Preface

Where Am I?

I stood in a realm filled with green. I looked around and noticed… spirits and creatures surrounding me. What did they want from me?

I opened my mouth to ask, only to realize one of the ghostly spirits was walking toward me. This spirit held the form of a woman with billowing hair and a height of 5'6.

She stood before me – completely see through, so I saw no colors. Her voice was layered; as though 3 voices in one, "You do not belong here."

I shrugged, "I… where am I?"

My voice was odd – normally it was rough and gravelly from the years of screaming but now… it sounded normal and light. I wondered what else had changed and yelped when a mirror appeared. The woman smiled, "This is the Fade – anything is possible here. You need only will it to be."

I glanced in the mirror and gasped – I no longer looked beaten up or… I was 5'3 inches tall and though I weighed 240 pounds, most of it was in my boobs and ass. My sides held the desired hourglass figure, though my gut looked like a mid-term pregnancy when I was naked. My hair flowed down to my ass and was no longer the original mud brown – it was holographic silver. My eyes were no longer the watery blue-grey I had been born with; they were violet with a ring of gold and flecks of silver within. My skin was pale like snow and flecked with little bronze spots. I was… in awe.

My face looked prettier too – higher cheekbones, bow-shaped lips, a thinner nose, nicer eyebrows, and whiter teeth. I almost cried. I was no longer fat and ugly. This is… how I should have looked – just like my late mother had looked. I knew my coloring was strange, but the features…

"You are… happy to not be beaten up… why had you been beaten?"

I flinched and looked back at the strange woman, "My… my husband hated me. I don't know why and didn't know he felt that way until after the baby was born. I was always protecting my son – Cole. I should be dead, come to think of it. I gave up after he killed Cole."

"I am Purpose. I do wonder – if you could change anything of your life, what would it be?"

I thought for a minute, "I would have sent my son to safety; when that beast began hitting me the first time. My mama always said that if a man hits you once, he'll do it again. I guess I didn't learn that lesson. You said I'm in the Fade… that reminds me of a game I used to play, before…"

A man shaped spirit came up, "From what I can see of your memories – you are right. I am Wisdom."

I nodded, "Okay… so is this like a dream or…?"

"That is the reason I say you should not be here, child – you are here physically." Purpose said.

I gaped, "But… how?"

"We do not know. But our corrupted brethren cannot come close to you for some reason – it is as though you are one of us, but… not. We are unsure."

I thought for a minute, "I'm dead – does that count?"

"No… you feel like those that the humans call Seekers." A third spirit said softly, this one held the visage of a young girl with pigtails.

I tilted my head, "Are you a spirit of faith, then?"

She nodded. I shrugged, "It makes no difference to me what I am – as far as I know, I'm dead."

There was a snort of laughter from yet another spirit – another woman looking one with a stern expression, "Not dead – in fact, I think you're only just beginning to live. Look down."

I did and saw a hole in the ground beneath me just as I fell through it.

I let out a small cry of shock. Someone… caught me?

I was unsure how that worked – I knew people couldn't typically lift more than 100 pounds unless they worked at it and even if they could, it would be difficult to catch something that weight so much.

I opened my eyes and the first thing I did was curse, "Shit… please put me down…"

Cailan was 6'1 with golden hair and matching eyes. His skin was pale and flawless – and apparently he had muscles. He looked amused, "It's not every day that a pretty woman falls into my arms, you know. Might I know your name, at least?"

I flushed, "… If you put me down and back away, sure. I must weigh a bit and… we really don't know each other." I saw his guards move forward. One man, whom I recognized to be Loghain – he was 5'11 with cropped black hair, green eyes and a stern expression – said "Cailan, I suggest doing as she says – we don't know if she could be a spy. Her clothes are… peculiar, at the very least."

I was wearing black jeggings – jean leggings – and a wrap-around V-neck black short-sleeve top with matching thigh-high boots with a one-inch 'flat' heel. My hair was now styled in an elven crown style braid. I was also wearing 3-quarter length black leather gloves and a matching fanny-pack. I also had a black leather choker collar on that looked like a thin strap with a silver tree decoration and a matching armband with chakra gems as 'blooms'. I felt like I was either Goth or going to a funeral – I guess we would see as the day progressed.

"I… uh… Ser, I ask that you please put me down. Holding something that weighs as much as I do could injure your back…"

"… You don't weigh that much, miss…?" Cailan prompted.

"Oh… um… I don't know."

Loghain scoffed, "Are we supposed to believe that?"

"Not really – but I cannot tell you what I have no knowledge of. I'll tell you what I do know… mister… um… uh… I sing?"

Cailan laughed merrily, "My name is Cailan and this sour man is my right hand and my late fathers' best friend, Loghain Mac Tir. What instruments do you play?"

"Several. I'm sorry, I don't know those names. I don't remember a name for myself either. Please put me down now."

He sighed and relented. Loghain seized my arm and said, "I'll need to check your person for weapons."

"Oh… okay?"

"So what do we call you then, my lady?" Cailan asked.

"Um… Ambrosia; no… uh… Celeste, no… hmm… Alena, no… I don't know – you name me."

Loghain snorted as he had me unhook my pack from my waist. Cailan chuckled, "I'm afraid I'm not quite good with girls' names. The three you chose are likely to be ones picked. Loghain, do you have any insight?"

"Her bag is empty – not a thing in it. As for a name, I am… unsure. How old do you think you are, girl?"

"Uh…" a voice whispered in my head – that my age had turned back; I was… 15?

"I think 15, give or take – maybe?"

"Bryce and Eleanor have a daughter not much older – 17. We could send her there."

"Oh, come now Loghain – she's got memory loss. What if her family is looking for her? Her clothes are of good make, her hair is well taken care of, and her teeth are perfect… and look at the way her skin glows. She must be a noble of some sort. I can't place her accent, but it isn't Orlesian, Tevene or Free Marches."

"… I uh… you mentioned family just now and…" I pretended to look ill as I backed up a few paces. I put a hand on my gut and continued, "I got a flash… people… dead – covered in blood, missing their… their heads. A man, a woman and twin boys…" I turned and forced myself to dry heave. I hadn't eaten in a week, so there was nothing in my stomach anyway.

Loghain looked sympathetic; Cailan looked horrified, "Then… I'll come with you to visit the Couslands – they may foster you. If not, we'll… find somewhere. Hopefully your memory comes back. As sick as it sounded, the flash you got is a good sign that you'll remember more."

He reached out toward me and I flinched away before giving a horrified look, "I'm so sorry! You… I saw your hand in my… side-vision and… I don't know what came over me. I just thought… man; must retreat as though… I'm sorry." That was unfortunately not a lie.

Loghain moved to pull Cailan back. "Would it be better if I sent for my daughter?"

Cailan was muttering, "Makers' Breath… your family was killed and you… Bryce has a son too, Loghain…"

"Fergus is already married and spends most of his time training the Cousland Troops."

"Can I ask… what year is it?"

Cailan coughed, "Right – 9:27 Dragon; Herring 25th."

I thought for a minute, "That's… the last month of the year, right? Or… am I wrong?"

"You're quite right. In 6 days, we'll be celebrating First Day." Loghain smiled.

"I… still need a name…" I muttered.

"Can you think of nothing?" Loghain asked softly. I shrugged, "The only thing that comes to mind is the word Valeria – it means strong, brave and health… 'To be strong'… how do I know that?"

"It's actually a lovely word for a name," Cailan commented. Loghain nodded and a woman with him said, "Teyrn Mac Tir, Did you want me to send for your daughter?"

He nodded, "Please, Ser Cauthrien – also send for food. If I'm right this girl hasn't eaten in a while.

I flushed and looked away, "I… think you're right about that."

As the woman sent two people scurrying in separate directions, Cailan invited me to sit. I was told we were in the Study of the Royal Palace. They tested my knowledge about 'unimportant' things. Really, they tested my knowledge on things all nobles would know. I passed with flying colors.

"Honestly, I'm not sure where she could be from. Half of that knowledge was Ferelden Specific, Loghain. Some of it was specific to Orlais – I wouldn't have known the answers if you weren't here to verify her words. Let's not even mention the knowledge of Free Marcher nobility or Tevene practices. She's very well educated – better than me, and I'm the King."

I gave a surprised squeak, drawing their attention, "You… you're Cailan Theirin? You didn't… Oh good lord… I'm so…"

"Don't you dare apologize – and you'd best keep calling me Cailan. No bowing from you."

I flushed, "Yes, uh… Cailan; as you wish."

"What can you recall about your past?" Loghain asked as there was a knock on the door. 2 women entered. One was 5'9 with long blonde hair pulled into twin braids with green eyes like Loghains and tanned skin. The other woman was an elf standing at 5'4 with red hair and blue eyes who carried a tray of food.

The tray was set in front of me while Loghain said, "This is my daughter and Cailans' wife, Anora."

"My Queen," I said, standing to bow before swaying. Loghain caught me as Cailan said, "Don't do that – you're weak right now. Just sit and eat. Anora this is Valeria; and no one knows which noble family she's from. She has knowledge that points to all corners of Thedas, unfortunately. I never thought someone being smart would be a curse. We wondered if you recognized her."

The blonde woman shook her head and spoke with a clear voice, "I'm afraid not. Valeria, did you say?"

"Well, it's not her real name – just some word that meant something to her so we put it as a stand in. We're looking into a trip to Highever to see if Lord Cousland will foster her. We know her parents and twin brothers are… no longer an option. It's one of the only things she can remember about her own past."

"Lord Cousland may do it – his own daughter is close in age, I believe."

"That was my thought as well. I was hoping, Anora…"

"Yes, father?" she asked at his hesitation.

"Would you see her to the Kennels to pick out a Mabari – she's been… attacked before and I would not see it happen again in our walls. She reacted when Cailan reached to steady her earlier."

I flushed and looked away. She looked horrified. Was it so uncommon for a woman to be attacked in Thedas? That thought gave me hope, actually. Cailan nodded, "From the royal litters – they're the best ones, after all. And maybe see about a horse, too – for the journey in a few days. I'll send a letter to Bryce tonight and get his thoughts on the matter. Now, Valeria; do you remember anything personal?"

"I… I remember living by the water – the smell of sea salt is memorable. I remember… a forest? Possibly we were bordered by both trees and water? I can't say for certain. I'm sorry, Cailan."

He shook his head, "I mean personal things – food preferences, drinks, things you like – they can help us narrow down the area if the things you like are localized."

Anora looked surprised, "That's a good thought."

"I don't think there is anything specific; I like beef and lemonade… potatoes cut in strips and fried in oil… salted. Uh…"

"I've never heard anything like the potatoes being… that may be a place to start." Loghain said.

"I doubt it – from what I remember, I started that and was also the only one to eat them. Apples were a favorite too. Cheese – I love cheese; and berries – the blue ones and red ones."

Cailan sniggered, "We noticed the cheese," he motioned to my tray that once had a little of everything on it. The cheese was gone – I had absently picked at it. I flushed and nibbled at other things. He shook his head, "Don't worry – I love cheese too. In fact, the kitchens here are quite well stocked. It's my 'guilty pleasure' as Anora calls it."

"Fabrics might also be distinctive – looking at what you're wearing, we could certainly look into softer cottons or harsher silks." Loghain commented, motioning to my shirt.

"It's Satin, actually. The pants are made of cotton-silk blend. The boots are leather, as are the gloves and necklace."

Cailan snorted, "That 'necklace' looks like a collar. I've never seen such a symbol before."

I shrugged, "It's called a choker and I get the feeling it was a mix between Magic and Religion, but I'm not sure."

"Well, it's something to consider. It may be a family crest of some sort. I'll check records and let you know what I find before we leave for Highever."

"How exactly did we determine she's not a spy?" Anora asked in an offhand.

Loghain sighed, "Her bag is completely empty and she was patted down by Ser Cauthrien – she has nothing Anora; only the clothes on her back. And her looks, as Cailan pointed out, show nobility. Her reflexes are more in line with an abused cat than an assassin."

I looked away in shame – abused was right, at least; though I could have fought back if not for my son. Cailan rubbed gently at my back causing me to stiffen at his touch, "It isn't your fault, Valeria. It never should have happened, especially not to a young woman. If we find the person responsible, they will be dealt with."

Tears welled in my eyes – the man had already gotten away with my death, it was too late. But I was so grateful for his words that I almost hugged him before remembering who he was and where we were. Anora looked at me and said, "Can you remember anything else; A family pet, crest or motto perhaps?"

A voice whispered to me, weaving a story for me to spill that would not get me in trouble.

"Motto… In veritate Victoria – Victory is in Truth. That's all I can think of – not sure if it actually is the motto however."

Cailan had a flash of shock pass over his face, "I know that Motto – I know that saying. No one was ever able to determine the language it was in, but it's an old one from across the sea. When the Qunari landed in our lands the first time they had humans with them – well, human like people. One of the families that came with was always reciting that as their motto. Back then, they had come up from the east of Ferelden – they had settled in the Korcari Wilds in -410 ancient, I believe was the date. I was fascinated with this as a child. We know that the human like people had all left, but it makes sense now – the silver hair is a Qunari trait too, though they usually shun magic, so I doubt you're associated with them. You said you had a feeling that crest around your neck had to do with magic. Records from that time are scarce, as I'm sure you're aware, Loghain – but this was in a book that had been excavated from a ruin near Ostagar. The whole place was completely submerged in water, but this book was in a chest that had magic warding – it was a journal, I think."

"Do you remember the family name?" Anora asked wearily. A person from an unknown land could be a sign of danger.

"Hang on…" He stood up and searched the book shelf nearby diligently. He came back with a purple leather bound book with Latin on the cover. It said Diarium. I giggled, drawing looks. I pointed and said, "It says Diary – it is a journal."

He flashed me a smile, "Well, I'm glad you can read it. Only half this thing is written in common and the other half in the mystery language. We had to guess based on context. We thought it might be Ancient Tevinter but the experts hired… said if it was that it was a localized dialect that they had never encountered."

I grabbed it gently and flipped through the pages. "This here – Novam Terram – translates to 'new land'. This one, puer, means 'child'. This woman is talking about being glad for bringing her child to this new land – because it's beautiful. Navis means ship. This word, Purpura, means purple and this one 'oculi' means eyes. Argentum Capillum is silver hair. Here's a name – Alamanni. But she refers to it as her sisters' new family – meaning her brother-in-law. But she signs her name as Adria Sage, mistress of the Sage Clan. And in this page, she talks about how her husband married into her family, showing that her last name is birth family. Her family had only daughters. This one talks about the Giants they traveled with… Kossith is the term used though, not Qunari. And… here – she talks about her family motto, In Veritate Victoria! So here we have it – Valeria Sage."

He looked impressed, "Apparently you got both family traits – the hair and the eyes."

"They weren't family traits – they were traits described from the enemy; the Vane family."

"… So you are a Sage who has traits from the Vane family?" Loghain asked in wry amusement.

"The motto I know is Sage family, so I was likely born to that family; but at one point the two lines must have mixed and… here I am."

"What is the Vane Motto – does it say?" Cailan asked excitedly. I flipped through a few more pages, "Nec Sperno, Nec Timeo – I neither despise nor fear."

"What about family crests?" Loghain asked. I nodded, "It has this drawing by the Vane family motto of a serpent bodied creature with wings – it calls it an Ophis Pterotos, and that means… winged serpent. For the sage family, it has a tree with deep roots and over-reaching branches – Lignum Vitae; the tree of life."

"This is the most information we've had about people in the east in a long time. Do you have any idea how you came to be falling into my arms?" Cailan asked.

"Magic, I think. Look here, Magia means magic and it talks about how parents will often put a spell on their children to have them transported to safety in times of crisis – but the spell can't be placed until the age of 5 and expires when the child reached 16; An 11 year period of safety. She's lamenting that her child will not turn 5 until the following summer and being in a new land – no matter the beauty – makes her nervous… it says they landed in a place called The Salt Pool? I'm afraid I don't…"

Loghain coughed, "Gwaren – my Teyrnir – translates to Salt Pool in the Dwarven language."

"… I've never heard of such Magic." Anora muttered.

"Well, the Noble families breed it into their people, but the Circulum Caput – the 'Head Circle' families – do the opposite and keep magic out for the purpose of giving them abilities that can… keep the Magia in line. Similar to the Seekers, I believe. How…? I think that must have been a snippet of memory, because that's not in the book."

"If you're from a foreign land… how is it that you know so much about our lands?"

"I… spies probably. Both the Vanes and the Sages are called Head Circle families in this book, so I must be… similar to a seeker. The age of the 'ritual' it talks about seems to be 10 years old. Even if they changed that over the last 1400 years, it wouldn't be by much – but that also mean our people taught yours the ritual because from my understanding, Seekers did not come into existence here until 1:20 Divine."

"… I'll contact the Seekers as well to have you tested." Cailan said.

"So then… would it… be alright if we stopped here for the evening?" I asked.

Loghain nodded, "You've given us quite a bit to think on. Anora, would you take her to the Kennels before having someone see her to a guest room? A horse can be picked out later, but I'd feel better if she were protected from potential attacks in the night."

"Of course, father – come along Lady Sage."

"I think… maybe I should go by Lady Vane. If whoever killed my family comes looking, they'll be looking for my birth name, not…"

They all nodded, "Valeria Vane… it has a nice ring to it, at least," Loghain said.

I stood and followed after the beautiful woman. When we were alone, she said, "I noticed you shy away from Cailan more than my father?"

I nodded, "He seemed… interested if you'll pardon me for saying so. I am only 15, and he is married. Your fathers' only interest in me seemed to be almost fatherly, so I had no trouble allowing him to help me. Your husband, on the other hand… I fear I'm not ready for contact like that after everything and with… my age. And again, he's married."

She smiled, "I think I like you – you're straightforward about it, and you avoid my husbands… flirtations. Most ladies wouldn't care about a thing like age or his wife if they could be his mistress – that's a powerful position here."

I shook my head, "I… it makes me sick to think of something like that – that someone could take a mistress when they have a wife. It'd be one thing if he were unwed, but…"

She nodded, "At least I don't have to worry about you, then. Cailan likes unique and… exotic women – you are both, I'm afraid. Seeing that you've been… traumatized, he may not try to corner you alone, but I will still assign a serving maid for you. He'll think twice about trying to entice you to him if you have company."

I smiled, "I would appreciate that. I don't want to cause issue here."

We arrived at the Kennels and people tripped over their selves to cater to Anora. She said, "Lady Vane needs a well-bred Mabari for protection – Cailan and my Father have both said it. Preferably, it needs to be a male so that we have no need to worry about a Bitch being in heat."

I flushed as a young man said, "The males are this way, Lady Vane."

They took me up and down a row of kennels. I stopped at one with a smaller male – only 4'7 in height as compared to the 5' dogs around him – with snowy white fur and red eyes; an Albino.

He looked at me and gave a single soft bark – as though not to scare me. The others I had approached had all growled. The kennel hand said, "He's chosen you, My Lady – Mabari imprint for life; they only serve one master. This one was the runt of his litter but all that means is that he worked harder to survive. His papa was King Marics' own hound."

I flushed as he opened the Kennel door and the Hound came up to me. I knelt and said, "I think I'll call you ghost – with your coloring it's a fitting name… that and people are terrified of ghosts."

He barked and wagged his butt – not just his stubby tail, but his whole rear end wagged side to side. The kennel hand chuckled and handed me a black leather collar with silver studs. I put it on Ghost with a smile.

Anora looked surprised when she saw the one that had picked me, "Ah… I didn't think that one would ever make a choice. It's nicely fitting with your hair, though. Let us find you a room."