up, Bella?"
"I noticed that you were awfully quiet in the meeting. Can you tell me what you're thinking?"
"I think it's great that you are considering Rosie. I know she will put up a front, but I also know that she will be crushed if she isn't chosen. I know that you are genuine in your thoughts, but I wish that you hadn't dangled her dream in front of her until you were sure it was what you wanted to do. I wish that you would have just come to me alone instead. I just want my Rosie to be happy. I've never given much thought to having children when I was human because I was still enjoying being a big child when I was changed. I'm happy and I'm probably the only one who is happy with their fate. I can't imagine how my human life would have played out. Rosie completes me. I love you Bella and it pisses me off to know that you have been so disrespected. It took all of my strength to not rip those guys apart at your house. Do you want to know what stopped me?" I nodded.
"I looked at you. Something so horrible happened to you and yet you still found the strength to allow Edward to touch you so freely. I'm glad he has you in his life. You make him happy. He took all my fun away in the seventies because he was such a moody bastard." I chuckled lightly, totally picturing it.
"Thank you Emmet."
"I know that I'm the guy to make a joke out of everything, which is why I chose not to say anything at the meeting. What happened to you is a personal attack on her and an attack on her is an attack on me and it triggers my instinct to protect her. I'm sure you've seen Edward react in a protective manner." I nodded.
"What I'm trying to say is if you choose not to allow me and Rosie to adopt the baby, then don't be surprised if I am a little distant with you for a while. I love you girl, but my mate will always come first."
"I understand. I truly didn't mean for it to come across as me being spiteful or malicious in any way. I honestly wanted the whole family to know what I am considering my options to be. If I choose to keep the baby, I will come to you first and I will also ask Rosalie to be the godmother. Would that ease some of the pain she might feel if I choose that path?"
"It might. You've got months to decide still, but maybe hold off on the family meetings until you decide, ok?"
"Ok. Thank you for talking to me, Emmet."
"No problem sugar. Now climb on, I'm sure Edward is scaling the walls, wondering where we are." I laughed lightly, sure that he was right.
"Will you talk to Rosalie for me?" I asked as we jumped over the river. He nodded and let me down. We walked at my slow, human pace toward the house. Edward met us on the back porch. I stopped when I reached him. Emmet placed a light kiss on the top of my head and went inside.
"Are you ok?" He asked me immediately.
"I'm fine. I just needed to talk to him in private. I'm glad I did. He explained a few things to me. I even understand you a little better. He also said you ruined the seventies for him by being a moody bastard." Edward let a ghost of a smile slip as he remembered the decade. Almost immediately, he turned serious.
"What else?"
"Can we go somewhere? There is a reason he didn't say anything at the meeting tonight." Without any additional words, Edward carried me about halfway home and I felt like it was the same log I just sat on with Emmet. I snuggled into Edward's chest and enjoyed the silence. It only lasted a moment because Edward is impatient with me; he hates that he can't read my thoughts. I told him everything that Emmet has said to me in confidence and he confirmed that that was the general direction on his thoughts during the meeting.
"He's right you know."
"About what?"
"Our devotion to our mates; every one of us, if we had to choose between saving our mate or saving a family member, then our mate comes first. We can mourn and grieve over the loss of a family member or a friend, but losing a mate is unbearable. You may not consciously realize it, but that it the biggest reason why you put yourself in so much danger by going to Italy. Alice told you I was in danger and as my mate you are hardwired to do what you can to protect me. I'm the same way. When James was after you, it was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do to let you leave my side. I was only able to do it because it was the safest option at the time. When I realized you actually went to meet him, I bolted from my family without a second thought. I knew they were behind me, but my only priority was getting to you."
"Wow. I told myself that I had to get you in Italy because I didn't want you to kill yourself because of me; I know deep down that there was more to it."
"I thought you were dead; I told you I wouldn't live much longer than you. I know I'm not strong enough to endure the pain that comes with losing a mate." I moved to straddle his legs and kissed him with as much passion as I could muster. He matched my ardor with equal ferocity. It wasn't about making love, this was about devotion.
"I love you."
"I love you too Bella. I must apologize though, I didn't realize how deep your love went until Jasper showed me. I once again underestimated your human emotions. Your love for me is just as deep as mine is for you."
"Thank you. I want you to know that I finally understand. Esme, Carlisle, my dad and even you tried to explain to me the depth of our love, but it was Emmet that made me truly understand. He spoke with such devotion and maybe it was that he spoke of himself rather than in third person like everyone else. I'm pretty sure I know what I'm going to do."
"What's that?"
"I'm going to give Rosalie her dream. I still don't know if I want the baby to know the truth, but I have a few years to decide. I'm sure eventually, it will come out, but we all need to be together in how it will be revealed." I saw his face fall just a little bit.
"You are so selfless; it's one of the many reasons why I love you so much."
"I love you too. Are you sad about my decision?"
"A little, but Rosalie wants it more than I do. It's not like I'll never get to see the baby, I just get to be a cool uncle." I felt horrible, though I kept it from him. I wish I could make everyone happy, and it's clearly not the case. If I choose Rosalie, then Edward is sad. If I choose Edward, the Rosalie will be crushed. Why is nothing ever easy? I needed to talk to Alice, but it will have to wait until tomorrow because my dad is looking to spend time with me.
"I want you to be completely honest with me."
"Ok."
"Do you want me to keep this baby so we can raise it ourselves?"
"I want you to be happy. I want you to do what feels right. Don't give the baby to Rosalie just because you think it's the right thing to do or because it's what she wants."
"You didn't answer the question."
"I'm torn. Yes, because I'll never get another shot at being a father and no, because I want to have you all to myself. Right now, the scales are balanced. I'm fairly sure that as the pregnancy progresses and I share the symptoms with you that the scales will tip toward yes." I started crying on the spot.
"Bella, what's wrong?"
"I just want everyone to be happy and it's not going to happen. Why is fate out to get us? Is it because I'm still human?"
"Bella, what are you talking about?"
"How many times have I had my life in danger? On our first official date, we met up with James, Victoria and Laurent. It feels like there's always something waiting to make our lives miserable. Victoria is gone, but the effects are lasting. Why can't we go more than a few weeks without something threatening one or both of us?"
"Bella, calm down."
"I don't want to calm down damn it! I'm in the middle of a melt down! I'm seriously losing it. If you don't want to see it happen, then take me home; otherwise, shut up and let me lose control." Edward stayed silent and watched me angrily pace in front of him to calm myself down. He must have known I was furious because as a rule, I never swear. I was suddenly grateful for his endless patience and returned to my seat beside him.
"Feel better?" He asked cautiously.
"Only slightly. Getting mad doesn't erase the problems and it only makes me look silly. I love you and your patience with me."
"I love you too." He kissed me sweetly.
"Bella, as much as I would love to be the father of the baby when he or she is born, it's nothing compared to how much I would love to simply be with you. I try to focus on the quieter times of our relationship; the times that are peaceful enough for us to focus on each other and form a very strong emotional bond." Huh? I never thought of it like that. He has a point though.
"You're right. Do you think it will be easier after I'm changed?"
"Well, we're never danger free, but yes, it will be easier."
"That's comforting. If you could have a baby with me, would you?"
"Absolutely; I'd want a big family." He spoke with such conviction that it was the first time in our relationship that I wished he was human. I would gladly give him as many children as he wanted. I rested against his stony chest and took comfort in his cool embrace. It didn't feel so cold to me anymore. As soon as I had my final human experience with Edward and we came back from our honeymoon, I wanted to be changed. I was finally ready. He must have sensed my resolve because he asked me about it.
"What are you thinking about?"
"I'm ready. As soon as we get back from our honeymoon, I want you to change me."
"Ok."
"I also want to put the wedding off until after this baby is born. How about a New Year's wedding?"
"I think it sounds perfect. Who's going to tell Alice?" On cue, my phone rang.
"Hello Alice."
"You're killing me Bella. I had everything booked. It was all ready. Now I have to reschedule everything and change the theme slightly and get new decorations." I shared a smile with Edward.
"Be thankful that I'm still in Forks. Edward said we could go to Vegas."
"Don't remind me. I would have hunted you down and killed you before you said 'I do'."
"Only if you see it in time; I have figured out how to get around your visions."
"You don't play fair, Bella."
"No, I play to win."
"Oh, and if you are sticking with your current decision, it will all work out fine. Edward had a point that you are finding irresistible."
"Which one is that?"
"The one about stereotypes for newlyweds." I felt my face flush with embarrassment, knowing Edward could hear the entire conversation. This was her payback for me changing my mind and mentioning Vegas.
"Oh."
"Oh and the talk with your dad is going to go just fine. Tell Edward the Denali's are coming to visit in two weeks. They want to meet you Bella."
"Ok, should I warn Charlie?"
"I'll let you decide that one. I've seen the results of both decisions."
"Ok; talk to you later Alice."
"Bye." I hung up the phone and looked at Edward.
"I'm going to see what he wants to talk about before I decide if I'm going to tell him about the Denali's."
"Ok, whatever you want love."
"We should get going; I know he wants to talk to me. It's also getting late." He nodded and I climbed on his back before he stood up. He had me home five minutes later and followed me through the front door.
"Hey dad."
"Hey you two. Edward, are you staying the night?"
"Yes sir. I will leave in the morning so you and Bella can have some time alone."
"I'm sorry, Dad, the talk with his family took much longer than I thought it would."
"It's fine. Is everything alright?"
"I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Are we going out or staying in?"
"We'll go out for a little while. I'll take you to lunch and maybe we can catch a movie after you throw it back up."
"Yeah, not funny, Dad." I still heard Edward chuckling behind me.
"If you're going to laugh at me, you can go home." I threatened.
"Sorry."
"I'm going to bed. I'll see you in the morning." My dad waved at me and Edward followed me up the stairs. He waited in my room while I showered and changed for bed. As always, he kissed me for a few minutes and held me in my sleep.
A/N: That was a really long chapter, but I didn't really see another place to break it. I hope that you liked it. Any predictions for the next chapter? What do you think Charlie wants to talk to Bella about? Will she tell them about the Denali's?
Reviews are wanted and appreciated. Have a great day! Kelly