Chapter 24. Decisions.

We didn't speak the entire way back to my house – it didn't feel like Edward was upset with me, but like he realized that I needed the silence to digest what had just happened. I was grateful, because while I knew he was probably incredibly frustrated by his inability to read my mind right now, I needed to grieve the friend I had just lost. As much as I was sure he wanted to, it just wasn't something he could help me with yet. It was true that I had never felt completely in step with anyone until I met Edward, but Jake was a close second, right there with Madison, and it felt like a tremendous loss that our friendship would never be the same, if it survived at all.

"I'll be back soon." Edward said as he helped me into my bed. "If you want me."

He had to go bring his car home, and would probably want to shower after being on the Res. I could probably use a shower, myself. But why wouldn't I want him to come back? I studied him and realized that I wasn't the only one who might, at times, feel uncertain or inadequate in our relationship. The pain in his eyes was a good reminder that even he needed reassurance sometimes. What did I look like right now to him? His girl grieving another boy.

"He's a good friend," I whispered. "I'm sad that I had to hurt him even more, when he's already in so much pain because of me. And I'm sad for myself that I may have just lost him. That's all it is. I swear."

He nodded, but he still looked uncertain. I fisted my good hand – the one that had been bitten – in the front of his t-shirt and pulled his face to mine. I kissed him, long and slow and tender until it brought a pang to my belly, tried to put all of the feelings I had for him into it, to prove to him the truth of the words I knew he had heard me say to Jake.

"I love you forever," I said. "Come back soon."

"Sleep," he whispered, his breath cool on my moist lips. "And you won't even know I was gone."

"I always know when you're gone. I always miss you," I murmured, but I did sleep, and I did miss him.

I woke with the sun in my face and Charlie in my doorway.

"Hey, Bella. How you feeling?" he asked, rapping lightly on the doorframe.

"Tired," I said honestly. I couldn't have slept more than a couple hours, but I figured he wouldn't be too concerned; he probably expected me to be tired after all I'd been through. The spot next to me was cool and slightly rumpled, which told me that Edward was here, had likely just left when he heard Charlie coming.

"Do you need anything? Medicine? Food?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay," I said, then hesitated. "Actually, can you help me to the bathroom? I want to take a shower."

"Sure," he said, helping me out of bed and holding onto my good arm as I hobbled my way to the bathroom down the hall. "Um, Dr. Cullen said you shouldn't get your cast wet."

"Yeah, I remember," I said, reaching for the cabinet under the sink to grab a garbage bag to wrap around my cast. "I broke my arm three years in a row when I was a kid. I've got this part down."

"Oh, yeah, I remember," he said, and for some reason he looked sad. Maybe because he hadn't been there to help me recover from those injuries.

"I think I've got it from here," I said awkwardly when he hovered near the door.

"Right!" he said, jumping and wheeling around. He paused, and turned to look at me. "Uh, your mom had to run down to the studio, but she said she wouldn't be long. I'll hang around until you're done."

"I'll be alright, Dad," I said. "You can go to work."

"I'll hang around," he repeated, and closed the door.

It was awkward showering; I had to sit gingerly in the tub and dangle my plastic-wrapped cast over the edge, and I really only had the use of my one arm. My sprained shoulder restricted my movement, so it took me three times longer than normal to wash and thoroughly rinse my hair. Still, the feel of the hot water spraying on my bruised back was relaxing and every now and then a small whimper of relief passed my lips.

When I opened the door wearing my terrycloth bathrobe, Charlie was standing there as promised, ready to help me back to my room. I was pretty sure I could make the short trip down the hall on my own, but I could tell that he just wanted to be helpful and I didn't have it in my heart to deny him.

"I can take it from here," I said when we made it to my room.

"Okay. Just… holler if you need anything," he said, shifting uncomfortably at the thought that I might.

It took an embarrassingly long time to figure out how to get my underwear and lounge shorts on over my cast – in the end, I had to sit naked on the edge of my bed and lean over, breathless, to shimmy the fabric up from the floor over the bulky plaster.

My bra was another dilemma altogether – there was no way I was going to be able to clasp it with one hand. I was about to give up and just wallow in my humiliation until Renee came back to help me when a sudden movement by the window made me gasp and wheel around, my good arm covering my chest. Edward was a statue of shock standing next to the open window, eyes wide, body rigid.

"I'm sorry," he said, suddenly reanimating and turning around to face the wall in a blur. It was kind of cute, and very enticing, how flustered he was. "I didn't realize – you don't normally take so long to get dressed."

"I don't normally have a stupid cast and only one working arm, either," I pointed out, blushing profusely. "It's okay. Actually, um, do you mind… could you just help me out?"

He hesitated, such a rare thing for him, and turned around slowly. He stared purposefully into my eyes and I had a feeling that, were he able, he would be sporting a blush to rival my own. "Of course."

I turned my back to him when he neared. "Can you clasp it?" I whispered.

It was similar to how he had helped me Christmas night, but the difference was that now we had discussed furthering our intimate relationship, had started to act on our decision when the nomads had interrupted. His fingers were cold and very gentle on my spine, making me shiver.

"I'm sorry," he murmured in my ear, making quick work of the clasp and removing his hands.

I shook my head. "It's not the cold."

"Ah," he said. His gaze was hot when I finally turned to face him again, and his hands were solid and steady and refreshingly cool when he placed them on my bare waist. I trembled and my flesh erupted in goose bumps when he slowly trailed them up my sides, over the constrictive band of material that was my bra, and to my neck. I let him tilt my head up so I was looking at him. "You are the most beautiful creature."

He leaned down and kissed me, one of those kisses that he clearly intended to be soft and sweet, but that I latched onto and quickly spiraled into something deliciously more. My bum arm, wedged between our torsos, clutched at the front of his t-shirt while my good hand threaded into his silky bronze hair, and I pressed myself to him as completely as I was able. He groaned softly into my mouth and tilted my head back further with a gentle pressure from his fingers. I feared for a moment that I may pass out from sensation.

"Bella? You okay in there?" Charlie called loudly and Edward pulled away quickly.

"Yeah! One second!" I called breathlessly, blindly reaching for a shirt and struggling to get my sprained arm into it.

"I'll be back the second he leaves," Edward vowed, voice barely even a breath in my ear as he helpfully pulled the hem of my shirt down. And then he was gone.

Charlie was in his uniform when I threw the door open; only his holster was missing. He looked past me, frowning suspiciously. "Thought I heard voices."

I remembered the first time Edward had ever been in my room; Renee had said the exact same thing. I wondered if they regularly wondered if Edward was sneaking into my room, if they discussed it and compared theories. Probably. They had definitely noticed how rarely I was out of my room when Edward wasn't in their sight.

"Yeah, probably," I said with an embarrassed smile. "I was talking to myself. It was more difficult to get dressed than I thought it would be."

"Oh, okay," he said, but he looked around anyway, eyes falling on the open window. "Maybe I shouldn't go. I'll just wait until your mom gets home."

"No, Dad, that's okay," I said, awkwardly lowering myself to the bed. "I'm just going to go back to sleep."

"Is Edward going to school today?" he asked in what was clearly supposed to be a purely innocent, conversational tone.

"Oh, I'm not sure. I haven't talked to him yet," I wasn't sure what to say. I didn't want to tell him that Edward was going to school because I wouldn't put it past the chief to call the school to confirm. Even though it was definitely not allowed, I was certain Mrs. Cope would tell him whatever he wanted to know. "Probably not, though. He sat in the hospital for three days with us; he could probably use some rest, too."

"Hm, well if he doesn't go to school, I don't want him coming over unless your mom's home, understand?" he said, and slid the window shut, locking it with a quiet snick.

"You think Edward climbs in my window?" I laughed, tried to make it sound like it was a ridiculous idea. "The tree is at least ten feet away. You think he can jump that far?"

In truth, he could jump much, much farther. I didn't even think he used the tree to get to my window. He probably just soared right up to the windowsill from standing.

"I just don't want anyone to be tempted to do anything stupid. One of you in a cast and sling is enough," he said, walking over to me and kissing me on the top of the head. "You sure you're okay until she gets back?"

"I'll be fine, Dad," I promised. "I'll call if I need anything."

He sighed and nodded, hooking a finger in his belt loop as he studied me. "See that you do."

"Be safe, Dad," I said as he started back toward the door.

"Always am," he called over his shoulder. Then he stopped, hand on the doorframe, and looked back at me. "Oh, I made you a sandwich for lunch. God knows your mom would manage to botch it, and I don't want you standing long enough to do it. It's in the fridge. I'll call in a few hours to check on you. Love you."

"Love you too," I called softly as he disappeared.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, appearing suddenly in the doorway as soon as I heard Charlie's police car start. He moved quickly to my side and touched just the tips of his fingers softly to the skin under my eyes. I saw the wetness glistening on his fingers when he pulled them away. "What's wrong?"

"He made me a sandwich," I said, tremendously embarrassed when my voice cracked. "No one has ever made me a sandwich before. I mean, other than you and Alice."

Renee had always sent me to school with lunch money until I was old enough to make my own lunch. And on the weekends, we would just go out to eat. The only food Renee had ever served me that she had managed not to ruin was a salad.

"Your father loves you, Bella. He's not always the best at expressing it, but it's there and it's powerful. You are, quite literally, always at the forefront of his mind," Edward said, sitting down next to me.

"I'm going to miss him more than I realized," I said, sniffling when he carefully wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close so that my face pressed against his firm chest.

"Why ever would you need to miss him?" he asked, clearly perplexed. "Are we going somewhere?"

"No. When I'm a vampire," I told him, sitting up straight and turning to face him. I pulled my good leg up under me as I wiped my tears away. He was frowning at me, shaking his head. "We won't be able to stay here. At least, not for long."

"Bella, it's over. The nomads are all dead. We stopped the transition. There's no need to worry about it," he said in what I thought was supposed to be a reassuring tone. "Really, it's fine. I'm honored to have the chance to love you through your lifetime. I won't make you do this, and I'll be honored to follow you when you've gone."

"Edward." I closed my eyes, doing my best not to let the spike of anxiety caused by his last comment to throw me off. What was it with my vampires trying to kill themselves? "It would be so much easier if you could read my mind sometimes."

"What?" He was frustrated now, on top of confused. I understood why; I had always been vocally thankful that he couldn't hear my thoughts.

"Has Alice's vision changed?" I demanded.

"No," he admitted, and his gaze fell to the bed. I could see he was frustrated that the visions wouldn't change. "But it doesn't matter. It will. It has to. I've already decided that I won't do this to you."

"Look at me," I said, and he did, his gaze snapping back to my face. "It hasn't changed because it's not your decision. It's mine. And I've decided."

"You've decided?" He was still frowning, which was frustrating. I wanted him to be happy that we would have eternity together – he kept saying he would love me forever, didn't he? "I thought we were a team. I thought we made important decisions together."

Now I frowned as he turned our biggest argument against me. I didn't like having my words thrown back in my face. But it was more than that. He was getting testy with me for making a decision without consulting him because it went against the decision he had made without consulting me. And on top of the hypocrisy, it brought back the age-old concern: did he not want me eternally after all? Hadn't my mom said that boys don't always mean forever when they say they love you?

"Do you mean it when you promise to love me forever?" I asked.

"As long as I walk this earth, I will love you," he vowed, looking absolutely stricken to have to say the words. "You doubt me?"

"No, I just don't understand why you won't let me do the same for you," I said.

"I won't damn you to this cursed life," he said quietly, and I had never heard his voice quiver with such emotion before, hadn't thought it could.

"Esme told me what you think about your soul," I said, suddenly remembering my conversation with his mother here in this very room just a few days ago. "I know you don't believe what I'm about to say, but I also know you're wrong. You have a soul, and it is good, and it is gentle, and it is kind. You've done awful things – I won't deny that –but those awful things you've done don't make you awful. And I will spend every day from now until forever trying to convince you of that."

"Is one long, happy lifetime with me not enough for you?" he asked, the grief in his eyes palpable.

"It would be, if that was all we could have," I said sincerely. "But knowing we can have so much more? Knowing that I would get old and sick and die and you never will? No, knowing all that, one lifetime isn't enough. It would be enough if you hadn't just told me that you plan to die when I do."

"I don't understand." He dropped his head to his hands. "When James bit you, you pleaded with Esme for it not to be true. I heard you."

"No, Edward." I took his hands in mine, pulled them to rest in my lap. "I mean, yes I did say that. But not because I didn't want to change. I just didn't want it to be him that did it."

"You have some idea now, the pain you would be in," he said, and I could tell he was gripping at threads, his resolve slipping. "The fire you felt in your veins? It will be so much worse the further it spreads, and it will last for days."

"I don't care," I said. "I can handle it."

"Your parents will be devastated." Just another excuse, though he was no longer fighting fair.

"That's dirty," I said with a frown. "But they'll get through it. They've got each other now."

"So, what? You'll just go behind my back? Get Carlisle to do it?" He pulled his hands from mine and set his mouth in a hard line as he shifted slightly to face me more fully. "He won't go against me."

He was trying to get himself angry now so that I would be annoyed and not want to discuss this anymore.

"He will, though. You know it. When I tell him that you plan to kill yourself when I die, he'll do it," I said. I knew I was right, and I could see by his scowl that he knew it, too. "But he's not my only option. I told you months ago: I know quite a few vampires now. Alice would definitely do it. Esme would try, if she thought it was the only way to keep you from killing yourself. Hell, even Emmett would probably do it."

"No," Edward snarled and I remembered Edward saying that Emmett struggled to suppress his nature more than anyone but Jasper. It was difficult for me to imagine because Emmett had always been so friendly to me, had always seemed so at ease around me. I guessed it would be different if he were to taste my blood.

"Okay, not Emmett," I agreed. "He was too far, I'll admit that. But you know I'm right about the others."

"Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, frowning deeply.

"Me? Why are you doing this to me?" I demanded, my voice rising for the first time. "You say you'll love me for eternity, but then you refuse to actually grant me eternity. Instead, you'll condemn us both to death! It's what I want! I want you for as long as I can have you. That just so happens to be forever."

"Fine," Edward said, crossing his arms over his chest. I would almost describe his expression as a pout. "I can see I'm not going to sway you."

He didn't really want to win this argument; I knew that. So why did he seem so legitimately upset? Unless… but that was absurd. I scooted closer to him, wedged my good knee between his side and the headboard of my bed, struggling to pull my broken leg up and onto the mattress as I did my best to straddle his lap. I draped my good arm over his shoulder and let my sprained arm dangle in the space between us, my hand brushing his toned stomach through his soft sweater.

All the while I struggled, he sat still as a statue until I was settled on top of him.

"Edward," I murmured, waiting until his eyes met mine, reddish yellow and guarded and hurt. "I want it to be you. I don't want Carlisle or Alice or Esme to do it; I want it to be you. But you're so determined not to let it happen at all."

His eyes cleared then, lighting up with hope and happiness. But there was also something shrewd and calculating there.

"I'll do it," he said.

"What?" I stared at him, trying to stop the elation from welling up in me until I made certain. "Just like that? You'll do it? You'll change me?"

"I'll change you. On one condition," he said, and his gaze was hot and heavy and very intense on me as his hands slid under the hem of my shirt to rest, once more, on my bare waist. I shivered when he leaned in and kissed my neck and breathed his next words into my flesh. " I only ask that you marry me first."

My breath caught in my throat, then released with a loud whoosh right against his ear. I could feel his smirk on my neck; he thought he had won. Maybe he had, but so had I.

"Okay," I said. "I'll marry you."

He pulled away, shock and delight battling for dominance in his face. "Really? Just like that?" he echoed my suspicions from earlier. "You'll be my wife?"

"Yes," I said. Really, he shouldn't have been so surprised. I knew I had freaked out at the mere mention of marriage when we had first discussed it just a few weeks ago, but I also hadn't decided that I wanted to spend eternity with him then either. Now that I had come to that realization, now that I was fully committed to dozens, hundreds, thousands of lifetimes by his side, what was so daunting about marriage? It was only a ceremony and piece of paper, after all. "Yes. I'll marry you, and then you'll change me."

He kissed me as soon as the words were out of my mouth and he was elated and free and relieved, like the seventeen year-old he resembled rather than the eternal being he really was. I laughed, quick and breathless, before he deepened the kiss, his tongue sweeping into my mouth hungrily, stroking mine and stealing all of my senses and replacing them with him.

We were both panting wildly when we broke apart, and my bruised ribs were aching from it, but I wasn't going to tell him that. I knew his breathlessness had nothing to do with oxygen, but more to do with unbridled arousal – the thick, hard shape of him between my legs told me so. I was sure he knew that I was feeling much the same, though I also knew he wasn't going to do anything about it. Not today, not when my body was so freshly bruised and broken.

"Just that quick? Wedding, and then I change you immediately that very same night?" he said roughly, eyes and hair and breath wild. I knew what he was getting at.

"No, not our wedding night," I said with a slow smile, pleased beyond reason by the sharp relief in his eyes. "Maybe not for a few weeks. Maybe not for a few months."

He flashed me a quick, happy grin, and then groaned and kissed me fiercely again when I pressed myself more firmly against his erection.

"Graduation, and then marriage," I gasped when his mouth found my neck. I worried for the briefest moment that he would leave a hickey, and then decided that I didn't much care. "And then sex. Lots and lots of sex. And then forever."

He grinned again. "Sounds perfect to me."

That's it, folks. That's the whole story.

I do plan on posting an epilogue eventually, but progress has been slow on that front and I do consider this story complete at this moment.

Thank you so much for sticking with me and reading this all the way through. I truly appreciate it.

Please let me know what you think. :)