Chapter Two

The clock towering over the theater district of Lindblum chimed loudly, announcing it was ten in the morning. The birds fluttered away from the buildings that shuddered in the bonging clocks wake. The sky was clear that day and the crisp golden rays of sunshine fell across the red thatched rooftops. The City of Industry was alive and vibrant as workers headed off for another grueling day and the children raced each other in the alleys for their tutoring sessions. The distant drone of aircabs rang out over the buildings and steam rose from chimneys. The clanging of hammers and rickety machines made their way above the rapidly growing city. Just beyond the stained glass of the Tantalus hideout, several people could be seen climbing scaffolding to continue the efforts of restoring Lindblum. Women beat rugs and hung damp clothes out to dry. Men painted pottery and entertained the children who darted about in their narrow yards. It was a promising day outside with lots of movement and noise. But perched on the sill by the windows sat a rather deflated Blank. His leg dangled carelessly below, his arm hugging his knee to his chest. He only watched passively as the housewife below pinned her husbands tunics up. It was just another day for her… but for Blank, it felt like time simply ceased to exist anymore. The only relief he had from the tormenting grief and anguish was in his sleep. Every day was the same cycle, however. He'd wake up and for a fleeting moment, everything would be alright. But the crushing of reality would set in on him, along with the bitter realization of what reality actually was. Zidane was still gone. Blank tilted his head against the window, watching a young girl coax her toddler sibling towards her. Blank could remember, fleetingly, his youth with Zidane. It had been so long and Blank wondered how much of it Zidane would have even remembered. Zidane was so small when Baku first brought him home, barely toddling on his own. Blank wasn't much older, maybe eight or nine. An even older Marcus had expressed concern about having what he considered an infant. But the young boy with the odd tail learned quickly and developed almost faster, shooting up like a weed in summertime. Blank sighed and closed his eyes, not wanting to see his face. There was shuffling below the platform and after a few moments, Cinna emerged with a bowl cereal. He cast a weary glance towards Blank before seating himself at the community table. The man sat pensively, slurping the milk and chewing noisily on the cereal.

"Another day of window watchin', huh, Blank?" Cinna glanced over his shoulder. His brother didn't seem to react to his voice. Cinna sighed. "Guess I'm not surprised. You've only been sitting there for the past three weeks…"

Blank crossed his arms over his chest, tilting his forehead to the cool window. He pursed his lips, a sour feeling overcoming the anguish he had felt just moments before. "I don't know how you guys can just be so chipper every day, going out to the bars, and being your normal selves… How does none of this bother you?"

"It does bother us, Blank."

"Sure doesn't seem like it. Actually, it feels like no one really cares. You still drink like a king, throw up like one, go out to eat, and all the other piddly bullshit," Blank shook his head, his eyes trained on some smoke puffing out from a nearby chimney. "You guys act like he never mattered!"

Cinna's spoon clanged to the edge of the bowl as he withheld a sigh, trying to be patient. It was wearing thin on the elder Tantalus member, however. Cinna pivoted in his stool, looking towards the tense and constricted Blank. "I've told you before, it gets easier. Just 'cause I keep on with my life doesn't mean I don't think about him. Do you really think Zidane would be happy knowing you're perched up by the window just letting your life slide past you?"

"I'm just taking your advice," Blank shrugged. "If it's supposed to get easier, then I'm just gonna sit here and wait 'til it does!"

Cinna sighed and shook his head, now just carelessly pushing his cereal about his bowl. "I think you're taking the saying too literal…"

"I just don't get it," Blank said, crossing his arms over his chest and curling up tighter on the sill. "How can you all be so cheery, like nothing is wrong?"

"You're acting like we're dancing on his grave," Cinna barely looked over his shoulder. Again, he tilted his breakfast around, not in the mood for it anymore. "Look, we're all upset, Blank. Some people just process it differently… I'd give anything to have him here with us again. But I can't change that." Cinna paused, slowly turning his body to face his brother. "But I know that I can't let the facts overtake me, Blank. It's not healthy for you to just mope up there day and day again."

"It's been three weeks and none of us have even honored him!" Blank sat forward, his cheeks burning intensely. "He was the best thing Tantalus ever had and we're just gonna let him go silently? Not even a single memorial service for him? A drink for him?"

Cinna stood, collecting his dishes. "Boss already said he doesn't want anything like that."

"And why the hell not?!" Blank's voice had risen now, his heart rate sky rocketing. "It's been a year and we've done nothing meaningful in that time without him!"

"Maybe we don't wanna hold some elaborate event for him," Cinna shot back, gripping the edge of his bowl tightly.

Blank staggered to his feet, a fire roaring in his eyes. Cinna was certain he'd leap from the platform to attack him. "Zidane deserves it! Why wouldn't we?!"

Cinna was quiet, his face pensive. There was silence in the tense room, Blank's angered eyes hovering down on Cinna. "Because if we do that…" Cinna shook his head. "… then it will feel too real, Blank. It will be like Zidane really is dead and we're sendin' him off. Boss doesn't want that. None of us do. We're still holding out hope like you are."

Blank pursed his lips and turned his head away. "This isn't right. None of this is."

"Yeah, well, we just gotta go with the punches," Cinna told him, dumping his half-eaten bowl in the already cluttered wash basin. "Boss has always told us life ain't fair."

"This isn't fair for Zidane, though," Blank came to the edge of the platform and it creaked under his weight. "He deserved so much more than this. We can't just move on and forget him. He was our brother, Cinna. How could Dagger just let the searches be called off? Even if he is dead, he deserves to be buried! We can't just let his body rot under the desert sun. It's not right!"

Cinna cocked his head back. "Do you really think Dagger wanted to call it all off, Blank? We're all in the same boat as you. We're upset, we're confused, we want closure… but sometimes you just don't get it. That's life."

"Well, that's bullshit," Blank paced away, crossing his arms over his chest again.

Cinna backpedaled to spy Blank. He was gazing over the bed that used to belong to Zidane. It was a rumpled mess and above it on the shelves, his old airship model collection still gleamed with the shedding daylight. "All I can say, Blank, is that things will get easier. Maybe not right now… it's all still fresh… but we have to live our lives to their fullest. You never know when it'll get cut short. Right now, we can honor him by putting on our best performance of I Want to Be Your Canary for Dagger's birthday next week."

"I'm not doing it," Blank said with his back to Cinna, his eyes trained on the models Zidane had dutifully assembled in his youth. "I think it's blasphemous Dagger would even ask for such a thing. The blocking is all wrong without Zidane! It won't be the same."

"Well… I hope you change your mind," Cinna said, crossing down the stairs towards the door. He took one more glance at Blank who was tense and upset. He had been this way, very testy, ever since their disappointing return from Alexandria. The band worried about him, naturally. Every letter Ruby sent had a barrage of questions about Blank, but no one really knew what to say. What could they even say? Nothing would take away Blank's hurt. Zidane was closest in age to him. They could have been blood brothers for all anyone knew. Everyone had been affected by Zidane's sudden absence but no one could predict this level of grief and intensity inside of Blank. And nobody had any way to solve the pent up aggression that overtook the young man. Cinna shuffled his feet for a moment. "I'm goin' down to the Business District to see what's going on… maybe stop by that cheap little Nickelodeon theater. Wanna come?" He waited a few beats, but it was like Blank hadn't even heard him. Still, he fixated on the airship models, recounting their youthful teasing of Zidane who was so fascinated by the machines. "You know…" Cinna sighed, gripping the doorknob. "You're not the only one who lost someone special to them. Zidane was our brother, too."

And with that, Cinna opened the door. A slanted beam of sunlight came across the musty hideout, along with the noises of everyday life. The door closed quietly behind him, shutting out the world that continued to spin. Blank felt so frustrated. The world was continuing on without a care. What a waste, was all Blank could think. Men could take their sweethearts out for treats, children could play in the streets, and airships could stream through the clouds- but none of that would even be possible today without Zidane. How could the world carry on as if nothing had happened? How could anyone accept that this was the way it was going to be? How was Blank going to survive knowing Zidane didn't? He ground his teeth together, tearing himself away from Zidane's knick knacks. He seated himself back on the windowsill, watching the housewife move on past the laundry and begin sweeping the back stoop of her house.

…

Beatrix had a throbbing headache. She knew she shouldn't have skipped breakfast, but she wasn't feeling one percent that morning and chose to jump it for the sake of her rounds. The General was still reeling from her travels. With age, it seemed it only took longer for her to recover from long arduous and disappointing journeys. The castle was quite busy with movement, as well. Several maids dashed past her as she made her way towards the front foyer. Garnet's birthday gala was only six days away. The garden team worked tirelessly on trimming hedges and bushes, dutifully feeding the plants with growing herbs and plenty of water. The maids cleaned endlessly, sometimes following right on other people's heels to sweep up behind them. Lady Hilda and Lady Eiko had arrived the day before to give Garnet company and also pester her with new dresses despite Garnet's exasperation. Beatrix wished Garnet didn't feel so low about her birthday, but the General could understand why. It only brought up painful memories, undoing the healing of scars, and snapping heart strings. Garnet had met Zidane on her sixteenth birthday. It must have been a devastating thought to know he wasn't around for her seventeenth celebration. As Beatrix walked into the bright daylight, she felt her head twinge in pain. She desperately needed a cup of tea. They just had to make it through the gala, Beatrix told herself. Then things could, possibly, become normal again. However, the woman would kick herself every time she looked at the Queen, knowing she had failed in finding any trace of her lost love. Squad Beatrix and the Knights of Pluto saluted as Beatrix made her way through the winding garden, towards the furthest eastern section. Once she reached the fork, she turned right, for the private quarters she and Steiner shared. Behind her was the tall three story living barracks of the soldiers. She pushed the door open, letting out a sigh and welcoming the quietness. The kitchen window was open in the narrow room as Beatrix set about putting the kettle on the stove and choosing which tea bag she wanted. Her head faced another rapid throb and she paused for a moment, deciding she would snack on the chocolate wafers she found in the cupboard.

It wasn't long before the kettle whistled and Beatrix was seated at the table by herself, holding a hand to her throbbing head. Everything had been so draining as of late. Beatrix and Steiner felt it was of utmost importance to keep Garnet happy, but it was a difficult task. The young ruler was prone to bouts of depression in the confines of the castle. She was still dutiful to have audiences of grievances from the people of Alexandria, she still took the time to make appearances, but it came at the cost of her mental health most days. Beatrix admired the way Garnet still was able to carry herself in the face of adversity, but she worried at night, in the lonesome of her private chambers, that Garnet only crumpled and gave in to her despairing feelings. The General wished there was more to be done. In the three weeks since her return, the feeling of guilt, the feeling of letting people down, had not alluded her. It followed Beatrix incessantly. What could she do, though? There were no signs of Zidane. Not a footprint, not a trail of blood- absolutely nothing. What had happened to him? Where could he be? Steiner had suggested in privacy that perhaps Zidane had been lost beneath the falling Iifa Tree, but no one dared utter the thought in front of the Queen. Without a trace, Beatrix was at a loss. And every day she wondered where he was… even if she had just found his body, at least they would have answers. But for now, everyone had to sit in the dark and twiddle their thumbs; come to the terms on their own time. But just how long would that take?

The front door opened, filling the foyer with light. Beatrix cocked her eyebrows up and leaned forward, seeing Steiner come through the door. He let out a long sigh, pulling his helmet from his head to reveal his rustled short cropped dark hair. After a moment, he realized he wasn't alone by the smell of mint tea reaching him. He disregarded his helmet on the foyer table, emerging into the kitchen where Beatrix sat by the open window. Beatrix gripped her tea cup.

"There's hot water in the kettle," She told him.

Steiner began sifting through the cupboards for a glass and a tea bag. "Mint tea?" He glanced over his shoulder as he poured his water. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Just tired," Beatrix assured him, toying with the saucer beneath her cup. "I didn't sleep well last night."

"Or the night before," Steiner pointed out. His armor shuddered as he seated himself across the table. He had such broad shoulders, a force to be reckoned with, that he almost was comically too large for their living quarters. "You should see the doctor in the infirmary. Perhaps you inhaled too much dust on the Outer Continent."

Beatrix grinned lightly. "I think I'll survive. Have you seen Her Majesty today?"

"Oh, yes," Steiner nodded, stirring his tea. "She is with Lady Hilda and Eiko discussing birthday logistics. I know Her Majesty's energy is waning."

"Did you see the amount of dresses Lady Hilda brought with her?" Beatrix shook her head at the thought. "The guards carried off nearly four trunks worth of dresses! Surely Lady Hilda doesn't expect Her Majesty to try all of them on?"

"Hm, maybe you don't know Lady Hilda too well," The couple shared a small laugh and Beatrix sighed, biting into her chocolate wafer. "I received a letter from Baku."

"Oh, really," Beatrix said, lowering her tea cup. "They're still performing, right? We cannot have anything go wrong at this birthday celebration."

"They will, yes," Steiner nodded. "They're having to workshop the play a bit. Baku, however, assured me it would continue as normal, even if Blank ultimately chooses not to partake."

"Oh, yes, Blank…" Beatrix lowered her eyes, recounting his outrage in the Deliberation Room only weeks ago. "I assume his depression is not seasonal."

Steiner reached across the table, gripping Beatrix's thin wrist. "Nothing that you caused… it's just hard on all of us."

"It's all so difficult…." Beatrix sighed, her head throbbing all over. "I wish there was more I could do."

"You did everything you could," Steiner squeezed her wrist in assurance. "We're all doing the best we can."

"How are you holding up?"

"Just fine," Steiner said. Beatrix suspected he was lying. "My utmost attention still goes to Her Majesty, as usual. I will admit, though, it's hard accepting Zidane is gone."

"I only wish I knew where he was," Beatrix lowered her eyes. "Labeling him as missing in action seems so… wrong. It's hard to think Zidane is dead but, Steiner…"

"I know," He shook his head. "It's hard for me to imagine, too, but no clues, no sightings…"

Beatrix's head hurt yet again and she drank mint tea to offset it. "Was this really Zidane's fate?"

Steiner was slow to reply as he retracted his hand. His skin had left a warm spot on Beatrix's wrist. She watched him earnestly as he stirred his tea, rather awkwardly. Steiner glanced to the window, admiring the evergreen hedges that grew just beyond it. Finally, he licked his lips. "I don't know… After what we found out on Terra, how could we? He was destined for so much on Gaia… but it falls short of what was destined for Terra. With the planet extinguished… I don't know what it all means…"

In the Alexandrian Castle, every conversation seemed to come back to Zidane. Only a year ago, he would have been seen as a low-life, a person never allowed into the castle. But now, he was revered by all the knights, the soldiers, and even the castle staff. His name seemed to be spoken in all corners of the property and scholars decided how they'd immortalize him. It all seemed so foreign to Steiner, who had a whirlwind of emotions towards Zidane in the past year. He had seen him as scum, then redeemable, and in today's time as a hero and a right fit for Her Majesty despite his lowborn title to this planet. But all of that seemed lost in the mist. Steiner knew Zidane gave great happiness to Queen Garnet and that was his only wish; to restore her smile in this world. But now that he was gone, Steiner seemed to flounder without his charismatic touch, his natural people skills.

"I'm sorry…" Beatrix's voice was quiet in their small living quarters. "I know he meant a great deal to you."

"I just worry for Her Majesty," Steiner shook his head.

"But you cared for him, as well."

Steiner was slow to nod. "I did… and yet life goes on and I can't help but think: what was it all for, tragically wasting such a young life?"

"That is war," Beatrix hugged her mug close. "We lose the innocent, the young… it's unfair but it's become a fact of life."

Steiner sighed. "It's just hard to accept that Zidane died… of all people, it should have been me-"

"Steiner…"

"I've lived a long full life… his was only to begin…"

Beatrix grabbed his arm now, directing his dark eyes towards her. "That is no way to think. You suffered, too. You made your sacrifices. You didn't just get lucky, Steiner. You survived."

He heaved another sigh, looking out the window. "I will wonder for the rest of my days what life would have been like if Zidane had survived…"