I just want to start this story out by saying I fucking love The Disasterous Life of Saiki K. It's by far my favorite pure comedy anime that I currently know of and to be honest that's mostly due to Saiki himself. The madlad is my spirit animal and this first chapter should help explain why.
Take it away scary psychic man! 'Fine, but only because you promised me a week's supply of coffee jelly. Hello, my name is Saiki Kusuo, you may know me from- You know what Asobi already took the time to introduce me so I'll just get to the point.' The main character thought to the audience as he walked to school.
It all started when I was a child. Unlike most children who seek attention at all times, I just wanted to be left alone. Fame was just annoying, especially when it could lead to government investigations. However, I also wanted the freedom to use my powers how I saw fit without needing to hide it all the time.
My solution for this was admittedly poorly planned and the after-effects haunt me to this day. What was that solution you may ask? Well, the idea came from an old cartoon movie that I watched while I was young, the main villain made a point that stuck with me and rationalized what soon became my life's greatest mistake.
When everyone's super. Noone will be.
And that was how the quirked revolution came into existence.
'That's right, not all of you are aware of my powers. Well listing them all would fill up the rest of the page so let's just name the relevant ones as they come up. First up is Mind Control or realistically it's actually a minor reality warping skill. Though the word 'minor' is relative here.'
At first, I started small. I was born with natural pink hair which obviously attracted attention… Until I made colored hair a natural occurrence, changing the human genome as a result. That was about the time I learned that I couldn't undo any of the changes I made. I was a bit more careful after that.
'I also added some quality of life changes that helped the world in general. Some might call it examples of goodwill and proper use of powers but honestly half of them were made to make my powers seem more normal along with minimizing the annoyances of modern life.'
'I made it so that all injuries in the world heal much faster than normal, but only because it would be strange if I was the only one who could. Buildings are now built-in weeks instead of months because construction is loud and annoying. I made it so that the brain works way faster in important situations to save time on otherwise stupid situations that people took forever to solve.
'I also made underwear indestructible...Ok, I'll be honest that was in everyone's best interest, especially with what the world was quickly becoming. I made it so that a person with a small body can have ridiculous strength, and also made it so that a person can easily become unconscious by hitting them to the back of the neck...I may have been going through a phase with shonen anime.'
The point was that after a few years the world looked vastly different than it did before I was born. Which I covered up of course, but that's obvious. However, my most blatant change to humanity was with my attempt to give everyone powers and have it become a genetic feature of the human race. In order to do this properly, I traveled back in time about 100 years in order to have it happen gradually.
I probably should have expected this to be the inevitable result.
"Canyon Cannon!" A many stories tall well-endowed woman wearing tight spandex yelled as she drop-kicked a smaller but still huge shark man off a train station. Which was such a common sight that half the citizens watching below were merely annoyed that their train was surely going to be delayed after such a display...Oh, and the standard paparazzi taking risque photos of the woman's sizable behind which would no doubt fuel countless fetishes across the country.
'All of which I tried my best to ignore as I made my way across the city, trying to enjoy my last year of normalcy before I was forced to do something that went against my very being. Next year I would join a hero school.'
Now I know what you might be thinking. Why would I want to join a school dedicated to teaching the next generation of modern celebrity/police when I wanted nothing more than to appear normal? Well, it's quite simple really, I just want the quirk license to be able to use my powers freely. Nothing says that I have to become a hero afterward. Something I was surprised wasn't more common.
Anyway, back to school. I attended a fairly nondescript one named Aldera junior high. It was a fairly quiet place with only a few annoyances but one of the larger ones- "Hey Saiki-san, did you see that new hero Mount Lady's debut? Wasn't it amazing?!" Izuku Midoriya, one of the few people who I couldn't read the mind of.
It was just way too jumbled. Words came in and out at light speed with little to no pause between various ideas. Some of which were calculated at the same time somehow. His brain was a strange one, at first I thought he just had a rare form of inattentive ADHD but then I realized he was just a super-nerd with quirks and heroes on the brain 24/7.
"Hey, best buddies! How's life?!" The second person who's mind I couldn't read made his appearance. Riki Nendou, quirk: Endurance. He has the ability to ignore any and all exhaustion his body experiences for up to three days. The crash that comes afterward is quite extreme, however. Fueled by ramen.
Though Nendou's mind was unreadable for the exact opposite reason. It's completely empty half of the time and when he does think it happens at nearly the exact same time as his body responds. His conscious and unconscious minds are exactly the same. In layman's terms, he's an idiot. But an idiot who's extremely in tune with his instincts.
We aren't really friends either, Nendou just got it into his head that the four least popular(Or in my case least noticeable) People in school should stick together. Who's the fourth you may ask? "Our paths have crossed once again, fate must have a plan for all of us. Now the only question is...Shall we follow it, or make our own path?!"
Kaido, quirk: Amaterasu. He can create an inextinguishable black flame that burns as hot as the surface of the sun and that burns for seven days and nights before dying out. He can also extinguish these flames himself however he is unable to manipulate them in any other fashion once they are let loose. Fun fact, the flames themselves do not radiate heat, they only burn on contact!
The final stooge made his appearance...Wait does that make me the straight man in this comedic quartet?
"S-Say Saiki, is it true that you applied to U.A? I never thought you wanted to be a hero. N-Not that I don't think your heroic or that you're a bad person! I-I just thought- I'll shut up now." Yare yare, Midoriya always had the strange ability to say the worst possible thing at the worst possible time.
Now the rest of our class was starring at me with mixed emotions ranging from shock to complete bewilderment...And anger from Bakugo but that was his default emotion. 'I could say the same about you Midoriya, and last I checked Nendou and Kaidou also decided to apply.' Most likely in an attempt to follow me into high school, at least for Nendou, Kaidou actually has a decent shot at making it into the general course at the very least.
Not that his quirk was particularly weak, an unextinguishable black flame was perfectly suitable for the heroics course. He just didn't have the temperament to be a hero. Which was the nicest way for me to say that he was a cowardly chuunibiyou who had childish delusions about the profession, his edgy quirk only added to these delusions.
"Is that true Saiki?! I'm also planning to attend U.A." 'After all what other institution would be worthy of my talents? You being there just proves that God is on my side once again.' Teruhashi said and thought respectively.
Teruhashi Kokomi, Quirkless. Her luck and aura of beauty are simply so strong that it appears she has a quirk of her own. Even the creator of quirks Saiki Kusuo has no idea how the hell she gets away with half the stuff she does.
"Teruhashi's going to U.A!" "Of course she is idiot, she's a goddess of the people!" "Wait Nendou and Kaido are too? Along with Saiki, Midoriya, and Bakugo?! What kind of world do we live in where this is happening?!"
My world, a world which I've long since lost control of. At least now their social hatred for attending a prestigious high school and anyone close to Teruhashi has been diluted amongst the five of us including Bakugo. The last of which made a great deterrent for would-be bullies even if it was unintentional.
Speaking of Bakugo- "Why do you extras keep trying to reach for something beyond your grasp? AND KNOW YOUR FUCKING PLACE MORONS, stupid as these extras are for going past their station at least they had the balls to do it." Contradictory as the message was the accompanying explosions were pretty convincing for the majority of the class.
"And who the hell is Saiki?" Everyone sweatdropped at that. Bakugo had a habit of forgetting everyone's names but I knew it was just an act to get under people's skin. This was genuine though, he had absolutely no idea who I was. Which was my goal I suppose but it was a lot more insulting than I imagined it to be?
But such was life I suppose. Striving for something you believe you want only to achieve it and realize that it wasn't as glamorous as you once thought. Even if the idea itself was purposely unglamorous, to begin with. 'Wait wasn't this supposed to be a comedy?'
That's what I thought too but I needed an ending to the first chapter that didn't catch me in a trap of spending the next dozen or so chapters narrating the daily adventures of the previously mentioned characters without even introducing U.A's main cast into the mix.
'Is that an admission of laziness? Or just an excuse to add me into the ending as another fourth-wall-breaking moment like at the start?
Why not both? A man can do two things. Anyway, my loyal readers that will be all for chapter 1, the basic plan is to write a purely comedy-centric fic that will hopefully help me refresh my brain for my other fics. Plus I love Saiki Kusuo no Psi-nan and wanted to write something based on it for a while now. This just came naturally to me. Well, I hope you guys enjoyed it, see you next time!