The weather in Upper Helmsley was nothing like the weather in Scotland. Emma and Greyson departed the snowy white of Hogsmeade and landed in the thick mud of York. The mud couldn't entirely distract Emma from the odd sight that was in front of her.
Emma knew she was home, but home didn't look like home. The once single-story house seemed to have grown overnight, the brick-faced building looking almost shiny and new and very out of place. The front garden was spruced up with new bushes and a new pathway, and it felt wrong. The cottage was no longer the comfy and cozy tight-spaced home she was used to but a proper family home.
"Grey, are you sure that you've Apparated us to the right house?" Emma asked, not quite able to unfold her arm from his. The rain was coming down in a cold but fine mist, and though they were getting soaked, she couldn't move. "This looks nothing like the cottage."
"Your Dad brought me here last week," Greyson said softly. "I know it's different –"
"It's not home," Emma muttered, blinking back her tears. They had to have been standing just inside the charmed lines too long for Remus's comfort as he looked wary when he opened the front door. Emma tried hard to keep her disappointment off of her face, but Remus knew the moment he locked eyes with hers. His lips pressed into a thin line, and he walked out into the cold, taking Greyson's place and wrapping Emma's arm around his arm instead.
Inside the cottage was even more challenging for Emma to try and process. The once chipped wooden floorboards had been replaced. The brick around the fireplace that had been stained dark with soot was entirely new, and the wall separating the office from the hallway had been removed. Instead, the living room seemed to extend out to the opposite side of the house, where a new staircase leading to the upstairs could be found. A large Christmas tree sat in the far corner of the room, lit up and looking exactly like it had at the house in Hogsmeade. She looked at Remus almost pleadingly as she walked down the hallway towards the kitchen and found that had changed as well.
Everything was new and shiny and even less like the home that she had known. Curious, she looked into her old room and frowned when she saw that only half of her things were where she left them last. Her bed was still there, but with different bedding; the bookshelf only half-filled with the remains of her haphazard packing. Needing to keep herself grounded, Emma kept her fingers wrapped in the fur around Padfoot's neck as he walked beside her.
"Do you want to see your new room?" Remus asked her, careful to keep his tone as light as possible. Emma stared into what she knew as her room for a moment, hesitating in her response. She waited for a few moments longer before nodding. Emma didn't want to see her new room, but it wasn't like there was much choice in the matter. The damage was already done.
Seemingly thinking better of it, Sirius transformed and stayed with Greyson as Remus brought Emma to the new upstairs. If Emma thought the downstairs felt foreign, it was nothing compared to how disorienting the upstairs was.
The long hallway was just above its matching partner but with more closed-off rooms. The area above the living room was mostly unused. Where Remus's bedroom was, there was a smaller room that appeared to be the new study. Across from the study was another bathroom – something that Emma was sure would be much needed with everyone in the house. At the end of the hallway were two more doors, the rooms still closed off to the outside world.
"Your room is to the left," Remus said, pulling Emma in front of him and pressing a hand to the small of her back, urging her forward. "I thought you would like something different, but if you want, you can take the other room instead. It's a touch smaller, but…."
Emma wasn't too sure how to feel about the change, but she made the slow walk to the door. She cast Remus an uncertain glance and cracked the door open slowly.
Almost as if it was waiting for her, the freshly painted yellow walls seemed to glitter the moment she opened the door. It was a deeper yellow than the pale yellow of her old room, one that stirred up a surprising and unexpected small glimmer of hope in Emma's belly.
A wide window looked out into the back garden and a slightly smaller window that looked out towards the other side of the woods that surrounded the cottage. Her bed, one that she wasn't expecting to be bigger than the one downstairs, sat across from the wide window with a nightstand on either side. Her new closet, set into the wall, was on the left side of her bed. Immediately to Emma's right was a bookshelf with a few of her books back in place. While the room was still mostly empty, it still offered far more space than she could ever want.
Emma sat down on her bed, frowning slightly at the two new stuffed animals that sat up against her new pillows. She picked the one up, pulling the strange new, very soft fox into her arms and hugging it tightly, ignoring the black dog for a moment.
"A fox?" Emma questioned, looking over at her father in curiosity. She had a feeling that she understood the reference but wasn't too sure.
"Just like I thought your Patronus would have been," Remus said in explanation. "Makes things feel a bit more complete, no?"
Emma nodded, half-hiding her face in the top of the fox's head. She took another look around the room, trying to navigate the swirling emotions that she felt. Emma knew that she was supposed to feel happy, be grateful that she was home for the holidays, but nothing felt right.
"It's not the actual furniture yet," Remus said, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. "We wanted you to be able to pick out your furniture." He nodded his head towards the opposite end of the room from where he stood towards the window facing the woods. "I thought maybe you would like to have your desk over there, but of course, you can design the room however you would like."
Remus studied Emma, waiting for her to say something, but Emma refused to meet his gaze. Every time she tried, wanting desperately to force a smile on her face, Emma felt her heart break a little bit more.
"What is it, baby girl?" Remus asked, his voice laced with worry.
Emma was quiet, not sure of what to say. Even though she didn't regret it, Emma felt like she had lost every attachment to her childhood in less than 12 hours. Her life wasn't the same, the cottage wasn't the same, she certainly wasn't the same. All she wanted was a bit of normalcy, to return to something familiar, but nothing was. The framework of everything that she knew was there, she could almost feel it, but time had changed everything.
"It doesn't feel like home anymore," Emma finally admitted. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and rubbed her eyes, trying to fight back the tears threatening to fall. Emma thought that she was doing an excellent job of keeping herself from crying, but the moment Remus sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms, she was done for.
The tears she had been holding back since standing outside the cottage spilled over her lids, and Emma held tight to Remus. She couldn't understand exactly why she was crying so hard, but every time Emma tried to stop herself from crying, she couldn't. Emma clung hard to Remus, sobbing as he rubbed her back in soft circles and made soothing noises. She clung even harder when Remus lifted her onto his lap, throwing her arms around his neck.
"Oh, sweetheart," Remus murmured, pressing kisses to the top of Emma's head. "Had I realized –"
"B-but then we w-would have had to move!" Emma stuttered out between choked breaths. "If this w-wasn't done, it wouldn't matter. I-it wouldn't b-be the s-same!"
Remus sighed, resting his chin on top of Emma's head, letting her cry herself out as he held her. Guilt settled itself uneasily into Remus's stomach as he took a look around the room. He had often wondered if what they were doing was the right choice; questioned whether or not it was right to listen to Sirius's hare-brained ideas. He knew that Harry struggled at the Dursleys, knew that Sirius wanted to bring him into their lives, but seeing Emma so distraught made Remus feel it was the wrong move.
He could feel Emma start to sag against his body as her tears finally started to slow. Remus gently brushed Emma's hair back from her face as she curled up, resting her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes.
"Do you want to rest, love?" Remus asked, kissing Emma's forehead as she gave a weak nod in response.
He thought about it for a moment, grabbed Emma's new stuffed animals and handed them to her, and very carefully gathered her in his arms. There would be plenty of time to get Emma acclimated to her new room – Remus knew that she was searching for something more familiar. He carried Emma downstairs and tucked her into his bed, letting her burrow herself amongst the many blankets there. Remus wasn't at all surprised when Emma fell asleep in the time it took for him to get a Sleeping Draught and return to his room.
Remus startled at a noise just behind him, and he turned to see Sirius looking at him in concern.
"I don't know how to fix this one," Remus said quietly, shoving the potion bottle into Sirius's hands. "We should have done this differently. I don't know why I ever thought any of this would be a good idea, and I shouldn't have listened to you." He shot Sirius an aggravated look before walking out.
Sirius remained frozen where he was, blinking in surprise. He looked down at the potion bottle in his hands and then over at Emma's sleeping form. Sirius set the potion bottle down on the dresser, not entirely sure of what to do. Rather than think too hard about it, he transformed back into Padfoot and hopped onto the bed. He spun himself several times in the spot next to Emma before settling down beside her.
While the nap didn't entirely cure Emma's mood, it helped to improve it just enough that the rest of the day didn't feel like a chore. Her usual excitement over opening gifts wasn't as present as it would be any other time, though everyone tried to keep her optimism going. It took considerable prodding for her to muster up any enthusiasm. Emma was grateful, of course, but she couldn't shake the feeling of being a stranger in what was meant to be her home.
Christmas dinner at her grandfather's that night felt odd. It was a completely different energy than the previous few years. It was brighter and more vibrant and with very few moments of silence. Greyson's family was loud and boisterous, and the house felt far fuller than Emma had ever experienced it. Remus quickly pulled Emma out of the group whenever he thought it was too much for her to handle, but Greyson picked things up quickly and did the same and took over the job.
Returning back to the cottage was very disorienting. Emma started to beeline for her old room out of habit before skidding to a halt halfway down the hallway. She remained frozen where she was for a moment and turned back around to shove herself unceremoniously past everyone to head upstairs.
Emma couldn't deny that her new bed was comfortable. She curled up under the pile of new blankets, clutching hard to her new stuffed animals. The fox didn't have a name just yet, but she named the black dog Snuffles without any real thought. Patches and Bee sat on top of her half-unpacked bag. Emma had practically thrown her things around in pursuit of her pajamas and didn't bother cleaning anything up. How could she when nothing felt right?
She wasn't sure what the time was, having spent most of her night awake and in bed staring out the side window of her room when her door opened. The faint light from the hallway trickled in, and a shadow stretched into her room. The light from the blue flames sitting next to her in the jar seemed to flicker and shift a little more than usual, adding to the strangeness of the situation. Emma closed her eyes, fully aware that it was stupid, but she wasn't sure that she wanted to be bothered. She had been avoiding everyone all day, and it felt fitting to continue doing so. Emma suppressed the urge to groan in annoyance as she felt her mattress dip behind her.
"I know you're not asleep," she heard Remus say, his hand coming up to rub her back in soothing circles. When Emma didn't respond, he sighed, pulling her blankets back just enough to kiss her cheek. "What is it? I get worried when you're so quiet."
"This isn't home," Emma muttered, turning her face just enough to look at her father. His expression was sympathetic, and he shifted himself to kiss the spot near her temple.
"I know," he said, looking around the room. "It's weird to me too, you know."
"But you've had time to get used to it," Emma said. "You've been able to come here every day and see that it's different. And then we don't know –"
"You are coming home," Remus said firmly. "And if all goes to plan, as it should, when we go to the Ministry next week, they will finally say exactly that. You belong here and nowhere else."
"But Jude –"
"Is never going to put his hands on you ever again. I might have failed miserably with keeping Greyback away, but Jude will never touch you again."
Emma wasn't sure that her father's vehement claims were going to be true, but she nodded, situating her head back on her pillow. She curled herself into a tinier ball, shifting her stuffed animals in her arms, and closed her eyes.
"I want to sleep now," Emma murmured in dismissal. She was sure that Remus wanted to talk more, but there wasn't much else for her to say. Emma heard Remus sigh once more before finally getting up and leaving her alone, bathing the room in darkness. When she was sure that no one would intrude, Emma opened her eyes once more, this time to watch the blue flames instead.
Hours had to have passed by before Emma finally gave up on sleeping. She sat up in her bed, frowning slightly as she looked out the other window. Normally she would have closed her curtains, but she hadn't bothered to get up to do so. The moon was sitting low in the sky, and there were only the faintest of signs that daylight was set to break over the horizon.
Emma wished that she had thought to bring Figaro home for the holiday instead of entrusting her to the care that she received at the castle. Though the cat had grown to become quite the wanderer, spending time with several other similar black cats, Figaro always returned at night to snuggle with her. There was something about having the furry creature next to her that was calming, but it would have been too much of a hassle to bring her back. Perhaps it would've made things a little easier…
Unable to stay in her bed, Emma decided to get up. She felt terrible that she had ignored Greyson when he was staying with them for a few days. His roommates were away for the holidays and, while he talked to his family, he wasn't fully prepared to spend time with them just yet. Even though Remus and Sirius said they weren't allowed to be in the same bedroom, a rule that Emma felt was pointless at that point, she still continued her way downstairs. However, Emma felt stupid the moment she made it to the downstairs hallway.
She stood awkwardly in the hallway, looking between her father's room and her old room where Greyson was staying. It felt impossible for her to be so unsure of who to go to. Part of her wanted to go to Greyson and ignore what both Remus and Sirius said. The other part of her desperately wanted to crawl into bed between Remus and Sirius and take advantage of the comfort only they could offer.
Emma felt incredibly confused and at a loss. She felt that she shouldn't want to still sleep in the same bed as her fathers, but she was anxious. Everything felt too new, and it was one of the only rooms still untouched by the changes of the cottage. But standing in the hallway, torn between what to do, Emma suddenly felt too young to want to curl up next to Greyson even though they had shared the same bed many times.
Still unsure of what to do, Emma crept down the hallway to her old room. She put her hand on the doorknob, fully prepared to twist it, and crawl into bed next to Greyson, but she couldn't do it. Very slowly, Emma dropped her hand to her side and stared pathetically at the door. Emma was about to turn and make her way back upstairs when she heard the twist of the doorknob to Remus's room being turned. She turned her head, fully expecting to see Remus standing in the doorway but was surprised to see Sirius instead.
Sirius looked just as unsure as she felt and ran a hand through his hair, shaking it out. It wasn't often that Sirius wasn't transformed as Padfoot at night, and Emma wondered if he felt as restless as she did. They continued to stare at each other, neither one of them moving. Emma searched Sirius's face in the faint light, frowning slightly when she noticed that his eyes looked glassy. Emma decided to cross the space and slip her arms under his to hug him tightly.
"I'm heading back north tomorrow night," Sirius whispered after a while, giving Emma pause. "I think you and Daddy need to spend some time together."
Time seemed to move strangely in the cottage, especially after Sirius left. It was even quieter when Greyson decided that Emma needed time with Remus by herself as well. The first few days of Emma being back at the cottage felt like a silent countdown to their appointment at the Ministry until it wasn't.
Emma thought it was an ordinary day when she woke up the day before New Year's Eve. She made her way downstairs slowly and sat down at the kitchen table where breakfast was already waiting for her. Emma bit into her toast, not really paying much attention to her father until she realized that she was being stared at. She swallowed her bite of toast and looked up at Remus, her brow furrowing at his look.
Remus was peering up at her over the top of that morning's copy of the Daily Prophet. She found it strange that he would have a copy of it, and she was even more confused by how it was held. Usually, he would keep the paper open, stretched out across the table, and a pen ready for the crossword. However, he kept it half-folded, expression unreadable.
"What?" Emma asked, immediately feeling as though she had done something wrong. She took another bite of toast, her chewing more frantic on the off chance she had to escape.
"Our appointment at the Ministry was postponed," Remus said slowly, setting the paper down in front of him. "Until the Easter holiday…."
"Until Easter?" Emma questioned, dropping her toast back on her plate when Remus nodded. "But why?"
"I don't know," Remus sighed. "I have absolutely no idea why."
"But is that good?"
"I don't know."
"But isn't that when –"
"Emma, don't think about it," Remus said sharply. "Don't you dare think about it."
Emma stared down at her discarded toast with a frown. She questioned whether or not she should bring up what happened in Hogsmeade, but it didn't feel right. Remus had far too much to worry about when it came to her, and she didn't want to add to his worries. She lifted her gaze slowly after a few minutes, giving Remus a tight smile. He didn't want her thinking about Elara's actual trial, which had been set for the Easter holiday a few weeks prior.
"All right," Emma whispered, standing up from the table slowly. She wanted to say something, but the words she had in her mind were a confused jumble. Emma turned to leave, only glancing over her shoulder when Remus called out for her.
"It'll be all right," Remus said, trying to keep his tone upbeat. The concerned look in his eyes told Emma otherwise, but she chose to ignore it.
Emma wasn't entirely sure how the year faded into the next even more quietly than the year before. She let out a nearly imperceptible breath of relief as she watched the clock shift from 11:59 PM on New Year's Eve to 12:00 AM New Year's Day. 1994 felt like the longest year of her life, which was saying a lot. She had no idea what she would do if 1995 wound up being just as difficult.
As difficult as the holiday was, Emma couldn't say that it was all bad. She missed having Remus help her with her homework and hearing his input on the things she struggled with. She had missed the late nights in front of the fire talking about nothing and everything all at once. A big part of her missed having Sirius with them, but he was correct in saying that she needed time with Remus alone. It made the adjustment to the changes in the cottage just a little bit easier, but she never allowed herself to become entirely comfortable.
Remus would have to disappear for a few hours every so often, unable to stop himself from having to work, but that time was made up with Greyson coming by during the day. His visits were near daily, almost as if he had become a staple to the Lupin-Black household. Most of the time, Emma and Greyson worked out in the garden in the chilly weather trying to tame the plants. Emma couldn't be more pleased by the growth of the plants and was optimistic that most of them would be flourishing by the time summer arrived.
"I really think everything looks great," Emma murmured one late afternoon, brushing her hand over the tops of the leaves of the still-growing valerian. The garden had been charmed to keep warm, and the plants seemed to be thriving. While the plants could be bloom as if it wasn't winter, Emma thought it would be best to let them take their time.
"You picked out a great list of things – the wolfsbane was a smart move," Greyson commented as he inspected the Puffapods and dittany. "I expected nothing less, but it was smart."
"I wanted as many of the ingredients for the Wolfsbane Potion as I could," Emma responded with a sigh. "At least I know it'll be high quality that way. That and I can trust myself as a source."
In the middle of Emma's break, Greyson managed to teach Emma how to cook without making a huge mess. He was appalled by Emma's antics, marveling at how seemingly only half of the ingredients required made it where they needed to go.
"Emma, how?" Greyson asked, ripping the bowl of nowhere near mixed gingerbread ingredients out of Emma's hands. "There is absolutely no way that you're this bad at cooking. I think half of the batter is no longer in this bowl."
"Ask Dad," Emma huffed, crossing her arms and glaring at Greyson as he continued to whisk everything together. "And there's enough in there to make decent gingerbread, so I don't know what the issue is."
"The issue is that there is no reason for this to be…well, everywhere," Greyson said, glancing around the room. He set the bowl down and scrubbed his hands over his face, and took his wand out, clearing the mess and ignoring Emma's indignant shout. "Let's try this again."
Remus was surprised when he returned home to the smell of gingerbread and even more surprised to find a clean kitchen. His surprise continued when he discovered that Emma was working on mixing another batch of dough while Greyson cut shapes next to her.
"Well, I never thought I'd see the day the kitchen wasn't completely destroyed," Remus commented, leaning against the wall and watching with amusement. He immediately regretted saying a word as Emma whirled around and managed to create one of the messes she was well known for.
Greyson's mouth fell open in shock at just how much batter seemed to be thrown around the room, and he looked at Remus in alarm. "How?" Greyson asked, turning to look at Emma, whose face had turned bright red.
"Well…someday," Remus added with a chuckle. He swept his wand over the new mess in the kitchen, and everything was good as new.
A few days before the holiday was over, Emma found herself in a mad scramble to finish her homework. She had nearly two weeks to get her work done, and even though she had Remus's help, she found herself moving disastrously slow. Emma dragged her school bag down the stairs with a heavy sigh, letting it hit each step with an overdramatic thunk, thunk, thunk. She practically tossed her bag into the living room, nearly striking Greyson with it in her heavy-handed lob.
"Really?" Greyson asked, raising his eyebrows at Emma's lack of care. "That nearly hit me, you know."
"And you're a wizard," Emma said pointedly, dropping to the floor in front of the coffee table with an "Oof." She dug through her bag, tossing the books she didn't need onto the couch next to Greyson. "If you were so worried, you know how to do a proper shield charm."
"I shouldn't have to use a shield charm in a home," Greyson muttered, picking up Emma's discarded potion book. "God, I forgot how dated this book was."
"Well, it's not as though the recipes have changed, has it?" Emma asked, searching through and finding her half-written Transfiguration essay. She read through what she had with a groan and set it down. Apparently, she hadn't done as much work as she thought.
A small smile crossed Emma's face when she heard the crackle of the radio turning on. It was one of the small things that made the cottage feel the way it always should, and she appreciated the background noise. She briefly considered turning on the television as well just to have something to look at while she worked, but Greyson complained about it just as much as Remus did. Emma glanced down at her essay and conceded that perhaps they had a point. If she didn't get so focused on whatever show was playing, she probably would have gotten her work done a lot faster.
Emma worked on her essay, quietly humming along to whatever song was playing, while Greyson peered through the pile of books next to him. She set her quill down when she neared the end of her essay and stretched her arms high over her head. Emma nearly startled when Greyson's voice broke through the relative silence.
"Hey, princess?"
"Yeah?" Emma started to say as she turned around to look at Greyson, but her voice died in her throat at the look on his face. Greyson was wearing a puzzled, almost pained expression on his face, and it worried her. "What is it?" Emma questioned, nervous that something had happened, and she missed it.
"Where did you get this book from?" Greyson asked, not lifting his eyes from the book he held in his hands. Emma frowned at the book, having completely forgotten about it. It was one of three practically ancient-looking books that Moody had given her.
"Uhm, Professor Moody," Emma answered slowly, turning her head to try and read the spine of the book. She wasn't at all surprised that it was a potions theory book that Greyson had found himself looking at. "Why?"
Greyson seemed reluctant to pull his attention from the book, but he passed it to her slowly. Emma wasn't sure what to expect, and she gave Greyson a funny look before looking down at the page in front of her. It took Emma several very long and painstaking moments to process what she was looking at.
At first glance, Emma thought she was looking at a photo of a much younger, much smaller Greyson at a cauldron, but that made no sense. Emma looked at the photo closer, frowning at the two adults in the photo on either side of the boy at the cauldron. She pulled the book a little closer to her face to read the small inscription underneath the photo: Cyril Fenmore and his wife, Louisa White, with their son Greyson working on –
"Oh," Emma said, turning back around to look at Greyson with wide eyes. "This is –"
"One of the answers I've been looking for," Greyson said quietly. "My grandmother didn't take the Fenmore name?"
Emma immediately turned around, sitting up on her knees and going through the pile of books on the couch. She pulled out another one of the books from Moody – a book on wizarding infectious diseases, which Emma felt was odd. Setting it aside, Emma found the other book from Moody and sat back on her feet, her mouth falling open as she read the cover.
"Another one from Moody - Mythology in the Wizarding World," Emma read aloud, turning the book around to show Greyson, "by Louisa White. Maybe she didn't take the Fenmore name because she was published already." She let Greyson pull the book from her hands and flip through the pages. When he turned the book around to show her a chapter specifically named 'Fenrir,' she wasn't remotely surprised.
"Why did he give you these books, though?" Greyson asked, looking at the potion's theory book that was still sitting on his lap.
"I don't know. He just told me that he thought I would be interested in them," Emma said quietly, eying the final book with curiosity. "I just shoved them in my bag and never looked at them again. I just figured I would give them back at some point."
She was tempted to pick the other book up to see what information it held, but there were more important things to worry about in the books they had. Even if the books only answered one part of the bigger mystery, it was more information than they had before. Emma just hoped that it would pay off in the end.
a/n: Obligatory I kind of hate this chapter disclaimer. As per usual, I'm sure you'll all love it. I won't question it, just know I love you all. But hello start of a tone shift again...ish? Maaayyybbeee?
Anyway, I'm in this really weird mindset of just wanting to be done with book 4. It's gone on way longer than I thought it would (oops). It was never meant to be this long and was actually meant to be done uuhhh...about 10 chapters ago. I am tired of this year haha. I think the chapters are going to wind up being a lot shorter, but I'm not sure. I've been told it's totally okay for me to just sit and make a chapter of highlights to get to the end of the book, but I don't want to do that. Well, actually, I kind of want to, but I also feel like I'm this far along and there are certain moments that can't be written in bullet list form. That and I don't want to make it seem like I'm abandoning the series because I'm just over book 4 - I just want to move along to book 5 and beyond! Aaaahhhhhhh. Oh, well. We're getting to the end and that's what I keep reminding myself.
My late night readers - please go to sleep.
My afternoon readers - I hope you've had a wonderful day so far.
My morning readers - Have a wonderful day!
Love - I apologize for posting this while you were at work.
Xoxo, Cat
P.S. - Come join us on Discord (linkishhh kind of in my bio on here - working on trying to make it easier to find). Then you can see my complete breakdowns over this series in real time. :P