~Welcome to my world. You'll see monsters in the hallways. Try not to scare them… they fall in love at first sight~

If your soulmate has done something horrendous that they didn't mean, do you forgive them? Even if it means it could put your life in danger? If your soulmate was a killer at the end of the day?

Deep down in my heart, I just couldn't see Edward hurting me, but he did admit to killing someone—unintentional or not. How do I know that we won't blow up in a massive argument one day and that he won't do the same drugs that created the rage in him in the first place? Victoria's incident was an accident, but the same thing could happen to me if Edward ever snaps again. We didn't have the healthiest relationship; Edward still struggled with his anger and possessiveness, and we had a lot of toxic traits in both of us.

I don't want to be walking on pins and needles for the rest of my life. I think about all of our previous fights that could've turned extremely ugly. It reminds me too much of my mom; I promised myself I would never put myself in a situation like that again, now that I'm an adult and can make my own decisions. I know he said that he would stop using, but can I truly trust him? I've seen the violence in him, and now knowing that he's killed someone because of it puts fear in me regardless of how much I love him.

Doubt creeps into my mind. What if he's lying to me? What if he did do it intentionally? What if he does remember what happened that day?

No don't think that, Bella.

Why would he even confide in me in the first place if he was going to lie anyway? It's not like I would have ever found out. He could've kept it from me for the rest of our lives, and I wouldn't be the wiser. I could see the honesty and loyalty in his eyes. He told me every single detail, and there were no loopholes to his story. Plus, no one could fake their hatred for themselves that good if they really were a psychopath.

I think of all the times he controlled himself around me in his fits of rage. How different he's been since we first met. He has changed immensely in the six months I've known him—and he's done it all for me. When he doesn't have the weight of his demons on his shoulders, he's the most charming, compassionate, devoted, and passionate person I know.

I gasp aloud when a certain memory refreshes in my mind. On our first official date, when we were at the club and Edward was ready to beat the shit out of that guy that hit on me—I went behind Edward to pull him away from the man. He looked up at me with an expression I couldn't understand at the time, he stared at me like I was a ghost, but he stopped. Even then, I was impressed that I had the power to snap him out of his fury.

Now looking back, that was the same position Victoria was in when Edward killed her. That's why he looked terrified. Even though he may not remember it, he knew that was exactly how Victoria died. But he controlled himself—for me. If he was the monster he thought he was, he had so many chances to hurt me in his drug-induced fits of rage, but he always contained himself.

Edward trusted me. He gave me full control of his life in my hands to show his devotion to me. He took the risk of me running to the police and exposing everything he confided in me. He risked his freedom so that he could prove to me that there were no more secrets between us. He did this for us, for our relationship. I want to give him another chance, but things have to change if we continue this between us.

Edward seems panicked at my long stretch of silence, so he breaks it. Defeat shatters through him, trying to control the sobs that are close to wracking through his body. "That's it. That's every single secret I had ever hidden from you. Now, I'm leaving it up to you. Even though it will absolutely destroy me if you leave me and never look back, I love you enough that I'll let you go. I understand if you won't be able to love a killer. Just know that I would never hurt you in a million years. If anything happened to you, it would kill me. You mean fucking everything to me." Edward sobs, covering his face with his hands.

I really want to believe him.

I do believe him.

As much as it kills me, I need time to myself right now. I wish I could just bury myself into Edward's arms and pretend that nothing but us existed, but this is the real world—and it fucking sucks. You need to face it, or it just builds up and explodes. We need time to calm down and fix the damage that is left in its wake.

I chew on my bottom lip, trying to control my tears. "Fuck Edward, I want to be there for you, but I need time to process this. I don't know how to handle this. It's too much for me right now." I run my hand along the rough stubble along his jawline. I almost flinch at the electricity that still runs between us. It's even more enhanced when there's a risk that we may never be the same again. "I'm not breaking up with you. I still love you." A loud sigh of relief escapes from him.

"I will eventually forgive you for this and try to move on from it… but I just need time. Everything I thought I knew got turned upside down," I grieved. "I hate that you have to live with this punishment for the rest of your life, but I can't be the one to save you and make you live again. You need to heal from this on your own and stop punishing yourself for what happened—it was an accident." Edward's swollen, red, shattered eyes a mirror reflection of the devastation that I'm sure was visible in my own.

"We're too dependent on each other, which won't end well if we keep things this way. We need to be better than this. I believe you when you say that you didn't mean it, but…" I break off into sobs, not able to hold them back anymore.

Devastation clouds his features at my words. He embraces me into the tightest hug he's ever given me, like it's the last one, as we bawl into each other's arms. "I understand. I will do whatever it takes to deserve you. I love you so fucking much," Edward whimpers, his lips blending with mine, but it's the saddest kiss ever.

"I love you too."

I don't think I could ever stop—but is that enough?

We're both broken. Can we really ever fix ourselves?

A/N: Next chapter should be at the beginning of next week!