"Achoo!" Harry sneezed and dabbed at his nose with the handkerchief Pansy had given him.

"Scottish climate doesn't agree with you then?" Draco asked with a smirk.

"Fuck you Draco. I've lived in literally Hell my entire life, I've never experienced cold weather before."

"ACHOO."

"The only experience I have with the living world is when we had to go topside for some stupid bet my dad made with his ex girlfriend succubus and that was this year during Spring Break on a hot beach. ACHOO!!"

"Welcome to Hogwarts." Professor McGonagall said in a welcoming, yet somehow stern teachers glare.. "In a few moments you all will enter the Great Hall and shall be sorted into your Houses. While you are here your House will be like your family. Your triumphs will earn you points. Any rule breaking and you will lose points. At the end of the year the House with the most points will be awarded the House Cup."

"Trevor!" A chubby boy called and dove at Professor Mcgonagalls feet for a toad who climbed into his hands.

"Sorry." He said before rejoining the crowd of children.

"I will return momentarily."

"I heard Harry Potter was joining our year." A random student said.

"Where is he?" another black boy other than Blaise asked.

There could be only one answer. The only student Among them not in robes. Harry had fundamentally refused to wear the dress code robes because "Both Octavia AND Loona would kick my ass if they ever caught me in those dorky robes."

"Your Harry Potter. What are you doing with a Malfoy?" Demanded a red headed boy.

"Not that it's any of your fucking business but Draco and his family have been nothing but kind to me." Harry replied. "And if you want to keep that finger I suggest putting it where the sun doesn't shine."

Theo snickered at the red heads befuddled expression.

"It means stick it up your ass dipshit." Harry said flipping the redhead off.

Theo laughed again.

"This guy is on it." Harry saidto Draco gesturing l towards Nott with approval.

"Their Slytherin! Their future Death Eater wannabes how can they possibly ha-"

"Okay listen, Weasley isn't it? Draco told me about your family and how you two have beef but it has NOTHING to do with me got it? Try to bring me or my friendship with Draco into your little Dark Side/Jedi feud and you'll regret it. He pulled out his rocksalt pistol. "For example."

BANG

Ron Weasley was soon on the ground with a rocksalt round in his knee, clutching it.

Another bang shook the shocked students as McGonagall appeared with flaring nostrils.

"Explain yourself." She demanded.

"Dipshit here insulted my new friends and tried to condescend me by basically implying I should be his friend cause Slytherins are evil." Harry said. "He insulted my intelligence so I gave him a rocksalt imbedded kneecap."

"Mr. Goetia I know Headmaster Dumbledore allowed you to carry that blasted pistol on school grounds but please please try to reason before using it next time?"

"I make no promises." Harry conceded, pouting. "But I'll try."

After Madame Pomfrey had come to heal Weasleys knee injury and bring Harry a pepper up potion the Sorting Ceremony finally began. Harry watched Daphne, Draco, Theodore And Pansy be become Slytherins in confusion as he should have been called with the G's.

"Mr. Goetia I would like to apologize in advance, the Ministry of Magic is forcing my hand as you are considered a national Hero." Dumbledore paused McGonagall before she read Harry's name.

Harry groaned. "Fucking bureaucrats. Fiiiine."

"Harry Potter."

Harry walked up to the stool where McGonagall held a mouldy patched up old and ancient looking hat. He sat on the stool as the student body took in his odd appearance.

"Bee in your bonnet Mr. Goetia?" A voice said in his head.

"Ok what the fuck is THIS?" Harry said out loud.

"Calm yourself Mr. Goetia I am forbidden from revealing any secrets students may have.

Oh I have no secrets I'm not ashamed of my family life my family is amazing. Harry replied to the hat with Pride.

Oh I've no doubt about that Mr Goetia. But where to put you? You've plenty of courage I see. Not a bad mind either. Your very Prideful but that makes sense considering where you where raised. There's talent. Oh yes. And a thirst to prove yourself...

Just don't put me with the red headed dipshit named Weasley.

"SLYTHERIN." The hat shouted.

The Hall was stunned as Harry smugly walked over to the Slytherin table. Sitting across from Draco the students recovered from their shock to watch the remainder of the Sorting Ceremony.

"Let the feast begin." Dumbledore said with his arms outstretched I'm welcome to students old and new.

Food Harry had never seen before appeared before him. Steaks sizzling fresh from the fire, baked potatoes, roasted potatoes with peppers, onions garlic and all manner of mouthwatering aromas coming from these foods.

Not knowing what to put on his plate he relied on older students suggestions so he got a variety of foods for both flavor and nutrition. As He was gnawing on a chicken leg bone to his great shock a GHOST of all things swept through the table with his ghastly Sabre outstretched

"It's the Bloody Baron!" An older student said.

Harry watched other House tables had ghosts of their own. One even had its head partially severed "Nearly Headless Nick." He learned his name was. The poor dude's beheading had been botched. He unfortunatelywas the ghost of Gryffindor House which is the House the Weasley idiot had been sorted in supposedly the house of the brave and daring.

"What kind of food do you have in Hell?" An older student asked after hearing of Harry's childhood story.

"Some of the same kinds you have in the living world. We have our cereals fruits and veggies just like the living world. It's meat that's a bit different. Roasted Hellantula can be pretty tasty

"What's a Hellantula?"

"Exactly what it sounds like a flaming giant spider. Their often paired with white wine like fish or chicken in the living world. Closest thing I've found in the magical world to compare it to is an Acromantula. There's also BlazHorses which are just gorgeous. Harry reaches into his shoulder bag and showed his new housemates his Hellish Equestrian.

"Their so pretty." Daphne said in awe.

"I blame my dad for my love for Horses." Harry said as he listened to Daphne's talk about her family's magical horse stable

After an idiotic sing along session they where finally permitted to go to bed. They followed one of the Slytherin Prefects Marcus Flint down to their dungeon based dorms.

"Slytherin is the only House in Hogwarts who haas no other allies among the school." Flint told the children. "Our Houses support of The Dark Lord during the War cemented the idea that Slytherin House is the House of Darkness and Evil. We strive to rise above the cliche. Stick together. Travel by threesomes, watch each other's backs. If you must seek revenge against one in another House, NEVER GET CAUGHT."

Professor Snape then laid our a few ground rules in House for the First Years. Mandatory 9 o'clock bed times during the school week weekends is extended to 10. Mandatory Study/Homework Groups are from 6-7 o'clock free time is from 7-8 and the hour before bedtime is best used for pre bedtime bathroom routines.

Before bed, Harry brought out his Hellphone and shot his parents a quick Text message via family group chat, telling them he was at Hogwarts, in the Slytherin Dorms ready for school to start tomorrow.

Emerald Prince: At Hogwarts, already had to kneecap somebody before we where officially welcomed

Lady Woof Woof (a name he gave Loona when got his first phone at 6): whose the dumbass?

Princess Owlette: Do I need to come protect our baby brother from his bullies?

Rolling this eyes at the condescending tone from Octavia Harry typed

Emerald Prince: Some ginger jackass named Weasley tried to drag me into his and Draco's family feuds. I told him I wouldn't tolerate that, then he proceeded to insult my new friends and housemates. So he got a rocksalt round in his left knee. Madame Pomfrey the nurse fixed him right up though so that's convenient .

Princess Owlette: yeah no lawsuits when they can fix the kids right up. Interesting *octavia thinking memoji*

Proud Papa Imp: That's my BOY already kicking ass and taking names!

Daddy Hoot-Hoot: Do try to not antagonize students on purpose.

Emerald Prince: You sound like old Professor McGonagall Papa so I'll give you the answer I gave her; I make no promises.

Smiling, Harry laud down on his new, admittedly VERY comfy Four Poster bed with privacy curtains and drifted off to sleep.

--

Please Leave A Review!

So my new Idea I have planned takes place in book 2 so I have adjusted the Harvest Moon chapter to take place when Harry is 12 not 14 and Strings is 14. Again how awesome is it that Helluva Boss has its own seperate category now? I'm eagerly awaiting more crossover fanfiction.

PPS I did try to edit for grammar this chapter I hope it shows.