DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.

Thinking (or flashbacks, etc.)

Emphasis

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

The first word out of Tenzo's mouth once Naruto had inactivated the curse seal on his tongue was "tits." Oh, he slurred it, but Naru still slapped him for it.

Jiraiya pushed Kakashi forward after Naruto, blushing and angry at her idiot teammates for laughing at that, got off of him. The Sage told everyone to shut up as Tenzo laid there on the ground, now in even more pain from Naruto's slap. "C'mon, Woodman! Open your eyes: I want to find out something."

Tenzo did eventually open his eyes. He tried not to say anything, but a word that sounded like "annoying" came out of his mouth, causing everyone but Jiraiya and Kakashi to burst into subdued laughter at his expense again. "I hateshoo awl." That caused even the white and silver-haired man to grin at him again, too. Then he started talking about Danzo. All the Genin were quickly dismissed - as in pushed away and told to get the hell out of there by Jiraiya.

"What a drag. Oh no, I can't believe I said that," Naruto replied. She was really bummed out that she couldn't get some intel from Tenzo about that mummy.

"You sound like a Nara," Sasuke scoffed. Naruto reminded him that she'd lived with the Naras for years, but he only gave her a singular nod as they all walked toward the forest. Tazuna was resting his back in his house, and Naruto had clones patrolling around it and on the bridge. "What do you think he's saying about Danzo?"

"Danzo-sama places cursed seals on his operatives' tongues." Sai wondered why Naruto was repeatedly motioning in a way that implied he should stop talking. "If we speak about him, our missions, or the organization in general, we will be shocked by the cursed seal. There are varying levels: from a simple shock when we are young, to full body paralyzation if we do not follow his wishes…"

"Yeah, that guy's bad news," Naru said as she tried to redirect the conversation. She really didn't trust Sasuke, although she wanted to. "Make sure you never speak of this, alright guys? If he found out that I can negate his seals, I can't imagine what he'd do to us - and I mean ALL of us since you two know about it, too." Sai nodded with his creepy smile in place, while Sasuke seemed to be studying them both. "Actually, if the higher-ups found out that I was dabbling in fuuinjutsu at all, I think - well, I don't think they'd be happy, that's for sure," she sighed.

"It's your heritage, isn't it?" Sasuke asked before looking away with a slight blush.

"H- How did you know?!"

"Hn."

"Tell me, Bastard!"

Sasuke wasn't going to tell the idiot anything. He remembered his mother telling him stories about her best friend, Kushina Uzumaki, and after seeing a picture of the pregnant woman, it was obvious to him that Naruto was her daughter. His mother had also told him how she used to be a real trickster and made seals that could do almost anything. Most of her stories revolved around her planting paint, glitter, or air-horn sounds into seals to scare their mothers' then-boyfriends. He realized he was smiling to himself at the memory, then turned cold as he reminded himself that he needed to avenge her. "I'm an avenger," was something he nearly chanted to himself as a reminder every day.

The three teens walked through the forest while Sai occasionally went on tangents about the birds that he pointed out. He was very informative and much more talkative than he'd been in Naruto's first life. Sasuke even pointed out a few, just to name them. Show-offs, Naruto thought.

"Kurama," in Naruto's mindscape she pushed on the sleeping fox's paw that was partially sticking through the cage.

"What now?" he mumbled, eyes still closed.

"I was thinking, you have a fire nature, right?"

"I am fire and destruction. Go away before I destroy you."

"No seriously! I mean, I'm like wind-natured, right?" She was pleased when the fox finally opened one eye to observe her. "So can I use fire attacks if I concentrate on your chakra?"

"Tch. Yes. How have you not realized that by now?" He closed his eye again.

Naruto was so excited, she started bouncing. Both boys stared at her like she was crazy as she dragged them off toward the ocean, down the coast from the bridge. "Teme, teach me a fire jutsu!"

"Hn. Only if you show me a wind jutsu."

"Okay!" Naruto showed her teammates the hand signs for a Gale Palm, which was only a C-rank jutsu, but oh well. They practiced the hand signs repeatedly, and Sasuke finally tried it but put his hands up to his mouth. Naruto started laughing, which naturally pissed him off. "It's not like fire, Teme! You don't push it out your mouth: you do it through your hands. Well, that's how I do that one anyway. Now show me the jutsu!" She patted Sai on the back when he did a nice little Gale Palm. It didn't push the sea back or do anything close to it, but it was the first time she'd seen Sai do any jutsu without ink.

Sasuke wasn't sure what jutsu to give Naruto. It would be just like the idiot to potentially surpass him in any one of the jutsus his clan favored, but then again, it would be great to see her fail. She had been his rival when he was a little boy - before That Man took everything away from him; before he thought she had died along with everyone else.

"Broody is in another world, it seems," Sai commented. "Blondie, how can I increase the strength of the wind?"

"Well, I don't know what your chakra nature is, but you just have to add more chakra to the jutsu. I'd guess you have an earth nature since you use ink and all, but I've never really understood your jutsus. Can you teach me?" Sai nodded - which was exciting as hell - but then he turned and pushed out another Gale Palm. It was so tiny and cute! "Oi, Teme! Teach me that jutsu!"

"You are so annoying. Alright. Here are the hand signs for the Phoenix Flower jutsu." He showed her, then put his hands to his mouth and blew out a pretty impressive array of fireballs. He watched to make sure that Naruto did the hand signs correctly - she was always mixing up hand signs when she was little which would result in the weirdest things that should've been impossible according to his father. She was repeating them correctly, so he watched Sai for a moment and then copied him. His Gale Palm was smaller than even Sai's pathetic attempts, so he sulked. Just then, Naruto blew out a single fireball, then fell to her knees, grabbing her throat and face. "Dobe! Did you not coat your esophagus and mouth with chakra?!"

Naruto thought she was going to die. Kurama was barking at her so loudly she could barely hear the boys. She used a jutsu to pull water out of the ocean, but Sasuke smacked her hands just as the water came toward her.

"You can't use salt-water idiot! Sai's gone to get help, Hang in there!" Honestly, Sasuke was scared.

Naruto got up, completely freaking out. She staggered toward the forest before realizing everything was getting dark - whether from pain or not being able to breathe. She fell down and grabbed the earth. Water: I need water! She could feel Kurama healing her, but it hurt so bad! Suddenly water was dripping quickly into her mouth. She pushed her chakra into the ground and kept her thoughts on the need for water, and it kept coming. Finally, she heard footsteps running up behind her and she'd healed enough to sit up. She covered her face with her hands and tried to shake off the remaining pain as the blisters in her mouth went away. Tenzo was squawking and slurring something she couldn't understand, so she finally looked up and tried to smile at the three men. "I'm okay, I think," she said in a near-whisper.

The men were gawking at her and Sasuke was on one knee on the ground. "Kami, Naruto! You scared the shit out of me!" He poked her in the forehead with two fingers pretty hard, before quickly getting up and moving away from them.

Now it was Naruto's turn to gawk - at Sasuke. Something about what he just did was so familiar, but she didn't really know from where. He only poked her hitae-ate, but the asshole did it pretty hard. So why did it make her feel good? "Teme," she said with a scratchy voice. She looked back at her seniors and saw that Kakashi looked like he wanted to wring her neck. Oh! She'd screwed up the forest floor and some of the little trees. "I'm sorry! I'll fix it." Pushing chakra back into the earth, little sprouts came up in the big dead lightly forested, and formerly grassy circle she pulled all the water out of.

"Mokuushon! I tol' you sche hash Mokuushon!" Tenzo numbly cried

Kami! He was drooling everywhere. "That's ridiculous," Naru coughed. "I just have a green thumb!"

Jiraiya slapped himself in the face at Naruto's comment but dragged his hand down to his mouth and stood there staring at his goddaughter in wonder. I need to talk to Tsunade. "Brat, come here. I want to see something. The rest of you go away." He grabbed Naru and sunshinned them closer to Tazuna's house. "I want to see you do an earth jutsu."

"I really suck at them. I can do the headhunter jutsu, but everything else. Well, watch." Naruto flipped through the hand signs for a mud wall then put her hands to the earth. Dirt started flying everywhere. Jiraiya got nailed with some of it but laughed anyway.

"Wow, you suck," Jiraiya said flatly.

"Hey!"

"Seriously! You didn't even get a thin wall up. That's terrible," Jiraiya said, scratching his chin.

"You're terrible," Naruto pouted back at the huge man quietly. "I try, ya know. I've tried it a bunch of times, and whenever I get mad and do it, I can make a goddamn tsunami of dirt!"

"How useful."

"Hey! It could blind somebody. Meh, I don't know," Naruto said in a defeated tone.

Jiraiya grabbed Naru by the back of her neck, like he always used to in her previous life, and pushed her toward Tazuna's garden with his big, meaty hand. Everything looked really good! "We could pick some vegetables for Tsunami-san." Naruto quickly glared at the man. "Don't start going on about how hot she is! Seriously!"

"She's a widow and still grieving, you brat! I do have standards." He didn't appreciate Naruto snorting and rolling her eyes at that comment. "This garden: Wood Boy said you grew it from seeds or something ridiculous like that."

"I did! I told you I had a green thumb!" She pulled another seed packet out of the storage scroll in her obi after Jiraiya demanded to see them. "They're just normal seeds, aren't they?" Jiraiya looked serious and knelt down beside her.

"Brat: what you did with those seeds... Growing them so fast? That's an ability of the First Hokage." When Naruto just shrugged her shoulders as she pulled off another tomato, he felt like shaking her. "That's Mokuton, Naruto, and it's dangerous!"

"It's not Mokuton. The fox gives me the ability: that's all there is to it."

"The fox has a fire nature! Everyone knows that," Jiraiya scolded rather loudly.

Naruto looked around to make sure that no one was close enough to hear the loudmouth going on about her fuzzy partner and glared at her godfather again. "I know. I used his chakra to make a little fireball and didn't realize... Well, it hurt like a bitch."

"You gathered water from the air!"

"No, I gathered it from the ground. You saw how I dried up the forest floor! I was just glad I could fix it."

This time Jiraiya did shake the stubborn young woman in front of him by the shoulder, although he felt like grabbing her neck and giving that blonde head of hers a good thrashing, too. "These are Senju abilities," Jiraiya whispered.

Naruto thought about it for a second before blowing the idea off. "Well, so what if they are? I mean, I can't grow trees unless I Rasengan specific things - like other trees or the ground, for instance - and didn't the Uzumaki and Senju mess around a lot?"

Jiraiya snorted. "They often had arranged marriages between the two clans. I wouldn't call it 'messing around.' I suppose you could be right, but Naruto: don't go around showing this stuff off."

"I'm not!"

"You fully grew a freaking garden in a matter of days from seeds! You pulled water out of the air... Alright: the earth," he said as he saw her want to argue with him. "Then you regrew the forest floor. People will want that ability, Naruto."

"It's really not a big deal, but okay." Seeing that Jiraiya was ready to sick a big toad on her or something - she knew that look in his eyes - she continued with the truth. "It is a super handy ability, though!"

"You're a super handy ability," he snarked, making fun of her.

"Thank you!"

Kakashi watched as the two males on his team did cute little wind jutsus like babies. He occasionally looked over at Tenzo and couldn't help but chuckle: he wondered if it was the man's water nature that made him drool even more than Sai had when Naruto altered his seal.

"Shhtop it, shemfshai," Tenzo pouted.

Kakashi nodded at him before looking back toward Sai and the Uchiha. "How does it feel? To get that thing off and get all those things about Danzo off your chest?" Kakashi asked quietly, but quite seriously.

Tenzo stood up straighter and wiped at some of his drool. He inhaled deeply, loving the smell of the ocean and forest. The drool caused him to choke a bit, but his improved posture remained. "Sha know, ish feelsh g-wah-gatesh! Ah!" he yelled in frustration.

Kakashi smiled at him again, but gave him a hard pat on the back, feeling happy for his kohai. "We need to pound teamwork into these guys," he said, looking back at the boys who had apparently had enough practice with the jutsu he assumed Naruto showed them. "Maa, you're both tired out already?"

"Hn."

"Broody and I feel that we have done all we can with this jutsu for now. Blondie said that she believed I have an Earth affinity, although she wasn't sure," Sai put his finger near his mouth as he looked down in thought. "Do either of you have chakra paper? I am one of the few ROOT operatives in my age group that Danzo-sama has not tested."

"Maa, let's not talk about Danzo-sama, ne Sai? Tenzo?" They both nodded back at Kakashi and all stood there staring at each other.

After a minute of silence, Sai spoke up again. "It is always quieter when Blondie isn't here. I am unsure whether or not I prefer her presence."

"She's your teammate, thus she's yours to protect," Kakashi advised. Mainly from herself. "I'm sure that she will protect both of you with all that she has. Tenzo?"

"Hmm?" He wiped at his drool with his flack jacket which he'd taken off.

"Chakra paper?" Kakashi stood with his hand out like he expected the man to have it on him. Tenzo grumbled and turned around to go back to Tazuna's, briefly seeing Jiraiya pulling up fully grown vegetables with Tsunami-san and Naruto. Mokuton, he thought in both horror and wonder. His ability had been enough to get Danzo's attention; he didn't want the same thing to happen to Naruto who seemed to have this ability no matter what she said. As she was the jinchuuriki he was positive the Warhawk wanted her, anyway.

Tenzo came back with a pack of chakra paper in his hand, and Naruto at his side. Seeing that Kakashi had graphed out the elemental affinities in a circle along with arrows about how they worked in the sand on the beach, she told them that she understood how that all worked, too. Sai was the first to check his chakra, and he found that he had earth and water affinities. Sasuke went next and Naruto held her breath. Sure enough, he had fire and lightning affinities. No Chidoris, please, Naruto wished. As she took the paper in her hands she heard Kurama tell her to channel some of his chakra along with hers. She pressed the paper Tenzo was holding between her thumb and finger and did so.

It flew into a bunch of wet pieces and others caught on fire. It burned Tenzo a little. Kurama was laughing his ass off.

"I'm so sorry! I promise I didn't know that would happen! Here, give me your hand." Naruto asked and finally grabbed the stubborn man and used Kurama's chakra to heal his burned fingers, which took less than a second. He stared at her as if she'd just performed magic, drooling all over the place. "Umm, you might wanna wipe your mouth, well your face and shirt, too, ya know. Can I try again?" This time he gave her another piece of chakra paper and didn't hold onto the edge of it.

"You stay out of this, you jerk!" She told the grinning fox in her mindscape. At least he didn't give her any crap about healing Tenzo.

Naruto concentrated her chakra into the paper and saw it split, before one half became wet and the other half crinkled a little off the side. "Does that mean? Does that mean I have lightning chakra?! Even a little bit?"

"Maa, it's pretty pathetic but yeah," Kakashi replied. Naruto blushed and knitted her brows together. He chuckled and ruffled her hair, then winked at her - or blinked hard, (it was very hard to tell since he only had one eye showing) - as he stood up to move the sand around so no one would see what he'd drawn. "This is all very interesting and nice to know, but we'll be focusing on teamwork for the next few days. Tenzo will continue working with you two," he pointed a finger at each of the boys, "after Naruto and I leave. Jiraiya-sama is leaving today, as well. I don't know if you've heard about the Chunin exams that are coming up..." Sai and Naruto knew they were just around the corner, so Kakashi gave the barest of explanations of it to Sasuke. Unlike in her last life, this time he told them that they were required to enter the exams.

Naruto was too embarrassed to ask why she had to leave earlier than the others with Kakashi but was worried for her team's safety after they left. The bridge was almost finished, but still... Also, she wondered about Iwa joining the exams this time. She'd have to ask Jiraiya before he left if he'd heard anything about that old Onoki.

"I am technically unranked. I believe that I achieved the equivalent to the rank of Chunin in ROOT when I was 9 or 10. Danzo-sama will not allow me to take the exam," Sai said without smiling. "And what of Ugly?"

"Sai! We don't know what happened to her! Don't be an ass," Naruto said, scolding him.

"Oh, Danzo-sama will have no choice but to allow you to take the exam with these two. I don't know what happened to Sakura-chan, but we will find out: that I promise you. What did I say before? Remember, those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash," Kakashi said as he noticed that Naruto was getting teary-eyed.

"I hope she's okay. We'll have to have a party when she gets back!" The four males looked at her as if they didn't expect that. "What? She's been changing her attitude and was actually nice to me the night before we left Konoha with that fake, bullshit ROOT replacement. Gods I hope she's alright."

"Lesh notsh tawk apoush ROOTsh," Tenzo said sagely. "Efryonesh ufsh. Shenpaai?" He needed help.

"Alright you three, Manji Formation. Tenzo and I are your targets. You need to get the bells from me." He pulled them out to jingle them together as the three younger squad members groaned. "Now, now, children," he said with the dreaded eye-smile, "or whatever people your age are..."

"Taicho is old," Sai remarked. Tenzo whacked him.

"Very funny. Tenzo will be helping me, and you three must remain together." Kakashi pulled a clock out of seemingly nowhere, then he whistled for his ninken.

"Oh shit," Naruto whispered as the dogs came running over. They looked terribly excited. Kakashi introduced them one by one and then told them what the exercise they were doing entailed. He gave Tenzo the clock and rushed into the woods with his ninken.

"Goosha luck, kiffies," Tenzo adjusted the clock and sunshinned away. Naruto was pretty sure that he was making wood clones as he ran through the forest to meet Kakashi.

"I think he said 'good luck.'" Naruto said, wondering if that was true. "We'll need it. I can sense four Kakashi's out there, so he's using shadow clones; his ninken are paired up with each one of them. I think Tenzo's making wood clones maybe? They feel like him but they don't. Crap, I think he's got shadow clones out there, too. Fuck. Well, I guess this is a good way to prepare for the Chunin exams!"

Naruto made nearly a hundred henged clones that looked like them. Sasuke and Sai came up with a good strategy together, and they set off.

Four hours later, the trio was beaten up and bruised. All of them were so glad to hear the alarm go off, even if they'd only gotten one bell. It was from Tenzo's spit-covered vest, so they weren't sure that it counted.

Sasuke had exhausted himself and his chakra by nearly obliterating a large part of the forest, and Sai was limping. Naruto was in the middle of them, dragging their asses back to where everything began. She dropped the boys once she saw Kakashi, and went to lay down on the grass alongside her teammates.

"You did well, but you didn't get my bells," Kakashi said as he brought them out to jingle them again. "Maa, I'll give you an hour to rest up, then you'll work on this through the night." Sasuke groaned out loud and didn't even look embarrassed about it.

"...Chunin exams last all night," Naruto said as she popped her neck. Sai went on to quietly explain that the second part lasted five days and nights. Then he told them - or Sasuke since Naru had been through this before - about the written test and individual competition at the end. He was very well-informed.

"Oh," Naruto quickly sat up. "Sensei! Taicho!"

"You're too loud, Bimbo," Sai said as he closed his eyes again.

"What happened to "Blondie?' I much prefer that!"

"Then I shall call you Bimbo."

"Ass!" Sasuke had the nerve to actually let out a choke of laughter at them, which Naruto would admit was very weird to hear. Nice, but weird. She jogged up to meet Kakashi and Tenzo. Fortunately, Tenzo had stopped drooling. "Oi! Aren't we going to try to alter that ROOT bitch's seal?" Tenzo nodded and Naruto followed them to Jiraiya, who was working on a seal.

It didn't work.

Jiraiya ended up having a toad swallow the horrible ROOT woman and take her to T&I. He said she was going to get the "Anko special" and both Kakashi and Tenzo shivered a bit at hearing that. The good news was that their training would be postponed until the morning because Naru and Jiraiya took so long in trying to figure out how to alter a tongue's curse seal so that the ROOT op would follow someone else's commands.

After taking a shower, Naru finished getting dressed in Tsunami's room again. Picking up her obi, she decided to have a look at the three envelopes the Hokage had given her that matched the one Kakashi had. She opened one and found a black, weirdly shaped pillowcase. It also had high-heeled shoes. "Well, that's weird." Hearing a knock on the door, she called for the person on the other side to come in.

Kakashi walked in and saw what Naruto was doing and asked her to stop. He'd already closed the door behind him, but then put up silencing seals.

In her mind, Naruto would've been thrilled and maybe a little scared, but she was pretty sure she didn't want to be getting busy in her nice host's bedroom. "Umm, I just opened this and I've got a pillowcase and shoes! Weird right?"

As adorable as she was, Kakashi wished he could crawl into a hole and perhaps die.

She opened up the second envelope and pushed chakra into the scroll to find makeup, more pillowcases, and additional things that were embarrassing! What the hell was JiJi doing sending me all this shit, including underwear?!

Naruto moved to open the last envelope and Kakashi stopped her as he took her hand. He pulled her to sit next to him on Tsunami's bed, then told her to go ahead - although he didn't seem to want to stop holding her hand. It would've been nice, Naruto thought, but his chakra was erratic and worried her.

It was a mission. The first thing she saw was the Daimyo's large signature on the bottom, right over the Hokage's. As she began to read it, Naru began panicking. A seduction mission? What the hell do I know about seduction?! At some bar on the northern border of Hi no Kuni? "What the hell?! I'm - I'm not suited for this! Wh- why would the Daimyo need me of all people to do this?! I'm a frickin' virgin, 'ttebayo!"

"It'll be alright, Naruto. I'll be..."

"Alright?" Naruto was already up and pacing. "Alright?! How is this alright?! What the... How... I don't want to do this 'ttebayo! I wanted my first time to be with you! And what's with the pillowcases? What am I supposed to do, buy some pillows and smother some guy to death?! And it doesn't even say who this guy is! Wha - what if it's the Akatsuki?! Did I do something so bad that the Daimyo and stupid JiJi want me to get killed?! Don't they want their fucking weapon alive?! Kurama dies when I die so they won't have a jinchuuriki - and what about the fact that you're a clan head?! I'm your wife - oh. We're not gonna stay married, I see," she said sadly, a few tears running down her cheeks. "Gomen. I understand that this is a mission and I'm a soldier, 'ttebayo. Forgive me, Taicho." She wiped her tears away with her arm and sniffed pathetically. "I'll do my duty, of course." She bowed and tried to leave through the window, but Kakashi grabbed her.

"Are you going to listen to me now?" Kakashi asked, wondering if his little wife even heard him trying to stop her spiraling thoughts that she was spewing. "Do you think I'm not mad as hell about this? Because I am, hime! It's disgu- maa, it's not right. And normally there are laws about clan matriarchs and certain others not doing these sorts of missions, but since it's a request of the Daimyo... Fuck." Kakashi pulled Naruto onto his lap and sunk his face between her neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply. "We'll get through this, Naru-chan. We'll get through it together, I promise." Pakkun poofed into the room and saw the two looking miserable.

"Got what you wanted, Boss. It might take three more trips to get all the scrolls, but I'm tired." Kakashi pulled a small scroll away from him.

"How do you just pop in like that?" Naruto sniffed again and wiped her eyes. "The door was locked and there was even a seal on it, 'ttebayo."

"Hmph. You act like I don't have a mind of my own, Naruto. For shame," Pakkun said as he disappeared again. Naruto just stared where he had been, a look of utter defeat on her pretty face. Kakashi, in the meantime, opened the scroll he'd just received and quickly stuck it in his vest. The two sat there silently for a long time: her staring at nothing, and Kakashi looking thoughtfully as the sunset turned to darkness through the window. Suddenly, he sat up straighter.

"We're leaving early, Naru. I'd already been thinking about it, but this does it," he said as he shook his head. It was clear that Naruto didn't know what he was talking about, which was fine. He needed more information anyway. "This is an A-ranked mission you'll be taking, so don't say anything to anyone." She nodded her head dumbly and he kissed her next to her ear as he held her tightly. "Dinner's downstairs and you haven't eaten yet. C'mon," he picked her up like she weighed nothing, and she climbed out of his arms as they approached the paper seal on the door. "By the way: those 'pillowcases?' Those are dresses, hime."

"WHAT?! How is that..? They're so... tiny. Oh God, I think I'm gonna be sick."